Hi !! I can't say how much your reviews made my day !
I'm sorry for taking so much time to update, but I've a lot of work and no time to write. So I did this tonight quickly and I wanted to apologize for all grammatical mistakes I probably made. I hope it's still understandable. If someone has time to help me, I would be very grateful. Plus, I've already written 2 fics in French I would love to translate them.
So, here with the story, I promise, if I get reviews, the next chapter would be better ;).
And thanks to everyone who keep reading this .
Addison and Alex both agreed to forget the « incident ». They didn't even mention it, and choose to act like nothing happened. Nothing. No baby's death, no hugging in hallways. Their conversations still turned into arguments, their work was still perfect. The baby's sister went back to her camp, and Addison did her best to hide her regrets. Putting a fake smile on her face? Easy. Struggling with tears when she was in bed? Almost easier. But she couldn't fight against the nightmares, the constant reflect of her failure playing gain and again in her mind.
This night, she couldn't sleep at all. She decided to read outside, not wanting to wake up her colleagues. The African night was peaceful. She found Alex, alone, staring at the dark sky. Giving up her previous plans, she sat next to him.
"Hi…"
"Hi."
"Do you mind if I stay a minute with you?"
"No. "
She was going to take his uninterested response as offensive when he turned to her. "I don't know if I could leave here. I mean… of course I miss surgeries and high technologic OR but… being here, taking care of those people… it's kind of gratifying, you know… as a human being."
She had to take a deep breath to be sure that was Alex Karev's sentence. He focused his gaze on her sapphire eyes. She could barely open her mouth to answer. "What happened to you? What happened and made you think you're not good enough…"
"Nothing."
"I think I' m a good listener. If you want to talk…" She answered softly.
"It's not important."
"I'm not used to cry like I did last month, in the hospital. And your presence… well, you presence was very helpful. And I'm grateful to you for staying silent about it. If I can do the same for you…"
"There's nothing to tell, nothing I can say…" He took a pause. "It's not like I don't trust you. I do. Seriously, I do. But I can't speak; I can't explain what is on my mind."
She put her hand on his shoulder, letting him know that she was here and willing to talk through all of his problems. She was highly impressed of how he opened up to her. Deep down, she knew he had a lot to deal with. They stood in silent for a while before she felt exhausted and fall asleep on his shoulder. Gently, he pulled his jacket on her shoulder, holding her close to him. He stroked her hair and held her hand tightly. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so… alive. A billion butterflies were flying around her.
There were no nightmares that night.
--
When she woke up, she found herself lying on the old couch of the clinic. Alicia was watching her doubtfully.
"Why are you sleeping here?"
"I … Can't sleep last night, so I decided to come here and …"
Alicia barely listened her explanation. She kept watching something through the windows. A few awkward second passed, and as soon as Addison realized what, or more precisely who, she was staring at, she let it go.
"Okay, I was going to read and found Alex outside… when talk a little and then I …"
"He doesn't speak with anyone… usually" Alicia stated.
"I… It's not what you think…"
"Maybe it's not my business" Alicia replied harshly.
"It's nothing, really… It's just that I know him. I mean, before... coming here.
I should have told you, I know... He was my intern when I worked in Seattle."
"And?"
"And nothing more."
"Ok..." The brunette seemed suddenly and awkwardly relieved. "I'm sorry for being so curious but I have to admit that I like Alex. In a way I shouldn't probably like him. I know he is most of the time arrogant but he can be so cute, don't you think?"
Oh yes she know, and she couldn't fight the hint of jealousy that emerging on her. She hated jealousy. Jealousy didn't treat her fairly. How was she supposed to react? She offered Alicia a weak smile and nodded.
"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"
"Yeah, I'm sure… we're just co-workers."
"So maybe you can help me…" Alicia said in a girlish tone "You probably think I'm crazy but it's just that I'm here since 4 years and … Alex is so good looking... sometimes I just need a man."
Addison felt uncomfortable. "I don't think I can help."
"Of course you can! He spoke to you. He knows you."
"Alex Karev is not the king of guy who takes any advice…"
"Maybe, but at least you can try… Please, Addison, I look like a teenager right now… Do you really want me to beg you?"
"Okay, I'll do what I can"
"Great, tonight, we can make a little party. I have an old bottle of scotch and half of a bottle of vodka in my office. We can invite everyone, so it won't look like a trap. Can you ask Alex to stay with us?"
Addison smiled and left the room. Crap. How has she lost herself in this love labyrinth? With Alex Karev. Again. Wasn't she supposed to learn from her past? She sighted and went outside, finding Alex.
"Hey." She said sheepishly.
"Hey."
Few seconds of silence passed.
"We… we're projecting, Alicia and I, to make a party tonight."
"A party?"
She saw the puzzled look in his face. "Use you imagination, Karev"
He smiled suggestively. She corrects herself "Use your brain, we just want some fun, between friends."
"Okay."
Okay. Great. Great. Soooo Great. He said okay and she was supposed to be satisfied. She couldn't suppress the jealousy playing with her nerves. Horrible feeling. God, she was intoxicated by jealousy. She was almost mad at him for saying yes. She was totally and stupidly into this guy. His trademark smirk, his gentle gesture, have throwing away her resolutions. She was totally messed up. Those feelings were so confusing and she hated this. Getting out line of control. It was so frustrating to think that her heart was killing her mind. She felt drained by all of this.
Her jumbled thoughts were interrupted when she saw Alicia looking intently at them. Alex left her as Alicia approached, smiling at a teenager.
"What did he say?"
"He'll come." Addison simply stated.
"Really?"
Addison nodded and a beautiful smile lighted up Alicia's face. Addison hardly restrained herself from killing herself. How had she managed to get there? The situation really annoyed her. Alex. Alicia. Her, trapped in the middle of them, no matter what would happen between them. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was there for a reason, and she had totally loose herself in some kind of awkward-hopeless romance. Romance? No. She was wrong. There was no romance in that relationship. She was a woman pining for a guy who barely noticed her. She was so confused. She went to a consult room and tried to focus on her patient. There were many vaccinations to do today. But none of them, none of those kind people distracted her from her thoughts. Her mind was clear and mixed up at the same time. She had a complicated situation to deal with, exactly what she wanted to avoid.
She knew it was a waste of time. She could easily remember how he treated her when they worked in Seattle. The "you're not my girlfriend" offend, the 'I'm not interested' sounding like an insult… the emptiness digging her heart. The sensation that she would never felt better… Alex Karev was not the barbecue guy. She had to admit it. Sometimes she wanted to forget everything. Seattle. The post marriage fiasco and everything she had to deal with. The luckless romance with Sloane, the hopeless dream with Karev. Sometimes.
--
The "party" wasn't successful. Alex stayed alone in a corner, gazing at his empty glass. Every attempt made by Alicia to distract him failed. Miserably. A smile crept up on Addison face as she saw Alex rejecting her again. She didn't want Alicia to be unhappy, but she still didn't want her to get into his pants. Most of all, not in front of her.Then, he suddenly eyed her, then looked to Alicia and seemed to changer his mind. He got up, and went to talk to her. Addison did her best to listen what he said and heard the word "bedroom". Bedroom. Bedroom? Was he really asking her to follow him to the bedroom? Addison eye's shot up at him upon earring this word. She glared at him, her eyes literally glued on his. What was that?
She sighed in disbelief and turned back, unable to keep her eyes on them. He was going to have sex with her, comforting his loneliness with hers. The redhead started to drown her sorrow in her vodka, not paying attention to them.
Instead, he grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. Pulling her against the wall of the clinic, he drew her into a kiss. Not a soft, gentle kiss. A passionate kiss. A wild, passionate and mind blowing kiss. She totally gave up her "stay-in-the way-of-control" mode and responded the kiss. She couldn't breath, her lips were burning and her heart was about to jump off her chest. His arm wrapped around her waist tried to pull her impossibly closer. She pulled out reluctantly, begging for some fresh air. He smiled, relishing the feeling of having her delicate hand wrapped around his own.
Suddenly, a flash of surprise traversed him. His hands were almost shaking. "I'm sorry." He simply said and left.
"What!" Addison yelled.
"It's what you wanted." He groaned as he stepped back.
"I'm sorry?" Addison cocked an eyebrow, disturbingly affected by what just happened.
"You invited me because…"
"Because…"
"Did you really think I'll buy your party thing?"
"Alex I don't know wha…"
"Okay, do what you want, it doesn't matter anyway"
"No! I'm sorry Alex, I thought you liked Alicia…"
"Really?"
"Yeah…" Addison lied… at least she did her best to.
Visibly disappointed, Alex use his favourite weapon to hide his feelings. Sarcasm. With a hint of harsh tone.
"Ok. So this is why I kissed you. Just to make you understand that I kiss who I want, when I want. And I'm not who you think I am. I was. But it's over. So I'm not going to have any relationship here. Neither with Alicia, nor with anyone… else. So please leave me alone and don't try to marry me with your friend..."
"I… "
"Don't apologize."
"I was not going to." Addison replied, forcing herself to stay calm.
"Okay, perfect, so I think we're done."
"Oh no, we're not" she quickly replied and jumped him, her mouth crushing on his.