I watch Kelsi as she effortlessly and smoothly glides through one of the songs that Sharpay has selected from the musical. I beam at her when she finishes it, and she gratefully returns the smile. I pull up a stool beside her seat at the piano. I touch a few keys silently, just feeling the smoothness of the plastic underneath my fingertips.

"You okay?" Kelsi asks me, looking at me cautiously. I nod, and then quickly shrug.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I close the lid of the piano. I don't want any distractions - I want to say my point, and get it over and done with. This obviously freaks out Kelsi because she looks kind of scared. "It's kind of about yesterday..." I trail off, barely looking her in the eye. I'll admit, I'm scared. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings here but I know I have to say this.

"Our conversation last night?" she guesses, with a small laugh and I nod. "Look, Ryan -"

"To be honest, I kind of freaked out," I admit to her. "It's why I didn't say anything back. Look, don't laugh, but you're my first girlfriend."

"Why would I laugh? That's cute!"

"No, I'm not cute. What I'm trying to say is, I don't want to say it back because I don't know what it means, really. I don't want to offend you or hurt you, I just want to be honest with you. That's all I'm trying to say, really. And I don't things to be weird between us because you said...you know."

"It's okay. I don't really know why I said it, now I think about it. I thought...I thought it would be what you wanted to hear," Kelsi replies shyly, and before I can stop myself, I clam up, almost turning my back on her. She tries to put her arms around me but I leap to my feet straight away, and immediately kick myself for it.

"What are you so scared of, Ryan?" she sighs impatiently, and I turn to face her. "Are you scared I'm going to hurt you, is that it?"

"No," I look her in the eye. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt you." Kelsi tilts her head to the side, trying to think of what to say next. Neither of us know.

"What do you mean?"

"I have stuff going on, and I don't want to take it all out on you, you know?" I reply. "Look, I'm gonna go for a bit. I just want some space to myself for a while, is that okay?" Kelsi nods dumbly, and I give a weak smile before I leave the auditorium, feeling none the wiser. I stand in the hallway for a moment, not really knowing what to do, where to go. Recess isn't for another few minutes, I realise, after looking up at the clock on the wall. I decide to sit outside the front door to the school.
'Okay, Ryan, Kelsi doesn't love you...Good,' I think to myself, looking up at the white clouds in the cornflower blue sky. 'That's one less thing to worry about, I guess. I just wish I didn't have all this crap going on. Why can't I have a normal relationship? Why can't I have a normal family? Why can't I just be a normal kid?' I frown at myself, and at the thoughts rapidly coming into my head. I don't want to think this way, and it makes it feel like everything is my own fault. I suppose maybe I have brought things on myself, like always allowing Sharpay to push me around when we were younger.

The bell rings for recess and I immediately try perking up, because I know the door will burst open any moment. I listen to the collection of chatter coming from inside, trying to match voices to faces. In a way I miss not being in class, for the after-class talk and banter, but I just do not want to be around anybody. If people see me while I'm feeling down like this, they won't want to hang around with me if I was the last person on earth. I hate having to pretend I'm okay, but I don't have a choice. If I want so badly to be accepted again, I have to be just like them.
My stomach growls at me, and I quickly place my arms around it to try and muffle the sound. I want so badly to go to the cafeteria, but everybody will be there. Sharpay will be there, and I really don't want yet another confrontation with her. Especially with everyone watching...like the other day. I can't escape my other classmates, no matter how desperately I want to. Why do I even bother coming to school still? I don't even know, myself. Probably to spend time with Kelsi, but no, I just had to freak out about that, didn't I?

I grunt in anger, thumping a wall next to me. It doesn't really help me vent my frustration, it just makes my knuckles bleed slightly. I blow on my hand, not that it helps relieve any pain.

"You okay?" a girl asks and I turn round, blushing in the embarrassment that somebody saw me making a total idiot of myself.

"Yeah, fine," I reply shortly, about to turn away. "Nadine! Hi. Sorry, I...I didn't see it was you at first. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I smile politely, thinking about when I auditioned with her. It went perfectly, she seems to be a natural in theatre.

"Cool. You're alone," she observes, looking somewhat concerned. "Mind if I join you? I don't think I've made proper friends with people yet...Not enough to hang around with them outside of classes, anyway."

"Not at all," I shrug. "Your hair's different." I point out in an almost child-like manner. Yesterday, Nadine had had a red streak dyed in her hair, at the front. Today it's purple. I could have sworn it wasn't purple yesterday. My face crinkles up, showing my perplexity.

"I'm easily bored," she laughs. "I don't want to sound pushy, but have you and Sharpay made decisions on the cast?"

"No worries. Shar has decided the cast, I saw her list before I went home. I'm not sure if it's the final copy, but I think you did good. To Sharpay. Not that I don't think you're good, because I think you're great. At acting. I'll stop talking, you speak now."

"So, I might have a good part? Awesome! Thank you!" Nadine gives me a quick hug. "How come you're by yourself anyway?"

"I just wanted a break, really. It's just stuff with me and Kelsi. Nothing major, I just wanted a bit of time. But then people were still in classes, so I just sat here. And then I hit the wall, and it hurt, and you saw."

"Kelsi...She's the girl who plays the piano, right?"

"Yes," I chuckle. "I'm sure everything'll be fine between us, though. We didn't argue. I guess I'm being a typical guy."

"I hope things work out for you. You're a nice guy, Ryan," Nadine smiles, touching my hand supportively. I turn to face her, and our eyes connect instantly. It feels like she can see straight into me, I don't have to say a single word to her. She can see what's going on with me. It scares me, but her facial expression makes me feel better. She seems unfazed by everything she could know about me, and she's still standing there next to me. For about the millionth time today, I'm at a complete loss for words.