I look around in amazement, I have never been here before. Around us are meadows on which many different flowers grow, in all kinds of colors. The sun is directly above us and tickles my skin with its rays. Further ahead of us is a lake that glistens through the sun and I suddenly feel an incredible calm. The silence that surrounds us, broken only by chirping birds and individual leaves rustling, is in no way unpleasant. No, it does me good.
Emma takes my hand again and pulls me behind her. I have no idea where she's going, but I think if I asked her I wouldn't get an answer, so I don't. And basically it doesn't matter where she goes with me, I just enjoy the moment, let everything, in the environment affect me and also the touch of Emma's skin on mine. The touch triggers a pleasant warmth in me, which I can not describe directly. The tingling in my stomach, is more present than before and my thoughts can be turned away only with difficulty from the blond person, in the red leather jacket, before me. I catch myself looking at her butt, which is quite emphasized by her jeans, of course, as before. I have to control myself not to pull her to me, press my lips to hers and steal a long-awaited kiss. I think only the fear of destroying the relationship between us keeps me from doing just that and giving in to my desire.
"Here you can let it all out without anyone watching you, just let yourself go".
Emma's words snap me out of my thoughts. Only now do I notice that we have come to a stop on a cliff. From here we have a perfect view over the lake, which is still illuminated by the sun and glistens in the light. This is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
Once again, my mind wanders without responding to Emma's words just now.
I continue to look around and discover at the other end of the lake, a small wooden hut, to the left of which is a small indentation of the lake, which is covered by sand. I begin to fall in love with this place, I wish I could stay here forever with Emma.
Just at that moment, Emma starts to turn around and walk away, I grab her wrist and she stops instantly.
"Please Emma, stay here" is the only thing I say to her before turning back to the lake and sitting down on a rock. Emma complies with my request and sits down next to me. Silently we sit next to each other for a few minutes, again it is not an uncomfortable silence.
I enjoy her closeness, my heartbeat accelerates once again and the tingling in my stomach just won't go away. I notice how I dare to look at Emma again and again.
I look at her again and this time she turns her head to the side and looks directly into my eyes. I can feel the heat slowly rising in my cheeks, a slight flush of red color settling on my cheeks, and I quickly look to the side in embarrassment so she won't notice. I nervously knead my hands and still feel Emma's gaze on me.
"Regina?" whispers Emma. I love the way Emma pronounces my name. I turn my head back to her and look into her eyes.
"Do you want to tell me what's going on with you?" she asks me cautiously. I don't know what to say in response, I can't very well tell her that I haven't slept all the last few nights because my thoughts won't stop circling around her and my fears. Spasmodically, I think about how I can be honest with her without revealing my feelings to her. The best thing I can do is just tell her that I haven't slept well the last few days without telling her why, that way I'm at least partially honest.
"Um... I just haven't slept well in the last few days..." I say, slightly hesitant. In her place, I wouldn't believe me either, I bite my lip and turn my head back towards the lake.
It feels like a few minutes have passed before Emma takes my hand and speaks up again.
"I don't believe you. I believe you that you haven't slept well the last few days, it shows. But there's something else, like, that's bothering you even more. Do you want to talk about it?"
Still biting my lip, I look at the lake and think about what to answer. Yes Emma, I want to talk to you about it, I want to tell you that I love you. I want to tell you that I miss your closeness, that I want you around me all the time. I want to tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't. I can't lose you as a friend, I need you, even if I want more, I have to settle for the way things are between us now. "No I can't tell you, that would change something between us and I can't risk that." Her gaze, which she had turned back to the lake while waiting for my answer, lands back on me. Shit, did I just say that out loud?