Caught! Chapter 8: Roll call take two
By Annie
"Binkie, Babe? Where's Binkie?" Oh man, poor Binkie.
"Well you see, Binkie is in surgery. Hopefully they'll be able to re-attach his pinkie toe. We put it on ice as soon as we could. It's lucky really, you'd think the bullet would have totally decimated his toe. But some how the toe survived. Just amputated." And Binkie is my favorite too. Well except Ram. And Tank. And Lester. And… well you get the idea.
"Who's next, Babe?" Oh next. Ummm… oh yeah.
"Bobby and Hal were next. Honestly, I don't think Hal is ever going to be able to live this one down. I mean it was bad enough when I did it to him, but Grandma? And then to have it affect Bobby too. So not good." I looked at Hal sitting over in the corner. He was in a catatonic state still. I think it was the shock.
"Babe, what happened?" Huh? Oh, to Hal. I looked at Bobby, he seemed to be doing ok. He was moving around the room, adjusting ice packs and checking on the rest of the guys. I still lowered my voice to a whisper, just in case.
"Well, Grandma took Hal's stun gun. And then she stunned him. And Bobby was trying to get it away from her and she stunned him too. It was quite traumatic for Hal I'm sure." And Bobby too probably. At least he woke up to help with the guys.
"So, what happened to Caesar? Why is he sitting there waving his hand in front of his face?" I watched Caesar for a moment. It looked like he was trying to guess how many fingers he was holding up.
"Well, he's probably trying to see his hand."
"Babe." Boy he sure does like to say that word.
"Grandma had the silly string, you see. And umm, Caesar and Junior went in after Bobby and Hal. And Caesar was first and he got a face full of silly string. Bobby says that his eye sight should come back eventually."
"You said Junior, Babe. I don't see him here."
"Well, that would be because he isn't here. Probably by now they have his legs in traction. So, you see, he couldn't be here."
"Traction, Babe?" Oh, guess I better explain huh?
"It's like this. Caesar was first. Junior saw him get hit with the silly string, and I guess he decided that retreat was the way to go. Smart move if you ask me. That silly string can be lethal."
"Babe." Yeah, yeah, why was Junior in traction? Gotcha.
"Well, during Junior's brave attempt at retreat, well basically he ran full on out of the house and tripped over Cal and Woody on the porch. He kinda did this combo swan dive, flip, trip, dip thingy. And the landing was phenomenal. Really great landing. Except for his legs. Yeah, they ummm, kinda broke. In lots of different places. That had to kinda hurt." I paused to take a deep breath. Whoosh, that was a lot to say. Now, how to break the news to him about Lester? This could be tricky.
"Did you know Lester had his nipple pierced? It looked really sexy. All yummy and shit. I think maybe you should get your nipple pierced. That way I can play with it. A nipple piercing would be fun to play with, don't you think? And Les said that it didn't hurt when he got it done. It was the… never mind." Oops. Maybe he won't notice the past tense. And the never mind.
"Babe." My ESP chose to interpret this particular Babe as "I will go out and get that done ASAP." Yeah. "What do you mean had? And what were you going to say there at the end?" Oh boy.
"Well you see. You know how when you guys were teaching me self defense and all, how you said to not wear anything loose? Even my hair, cause the skip could grab onto anything loose and use it to grab me. I think Lester forgot that lesson. Maybe he needs to retake the class. Of course, that's after he heals." Yeah, and it might take him a while to heal, too.
"What do you mean heal, Babe?" Rats, I just know if I tell him this he's gonna change his mind on the piercing.
"Ummm, well ya know he didn't have his shirt on, on account of the Plan and all. And that's how I noticed his piercing. He said he had two more, but I couldn't see them. I wonder where there were? He said that he would show them to me sometime, but doing that would probably get them cut out with a rusty knife. Can't imagine why, or who would do that? Oh well. I don't think Les is going to be up to showing any piercings for a while." Ranger raised his eyebrow at me. The silent message was clear. Babe, talk. Jeez, what do you think I was doing? I ESP'd back to him.
"Anyways, I wasn't the only one to notice his nipple piercing." Ranger groaned. I swear he did! I heard it! "Grandma noticed it too. Bye bye piercing. And nipple. We put it on ice, but I don't think they can re-attach a nipple. It's a wait and see thing now."
"Babe." Yup, ESP picked that one up too. Translation: You can forget about that piercing now. Ouch. Yeah I agree. But hey, a girl had to try, right?
"And then the rest of them…"
"The rest of them?"
"Yeah, the rest of them." Whew, almost done Steph. You can do this. "You see when Les lost his… nipple, he kinda, sorta, well, screamed like a little girl. I mean, I can't blame him. I would have too. It had to have hurt like a bitch, ya know? Anyways, the rest of the guys thought that Grandma had a hostage in there. I mean who woulda thunk that Les could reach such a high pitch? So, they all decided that the right thing to do would be to save the hostage. They had also witnessed what had happened to the rest of the Merry Men. I think that maybe they thought there was safety in numbers." I shake my head at this. "Poor, poor fools."
"Vince decided to lead the pack, so to speak. He was the first through the door on the way in. And the first through the door on the way out. And he just kept running. And screaming. He ran right into the road. Poor Vince is road kill." Ranger's head dropped, and he shakes it back and forth. I don't think he believes me.
"The rest of the guys, that went in with him. Well, they are kinda… indisposed." I pointed to the group of un-named Merry Men sitting in the corner. They haven't moved or spoken since we got them out of the house. They weren't even blinking. "I think maybe their retina's are burned out. Possibly, a very good possibility. I mean, if you saw Grandma naked yours would be too. We are just lucky that they haven't scratched their eyeballs out yet."