Ch8: Without You

His eyes snapped open and closed. The sun glaring right in his eyes, he could barely open his eyes again. In the middle of his sight was a large blue dot that obscured nearly everything. He looked down at his watch. Six AM. Fucking six AM, and I got to wake up to this bullshit. He got up from his uncomfortable position under a tree. Brushing leaves and spiders off of his jacket, he looked at his surroundings. Looking down at his feet, he saw his daemon still sleeping soundly. Not wanting to wake her, he climbed up a tree to see where he was. After spending 3 days here, he was sick of it. Reaching the top, he looked out and saw the tower about two miles away. He leaned out to look over the forest and a small chain fell out. Fuck. I really should wear my dog tag more often. But the name on it is dead. 'In loving memory of…' is an explanation, but nobody loved him. A few seconds after the chain fell, he heard a small clink of metal on dirt and a loud hiss of his daemon.

Smirking to himself at his daemon's rude awakening he slid down the tree arriving on solid ground with a small thud. He looked at his cat-daemon glaring up at him.

"Now why the hell would you do that?" she said, pacing around to find the warm spot she was before.

"To scare you, why else?" he said. He reached down to the dog tag and looked at the name. It read

William Perry

Spec. Ops.

"Reflex" "Catwoman"

16.14.99. Dev. 4

"Stop reminiscing! You did the same with Lyra." Will sighed looking resigned. He nodded and she continued, "Now, focus on what you have to do: finding Nick."

"Right, Nick. The ever so tangible Nick who I was told so much about by Xaphania."

"She gave you a mission. Two actually. You have yet to start rebuilding."

"And how the hell am I supposed to do that?" he said, rounding on her. But, after an insulted look from Kirjava, he said, "Sorry. You know how I hate you mentioning the Republic."

"Hey, do you smell something?" she said, seeming to forget their argument.

"No… wait. I smell smoke." Eyes widening he whispered, "Fire? People!" Then he said, "It could be Nick. Let's check it out."

"Turn of safety, just in case."

"Right." He pulled out a pistol from his back pocket. It was Will's only remaining artifact from his time in the Special Operatives. The custom Desert Eagle was his most trusted weapon since… Never mind.

He cocked the gun and kept it safely tucked into his sleeve. Will looked at Kirjava and she said, "This way." He followed her down a path – why is there a path in a deserted forest? – and came across a clearing; in the middle was a growing fire and a girl, not much younger then him, maybe 17 or 18. The fire was edging towards the girl and she was still asleep.

Will moved forward to cut of the fires beeline to the girl. He started to stomp out the fire while Kirjava nudged awake the girl. As the girl's eyes started to open and she rolled over revealing a small rodent-feline creature. Will looked down on the girl and saw the fur of the pine martin. Something clicked in his brain and he froze standing in front of the growing blaze.



He looked down at Kirjava, then to his hand where he held his dog tag and realized he had to become what he had pined about for almost 6 years. How am I going to out-lie Lyra? Shit, she cannot find out what I've become or who I am. Xaphania specifically said that I had to distance myself from her. But I want her so badly – OW! The fire had reached his pants and set his leg on fire. 'Reflex' started to think and in a split second, Will had off the part that was ablaze. As Lyra started to become conscious, she saw the fire, then the boy, no, the man standing putting it out. Adrenaline dripped her blood and she scrambled away as fast as possible. Finally, Will put out the fire and Lyra's nerves started to settle, Kirjava snuck away unnoticed.

After the flames had been doused with dirt, Will looked around, first for Lyra, then for Kirjava. Seeing that she had disappeared, he felt both relived and nervous. If she came back, he would have to explain her absence. She's smart. She'll have an idea of what to do. He made his way over to Lyra, formulating his life before he reached her. He would have to explain his connection to Will. Roommate. He would have to explain why he was in the forest so far outside Oxford. I like the wilderness. The dog tag. In his will. He got it covered.

"Are you alright?" He said, dusting off his hand and offering it to her. What if she recognizes my touch? She took it, and obviously didn't.

"Fine. Who are you?" she said, and with that Will was almost stumped.

"Rodger. Rodger Pe-" he almost slipped and said "Perry" but he caught himself. "Rodger Penn, from Oxford. By the way, do you always treat your savior with such skepticism?"

"Sorry, I was just wondering why you were here. And where is here?"

"Oh, we're a few kilometers outside of Oxford, maybe thirty or forty." He said, acting as nonchalant as possible.

"Forty kilometers! Shit." Thinking on her feet, Lyra decided to find out more about where she was. "By chance, do you know a Doctor Mary Malone?"

"Ya, I know Mary. We are pretty close. How do you know her?" said Will, acting as nonchalant as possible. Lyra gasped. Will smirked and said, "What? Seriously, how do you know Mary?"

"It's a long story. We go way back. Can you take me to her?"

"Sure, but, first tell me how you know her, or at least who you are?"

"My name's Lizzie Brooks." If she wants to use a fake name, that's fine. "I'm also from Oxford."

Just then, Pan popped up over her shoulder. Obviously he wanted to see who this 'Rodger' fellow was. "And who is this little guy? What's his name?" He reached out to touch Pan and a million thoughts ran through his head. You know it's bad to touch another daemon. But I'm not supposed to know about daemons! We'd have to know if Kirjava shows up. Luckily, Lyra pulled away.

"Sorry." She said stroking his fur. "He doesn't like to be touched. His name is Stephen. Isn't he adorable?"

"Yes, he is very cute. What is he? He seems like a pine martin, but his fur is strange."

"Well, he is a pine martin. I found him. Anyways, how long will it take to get back to Oxford? I really want to meet Mary." She was visibly starting to get anxious. I hope she doesn't take it too hard, though Will, she clearly isn't squirming to see Mary.

"She probably won't want to see you."

"Why's that? She will remember me."

"She hasn't spoken to anyone for almost a year."

When Will had come back from this flight through worlds unknown he and Mary started to live together. But eventually he had to leave. He had found a job and decided to rent an apartment for his mother and himself. Everything was progressing smoothly until his mother eventually couldn't take the absence of her husband. She overdosed on sleeping pills and killed herself.

Will had spiraled into a deteriorating depression and didn't seem to be pulling out. He was going to a psychiatrist, but that wasn't helping. Feeling he could do more good by fighting, he decided to join the army as his father did. The camaraderie he found there was cathartic; he had finally accepted his mother's death and he realized that he had to respect her decision.

In keeping with his emotional revival, Will also made many friends in the army. Given his experience with tense situations, Will was more adept at responding to some situations that most other people cowered from. His newfound prowess made him captain of many of his friends. All of his lieutenants respected him, both because of his mastery of leading and commanding as well as Kirjava. She had given him the name 'catwoman' by accompanying him on his tours through the Middle East, Russia, and China, she gave renown for always having a pet with him. Of course, nobody knew it was the same pet. Even though she hated the feeling and always reverted as soon as she got the chance, Kirjava had to change her form to protect Will. 'Catwoman' came about because Kirjava always helped him fight, telling him where the enemy soldiers were, scouting an area for fresh water and shelter, and, sometimes, fighting alongside him, although this was very rare.

His success as a commander put him on the radar of the Global Vigilante Agency. They recognized his prowess and ability to take the upper hand in losing situations. He was recruited as soldier, but he moved up fast. Eventually he was placed in a two man team. His partner, Rodger looked very much like him with scraggily brown hair, solid jaw, and square shoulders. They were often confused with each other.

On one mission in Israel, they had to infiltrate a Palestinian resistance headquarters. Even though they were experts, accidents happen. That day, the leader of the resistance movement showed up with heavy security. Rodger and Will were obviously outnumbered, but they weren't outmatched. They snuck into the ventilation system. After a day of the cramped metal tube, Will and Rodger had to get out. Calculating the rotation times the guards and impersonating the other staff, they made it out of the watch of the guards and guns and they started to run. This caught the attention of the whole complex of the resistance. Bullets flying for them, they sprinted away until they were safe. They finally got a chance to talk.

Panting and sweating Will said, "Fuck! We called the GVA almost an hour ago. Where the fuck are they?"

Twice as tired as Will, Rodger replied, "You have to get out."

"What? No, no, no. You are getting out with me."

Shaking his head, he leaned back and said, "Take my dog tag. Take my life. You hate yours. Start over. Resign from the GVA. You are smart, get a stable job. Find someone you like and stay away from Will."

Will's iron face started to break. A tear rolled formed in the corner of his eye and he blinked it away. "But won't the GVA do tests on you to make sure that 'I' died."

"They won't. Remember, you can never let Will exist if you want a normal life."

"Thank you. Thank you. I am eternally grateful."



"Dedicate your life to yourself. There is no higher calling. You will change the world Will. Change it by changing yourself. Immortalize yourself as me."

"I will." And Rodger pulled out a Desert Eagle and handed it to him pointed towards his head. "No. I can't."

"Let go. You are killing Will, not Rodger. I'm sure you have a million bogus reasons to kill yourself."

Will looked at the gun, and pointed it at Rodger. His hand started to tremble and he pressed his eyes closed as tight as possible. But he dropped the gun to his side and said, "I can't. I just can't."

"Fine." Rodger reached out and pulled the gun from Will's unsuspecting hands. He pointed it at himself and said, "Good bye, Rodger." A shot rang out and Will felt the crack jar his bone. Will started to cry.

"Let's go Kirjava. They would have heard that."