i now have the pleasure to present to you our story. so, yeah...

Chapter 5: Romeo and Juliet

Edward Elric lost the random British-scientist-wizard somewhere between the second and third chapter. Jasper managed to catch up with Ed in the beginning of the fourth chapter. And while Orochimaru was raping Sasuke, Ed and Jasper were having a romantic reunion which consisted of a lot of tears (on Jasper's part), punching (on Ed's part), making out, and declaring their undying love for each other.

After their whole 'reunion scene!' they skipped off hand in hand to explore the alternate universe they landed themselves in. The city looked old fashioned and the people wore clothes from the Renaissance era.

"Um, excuse me for asking, but where are we?" Jasper asked.

"Verona, Italy, sir." the young man answered politely.

"If we're in Italy," Ed cut in, "Why aren't you speaking Italian?"

"What doth it be to thou? I shall bite my thumb at you! A plague o' both your houses!" The man said randomly. Another man appeared.

"Hey, that's my line!" he shouted and left. (Mercutio ish special so he can speak any way he wants…) Let's go see what Romeo and Juliet are doing!

"What do you mean you're leaving me for Paris!?" Romeo screeched. He was on his knees, clutching Juliet's dress.

"Paris is hotter and I love him. Isn't that what you did with Rosaline, dumped her for me? Albeit, she hated you…" Juliet spat. "'Sides, aren't you gay? I know about him"

"How do you–?"

"I'm clairvoyant."

"Really?"

"No."

"Aw."

"I saw you two…making out…in an alley…in the middle of the night…with no clothes on, just sailor hats."

"Um, I can explain?"

"Riiiight."

"No, honestly, I can! Well, no, I can't. My lust for men is too strong!"

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought."

"Wah!"

Enter Paris

"Hey, baby."

"Hey Paris." Juliet gave him a peck on the cheek. Then Paris pulled her to him and they began making out. Romeo's face went red and he pulled out a gun. Just then, Ed and Jasper walked over.

"He's got a gun!" Jasper yelled. "Hit the deck!"

Both Ed and Jasper threw themselves on the ground while Paris and Juliet looked around confusedly.

"Don't move, or I'll shoot!" Romeo yelled. Juliet was busy staring at Jasper and Ed.

"Hit the what now?" she asked. "Why would you hit a deck?" she walked over to a ship and smacked the deck. "Ow!" she screeched. Ed pointed and laughed. Jasper picked up Romeo and threw him at Ed.

"Why did you throw him at me, honey pie? Why not a peach?"

Romeo's eyes filled with tears. Then he started bawling like a baby.

"Doesn't anyone care about my needs?!" he sobbed.

"No!" everyone replied. Romeo pouted and blew a bubble with some gum.

"Wait, how'd ya get bubblegum?" Ed asked, staring at Romeo.

"The…what was it called again?" he muttered. "Ah, the Inter…the INTERNET! Yes, it's the internet." he finished after a moment of contemplation.

"And you got the internet how?" Jasper asked. Then they caught sight of the cord leading onto a tear in the space-time continuum. "Oh!" Jasper gasped. Everyone but Romeo gave him a questioning look and he pointed to the tear.

"Oh!" they chorused.

"Er, so, how did you make a rip in the space-time continuum?" Jasper asked. Romeo blushed and became extremely flustered.

"I, um…that is…!" he stuttered.

"Romeo, sweetheart!" crooned a young man with long, silver hair and colorful, floral printed clothes. He apparently came through the tear and had thrown his arms around Romeo from behind, making Romeo more flustered. Everyone gave Romeo a little time to gather himself.

"This is Ayame Sohma…my boyfriend." he finally said. Ayame grinned and waved.

"Ayame!" Jasper and Ed called.

"Jasper! Ed! How are those dresses working out for you?" Ayame asked.

"Oh, they fit like a dream." Jasper replied.

"I'm carrying mine with me." Ed added.

"Me too." Jasper agreed.

Jasper and Ed whipped out their dresses and put them on in a blink of an eye.

"You're wearing tights, just like us!" Romeo gushed.

"It takes a real man to wear tights." said Ayame, exposing his leg to reveal purple, flower print tights. Romeo, Ayame, Jasper, Ed, Paris, random village men, and Juliet–yes, Juliet– burst into song.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We roam around the forest looking for fights.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!

We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!

We're men, we're men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

Dance number, chorus line style

We're men, MANLY men, we're men in tights. Yeah!

We roam around the forest looking for fights.

We're men, we're men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!

We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights.

We're men, we're men in tights (TIGHT tights),

Always on guard defending the people's rights.

When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!

We're butch.

At the end of the song, Paris turned to Juliet.

"Wait, my love, you're a man?!" he asked. Juliet blushed.

"Well…y'see, I was going to tell you sooner, but I…didn't?" Juliet was apparently confusing her–himself. "Truth be told, I didn't know myself. It just sorta…happened." He tried to explain. They all decided to just shut up about it and play charades.

"Oh, oh! It's a duck!" Romeo guessed while Ed demonstrated what was obviously not a duck. Everyone decided to toss small pebbles at Romeo for his stupidity.

"Um, a pirate?" Ayame guessed. Ed nodded and sat down. Ayame jumped up and took a slip of paper out of the hat that Juliet was holding. He smiled when he read his charade. Then he began twirling around.

"I know– It's an airplane!" Romeo shouted. Juliet stared and thought WTF?!

"Uh, no." Ayame said and made another attempt. It was Paris' turn to guess.

"A dancer?" he guessed. Ayame shook his head. It was Jasper's turn.

"I think it's a ballerina." he said with a slight smile. Ayame nodded vigorously and sat down. Jasper took a piece of paper out of the formerly mentioned hat and stared incredulously. Shrugging, he pointed at himself with obvious emphasis at his abnormally pointy teeth.

"A pansy?" Paris asked.

"An emo?" Ed guessed. Jasper punched him, and then started crying.

"A cantaloupe?" Guess who that was.

"A vampire!" Ayame correctly announced. He hopped up once again.

"No, I don't think you should go again, Aya." Romeo said. Just then, the random British-scientist-wizard popped out of the space-time continuum, blew a raspberry at Ed, grabbed Romeo's man-purse and disappeared again.

"No! My BUBBLIES!" Romeo shouted. Once again, everyone stared. "What?! My bubblegum is in there!" Romeo shouted.

"GET HIM!" Romeo and Ed bellowed in unison. They scrambled after the fiend, with their lovers in tow. They slipped through the tear in the space-time continuum and disappeared from Paris and Juliet's view.

err...i hope you liked it. (i don't think anyone's even reading this...) please review if you do