Caught! Chapter 6: Batman's home
By Annie
I looked around the conference room, taking in all the destruction. How could one little old woman cause all of this? It's so surreal.
Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck stands up and a shiver races down my spin. Uh-oh, Batman is in the building. A hand rests against the back of my neck. Ok, Batman is in the room.
"Babe." I just freeze. I can't speak and I refuse to look up at him. His hand tightens a little. "Babe, what happened to my men?" Damn, ok well there's no getting out of this. Oh, wait, I forgot the three D's. Number one, Denial.
"What do you mean, Ranger?" Yikes, I hope my voice doesn't sound as squeaky to him as it does to me. Ranger tilts my head up to face him. I keep my eyes on the floor. Nope not looking, you can't make me.
"Babe." Guess Denial isn't going to work. On to number two. Distraction. Where's a fuck me dress when you need it?
"You are home early. I missed you!" Huh, silence. I can do this. I'll just wait him out. I've even been practicing. Silence. Well ok, mostly silence, if you don't count the groans and whimpers coming from the fallen spread around the room. Come on Steph, stay strong. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Shit, I can't. Number three, Delay.
"So, well, ummm, I think, it's, well, kinda, a loooooong story. Wouldn't you like to get comfortable first? I mean, you've just had a really long trip, I'm sure you're tired. And hungry. And probably want a shower, too." See works like a charm.
"Babe, usually when you borrow my men you break one or two. This time you've broken ALL of them. Comfort can wait. Explain." Well there went the last of the D's right out the window. Sigh, guess it's inevitable. I finally look up into his face. Well, he doesn't LOOK mad. I touch his shoulder, nope, doesn't FEEL mad. I sniff, nope, doesn't SMELL mad. Maybe I will survive this after all.
"This is soooo not my fault!" Raised eyebrow. I wish I could do that.
"It never is, Babe. You're still stalling." Oh, I had hoped he wouldn't notice that.
"OK, well see, it's like this. I got a new FTA today. A really, really sneaky FTA. And ya know how I promised you I'd call for backup if I ever got a file I couldn't handle. See, you should be proud of me. I did, I called Tank, cause I just knew that I wouldn't be able to bring in this one on my own. See, proud." I gave him a big cheesy grin, but I think it must have been a little off because he didn't grin back.
"Ok, well, anyways, Tank decided that this was major bad. And I guess he thought that we would need lots of backup, cause when I got here to meet him all of the Merry Men were waiting. And I mean, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? Huh? They offered help so I took it. And I even had PLANS. Plural. As in I had a backup plan. See, I did good, huh?" Not even a twitch. Man, he's good.
"Well, ummm, Plan A didn't go so great ya know, so we decided to go with Plan B. And well, I think the term Bobby used was FUBAR. Yeah, FUBAR."
"Babe, that still doesn't tell me why all of my men are out of commission, and half naked to boot." Oh, I forgot to mention that part didn't I. Oops.
"Well you see, that was the Plan." Boy his shoes sure are shiny. I like shiny.
"Babe." Oh alright. Get a new vocabulary. Sheesh.
"Well you see, the thing is, the skip, ummm, did I mention the skip was really crafty and wiley?" I think I may be starting to push my luck here.
"Who Babe?"
"Grandma Mazur." Ok, so I tried for a strong, confidence filled voice, but it came out more like a whisper mumble something. But from the way Ranger tensed beside me I think he heard me anyways.
"You are telling me that your Granny completely demolished my whole force in one try?" Uhhhh, when you put it that way, it sounds like quite the achievement. Go Grandma!