Liar, Liar
Disclaimer: not for profit, just for fun… there is an enormous lack of Xena/Joxer Fics out there… and I have caught the bug because I wrote one as a challenge and now I can't stop. Xena, Joxer, Gabrielle, etc. are property of MCA Universal.
ACT II – Green eyed monster
Joxer was at the town square helping out with the stage. He was hammering a plank when he hit his thumb, "Ow!" he said sticking his thumb in his mouth.
"Need a hand, killer?" There came a voice from behind him.
Joxer looked towards the voice and spotted Amoria looking at him lustfully. He looked around then back thinking that maybe she was talking to someone else. "Where? Oh-- m-me? Um-- yeah-- I am a killer. In fact, I can kill a person with a cold stare." " He paused, Xena had said that this woman might be interested in him. Maybe he was coming on too strong, so he decided to show his tender side. "But, uh, you know, inside I'm-I'm-- delicate as a-- a daisy. I'm-I'm-- inside."
"Mm-hm-m-m-m," Amoria said sidling up to him. "Don't try so hard, Joxer. Didn't anyone ever tell you the quickest way to win a woman's heart-- is by making her laugh?"
"Oh-- well, in that case, I'm the sexiest man in the world."
Just when Joxer was beginning to feel comfortable with Amoria, his brother Jace entered the stage area. His arms wide open when he saw his brother."There you are! Joxer!"
"Damn." Joxer said under his breath. He looked back at Amoria and excused himself. "Who's that guy? Why don't you wait here? I'll be back in a moment."
"You crazy fellow, you. Give your big brother a hug." Jace said giving his brother a strong hug.
"No-- Jace-- no!" Joxer said uncomfortable, trying to spare his brother's feelings.
"Play the game." Jace said with that annoying accented voice of his. Joxer bristled instantly remembering why he just didn't hang around his brother anymore.
"No."
"Play the game!" Jace insisted covering his eyes.
"No, Jace-- not now." Joxer looked around the square hoping no one was looking. Of course everyone was.
"Where is he? I don't see my little brother! Where is he?" Jace said insisting on the game of peek-a-boo. "There he is! Where have you been? I was starting to think I was an only child."
"Look, Jace-- I'm a grown-up, now. I'm not your little baby brother. And-- I'm a warrior with a reputation to protect." Joxer paused trying to regain his composure. He stood tall and looked his brother with a confidence he did not feel. "I follow my sword."
"Well, I-- I follow the music," Jace shrugged and opened his arms wide. "-- wherever it takes me. I thought you'd be happy it took me to you."
Joxer rolled his eyes. "Yeah, made my day. Now quit talkin' like that."
"Like what?"
"Like-- I don't know, that-- stupid accent of yours, like you're from Spain or somethin'." Joxer pointed his finger at his brother attempting to bring him back to being just the guy he'd grown up with. Not some self-righteous Spaniard. "You're from Olympic Street in
Athens-- two blocks from Akhmar the meatman-- just like me."
Indignant, Jace stopped trying to be a big brother. "Well, not just like you. I don't have a pasta strainer for a shirt."
"Just stay away from me-- Bro." Joxer walked away fuming, walking past Xena who had been dealing with plastering posters all over town. She looked between the brothers then followed Joxer.
Joxer walked to a railing his head hung. Low. Xena came up behind him and placed a hand on his back. She slid it around his waist and gave him a one armed hug putting her chin on his shoulder. "He embarrassed me in front of her. I was doing good, and he came."
"You are not your brother, Let him be who he is." Xena answered softly. Joxer turned his head and lean closer, but instead of kissing her he pressed his forehead against hers.
"I'm trying."
"That's all I'm saying." They let a moment pass and Xena let go of Joxer and offered him an invitation. "I'm gonna go to the tavern for some milk… I think I saw Jace go in there."
"I think I'll just go back to work Xena, we have to have that ready for tonight." Joxer walked away as Xena watched.
"That was a nice moment." Gabrielle said coming up behind her. Xena would have jumped but she was not really startled. She had sensed someone watching them which is why she had let go of Joxer. It was something that they had always been in tune with whenever they found themselves comforting each other in public.
"He's having a hard time with his brother." Xena said turning to Gabrielle, "Maybe you should talk to him. He loves you." Then she walked away to the Tavern.
--
--
"My own brother-- insulting me. Can you believe it?" Jace said to the Warrior Princess as she sat drinking her milk.
"As a matter of fact, I can." She said taking another swallow of the white gold. "Joxer likes to think that he knows who he is, but all he really knows is who he wants to be."
"That's right. And who would not want to be just like me?" Jace walked away humming. Xena raised a brow. Jace was just as arrogant as Joxer only more colourful.
Just then Cyrene walked in dragging a bewildered young man. Xena stared wondering what her mother was up to. "Oh, Xena-- Xena. Uh-- meet Phillipis. Uh-- he's a healer." Xena nearly spit out the milk she had just put in her mouth when she realized what her mother was really trying to do. She gave her mother a glare that would scare anyone that didn't know her. But Cyrene pressed on, "uh-- tell Xena about all the exciting things you've been doing with leeches."
Xena'd had enough, so she stood and put on a desperate face. "Oh-- well, that's great, because I could sure use a doctor about now."
Phillipis took a startled step backward, "Oh."
Xena smiled putting a hand on her mother's shoulder "Could you give me and Mom just a moment? Thanks" She pulled her mother to the other side of the room and whispered harshly, "all right, I'm telling you for the last time politely, I do not need help finding a man!"
"No… But finding the right man, now that's a different story."
Xena let go of her and growled "I'm beginning to remember why I left home so young," as she walked away.
--
--
"Joxer." Gabrielle said walking up next to the would-be warrior.
"Ow! What?" Came the annoyed response from the man who had just pounded his thumb with a hammer.
"What is your problem? Why were you so rude to your brother?" Gabrielle stood in front of him with her hands on her hips
Joxer, still annoyed sighted saying, "Look, Gabrielle-- you don't understand. Things are
different. We're not kids, anymore. I'm a warrior, now, and Jace is still-- Jace."
"So you're telling me that you're so heartless towards him because he's-- "
"Different?" Joxer interrupted having already had this conversation with Xena. "Different-- and, he is-- " He searched for the right words. "He's wasting his life. He is-- wasting his life. That's it. I am a warrior-- and he is--"
"-- your brother? No matter what else he is, he will always be that." Gabrielle said taking on a more nurturing tone. She was trying to bring herself to be more nurturing towards Joxer, just as she'd seen Xena do earlier. He seemed to respond well to Xena so she figured, maybe it would work.
Just as she was about to move towards him, Amoria came up and wrapped an arm around him. "Hey, Joxer. My band's rehearsing our moves. You wanna watch, handsome?"
Joxer grinned and raised a brow pointing to himself. "Do birds fly? Do bees buzz? Do I take a bath once a month whether I need it or not? You bet." He handed Gabrielle the hammer. "Hold that." Gabrielle took the hammer with a look of total confusion on her face. She watched as Joxer and Amoria walked off hand in hand.
"You're not on the back burner, now. You're smokin'." Joxer said as they walked off laughing.
--
Xena's mood began to lift as she plastered the posters around town. She whistled as she worked, feeling the sunshine on her face. Suddenly there was a looming shadow and she turned to see a big burly man standing in her light. She stood up straight and folded her arms. The man looked nervous and couched as he regarded her. "Xener, right?"
"Who wants to know?"
"I saw'r," cough, "your ad-- Single Greek female seeks marriage with stable provider-- to raise a child and to dote—on an exceptionally wonderful mother-- who doesn't look a day over twenty."
Xena rolled her eyes. "Gee, I wonder who wrote that?"
"It wasn't you?" the man said surprised.
Irritated, Xena yelled. "No, I am not in the market for a husband."
The man sighed and hung his head for a moment. "Yeah-- sure-- I understand." He paused and looked at her hopefully. "How 'bout a little casual sex?" Xena Glared and pulled an arm back and knocked him out. This totally ruined her day. This was the last thing she needed. She stormed off and continued on doing what she had been that day.
Gabrielle sat at the bar watching as Joxer watched Amoria. The Amazon flirted with the would-be warrior relentlessly as she practiced her routine."5, 6, 7, 8, and step and kick and twist and punch." Amoria stopped and sighed as one of her dancers messed up. "No, ladies! It's step, kick, twist, punch-- not step, kick, punch, twist. Again-- slowly. Step, kick, twist-- punch." She blew a kiss with that last punch. Joxer caught it and hugged it to himself.
"Why do I care? It is Joxer." Gabrielle said to herself and turned back towards the bar.
"Ain't love grand?" The voice she detested came from behind her.
Gabrielle turned towards him and growled. "Draco, I 'm busy." She wished Xena had allowed cupid to turn Draco back to normal. She was growing tired of his constant badgering.
"I've come to talk to you about our future. Now, I'm a changed man. My warlord days are well behind me-- and when I win that lyre-- I will prove it to you in song."
"I'm the reason you want-- ?"
"-- the lyre?" Draco laughed that she hadn't figured it out before. "Of course, it is! When I win that melodious instrument-- I will serenade you for all eternity."
Gabrielle shook her head in disbelief and began to step backwards. "That's very sweet-- in a completely deranged, obsessed kind of way. Draco, you do not love me. You're under a spell."
"Call it what you will, my love; just as long as you marry me. We could have a-- wedding in spring-- and a honeymoon in Crete." He reached out to grab her arm.
"The answer is no." she said pulling her arm from his grasp.
"Your lips say No'-- but your eyes scream Yes.'" He made an attempt to grab her again.
"Don't make me say it in a way you won't like." Gabrielle said taking up a fighter's stance.
"I will never give up on us, Gabrielle. You may kiss me."
"Don't even think about it. Oh! Uh! Let me get this through your thick skull. I would not marry you if you were the last man on Earth." Gabrielle fled the scene abandoning her post, forgetting the two whom she had so diligently been watching.
Joxer watched as Gabrielle walked out of the bar. He'd noticed the looks she had been giving Amoria, and had to admit Xena was right. Here was hoping that this situation would help it move along some more. Amoria was hot, but Gabrielle was the love of his life… one of the loves of his life.
He sighed and walked over to Amoria. "Hey babe… I have to get back to working on the stage. Catch ya later?"
"Oh absolutely," Amoria said and gave him a light kiss.
Joxer walked out of there with an enormous grin.