Arfea: Well, we're back, with 3 reviews...but we figured, 3 is better than 0 and 2 less than 5, so its relatively close...
Alcy: And we were impatient...
Disclaimer: Same shpeal as the last time, Arfea and Alcy have not, do not and most likely will never own Lord of the Rings or its characters. The sexuality of the characters in no way reflects the real life actors' sexuality,
Arfea: Jeez...just get on with the fic...
Chapter 2 In Which a Big Mess Becomes Slightly Smaller, then Grows Larger Again.
Merry walked throught the gate, not knowing that Frodo and Legolas were currently frenching throught the window.
Merry tripped over Aragorn, who had decided to sit down and knit a sweater. He had seen a new pattern that he wanted to try out, but was obviously messed up.
"Damnit Meriadoc, I'm in the middle of something!" At this, Frodo broke away from Legolas
"Oh Merry..."
Merry stopped short. "What the hell is going on here?"
"I-I-I can explain" Frodo studdered out. "This is not what it looks like. He just grabbed me! I couldn't get away!" Legolas shot a slightly hurt and angry glance at him.
"I most certainly did nothing of the sort, Frodo Baggins! You grabbed me, wishing to get back at your cheating boyfriend." Merry looked between Legolas and Frodo.
Merry finally said, "Since Legolas is leaning in the window, and Frodo has a tight grip on Legolas's hair, I blame Legolas!" Everyone else face-faulted.
"But Frodo, what made you think I was cheating?"
Legolas matter-of-factly put his hands on his hips and tartly replied "I saw you. Do you think being an elf only means I have a pretty arse? I have brains and 'keen' eyesight you know."
Merry merely replied with "Oh." While Aragorn smiled and laughed quietly, "Why Legolas, I had no idea you knew what a nice arse you have!" Legolas turned around, "I'm not stupid Aragorn, I know what you were doing before! And you too Samwise Gamgee!"
Sam honestly replied "So?"
"It just makes it easier to know that you know" aragorn added.
Merry had been pouting in the background when suddenly he strode forward. "Sam! I'm going to go get Rosie and tell her what you've been up to. Then we can sort everything out inside, right Frodo?" Frodo nodded eagerly, "Of course Merry, you know I can't resist you!" He cooed. "Neither can most hobbits" Said a voice belonging to Pippin Took.
Merry turned around. "What are you doing here, pippin?" "Why the hell did you leave? I thought we had something special!" Pippin angrily yelled. "Hey, thats my line," Frodo muttered to himself.
Meanwhile, legolas and Aragorn were both equally confused.
Sam on the otherhand, had no problem working out what he should do and was already half-way to his own house by the time he was missed.
Legolas stepped in, hoping to mediate. "Now, hobbits, I think this can be settled with little conflict." Speaking even as Pippin threw himself at Frodo, fists flying.
Frodo and Pippin tumbled around on the ground for a few minutes, until Pippin "accidentially" kissed frodo. Frodo, suprised to enjoy it, kissed back. Merry stood with his mouth agape.
Then Merry's surprise turned into a smirk, "Well, now I think I have a better idea." He looked between Pippin and Frodo, "Threesome!"
Both hobbits looked at eachother, then Merry, then eachother again, and slowly nodded.
Merry let out a whoop and grasped both of them by their overcoats and dragged them inside.
Legolas and Aragorn, being the only two left, shrugged, and grabbed each other. they went to hide behind a bush, where Arwen and Bilbo were... ahem I wont get into that... -.-'''
Aragorn of course, yelped unhappily and only managed a small "Why Arwen?"
to which she replied, "He's just so much more, powerful! Agressive! And what about you? I knew you were a blonde chaser. Knew it the first time I saw you."
Legolas angrily replied, "Well, at least its not gray, but it suits you, Grandma!"
"And just what is wrong with grey hair?" Bilbo replied indignantly, hurredly zipping up his pants.
"And who are you calling grandma? You're at least 300 years older than me!" Arwen retorted to Legolas.
"And I havent aged in over a thousand years!"
Legolas said smugly, teasing running a finger up and down Aragorn's chest. "Seems to me you've aged a lot recently. And gained weight,gasp Are you pregnant?"
Arwen blushed deeply. "Well, the child will be a bit different than most!"
Arargorn added "Yeah, half elf half hobbit you slut!"
"Well, I wanted to have a child with pointy ears..."
Aragorn, disgusted, left angrily, dragging legolas helplessly away by the warrior braids. They went into the Green Dragon inn, got a room, and... um... you canfill in the blankyourself...
And Arwen and Bilbo turned to each other,
"Dear, you didn't tell meI was going to be a father."
"Well, I just found out myself"
Bilbo sighed happily "I've never been a father..."
Frodo, having just come from, well, you know, fainted with a slight "I'm going to have a new relative?"
Frodo then did a double take. "What are you two doing here? I thought you were in rivendell! ... ... AND WHY ARE YOU BEHIND MY BUSH!"
"Daddy went insane and burned all of rivendell to the ground." arwen answered.
"Argh, it was such a nice vacation spot too!" Moaned Merry as he walked out of Bag End. "Wait, whats going on here?" He asked as he stared at Frodo still on the ground and Arwen and Bilbo still in eachother's arms, "Where're Legolas and Aragorn?"
"Aragorn dragged Legolas off to the green dragon. No doubt they are doing unspeakable things in a room over there." Bilbo answered.
"Literally dragged" added Arwen.
Suddenly Legolas appeared, looking quite disheveled."Unfortunately, Aragorn couldn't wait until the Green Dragon." He gave a slight glare towards Aragorn who had suddenly appeared, a smile upon his lips. "Arwen, I don't know how you could stand his horny arse for all these years."
Arwen shrugged, "Humans."
Aragornsmiled sheepishly.
"Am I the only straight person in this entire movie?" Bilbo muttered to himself.
Arwen ignored him, while everyone else wondered why Bilbos lips were moving without saying anything.
Frodo finally said, "Why not take a trip, I'm sure Galadriel will want to hear about you and Bilbo, Arwen." Arwen nodded, "Daddy's there too, that'll be killing two birds with one stone!" At once a score of eagles flew over head and dumped their, "cargo" all over Arwen cause the others to move at least 3 feet away. They set off for Lothlorien once Arwen had taken 5 baths. Meanwhile, the authoresses, from a void far away, were rolling on the floor laughing. "Remember when he said, and then he said, and then he did... HAHAHA! that was so funny!" alcy squealed. Arfea sweatdropped. "I still cant believe we made them do all this stuff. I wonder what would happen if we just let them continue on their own..."
TBC "duh duh dunnnn!"
Alcy: --''' 'Fea, thats my job.
Arfea: Sorry, it just seemed appropriate...please review, the best is yet to come! We promise!