When the World Ends
By Kitara Lira
"Don't leave me Shizuru… please… I love you…" The words rang through her mind as emerald eyes covered in a thin glossy layer of clear blue liquid opened slowly. It was dark; cold.
Groping about the silence, I hoped my hand would find what it searched for – even just a hint! But to no avail. Her side of the mattress was cold: empty. As I pierced my bottom lip, I did my best not to fall apart then and there. She was gone. My Shizuru was gone.
"N…n…no! Shizuru!" I was yelling, but my voice came only as incoherent squeaks. Off the bed I tumbled – she had hated it at first but I was able to convince her. A western style wasn't all that bad and in fact it offered a lot of extra support for their backs. Plus it was just plain old more comfy. But now… now I hated it. I hated it because it didn't smell of her passion scented shampoo. I hated it… because it didn't have her…
Soon the darkness became normal to my eyes and I was able to make sense of the outlines of the blankets that were now half about the floor, half about me. To my right, on the night stand I could see the clock – but the number were lost to me: I was alone.
Atop the dresser rested our picture, a gift from her last Christmas. How she managed to get it I'll never know. It was out mall adventure, that bloody mistletoe… what was it doing in a public mall anyways?! Nevertheless, I would give anything to just be stuck in that situation again… Shizuru… don't leave me.
Inside I was a mess – outside was no better. Unable to conjure the strength to stand, I did the next best thing. I drug my body across the floor. I'm so lost without you. Don't go.
To open the sliding door to the room… if I had the strength I would have just pushed my way right through it… I need to find you. To know this is just a dream… a really bad dream…
Not a sound echoes through the house we share. Not even a creak. Silence. Like death. Where are you? I need you.
The bathroom – it's empty. Oh how cute your toothbrush looks next to my ordinary navy blue one – breaking me inside. Why you insisted on getting some American themed little bear upon your toothbrush I'll never know. After all you only smiled, skipping up to the till, looking back to say, "But Natsuki, Winnie the Pooh is a classic! Plus… he's cute. Just like my Natsuki." Honestly, who needs a cute toothbrush? I guess you did.
The kitchen was no better, just as empty. Not even the scent of that deathly tea you had gotten me addicted to was present. You and your tea… well at least you gave my mayo a chance. I wasn't expecting that.
In the living room my strength died. Why is it that without you I am hopeless? Curling up in the fetal position on that couch you insisted we buy, I cried. Cried like a baby. Shizuru don't say you're gone... don't say you're gone…
I don't know how long I cried for, but the lack of energy soon took its toll. Darkness was ripping at me – claiming me. I don't want to go…
"Natsuki?" Was I dreaming? My eyes… they won't open… they can't… no strength. I love you Shizuru…
Again the sweet voice tainted by that distinct accent called my name, this time more frantic, "Natsuki…" Bags dropped, something tinkling across the entrance floor. She didn't even take off her shoes as I heard the soft rubber soles echo clearly across the floor. I had insisted she buy converse. They were comfortable – and she did little to deny that. "Natsuki, what's wrong?" Always so worried… I'm sorry. I'm always making you worry.
A pressure sunk down the couch cushions further – a warm hand encompassing my face. You always take such good care of me. Why could I not do the same?
Those graceful fingers traced at the remnants of my tears and all I can do is sink further into them. Don't let me wake up… "Shizuru… I'm sorry…"
The air is filled with a silence. You're gone against aren't you? I'm alone… then why do I still feel this warmth upon my cheek?
I use every bit of energy left to open my cursed eyes. Once I blink; then twice. Crimson, I see crimson. But this time no disgust. Only love. "Shiz… uru?" My voice catches, suddenly weak.
"Yes Natsuki," Never before did I think your voice could be so… saving, "I am right here my Natsuki. Now tell me, what's wrong? Why… why are you crying?" It falters. I can hear your voice falter at my tears. I was always your one weakness wasn't I? I'm so sorry Shizuru.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… Shizuru please… please don't leave…" With each new word that came from my mouth, a fresh batch of tears streamed down my already stained cheeks. Hands inching my broken body up I fell into her lap, much to her shock. Those warm arms wrapped around me so perfectly as I sobbed myself dry… oh your welcoming embrace. Why… why do you love me so much… I'm nothing but a mess…
Gentle fingers combed through my matted blue locks, your soothing voice echoing even through my sobs. It's so clear. "My Natsuki has done nothing wrong. On the contrary actually, she is always so perfect." You were trying so hard. I could tell. To see me so broken… it broke you.
"Don't leave me…" I whispered my plea.
"Natsuki is that what this is about? You know I would never…" Somewhere I found the strength to rise, silencing you with my cold slender digit upon her luscious lips.
"Shizuru… please…" Those crimson orbs cried inside – only wanting to comfort me – but nevertheless you obliged listening to whatever it was I needed to say. "I'm… I'm always so selfish. No! You can't say I'm not!" My locks shook back and forth in a violence. I knew I was just dreaming again… but I had to say this, dream or not. Because it is said that dreams hold a truth in reality. I didn't want to lose you. No I couldn't.
With a new found determination I rose from my position that was the comfort of her lap. Leaning forward I allowed my hand to rest upon her check. "Shizuru, I love you, I truly do. And I know you may not believe me, but I do. I love you. True, I don't know the definition of love – the only love I knew came from Mother and Duran and even that…" I let my mind wander for a moment to one of the few memories I had before the crash. "Anyways, Shizuru I never want you to think that I'm with you only because I don't want to be alone. It's true, I hate to be alone, but what scared me more is to be alone without you. Somehow you found a way into this cold heart. Shizuru I cannot imagine waking up every morning to know that I can't see you. I love the way your fingers feel when they trace small circles across my skin. I love the way your hair refuses to listen to you just after a shower and how frustrated you can become with it. It's adorable! I love the way our house always smells like tea with a soft hint of mayo. But most of all Shizuru…" Not removing my emerald orbs from the gaze of her crimson, I softly kissed at the trail of tears that had tainted her perfect visage. "I love you for every flaw, every perfection that you are. Please, don't ever think that the only reason I love you is because I hate to be alone. It's not that I hate being alone. I hate being without you. You're everything to me Shizuru and I don't think I could make it without you…" There, I had said it. Even if it was just a figment of my imagination and would soon leave me, I had to say it, "Shizuru, I love you; more than life itself."
What happened next I wasn't expecting. She lunged forward, capturing me in her hold… and she cried upon my shoulder, "Natsuki, I love you! Don't you ever say anything about me leaving you! I would never leave you! Even if you Natsuki hated me, I love you and I always will."
I was so shocked. Holding her back at arms length, my brain running a few short circuits, I said the first word that came to mind, "Shizuru?"
"Hai Natsuki?" It was asked with innocence, sincerity – even as she wiped at her tears she looked absolutely stunning.
"Pinch me." It was simple and stupid, but I needed it to be done.
A smirk played across her lips, brow cocking up in amusement, despite the prior circumstances, "Ara, does my Natsuki have something naughty in mind?"
"S-S-S-Shizuru!!" Even dream Shizuru could make me turn from pale to inferno in milliseconds. Taking a moment to compose myself, I had to avert my gaze before asking again, adorning my cute puppy pout, "Just… just pinch me. Please?"
I knew by adding the please my Shizuru would obey my request. Hell I didn't even need the please most days! "If Natsuki wishes so, I must comply with her strange wishes." A stinging pain shot through my right cheek. I leapt inches up off the couch and into the air.
"AHHHH!!" Rubbing at the now – I'm sure – purple mark upon my cheek I grumbled, "Mou… did you have to pinch so hard Shizuru?" A sudden realization hit me as I was attempting to numb the pain away. The warmth of Shizuru was warm and her laughter… I wasn't dreaming anymore was I? Shizuru was still here. Shizuru still loved me.
"Fufufu, then Natsuki should not ask to be pinched unless… eep!!" A soft yelp resounded through the space followed by the thud as two figures hit the ground. "Ittai…" Rubbing the back of her head, Shizuru winced in a bit of pain, "Natsuki?"
There I was, clutching so tightly to the woman. Nuzzling my nose into the nape of my goddess's neck I rejoiced. "Shizuru! It's really you! It's really you!" I sounded like a five year old just before present opening on Christmas. "It's really you!" I couldn't believe it. I wasn't dreaming. My Shizuru was still very much here and very much in love with me.
"Ara, was Natsuki expecting someone else this morning? I am hurt!" A mock expression of pain shot through her face, but it didn't stay long.
I kissed away the pain – real or not. I showered her in kisses. I love her. I really do love her, "Silly Ruru, you know there is no one else." It was the nickname I had given her last white day as we exited the theatre – in honour of the strange bunny that had been the main character of the film we had just spent the last two hours in.
A faint blush covered her cheeks, "Natsuki…"
"Shhh…" I silenced her with another kiss, my orbs showing a sense of possession, "I love you and you're only mine Ruru."
"Only if Natsuki is my cute cuddly puppy," The woman stated matter-of-factly.
"Only your's," I stated in such a tone it elicited a laughter from the love of my life. Absently, Shizuru played with the stray locks of blue hair, before finally tucking them behind my ear.
"Now would my Natsuki like to tell me just what happened this morning?" A look of concern over took her previous mirth. The room became quiet. Serious.
It took a moment – I had to bite back the fear that again rose in the pit of my stomach. It had just been a dream… hadn't it?
Seeing the struggle, Shizuru leaned forth, placing a soft kiss upon my nose, "It is okay if Natsuki doesn't want to talk about it. I would just prefer if it doesn't become a usual occurrence. As much as I love to hear my Natsuki confess her undying love for me… I hate to see her cry." Again she stroked at the fading trail of tears that had once streaked my face.
"I'm sorry… I just…" A pause, "I had a really scary dream that I lost something. Something important to me…" Gazing up, I met vexed orbs of crimson, a half smile managed its way upon my lips, "I had a dream I lost you… Then when I woke up…" Again those bloody tears started. Furiously I wiped at them. Be happy! Shizuru is here! Shizuru loves you! … She won't leave you.
As if to reassure the uncertainty of those words Shizuru drew me into an embrace. In my ear she whispered soothingly, "Shhh…. It is okay Natsuki. I am here now and I am not going anywhere without you.
"But this morning!" I whimpered pathetically.
"Ara, this morning? This morning I was fetching my Natsuki a surprise." For the first time we looked back to the abandoned items in the entry way: mayo? Had I run out? Seeing the confusion she teased, "Has Natsuki already forgotten? Last night she finished the last of her mayo. I thought I would go out and replace it before my Natsuki woke up and her belly screamed for her love."
"…" My mind was blank. She… she wasn't there to hold simply because… well because she thought my mayo was that important to me? True mayo was high ranking in importance but if it was ever the reason for this to happen again… I shot the famous Kuga Death Glare at the bottle before turning to face my love; I wore a stern expression, "Never again."
Shizuru was speechless to say the least. Had she just heard her Natsuki correctly?
Allowing my tone and expression to soften I picked up my beauty, returning us both to the comfort of the couch. The blush surprisingly didn't come as I spoke my next words, "I love mayo, I do, but I love my Shizuru more." For a moment I paused, I had to get the right words, "Shizuru, I never want there to be a day when I wake up to a cold bed again. I don't want to ever have to get out of bed to an empty house. The first thing I want to see every morning is the image of you. With your hair cascading about the pillow, your arms wrapped protectively about my waist and mine about yours. With your nose curled in the nape of my neck. And if I have to give up my mayonnaise for that…" I bit down on the back of my lip, "Then I will. I just want my Shizuru."
The room went silent for a few moments. Maybe I had gone too far? Doubt began to swarm in my mind, "Shiz…"
I was cut off by the presence of her body against mine, pushing us down onto the couch, "Shhh Natsuki…" The older woman stifled a yawn, "I promise. Now sleep, I'm tired." And with that she didn't say another word. Instead she wrapped her arms about my waist, snuggling down between myself and the back of the couch, her nose finding its spot in the nape of my neck.
I was silent. The gentle breathing covering the deafening silence: she looked so beautiful. Wrapping my arms about her, placing a kiss gently atop her head I managed a smile before closing my own eyes.
"I love you Shizuru," I whispered softly.
"As I love you my Natsuki," It was tainted by a presence of sleepy pronunciation, but it was filled with an infinite love.
She loves me.
And in a matter of moments we were both asleep - it seems that the events of the morning had worn us both out.
This time as I slept, even if those horrible imaged came back, I had my Shizuru to chase them away. With her warmth, her love and her passion.
In the small moment of time, after years of denial, I knew I truly loved. That even if we weren't perfect, we had each other to complete the other. That no matter what might happen years from now – life times even! – we would still love each other. Our love was eternal. It wasn't tainted. It was love for everything love should be… and not even the end of the world could take that away from us.
Author Note: And there you have it. No omake for this as I think the more serious nature that it holds is something that must not be deterred from.
There is one special mention I want to make for this piece. I was actually inspired to write this from a song: They Forgive by Kerli. If you have a moment, I ask that you look into the song, perhaps even take a glimpse at the lyrics. It has been the song that I've been stuck on for the past week and a half. Over and over I let it play for hours at a time - completely lost within its lyrics. With it I feel a bit of a tie - a ridiculous connection if you will.
If you've ever done anything wrong; made a mistake all because you simply felt alone inside...
Anyways, this piece was written on the basis of that lonely feeling that everyone has from time to time; to all the lies we've ever told ourselves, or those we love; to the tears cried alone; and to pure human instincts of the heart.
This is a piece to inspire the fact that even loneliness can be over come; all it takes is to find that one true fit.