Caught! Chapter 10: Granny's caught!
By Annie
I hand Ranger back his cell phone. "Now remember Ranger, tell her what you are willing to offer, don't ask what she wants. And don't forget to add in the Hercules bit." Ranger takes a deep breath to center him self before dialing the phone.
"Edna, this is Ranger again. First of all, I want it stated that you can not call him Little Princess anymore. From here on out he shall be known as Hercules."
"Hercules huh? That sounds promising. So when am I going to get to see Hercules?"
"Hercules will come to you once we get all the ground rules set." Ground rules are good, maybe they will keep Grandma in line. Doubt it, but one can hope can't they.
"Ten minutes viewing and one touch." Ouch, Grandma's going for gold here.
"Two minutes and no touching or Hercules goes into hiding and you get stunned." OooO, Ranger is learning. Good boy.
"Five minutes." Grandma is pushing her luck.
"Three, and not a second more. Also, there will be backup there. Someone to make sure that you don't renege on our deal." Uh-oh, I got a funny feeling that I'm going to be the backup.
"I'm surprised that you have anyone left to back you up. I thought I took them all out earlier." Well, isn't that a fine how do you do? My own Grandma forgot about me.
"I've got someone. So, do we have a deal? Three minutes, no touching, only looking, with a witness in the room." Good job Ranger, now that's how you negotiate.
"Yes, we have a deal. When are we doing this?" Good question, I want to get this over with. And I'm sure Hercules does too.
"Right now. I'll be there in 7 and a half minutes. Be waiting with no weapons. At all." Good touch. Don't know if there is anything left for her to use as a weapon, but knowing Grandma she has a bazooka up her dress or something. Ranger hangs up the phone and we head out to Hercules' doom.
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I can honestly say that I never thought I would be in this position. I am standing behind Ranger, stun gun charged and in hand, ready to do damage should the need arise.
My Grandma is on her knees in front of him, with his pants open. Guess he should have put in the negotiations about how close a look she was allowed.
Ranger is trying his hardest to stay in his zone. I can tell that he is trying to save his sanity by keeping his mind separate from reality. Probably that is a good trait to have if you are ever being tortured. And if this doesn't count for torture I don't know what does.
I think Ranger's plan is going great. At least it is until Grandma speaks. "Wow, that sure is a humdinger of a pecker there. Although he is a little crooked there at the end. I don't think I've ever seen one this big. How does he measure? I need to get me a ruler, hold on one sec." Ranger visibly blanches and I know I need to save the situation or Hercules isn't the only one that will need therapy.
"Grandma, sorry, but time's up. Hercules needs to rest now. I'll measure him later and let you know, ok?" I see Ranger relax slightly as he tucks Hercules into sleep. For now.
"Well, ok then. Guess it's time huh? Ya know this was all worth it. And my plan went off without a hitch. Am I good or what?" Plan? Oh no, please don't tell me…
"Plan? You mean you planned this whole thing?" Ranger voices my thoughts.
"Well, not the whole getting arrested thing, but I decided since that happened better make it worth while. So I went FTA, hoping Vinnie would give you my file. But the little weasel gave it to Steph instead, so I had to get a backup plan. That worked too, and I still got to see Little… I mean Hercules." Grandma holds her hands out in front of her. "Now you cuff me." She has a big innocent smile on her face. I think I need to take some lessons from Grandma, obviously she knows what she is doing.
Ranger slaps the cuffs on and I swear Grandma looks like she is in Heaven. Yup, crazy old bat sure does know what she is doing.