Emma's view

I wish I knew what was going on inside Regina's pretty head. Seeing her dark circles deepen day by day really worries me. Earlier at the diner, I was overcome with joy when my eyes caught sight of Regina, but then I realized how powerless she looks and all I wanted to do was hold her, give her support and strength until this place came to mind. Before Regina and I became friends, I used to retreat here when we argued. This place has something calming about it and I hope Regina can let herself go here and maybe she'll talk to me and I'll have a chance to help her.

"No, I can't tell you, that would change something between us and I can't risk that." I hear her say and look at her again.

What could possibly be on Regina's mind that makes her afraid anything could change between us? Right now is not the time to think about it.

Somehow I have to show her now that there is nothing that could change anything between us. I can't bear to see her suffer.

"Regina, no matter what it's about, you can tell me. Nothing will change between us I promise. I'm always here for you Regina, we're friends, you know that."

I hope my words are enough to calm her down a bit and I hear her exhale in relief, apparently she didn't want to say that out loud and was afraid she had told me the rest of her thoughts as well.

Her gaze is still forward on the lake, I wonder what she is thinking. My gaze drifts down to her lips, and I notice that she is without makeup today. I would love to take my hand to her child, turn her head to me, look into her eyes and put my lips on hers. For so long I have longed for her lips to nestle against mine and fit perfectly together. To finally know what a kiss with her would feel like.

I'm still looking at her lips when I notice another tear running down her cheek. Immediately I look her in the eyes again, which is difficult because she lowers her gaze. I put my hand to her chin and turn her head towards me.

"Please Regina, talk to me, I want so much to help you. I'm here for you. You can talk to me, whatever is on your mind. Just please. Talk to me."

I don't know how much longer I can take seeing her so beat up. Seeing her, lately, so empty and gloomy eyes also mixed with sadness is tearing my heart apart. I miss her laughter, which was last heard several weeks ago.

This memory makes me smile inside. We were at Grannys with Henry, where Regina was having coffee. Henry and I ordered hot chocolate with cream and cinnamon. We talked about all sorts of things. When we got around to talking about how Henry was currently doing in school and what news there was, he excitedly told us about the upcoming prom. When I asked him if he had already asked a nice girl to go with him, Henry choked on his cocoa and turned red, as if we had caught him doing something. Because of his reaction, Regina had to laugh heartily, for which she earned a nasty look from our son, which only made her laugh harder. I haven't seen her laugh since that day. It hurts unbelievably to see how badly she is doing and yet not be able to help her. I hope she will start talking to me so I can help her somehow.

Only now do I notice that Regina still hasn't answered me. She has lowered her eyes again and tears are still rolling down her cheeks. Hoping that it will be easier for her to talk to me if she doesn't look at me, I pull her into my arms and try to hold her.

We sit like this for a few minutes until I try again, while I continue to hold her in my arms. "Regina... Please... Why don't you tell me what's wrong, I want to help you."

I feel her tense up more at my words. She disengages from my arms, stands up, looks at the lake and stays like that for a few minutes.

Every now and then I hear her sobbing softly. Suddenly she turns around, looks at the ground and starts to speak. "I... I can't... Don't.. Emma." She whispers, before abruptly turning and running off.

Shocked by her unexpected escape, it takes me a moment before I rise to follow her. I didn't want to make her run away, I just want to be there for her. Why can't she see that? She is the most closed off person I know, almost more closed off than myself. Admittedly, this has changed a bit in the last few months, since Henry has come back into my life and I have found good friends in Ruby and Regina. Still, Regina is the only person I really talk to about my feelings, except for the ones I have for her, of course. I just wish that Regina would also talk to me about her feelings and the things that are going on in her pretty head that are bothering her. After all, she's not alone, not anymore.

I've been running after her for a few minutes now, but I can't see her, so I decide to walk back to the car, hoping that she's walked there.Meanwhile, I try to reach her on her cell phone. Arriving at the car, I find that luck is not on my side, as I can't spot Regina anywhere. So I go in search of her again and call Ruby, who answers after the first ring.

"Emma, I'm glad you called, do you feel like coming over?" she asks me happily. "Sorry Rubs, I can't. I need to find Regina. Can you maybe watch Henry until I find her? "

"Sure no problem, what happened?" she wants to know.

"I'll tell you later, it's not so important now. And thanks for taking Henry. "

"I'm happy to do that, you know that! You Emma... Have you told her how you feel about her by now? "

"No, I haven't, you know I won't tell her..." I whisper.

I had told Ruby about my feelings for Regina a few weeks ago, when I was drunk and standing outside her door, not knowing what to do. She wasn't surprised when I told her about my feelings, she had suspected it for some time, she confessed to me. Ruby had advised me to be open and honest with Regina about it, because she thinks Regina might have the same feelings for me. But since I don't believe that, I quickly put her advice aside.

Ruby's sigh, which should tell me she's giving up, snaps me out of my thoughts. I say a quick goodbye on the phone and then hang up to focus on the search again.