Disclaimer: Hello. I am a new disclaimer. Our previous disclaimer had an unfortunate accident, and can no longer write/speak/whatever

Ghost of Previous Disclaimer: I'll get you for that!

Arfea: Stay out of this, Ghost...and just get on with it new disclaimer,

Alcy: I'm gonna call you Dissy!

Arfea: looks up in despair Why me?

Dissy (teehee!XD): Fine... We do not own Lord of the Rings, or anything else. Any references to the character's sexuality or whatever is not true(maybe) and no offense is meant to JRR Tolkien or New Line Cinema/Peter Jackson.

Alcy: Well, here we are at chapter 3. Woohoo.
Arfea: sarcastically Curb the enthusiasm...please...your killing me...
Alcy: OH NO! I'M SO SORRY!
Arfea: underbreathprobably not really...--;;;
Alcy: Well, now the story's in Rivendell.
Arfea: Actually, its Lothlorien.
Alcy: Isn't that what I said?
Arfea: no.
Alcy: shrug Freudian slip. Ah well.
Arfea: Not exactly...
Alcy: Let's start the chapter before we kill someone.

Arfea: As if we haven't already...

Chapter 3: Riven- NO! LOTHLORIEN! LOTHLORIEN!

Galadriel stood by her mirror, a sign proclaiming, 'Look into the mirror of Galadriel...5$ for 3 minutes! KNOW ALL OF YOUR POSSIBLE FUTURES! fortunetelling also availible by Elrond Halfelven' And Elrond stood off to the side, an odd turban tied around his head. A line had already formed infront of them, though they weren't to open for another half an hour.

Elrond turned to his Mother-in-Law "This was a great idea!" Galadriel merely nodded, serenely.

ahem back to our hobbits... oh, they're in line. Of course. --;;;

Frodo turned to Merry. "You didn't say anything earlier. Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine" Merry said unconvincingly.

"Are you sure? You seem, tense," Frodo prodded. "Look Frodo, i just, I just don't like Lothlorien, alright?
"Why not?"

"Well," Merry looked embarassed, "You see, when we were here last time, I fell, from a tree. And all the elves laughed at me!" Merry buried his head in his hands.

The elf standing in front of Merry turned around. "You're the hobbit that fell out of the tree a few years ago?" Merry nodded sadly. "GAHAHAHAHAHA!" the elf pointed and laughed hysterically. He then procceded to fall on the ground, rolling with laughter, as Merry's face grew stormier and stormier.

Frodo angrily kicked the elf, "Its none of your business! I'm sure you have something embarassing in your past too!"

At this Elrond nodded, "He tried to tell his parents he was gay, but they didn't believe him, then they caught him making out with his bf in his parents bedroom."

Merry laughed. The elf, not knowing that his most embarrasing moment had been revealed, continued to roll on the ground. Legolas, who was standing behind Frodo, leaned over and stuck his tongue in Frodo's ear. "Legolas?" "Yes?" "What do you think you are doing? "

"Yes, when it is very clear that you and Aragorn are in a relationship!" replied Pippin.

"Well, just wanted to know what Arwen sees in hobbits so much." Legolas shrugged. "I'll just go then..."

"No wait!" cried Frodo.

"What?" said Legolas, who hadn't started to leave yet. "Uhh..." "And besides," Legolas continued, "Aragorn and I are not in a relationship. We just felt like shagging." Frodo slloooooowly steped away.

"So, if you felt like, you know, shagging some more, would you consider, oh, i don't know, another elf, older, wiser?" Asked Elrond eagerly.

Legolas turned in disgust, "What do you think I am, a slut like your daughter, no way old man!"and Legolas stalked away.

Elrond walked away while sobbing. Legolas, who had somehow gotten miles away, bent down in a corner and took out a photo of Gollum. "Oh Gollum, why did you have to go?"

Meanwhile, the dead spirit of Gollum sighed deeply. Oh Legolas, it would never have worked I'm well, wrinkly, ugly, and disgusting, and you are,...everything opposite of that. GO! BE FREE! Legolas tilted his head sideways and raised an eyebrow, almost as if he had heard something speaking.

Legolas look down to see frodo staring quizzically up at him.

Are we gonna do this or what?Actually, Frodo, I think i'm not going to have any for a while. I feel that sex is all people think I am capable of. No one knows this but my true passion is...HAIR DRESSING!

Frodo stood there, mouth hanging open. Thats beyond gay. He walked away with a dissapointed look on his face. As he passed by the other hobbits, he grabbed Merry by the collar and hid somewhere secret.
THE END

And now, for one more paragraph of chapter 3!

Farther away, near the queue of elves waiting for their fortunes to be told. Arwen, Bilbo and Elrond were engaged in a battle. An actual battle. Arwen stood, looking like um, what was her name, uh, Buffy, yeah, with her sword drawn and held high above her head. Bilbo held a stick in his hand and Elrond simply held a bow.

YOU SLUT! He was my best friend! DIE NOW! Elrond shot both Arwen and Bilbo and as they lay dead Galadriel walked over.

Their child would have been your savior Elrond, but now you will suffer a terrible death. Elrond gulped and ran away.

THE END! (for real)

Alcy: Aha! We added an extra chapter for you guys! BONUS MATERIAL!
Arfea: dragging unconscious alcnolien across... the place... We're going now. Samwise, could you give them the message?

Sam: ahem Please review! If you wish to flame, go ahead, but you could just as well not review at all, I mean, if you don't like the looks of the story...just don't read it...don't tell us how terrible it is...because it wastes our time reading it and it wasted your time reading the story you didn't like and then taking the time to write down that you didn't like it...(infected by Arfea's ramble bug)
Legolas: C'mon, it's an awesome story, anyways! I mean, It's got ME in it!
Frodo: EVERY story's got you in it! Not that I'm jealous...
Legolas: Well...we are the authoresses' favorite characters...logically we'd be a major part of the story...

Chapter: ends cause it can't take it anymore AUGH! I quit!

Alcy: drools

Arfea: shoves Alcy away UGH!