Caught! Epilogue: Where are they now?
By Annie
Tank managed an almost full recovery from THE ACCIDENT, the only lingering side effect being a slight twitch in the whole left side of his body anytime somebody says 'zzztttttt'.
Tank and Lula went on to get married. They live in a house miles from civilization, without electricity. Tank never forgot her birthday again, and Lula gave up donuts.
Ram is doing well these days, except he still runs around picking up phones and asking 'who's there?'.
Brett is still seeing his therapist. Unfortunately Grandma smashed Mr. Winky flat. He still hasn't made a come back. It's not for lack of trying on Brett's part though. Rumor has it that he's been a regular at Domino's since THE ACCIDENT.
Zero spent years in physical therapy recovering from his injury. Even longer with his psychologist. Eventually the doctor suggested to him that he join the Major Leagues to get over his phobia. Still hasn't played in a game, but the sight of baseball bats no longer send him into panic attacks.
Zip's surgery was a complete success. He went on to have three more kids before he finally gave into his wife's threats... er... demands... er... request for him to get a vasectomy. He's been working a LOT of overtime to pay for colleges.
Cal finally woke up with no lasting trauma from THE ACCIDENT. He now wears full football padding and helmet any time he has to go out in the field with Steph though.
Woody ended his contract and moved to Florida where he now drives an ice cream truck. He chose this business as a way to avoid bodily contact with anybody. He still has nightmares of becoming a pancake. He's never been able to eat pancakes again.
Binkie resigned with RangeMan and is now researching materials to make bullet proof boots. Luckily his toe was able to be reattached; however due to the special shoes required he is no longer able to work in the field.
Hal has a lasting phobia of stun guns now. He has been ordered by his doctor to never go near one again, ever. Unfortunately, about 5 months later, a skip pulled one on him. He's very happy in the mental home now. They have Jell-O every Tuesday.
Bobby made a full recovery. Well, except one small thing. Anytime he sees grey hair now, he runs screaming in the opposite direction. Two weeks ago he noticed a grey hair when looking in the mirror. He still hasn't woken up. But the door to the bathroom, with the Bobby sized hole in it, was successfully replaced. Hal, his new roommate, is very happy now. He gets TWO servings of Jell-O on Tuesdays.
Caesar's eyesight never fully returned. He is now a kindergarten teacher at a school for the blind during the day. At night he trains seeing eye dogs. With Joyce.
After years of therapy Junior managed to recover full use of his legs. He is now competing in the Olympics. Synchronized swimming event. His swan dive is a shoe in for the gold.
They were never able to reattach Lester's nipple. He mourned for the loss. Eventually he was able to move on, though he still freezes up when he see's shiny things. A few years after THE ACCIDENT he met a nice woman. She had three nipples. They've been happy ever since.
On the anniversary of THE ACCIDENT every year, RangeMan flies their flag at half staff and takes the day off in memory of their road kill friend Vince. Vince lived a happy life, full of joy, and... stuff. He is remembered fondly by all to this day. An anonymous donation is made to the Road Kill foundation every year signed only 'In honor of Vince'.
Ranger and Babe lived happily ever after, complete with the white picket fence and 2.5 hamsters. Hercules required LOTS of therapy but made a full recovery. Many times over. Ranger still doesn't do relationships, even though they have been living together and exclusive since THE ACCIDENT.
Vinnie contracted the bird flu from one of his paramours. His funeral was very… nice. With the largest flock of water fowl ever seen in attendance at a funeral. He will be missed… by the birds at least.
Grandma Mazur never even spent a night in jail. An hour after she was turned in, some incriminating pictures of Officer Picky surfaced. All charges were immediately dropped. Grandma took over running Plum Bail Bonds after Vinnie's death. She put her planning tactics to good use, and now runs the most successful BEA business in all of New Jersey.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER…. Mostly.