Caught! Chapter 4: Drill Sergeant Steph makes Plans
By Annie
I pulled into the garage at RangeMan and made my way to the conference room. I've been thinking. I know that's dangerous. Haha. Anyways, I've been trying to come up with a viable plan. The problem is that each idea I come up with is wilder than the next, and not a one of them will actually work. This isn't good.
As I walk up to the conference room I notice Tank standing at attention outside the door. I give him a little finger wave and with out saying a word he opens the door and gestures me inside.
Oh wow. They are all in there. Every Merry Man I've ever met and then some. All standing in line at attention, waiting for their marching orders. And all decked out in full body armor with enough weapons to secure a third world country. I don't know whether to faint or have a heart attack. Hubba hubba.
"Isn't this a bit over kill?" I stage whisper to Tank. He just gives me a raised eyebrow in response. I guess he's right, it is my Grandma after all.
I look up at Tank and the guys expectantly, but Tank just takes his place at the head of the line, and they all give me blank stares. Huh, I was hoping Tank would have a BRILLIANT IDEA. Guess not. Some help he is.
Then I take in the line of waiting soldiers again. Ok, I guess he is a big help. Surely with all of this back up this will be a piece of cake. Ok, down to business.
I stare at the guys for a few minutes, waiting for some inspiration. They stare back. Ok, this isn't working. Maybe I need some inspiration food. Where's Ben and Jerry when you need them?
Focus, Steph, focus. I clasp my hands behind my back and pace back and forth in front of the line of eye candy. I mean fodder. I mean Merry Men. Yeah, Merry Men. I keep my head down, because I know if I look at the men again, I'll get distracted. Think, think, think.
Think… ok this isn't working. Maybe… that's it! I need my thinking position. Looking around the room, I don't see any beds. Guess the floor will have to do. So I flop down on the floor and stare up at the ceiling. Think, think, think.
That's it!! Light bulb!! I stand back up and assume the position. Feet shoulder width apart, hands behind back, chin up. You can do this, Steph. The eye… err… Merry Men were still in line with their blank faces, waiting for instructions.
"Gentlemen, today we go to war." That's a good start. You can do this, Steph. "Our target is very cunning, very wiley, and extremely horny." The men shift a little at this. Snort. "I hope you all have your cups on." Some more shifting.
"Plan A: I will enter the target's domain and offer her my chauffeur services to try to lure her out the door. Once I have the target safely ensconced in my vehicle I will then proceed to take her to a safe, out of the way location, where you will all be waiting. Once we arrive at our destination, you will then apprehend the target and transport her to a reinforced vehicle. Then we will form a caravan and transport her to the pokey. Any questions?" Hey it sounded good to me.
"Yes Ma'am!" Junior, or was that Zip? raised his hand. "Where is this safe and out of the way location at Ma'am?"
Oh, hadn't gotten that far yet. Hmmm, need to think some more. Tank stepped forward.
"How about Vinnie's office. We could use the back parking lot." Works for me.
"Ok. Plan B: Distraction. If for some reason Plan A should fail, then all of you will enter the home of target and remove your shirts. Once she is a slobbering, comatose puddle on the floor, then we will slap the cuffs on and haul her to the pokey. Of course you will have to keep your shirts off for the duration, ya know, just so she doesn't revive when all that expanse of hot, sweaty man flesh disappears. Of course." This got a few wolf grins. Personally I was all for Plan B. If they ever need to take me in all they'll have to do is remember this plan.
"Any questions? No? Good." Hmm, now we need to motivate the troops. Ok, this shouldn't be too hard. "This day will go down in history, Men. We will be forever remembered if we can successfully apprehend this target. You are all good men, and I know you will do me proud. But remember, if you harm one hair on the target's head I will be all over you like white on rice." I paused to let the importance of my words sink in. When I got nods of affirmation from everybody I continued. "Well, let's get this show on the road! Fall out!" Oh boy. Here goes nothing!