27/07/2008 15:54:00
I filled jasper in briefly, as the women were in the kitchen and I did not want to seem suspicious.
I went upstairs to my bedroom to think without what felt like 40 other minds going through mine. I went to the new bureau in my closet filled with Bella's new clothes. This room reaked of her scent. It was magical to me. I reached to the top of the bureau to grab a small box that held our wedding bands. Bella and I went to a store in Seattle to pick them out. She was shy, but happy while choosing one for me. it was platinum and titanium blended together, so naturally it was silver in color, and flawless. Bella loved that it was a soft precious metal, combined with the strongest steel they had. She thought it represented me well. I didn't tell Bella, but since we got our bands, I played with mine sliding it on and off my finger. It was comfortable and perfect. Once bella finally slid it on my the third finger on my left hand I knew it would never come off.
I lay on what would soon become mine and my wife's bed, while still playing with my ring. My wife… my wife… I liked that more then I think she knows. She was the most important thing in the world to me… and I didn't know what to do when it came to her, it tortured me. In most cases I am over protective and make the wrong decisions for her. But I love her, and she knows that my mistakes always come from a place of love. Another thing I was working on was not making decisions for her. As a (married ) couple we would be making decisions together. I should be talking to her at that very moment, but she seemed to actually enjoying having "girl" time. I didnt know if I should tell her about what had happened to me. My predicament was partially to do with our pact for no Vulturi talk until after the wedding and partially to protect Bella and I from this until after our wedding day. I wanted Bella to enjoy these days with our families, to relax and take in the full human experience of a wedding…. Not that I knew much about adult human experiences, but I couldn't wait. I did not want to burden her, and wanted to enjoy this day as well, as it was my request...
My largest problem with not telling her is that I did not want to enter into this union with a lie in the back of my mind. Even with Charlise's words of wisdom, would I be able to enjoy the next few days knowing that I have 30 days until my wife loses her soul? I sat up from lying on our bed and went to return my ring to its box. I slid it into the little pouch and quickly glanced at Bells petite little band; only appropriate that it was an eternity band. I smiled thinking of Bella rolling her eyes when the salesman said eternity band. He walked away and let her try it on and decide. " I think eternity has a whole other meaning to us, don't you?" she giggled into my arm while trying it on. It matched her engagement ring surprisingly well and I would have bought her 40 of them to see the look on her face when she looked up at me from the ring with a radiating smile and rosy cheeks. She thought she was set on a plain thin band, but this changed her mind. I couldn't wait for her to wear it. I closed my eyes and put the bands back in their box on top of the bureau.
I decided to go for a run through the woods, I didn't need to hunt, but I wanted to get out of the house and let the girls have their privacy. I didn't ask, but Emmett and Jasper rose from the seats on the couch to follow behind me, partially in support, partially to get away from the giggling and upcoming present giving... knowing they were there was comforting. Much time passed before we stopped. Jasper was the first to speak.
"stop beating yourself up Edward, you need to relax. You knew this was coming, it is just real now. Your and Bella's relationship is going to be made official on Saturday. She knows what she is getting into, do you?"
I nodded and thought to myself. He was right, she did know this was what she wanted. I wanted to be married, and be with her in whatever way I could be.
"yes, of course" I finally spoke.
"well sometimes marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. I know you two will persevere through this, so stop beating your self up." He paused for a second. " I don't want to say this out loud, but I am thinking it, so I might as well… I think you should wait until after the wedding. Trust that bella is sure of her decision. When you say your vows, promise to give her the best experiences this life has to offer. All she wants is to be with you, I feel it every second I am with her. She wants to be in our form… you will be giving her what she wants. I know you want that too… And really Edward, you have to. The Vulturi is strict about their rules. You were the one who told her about you and us last year, and that put us all at risk. Somewhere inside of you, I think you knew what you were doing, so that you could be with her for eternity."
I did want her forever and I did want her to wear her rings for eternity, so was this possible, did I really want this somewhere deep inside of me?