She had moved back home with her mother. It was difficult adjusting to living with her mother again, but Blair made due with her options. She continued studying at Columbia, pushing herself way too hard, but knowing that losing herself in her studies would be the only way for her to forget about Chuck and the disaster that was their marriage.
Serena was away at Brown, Nate was gone too, far away in UCLA. She had never felt more alone in her entire life. Her closest friends were gone, and her mother was no help. She had a few friends from high school still hanging around, but no one she could really open up with. And so she swallowed her emotions and pasted on the perfect face. She hid the fact that she was breaking apart inside, just as she had done so many times before.
It bothered her that she was so alone. It bothered her even more than Chuck continued to call her on a nearly daily basis. He wanted to see how she was doing since it was still "legally his husbandly duty." She hated that he called, but she couldn't seem to ignore the calls either. She got nervous, nauseous, and sweaty whenever she saw his name pop up on her phone, and her stupid little heart skipped a beat when she heard his voice.
At times she'd tell him to stop contacting her, the times it became apparent that he was talking to other women and still feigning interest in her well being. But he'd call a few days after not hearing from him and she stupidly answered the phone.
After a few months of this bad habit, Blair decided to put an end to the game with Chuck. She started talking to guys, flirting and being Blair Wardolf again. Only this time she was Blair Bass. But that was just a technicality. She went out, drank, danced and hung out with the friends from high school that were still in the city for college. She tried hard to regain that carefree attitude she had perfected after so many years of being Constance Billiards Queen B, but she couldn't embrace the lifestyle as easily. She decided that dating was something she just couldn't do for a while.
She felt so much older than her years, with a divorce underway and a heart torn and shattered by two men in her life. She remembered what it was like with Nate. Many times she wondered if things would have been different if she had married him, or at least stayed with him for a while. But she knew that what she had with Nate paled in comparison to what she had with Chuck. Unfortunately for her, no matter how much heartbreak he caused her, no matter how humiliating it was to know that he was out enjoying his time with other women and to know that he couldn't keep it in his pants in honor of the love he swore to her, Blair still loved him. She hated him but she loved him.
It was a twisted thing. She felt good when they didn't talk. And then he'd call and she'd start falling for him all over again. There was something in his voice, his sexy, cool, Chuck confidence that made her be putty in his hands. But then she knew that he was with other women and it tore her apart and she hated him even more. It was a weird combination of emotions, a love/hate feeling that she felt for him. It confused her mind and her heart. She didn't know if she should forget about him, or try to stay and fight for what they had. It had been so good between them. Perfect, some might say. She just didn't know how it could go so wrong. But she knew that she had to let him go. Deep down, it was for the best. She knew it, he knew it.
The papers came one day when she was home sick. They were hand delivered, and Blair knew as soon as she saw the envelope what was inside. It was the heaviest weight of the world condensed in the palm of her hand. Time seemed to stand still, and then quickly time traveled back to their happier times. She remembered when they'd first fallen in love, the day they got married, the day they made love as husband and wife, the first weeks of living together. Blair was shaking and crying before she reached the couch in her living room. She sat there and stared at the envelope knowing that it was the end, knowing that there was no going back for them now. All the pain that she felt was slowly healing came back to her then. She hadn't stopped loving him, and now she had to let him go.
With a heavy heart, she opened the envelope and took out the papers. Through a cloud of tears she made out the post it notes indicating the spots she needed to sign. With shaking hands, a thundering heart, and heaving cries, Blair Bass signed the papers.
Divorced.