Caught! Chapter 7: Eye… er… Merry Men Roll Call
By Annie
"Babe." There's that word again. Luckily, my ESP is improving and I could discern that this particular Babe meant that I needed to keep talking. I'm still afraid to look at Ranger, but I wonder if he's mad now. Oh well, on with the story.
"Well, like I said, Plan A was a wash. I was going to try to lure her out and then take her to the Merry Men, where they could restrain her and transport her to the station. But she was waiting for me. And she threatened the cake. I had to save the cake, Ranger. The cake didn't do anything wrong." Huh, if I was looking at Ranger's face right then, which I so wasn't, I mighta swore he just rolled his eyes. Nah, not possible.
"And so you went with Plan B. Which has something to do with my men being shirtless." Well yeah.
"Of course. Distraction. It always works on your skips when I dress sexy and all. So I figured it would work on Grandma. I mean, come on, you know Grandma. Masses of hot naked male flesh should have had her in a drooling, blubbering puddle on the floor. I just can't figure out where it went wrong. This plan should have worked. Couldn't fail. Ya know what? I think it's their fault. They need lessons on distraction techniques. When they are all back to, well, to normal, I'm going to give them a class. So this won't happen again." Was that a groan?
"Babe, what happened to my men?" Oh that, yeah I guess he needs to know that.
"Well, see, it's like this, ummm well, where should I start?" I'm almost positive that he did not roll his eyes again.
"Who went in first, Babe?" Start at the beginning. Logical. I looked over to where Tank was laying, twitching and drooling.
"Tank went in first. Ya know because he was the original backup. I'm pretty sure he got hit with a tazer gun. I wonder where Grandma got one of those from? Maybe she can get me one."
"Babe, focus." Oh yeah, focus.
"Well as you can see, Tank still hasn't come around. She must have hit him with a lot of juice, cause it would take a lot to bring him down."
"Ok, Babe, that's good. Who went next?" I looked over at the Bobsie triplets. Ram was holding an ice pack to his head. Brett was holding one on his Mr. Winky. And Zero's ice pack was on his knee.
"Ram and Brett and Zero went next. Brett still hasn't spoken, and Ram isn't very coherent. The only thing we can get out of Zero is Baseball bat. Maybe Grandma has a future in the major leagues. Ya think?" Ranger just raised his eyebrow again. Ok, well next.
"Umm, Zip and Cal went next. They aren't here on account of they've already been transported to the hospital. From what we can gather, Zip went in first where Grandma was waiting with a pair of FMB's on. They had a five inch heel. I still wonder how she was able to stand in them, let alone kick Zip in his happy place. Poor, poor Zip will never be able to have children."
"That's ok Babe, he already has ten of them. His wife's been after him to get a vasectomy anyway."
"Oh, well then. Wait! His wife's been pregnant ten times? Boy, if I was her I would have cut it off by now." Ouch.
"No, Babe, four times. One set of twins, one triplets, one quadruplets, and then one by itself." Oh ok, that was a little better, but still sheesh. Talk about your super sperm. "Babe, Cal?"
"Oh yeah. Well I guess the trauma was just too much for Cal. It's kinda a blur really. But there was a blood curdling scream, which I assume was Zip, poor guy. And Woody and Binkie took off for the house. About the time Woody reached the door Cal came stumbling out it. He knocked into Woody then just passed out or something. BAM!! Down they go. Cal hit his head pretty hard. We think he has a concussion. Woody was squished flat. But he only broke a couple of ribs, he should be fine." I pointed to where Woody was laid out with his ribs wrapped.
"And Binkie, Babe? What happened to him? I don't see him here either." I so didn't want to tell anymore. I need a drink. And maybe a donut. Or dozen.