Well, it's been a pretty long (relatively) time since my last update. Like I said, I'm really busy right now, but fortunately (I suppose) I've been ill for the last couple of days which has given me plenty of time to finally get this story finished. There's only going to be one more chapter after this. There were going to be more, but when it came down to it I didn't have enough story to do more.

I didn't see JD until late the next day. I went into the hospital at a time that I knew would be at the end of his shift in the hope that he wouldn't be that busy. I stuck my head inside the doctors' lounge we'd been in before. He was sitting on a sofa, staring at a switched off TV. He didn't acknowledge me to begin with, so I just stood in front of, hands in pockets.

"You went to see my mom." He said, finally.

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "Nice lady." He didn't say anything. "She uh... She said you don't talk to her much anymore." He shrugged.

"How dare you." I frowned.

"What?"

"You can spend all your time following me around, intrusive as it is. But how dare you drag my mom into this!" He stood up, quite suddenly. "What right do you have to ask her the things you did?!" Then he shoved me with one hand. I remembered the last time he did this, and promised myself I would not repeat my actions. I would do better this time.

"Look, JD, I only went to see her because I care about you. I needed to-"

"What could you have possibly needed to do? I came home last night, and my mother was in tears. Because of you!" He shoved me again.

"And I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset-"

"You came to my house, again, upset my mom, and for what?! For your own personal gain?! And now she blames herself even more for blaming me!" Ok, maybe this was good. Let him get his anger out, even if it meant I got pushed around a bit.

"Ok, and maybe that was wrong of me, but-" He punched me, causing me to stumble backwards, more from the shock than the force of the blow. Time for a different approach. I put both hands on his chest and almost threw him backwards onto the sofa. "Dammit, Newbie! I'm getting pretty tired of this! I've always done my best to help you, and maybe before I didn't do a very good job of it. But I'm re-heally trying now! I'm making a lot of effort here, and to be honest I'm sick of you always fighting me on this! Whatever you say, something is wrong. I would love to be able to help you with whatever it is that happened, but if you don't get a grip on yourself, I really won't bother. I mean why is it that you won't tell me? Is it because it's me? Should I put in a call to Ghandi, or Barbie, or Carla? Would you talk to them? Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to hit you? Give you a hug? You just tell me, JD, and I'll do it. But stop messing me around!" We stared at each other, both breathing heavily. I could tell the instant after I'd finished talking that I'd done the wrong thing. Again. The anger that had been in his eyes had disappeared and the cold emptiness was back. I bit back a groan, sure it could only worsen the situation. "Look, Newbie…" I trailed off. I didn't have anything to say.

"I never asked you to come here." He stated quietly. I could do nothing but wordlessly nod in agreement.

I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I didn't mean that." I told him. What he said next surprised me.

"Yes, you did." I opened my mouth, ready to vehemently deny it. But I didn't. Because when I really thought about it, he was right.

"I'm sorry I hit you." He apologised. I shrugged. It hadn't really hurt that much anyway.

"Don't worry about it. Besides, you owed me one." An awkward silence descended on the room, and I got the feeling that I would have to be the one to break it. "So about what your mother said… You don't talk to her anymore?" He shrugged.

"Not really." I waited for him to offer more, but he didn't.

"She seemed to think that this…with you…is somehow her fault." I said it almost like a question.

"I suppose it is in a way, not that I blame her for it." I sat down next to him.

"JD, could you please tell me what's going on?"

"She asked me to talk to you. She said…well you don't need to know the details. So here I am, giving it my best shot." We both sat in silence, both of us now staring at the black screen of the television. After several minutes he spoke again. "With Dan…It was my fault." I was taken aback.

"What?"

"It was my fault Dan died." He repeated very slowly, like he was talking to a child.

"But…How…?" I shook my head, trying to gather my thoughts. "You were at Sacred Heart when he… when it happened." He turned his head to face me, anger clear on his face.

"That's just it! I was supposed to be here, not him!" I stared at him. "I told you that someone needed to be here for my mom, didn't I? He put his whole life on hold so that I could become a doctor. Everything crappy about his life, everything that all of you at the hospital looked down on, that was all because of me."

"Well maybe, but surely he-"

"I was supposed to have already come home! After I finished medical school… I was supposed to intern at the hospital I'm at now. But then there was Turk… You know he was probably the first real friend I ever had?" I tried to ignore the disbelief I felt. JD just seemed so…likeable. I knew that he hadn't exactly been popular, but I'd assumed that he'd had at least a few friends. "So when he told me that he'd managed to get us both places at Sacred Heart, I didn't…I couldn't say no. And Dan… He was so supportive of that. So understanding…" I glanced over at him again. I could see that were suppressed tears in his eyes. "I think it goes without saying that if I'd been here when I was supposed to have been, he wouldn't have been here a year ago. He wouldn't've…" He closed his eyes. "It's my fault." He whispered. And suddenly, everything became clear. How his mom was involved in all this. Yes, JD blamed himself. But more importantly:

"JD…your mom doesn't blame you…right?" He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"How could she not?" He asked bitterly. I stayed silent, not sure what kind of answer I could give. "It's my fault. And we both know it. But she feels guilty for blaming me, so she blames me for that too."

"JD…you don't…she doesn't really think that, right?"

"This is how it's always been." He shrugged. I suddenly felt like I had a clear understanding of JD's childhood. I felt that I now knew why he was always so keen to prove that if something went wrong with a patient, it wasn't his fault. Why he had looked so incredibly crushed when I blamed him for Ben's death, despite the fact he must have known he had nothing to do with it. Or at least, I thought he knew that. I was wondering now if he still thought that was his fault.

"So…your mom blames you for things often?" I questioned. He shrugged again.

"She… Sometimes she suffers from depression. And when I was little, she used to say a lot of stuff was my fault." I opened my mouth to apologise, but he shook his head. "Forget it, ok? I know she didn't really mean most of it, and I'm over it."

"But that's what I'm thinking. You say she didn't really mean most of it, so are you sure she meant it this time?" He sighed.

"Yes." I waited for him to elaborate. "A couple of weeks after I got here, she…I think she'd had too much to drink...and it all just came out. I…I thought that she might not mean it, so the next day when she was more…rational, I asked, and she…she told me how she felt about it." He rubbed his hands over his eyes, taking deep breaths. "Y-You know what the worst part is?" He asked, his voice wavering. I shook my head slowly. "It never even occurred to me before she said anything. And even then she p-practically had to spell it out." I watched as he screwed his eyes shut, watched as he bit his lip; watched as the cracks formed in his carefully constructed wall.

"JD…" I whispered and put my hand on his shoulder. He let out a small gasp, which then turned into a choked sob.

"You-you were r-right before. I-If it had been a-anyone else but you… I m-might have told them s-sooner." I frowned.

"Why? I mean, sure, we were never friends, but you always came to me if you needed help." He swallowed. The tears in his eyes remained unshed. He was still fighting this break.

"I…I thought…" I nodded in what I hoped was an encouraging way. "Turk, or Carla…They'd t-tell me it wasn't my fault. That I-I shouldn't blame myself. B-But they'd say that whether they thought it or not. You… I knew you'd be honest with me. A-And I was s-scared…s-so scared that you-you'd tell me it was my f-fault. A-And mean it." He scrubbed at his eyes with his hands again. I stared at him. He really…he really cared what I thought, that much? I'd known that for some inexplicable reason he'd wanted to be like me, but…

"Newbie…" Then I did something I never thought I'd do. I put my other hand on his other shoulder, and pulled him towards me. His head fell onto my shoulder. And JD cried, something that, in all honesty, I'd never seen him do before. I wondered if this was the first time he'd cried for his brother, and maybe his dad too.

The hug lasted a lot more than three seconds, and I could feel his breath on my neck. And if I was being truthful, the whole thing had made me uncomfortable. But I knew he needed it, so I didn't complain. And I hadn't really minded that much.

"Was it my fault?" I heard him ask quietly once he'd calmed down a bit.

"Do you think it is?" I felt him nod against my shoulder. "So will me telling you otherwise really change your mind?" He shook his head.

"Do…Do you blame me?"

"No. JD, of course I don't blame you. And I'm not convinced your mom really does either. I think you should try talking to her again."

"I…I know. And I want to. But every time I'm near her, all I can think is that I took Dan away from her. I can't say anything. I can't even look her in the eyes, like I said. I just…I don't feel like I have that right anymore."

"JD, you need to be strong about this. I know you don't like upsetting other people, but I think you really need to sort this out for yourself before you can worry about her." He nodded. "Go home JD. You need to do this." He nodded again, and then moved away from me. We looked at each other for a few seconds before he turned to leave the break room. "And JD?" I called after him. He paused. "It wasn't your fault." Even from this distance, I could see that he was more relaxed as he went through the gate. I was amazed that hearing those four words could have such a big impact on him.

Hope you liked it folks!