Ok… I'm so sorry it takes me so long to update. I had a lot to do and lost my muse… but found it today at work. I haven't time to read it before posting so I hope it's okay and understandable. Let me know what you think about it and please forgive my mistakes… I tried to do my best in a very short time.

Oh, and, most of all, thank you to all my readers ;)

It has been six days ago. Six days since they share that warm, overwhelming kiss. And then nothing. She jumped him, kissed him like it was the last kiss she gave to someone… and then nothing. She just left, terrifying by what just happened.

Every day, she managed to avoid him, still thinking about that 5 mind blowing minutes. He remained silent so, if he wanted to forget this mind blowing moment (as he did the first times), she was going to do the same. How did she end up here? Kissing a man, in the middle of a fight. Kissing Alex Karev in the middle of a fight. She was really trapped. No matter how much she tried to escape from her crappy life, she still found herself stuck in back and forth relationships. This was the story of her life. She came here to give a new sense to her life and failed miserably. Not because of Karev and his insolent charm. Not because of her strange behavior when he's near her. Because she was all messed up. Since her divorce, she couldn't find her way back to normality. Even in LA with Kevin, she couldn't find her happy ending.

She was standing in front of the clinic, speaking with Alicia –who was still pining for him innocently – when she made eye contact with him. He was shirtless, unpacking toys and clothes from the Red Cross. She was barely listening to Alicia when she noticed a little girl coming next to him. She couldn't hear what he said to her but she was caught by his sweetness and gentle manners. She was stunned by how much he gained confidence with children those past years. He heart swell with pride, knowing that she probably helped him to be this man, from the advice and guidance she gave him. Ok she wasn't sure of this, but she needed some self confidence.

"Are you starving?" said Alicia

Addison jumped in surprise. "What? What do you mean?"

"Are you starving? It' s half past 2 and we haven't eat…"

"Oh yeah… I'm …." She kept looking at Alex. "I'm hungry."

The sat on a table with some food Pierre had made. Addison was almost there, lost on her thoughts. She had never expected to feel this kind of sensation again. And certainly not for HIM. Seeing him, kissing him brought up strong emotions inside her she was unprepared for. The taste of his lips had pierced his soul and took her to an awkward lethargy.

"Addison?" Alicia's voice startled her. "Addison?!"

"Yeah.. umh… sorry I was kind of…"

"Dreaming"

A slight smile lighted up Addison's face, feeling like a teenager. "yeah, I was a little dreaming."

"Why didn't you go there already?"

"What? Where?"

" You know what I mean… you know WHO I mean."

"I don't."

"Ok, listen… you know I like him but he obviously not interested. So no need to protect me, I'm a big girl and it's just a little crush… And I saw the way you two look at each other."

"Alicia, you're wrong… I'm not…"

"Hey, he's leaving soon, you should decide if going to tell him or give up the flirting game."Alicia grinned.

"We're not flirting."

"Oh yes you are. So stop acting like a child. You know what you want and you can have it. So go !" She grabbed her hand and forced Addison to follow her. She stopped in front of Alex, letting Addison with him. He looked at her strangely. The silence was painful as they stay down facing each other.

Addison hesitated and made the usual awkward small talk: "How are you ?"

"Fine."

He was clearly not in a mood to talk. She gave up and fell into the routine of their relationship, attempting to end the uncomfortable atmosphere. She turned to leave, and he felt his heart twinge with guilt as he saw the look on her face.

"Addison, wait!" He placed his hand on her arm.

She looked down at his hand.

"I didn't want to…" he started.

"It's okay" she replied sadly.

"It's not. We're not okay and you know why." He waited for her to look at him. She didn't.

"It's complicated" was the best she offered him.

"We should … " He sighted. " Listen, I'm not very good at this… you know, talking about things that… talking about feelings" He lifted up her chin to make her look at him. "But I think we should talk."

"Not now… we've patients". She tried to maintain her composure.

"Tonight?

"Tonight seems great."

She spent the whole day thinking about him. She did her best to think of anything else but couldn't. When her last patient left the clinic, she went to check on a patient in a room and saw Alex holding a little girl's hand. She stared at him for a moment the exited the clinic, tears filling up in her eyes. She got her bed and sobbed on her pillow. She felt so ashamed about this. Crying like a teenager, crying like she was miserable, like she paid no attention to the people out there. After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes, stood up and reached the clinic. Alex was still here, taking care of the little girl. He quickly noticed her, pulled the girl on a bed and promised he'll come back.

"We should find a quiet place." He simply stated

"Yeah we should." Her voice cracked.

He took her hand and his and made her follow him outside.

He was feeling really nervous, like a boy on his first date. He steadied his breathing and walked over to her.

"There's many things I want to say but…"

"Please don't say anything…"

"We need to. This situation is unbearable. I can't face you everyday like nothing happened."

"You've already done this before…" She snapped.

Those words punched his head.

"You're right. I did. But today I can't. I'm not this man anymore."

Addison felt her heart breaking. She was taken aback by his words.

"Alex… you can…I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to discuss. You're still this man for me. I haven't forgotten what happened in Seattle."

"I haven't forgotten either. I tried to get you out off of my mind. I really tried."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I won't say those words… I'm not the kind of guy who says those three words… I care about you Addison, and I can't stand seeing you everyday like that. Since we kissed, you're not very well."

"It's nothing" She didn't want him to see her cry. She was so breakable.

"It's something for me" He whispered.

"… Alex…" Her eyes widened with the news.

He closed the space between them, holding her like it was the most natural thing to do. She didn't know what to think about this whole mess. She pulled off; her eyes scanning Alex's for some kind of answer. Waiting for some damnation on their relationship so she could just end before something began. His arms were still slightly wrapped around her.

Barely breathing, she let out: "So what is it? Between us."

The look on his face flooded her brain. She just wanted to stop thinking and kiss him. She was so confused.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not the man you met in Seattle. But I'm still not the guy you're looking for… but"

"Are you expecting me to forgive everything?"

"You kissed me !"

"You kissed me too !" She defended.

"So what do you want?"

"I don't know… and it doesn't matter anymore"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't came here to screw up my life… again. I don't want to get into any relationship… I like you, Alex, I really like you but I can't. I'm not ready yet."

"Okay."

"Okay." He let her go and sat on a desk, unable to admit another failure.

The dinner went on quickly and Addison couldn't keep her eyes off of him. He had this natural ability to get her attention. No matter where he was. She felt quite relieved that they had clarified the situation but the taste of his lips kept lingering on hers. He glanced at her and gave her a tiny sexy smile. She wanted him so badly. And she knew it was going to be harder to work with him, the sexual (and emotional?) tension filling up the air.

Damn the rules. She stood up from her chair and reached his table:

"I have to tell you something. Can we go outside?" Her powers of confidence had sprung up from nowhere, surprising him and the others doctors.

Alicia was delighted to see this face of Addison… self-confident as she was as a doctor.

"I can't forgive you. Actually I'm not forgetting you. But for once in my life, I just want to enjoy my life without thinking to the consequences."

He smiled softly, his fingers instinctively moving to her hair, pushing it from her face and behind her ear. She moved her head into his hand so that his fingers were touching her cheek. She closed her sapphire eyes, enjoying the contact of his skin. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss deepened as he ran his hands through her hair. It felt so good. She totally forgot they were in the middle of nowhere, that this was probably totally inappropriate.

This time, he was the first who pulled away, begging for some air. He looked at her, his eyes burning into her. She could feel his gaze trying to infiltrate her soul, her heart beating so fast.

"Not thinking to the consequences?" He teased

"No. Absolutely not." She said, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"You know my mission ends in 6 weeks."

"I know… why we don't think about the future… we're not even sure things will work on between us."

"It's a good idea" he whispered in her ear, and then start kissing her earlobe.

Okay, this was a great change of behavior and she wasn't sure to know how to handle this but it felt so good. She had fantasying so many times about him… even after the whole 'not my girlfriend' fiasco. Her hands were on fire, wanting so much to touch his skin. His lips were everywhere… on her earlobe, on her neck, on her lips… She totally gave up her self control placed her hands on his chest, drawing his muscles with her fingers.

"I think we should go to the bedroom before they finish their dinner".