Author's Note: Hooray! I'm back baby! What can I say, once I got the ball rolling again, it's rolling again. Go for it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 8: Love and Hate: Izzie and Scooter

I walked all night. He's going to kill me, I know it. He's so determined to break Conway, and he'll do anything. It's scary. I come in quietly, through the back not wanting to attract attention.

"Iz," I sigh, and see Scooter as I go up to my room, he grabs my hand and kisses me, pulling me into his. Ten years of this secret. The only other person I've ever told was Dean. "Where were you?" He asks.

"Working," I say softly. He kisses me. "Mm," I whimper.

"You've straightened your hair." He freezes, "Of course." I sigh and look at him. "How is he?"

"I wasn't with him," I say defiantly. He looks at me, "Well, I was, but not how you're thinking. He sent me after Gaffney."

"Is he trying to kill you?" He growls. I roll my eyes. "You know that Conway would do anything to protect her, and that she's off limits in the treaty," I sigh. "I love you, I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't get hurt," I shake my head. "I can look after myself." He kisses me a pulls me close to him. I've only felt like two things in my life have been completely real. Scooter and Dean. "I have to go," I say softly, "I have to report."

"Don't go to him," He shakes his head. "Stay with me." He kisses me and we pull onto the bed.

"I'll need you after," I whisper, "To take the pain away."

"Isabel," He murmurs, Stay with me. He undresses me without using his hands. This is incredibly sexy, you should know. I highly recommend it.

"Mm," I groan, "Scooter, please. I won't be able to stand it, if we do it before."

"I hate when you come to me after," He says, "I hate cleaning you up."

"I won't let you see," I promise, "I'll look just like I do now, I swear." He kisses me. "I love you," I whisper. "I wish I could be all yours." I stand up and walk out and shudder. I walked away from both of the men I love in the past twenty four hours, and I have to go to the one I hate. I walk down the hall pulling my clothes on. I go over to his suite and take a deep breath.

"Come in Izzie," I hear him on the other side of the door. I open it. "Well?"

"I couldn't," I say sheepishly, making myself look as sad and pathetic as I can, "I couldn't get to her."

"That's what happens when you go to him first," He grunts angrily, he stands up and slaps me across the face, "What were your instructions?"

"You don't have to," I start.

"Izzie!" He shouts, "What did I tell you to do?"

"Pose as Pierce," I mumble, "Get her alone. Shoot her. But Rick, I,"

"Izzie, you are very lucky I like you so much," He smiles running his finger over my jaw line, "I'd kill anyone else for ignoring orders the way you do." He hits me again, harder this time, not holding anything back, I fall against the wall. I can taste the blood. "Take your clothes off." He snarls. I shudder, but do as I'm told. I'm not even acting, I'm terrified every time we get into bed, that something will snap in him and he'll kill me while he's fucking me, it would be the ultimate high for him, I'm sure. That's all he wants anymore, to kill, to hurt. He lost his mind years ago. I stand up naked, my body still bruised from the last time, "Bed," He shoves me towards it. I lie down and spread my legs, knees up. "I hate to do this Izzie," He laughs, "But how else will you learn?" I brace myself so it barely hurts when he pushes into me. Even after all the times I've had men I didn't want near me in me, it still hurts a little every time, I can't block out the pain entirely. But with Rick it hurts more so, because this is the guy who swore to protect me, who promised that I'd never have to do this again. He was my savior, until the day he decided he wanted me. "Do you want to go back to interrogating Izzie?" He taunts me while he humps, "To lying across a table while worthless drones have their fantasies acted out with you as their toy?"

"No," I whimper. "I don't." I moan, which is rare with him, that I get any kind of pleasure, and he slaps me across the face. That's right, I'm being punished I shouldn't be enjoying myself.

"Then act like my assassin and not my whore!" He grunts, finishing and dropping me. I lay there, on my side for a minute. I won't cry. "Izzie," He says gently. And he's switched. He'll be sweet and charming now. Because a second ago he was punishing an incompetent employee, and now he's in bed with his, I guess girlfriend, I don't know what I am to him. He spoons me and kisses the back of my neck softly. He's always focused on that spot, the place right between my skull and neck. I think it's left over guilt from Jackie or something. When I see her now, incidentally, during fighting, I don't hate her anymore, I understand her. He's irresistible, but he's also terrifying, there's no way not to become two people. "You know I hate to do that baby. I hate hurting you."

"I know," I say, shuddering as he strokes down my body and I feel him firm up again. "Do you want anything special tonight?"

"Mm," I can hear the smile in his voice, "Put us on a beach," I close my eyes and focus. The room disappears and we're on a deserted tropical island. Just us. "Roll over onto your stomach." I do so, he lifts my middle and finds his way in, I groan. "You like that, mm."

"Oh I do," I fake excitement, "Oh, God, Rick, don't stop."

When she comes to me later that night I know it was bad this time. She cried for a while, and even though she kept her promise, I didn't see a single bruise or a drop of blood, she looks perfect, almost gloriously so, I know she was hurt bad. I know why she does it. I understand it. She has to, it's a survival tactic. If she's his, he won't kill her, no matter how many mistakes she makes. Not like when she was with Portman, that nearly killed me. It was the one time in ten years that we weren't together. I deserved it. I did the one thing I told her I never would, I had hit her. She can be so infuriating, and I lost my temper.

"Run away with me," I whisper, holding her tightly to me after we make love.

"He'd find us," She says, as if she's considered it a million times, which I'm sure she has. "He'd find us and he'd kill us."

"He couldn't touch us," I say holding her close.

"Don't let go," She whispers, "Please." I whisper more to her about what will happen when we run away together where we'll go, what we'll be, how she'll disguise us. This makes her smile and laugh. There's something very profound about being the only thing on the planet that someone loves. It makes you love the person back even more than you would have.

Review Please!