Author's Note: And moving right along to Christmas
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Harry allowed his parchment to roll shut and sighed. He had not thought this decision through when he made it. He hadn't known that going through school again would be so…boring. He found himself remembering more things day by day he had forgotten he knew. Studying in the library gave him access to some extremely advanced books, though getting permission for the Restricted Section was difficult. His education halted and stuttered in certain areas due to the school's policies surrounding the more dark materials. It was annoying, looking eleven and being much older than that.
He let his head fall into the space his parchment had just left and gave a silent groan. It was the last day of fall term and he thanked every power there was that he would finally have some peace and quiet away from children. And professors. And suspicious school nurses.
Hermione had nearly throttled him when he first appeared in the library after the troll incident. She had babbled, yes, babbled to him about how wonderful he was, how brave he could be, and where did he learn those spells? Harry had laughed a bit and told Hermione it was nothing, that she would have done the same thing, and the library, in that order. She had spent almost every day since then scouring the library looking for the incantations. She had said goodbye and "Happy Christmas" this morning in the Great Hall. She was headed home for Christmas. He would miss his odd little friend, but he was more than happy to have some time to himself.
Snape had cornered him after Potions class the day after Harry had been released from the Hospital Wing. What followed was an interrogation, not about a troll, but about the nightmare Harry had had in the hospital wing. Harry had forgotten that Snape had been in the hospital wing when Harry had thrown himself off the bed in an effort to wake up. It wasn't fair. He had one nightmare and Snape turned suspicious about what Harry saw at night. He didn't think that admitting he saw various degrees of torture being used on his own person, or on his friends in front of him, would go over well at all with the Potions Master. Harry said he couldn't really explain and that his aunt called them "night terrors", his second most annoying trait. Snape hadn't accepted that, but he had dismissed Harry with a firm reminder to finish reading the chapters assigned to him and that their private sessions would continue the following day.
Harry was actually excited to stay this Christmas holiday. Snape was allowing him access to the student labs during certain hours of the day, when Snape could be present to watch him. The potions master had not been happy with his student after the troll incident, but he did mention that Harry had "some talent" and he refused to see that talent "misdirected". Harry was also thrilled to have the entire library to himself. He had a feeling that no one would be in there, especially since there was no great mystery of the Philosopher's Stone to cause anyone else to appear. Mine. All mine. He thought to himself. He now understood old Hermione's and new Hermione's love of books. There were endless bounds to the knowledge he could obtain…if he could just get a pass to the Restricted Section.
Pomfrey had been another story. She had managed to do a full medical scan while he was unconscious and had found out a few things. She had asked him straight out about abuse. His "numerous" injuries from his childhood and his "obvious" signs of former malnutrition pointed to what she called "signs of abuse" and she had told him he wasn't leaving her hospital wing until he told her who was hurting him in such a way. Harry had given her a blank stare and asked what in the world she was talking about. She hadn't made it easy, but she did eventually release Harry, with orders to return once a week for "monitoring", so that she could see if he was making progress. He had to put on a full two stones before Easter or Madame Pomfrey would confine him to the hospital wing until he reached the desired weight. He was taking the threat seriously. He knew Madame Pomfrey ruled supreme when it came to the health of her patients.
Harry had approached Serry about it and she said it was entirely possible, starting at that very moment. She had increased Harry's meal sizes and sent Harry snacks at regular intervals throughout the day. He had found that she knew exactly where he was at all times. Several small plates of snacks had appeared in the library, out by the lake, or in the Ravenclaw dormitory. Harry had had everything from popcorn to fruit salad pop up in front of him, even in the Slytherin common room! That had actually been funny, as Serry had treated the group Harry was with to some not-so-healthy snacks as well. Harry had his favorite of raw vegetables and peanut butter. The plate for the raw vegetables had disappeared, but the leftover peanut butter had remained along with a spoon and milk. The small bowl did not disappear until Harry had eaten all of the peanut butter. The Slytherins had laughed at the situation and now often commented about how stubborn dishware could be when Harry joined them.
Harry allowed his head to rest on the table in front of him. He was exhausted from his lack of sleep. His body was used to it, true, but that didn't mean he didn't like sleeping a full eight hours! Using Dreamless Sleep was almost like a tease. He found himself waking up after a few hours of deep sleep and his body always craved more. It wasn't fair. He knew that, but he would endure. He had mastery over himself. He could do this. It wasn't that hard.
Except that it was hard. It was very hard. He had become accustomed to seeing people he thought were dead showing up here and there. He was inured to the various challenges of keeping his past separated from the present. He didn't know how he had managed it thus far. He did not jump at loud noises much anymore, unless they were extremely unexpected, like an entire bookcase exploding in the library. His sleeping patterns were unchanged. He still did not sleep enough to satisfy his body's craving for it, although he did find it enough to get by for a few days. Crowds still bothered him. He had nearly injured a lot of students when they had flooded the hallways and caught him unawares. It was that feeling of no escape that got him. He knew he wouldn't be able to get away if they wanted to restrain him.
That was how the Death Eaters had gotten him. He had been fighting them off in Grimmauld Place, doing quite well against them, when a large group just surrounded him. He hadn't stopped to count. There were too many of them for him to fend them all off and his wand turned useless as they crowded him. He had been taught to fight in close quarters with up to five opponents, but he had never found himself in a situation in which he could not move his arms. They crushed him against the wall and held him there until he wore himself out from struggling. It took over three hours of constant fighting, but they eventually wrestled his wand away from him and pinned him to the ground. He was too exhausted to breathe, much less fight to get away.
He had a slight opportunity to run and he took it, finding the energy from somewhere as he pushed through his captors and pelted down the staircase. He jumped the last few stairs, a move he had accomplished hundreds of times before, but stumbled and fell at the bottom. Death Eaters appeared from behind him and piled on top of him. He fought for as long as he could until he could barely keep his eyes open. He was struggling to breathe when Voldemort appeared. All he could remember was that his ears were ringing and he had tunnel vision, much like the time when he had been bitten by the Basilisk. He only figured out later that he had nearly died pinned beneath all those Death Eaters. Voldemort motioned to the Death Eaters to stand and smiled when they revealed their prize to Voldemort. "Ah, the Boy Who Lived." Voldemort had said with a vague hiss in his voice. "Finally brought down to where he belongs." Voldemort had carted Harry out of Grimmauld Place without a single curse or hex on Harry. He had just let Voldemort take him.
Harry jerked as he fought away the memory. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hated when he remembered things during the day. It was bad enough at night when he fought his way awake and laid there in bed, shaking and stammering to himself. He had used silencing charms on his bed from the first night. He would have been discovered as an insomniac long before the Christmas holiday if he hadn't used the charms. Harry wiped a hand across his forehead and noticed that he had managed to break out in a cold sweat. Pathetic. You are truly pathetic, Potter. It's a memory. Nothing more. Stop letting it affect you! He sighed and stood up. He took another deep breath and fought off a shudder as he went over to the window. The Hogwarts express had left some time ago and it was growing dim outside. He leaned his head against the cool glass and tried to banish his memories. Lock it away. Don't think about it. It won't happen again. That's what you've come back to fix.
Tears slipped from his eyes as he tried to control his breathing. He didn't know it was going to be this hard! Why hadn't he chosen his first instinct? He could be in the afterlife now, spending time with his parents, joking around with his friends, and just enjoying not having to worry about the Dark Lord. No, he had to do the hard thing. The noble thing. The right thing. He snorted. Brilliant move there, Potter. He told himself as he slipped to his knees and shuddered. He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked back and forth. "Ignore it. It can't affect you. You can do this. It won't happen again. You're better now. You know what to expect." Harry told himself as he fought away the tears. "You can do this." He reassured himself. He could do this. "I can do this." He affirmed the tomes in the shelves that surrounded him. "I can do it."
He wiped his face with the inside of his sleeve and grimaced. Note to self: get handkerchiefs. He may look like a first year, but that didn't mean he had to have the grooming skills of one. He stood and rested his forehead on the cool glass. It felt wonderful to him, almost like that first taste of water after an intense workout. He let the glass soothe him and sighed. He could do this. He just had to be careful to let out his feelings in more private surroundings more often. This little episode would have had his teacher shaking his head in disappointment.
"Mr. Potter?" He whirled to face the voice behind him. His wand was in his hand faster than even he expected. He was astonished to find that he was pointing his wand at Albus Dumbledore. "Nice reflexes." Dumbledore complimented.
"I'm sorry, Headmaster. You startled me." Harry looked down to put his wand in his sleeve and raised his Occlumency shields to their full strength. He had just had an emotional breakdown and he didn't want anyone, much less the Headmaster of Hogwarts, to know about it.
"Quite alright, my boy." Dumbledore said as he dug into his pocket and produced a box of Every Flavor beans. "Jelly bean?" Dumbledore offered Harry.
"No, thank you." Harry answered honestly. He couldn't stand sweets.
"I just received a frantic firecall." Dumbledore confided to Harry. Harry gave him a confused look. "From a Mr. Lucius Malfoy." Dumbledore popped another bean in his mouth. "It appears he was expecting two first year students and only found one." Dumbledore explained.
Harry felt a bit of color leave his face. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had invited him for Christmas, but Harry felt that staying at Malfoy Manor would just be a bad idea all around. Lucius Malfoy had been Voldemort's right hand man and more than happy to torture Harry. There was no way Harry was going to allow himself to be placed into a dangerous situation. "He did send me an invitation for Christmas, but I decided not to go." Harry told Dumbledore.
"He was expecting you." Dumbledore told Harry as he ate another bean. "He appeared quite upset, if Malfoys can manage to feel upset." Dumbledore said with a twinkle. "He and I both agree that you've been studying too hard."
"I don't really have plans to study this holiday, Headmaster." Harry told him.
"Now, Mr. Potter, I may be old, but do not take me for a fool." Dumbledore said with humor in his voice. "Professor Snape has already showed me the study plans you've drawn up for yourself, as well as your proposal for several potions. Professor McGonagall has mentioned that you not only manage every spell the first class in which it is introduced, but that you also tutor students during class time if they are having trouble. Your Head of House has told me of your amazing progress in his class and even Professor Quirrell agrees that you know quite a bit for someone your age and your abilities are enough to recommend you to further studies when you are older." Harry had to wonder where this long list was leading. "As such, all of the teachers, save Professor Snape, have agreed that we must intervene." Harry felt his stomach drop just the slightest bit. "You must have a break from this castle, dear boy." Dumbledore told him. "I think going to the Malfoys for Christmas is just what you need. Your aunt has already given her permission and Mr. Malfoy has been waiting just outside the library for the past twenty minutes." Twenty minutes? Had he seen anything? Had he watched Harry break down? "You'll be able to see a real wizarding Christmas and how things are done. I know you've taken a special interest in things like that."
Dumbledore stood and packed all of Harry's books with a single wave of his wand. "Let's go meet Mr. Malfoy, shall we?" Dumbledore asked as he slung an arm around Harry's shoulders. Harry wrenched himself away from the Headmaster.
"I don't want to go to the Malfoys." Harry hissed. "I want to stay here like I planned." Harry told him. Was Dumbledore serious? Did he think that Harry wanted to go to a possible Death Eater's house for Christmas? Harry would never make it out alive!
"I'm sorry, my boy. Madame Pomfrey said that you must leave the castle for the holidays or she will admit you to St. Mungos for the duration so that you can rest." Dumbledore bent down so that he could look Harry in the eye. "You are not well, Mr. Potter. I fear you've been pushing yourself too hard." No, that's my glamours not holding up…due to fatigue. I hate when they're right. Something must have changed in Harry's face because Dumbledore's face changed from concerned to a smile. "Glad we agree." Dumbledore told him. "Come along now."
Harry followed his headmaster out of the library and wondered why the man was carrying his satchel. It was Harry's. He should be carrying it, not the Headmaster. Harry reached out to take it but Dumbledore stopped him. "Let me carry it, Harry." Dumbledore said softly with a strange look. Harry thought what it could mean and nearly turned red with embarrassment. He must truly look ragged if Dumbledore thought he couldn't handle carrying his own books. What in the world did he look like?
Mr. Malfoy turned and smiled down at Harry. "Hello again, Mr. Potter." He greeted Harry like an old friend. Harry turned and looked up at Dumbledore in the most entreating way he could. He really didn't want to go to Malfoy Manor, but it seemed that the fates were against him. "Your cloak, Mr. Potter." The pureblood presented the garment. Harry pulled it on and fastened it shut. He nodded his thanks to the Malfoy patriarch as he tied his scarf. Harry liked his Ravenclaw scarf and wore it every time he stepped outside, especially since the snow had started to fall. There was no way anyone could mistake Harry Potter for anything but a Ravenclaw.
"His book satchel." Dumbledore said as he handed it over to Mr. Malfoy. "Have a good holiday, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said as Malfoy motioned for Harry to follow him. Dumbledore had just handed over Harry Potter to the Malfoy family. Harry decided that senility was a very bad thing to have and made a mental note to convince Madame Pomfrey to inspect Professor Dumbledore for the signs. Harry figured that he had survived worse, but this was not going to be pleasant.
Harry followed Malfoy outside of the castle and down towards the gates. He had stayed silent while Malfoy talked about the different Christmas traditions he could expect to find at the Malfoy home. Draco was very excited to have one of his friends spend Christmas with him, and wait until the ball! "Ball?" Harry asked quickly.
"Yes, we have one every year." Mr. Malfoy said with a vague smile in Harry's direction. "It's always very entertaining." Harry shuddered. Malfoy had called him entertaining on more than one occasion. "Cold, Mr. Potter?" Mr. Malfoy flicked his wand at him and Harry felt a warming charm settle around him.
"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy." Harry said. He was grateful for the warmth. Snow had fallen the night before and a few flakes were still making a descent towards the ground. Malfoy left the gates and stepped closer to Harry. Harry backed away.
"Have you heard of Apparition, Mr. Potter?" Malfoy asked patiently.
"Yes, sir. It's a method of travel." Harry answered. Malfoy wanted to Apparate with him?
"Good. I won't need to explain it to you. Have you heard of Side-Along Apparition?" Harry nodded at the question. Yes, he had heard of it. He had performed it far too many times with someone who was dying. Back, thoughts, back! "That is what we are going to do. I need you to step closer to me." Mr. Malfoy motioned for Harry to come closer. Harry considered this. There was still time to call the Knight Bus and disappear in Knockturn Alley for the holiday. Dumbledore would never find him there and he could spend it in peace…until the Ministry pulled out all the stops looking for him. Ugh. Too much attention. He looked up at Malfoy for a few seconds and took a tentative step closer to the man. "A little closer." Who knew Malfoy could be this patient? He kept his manner very sedate as Harry weighed his options. Harry took another step. "Once more and then we can leave." Malfoy told him.
Harry knew Malfoy couldn't hurt him. Not now. He had hurt Harry before and he would most likely do so again in the future if Harry wasn't careful. Now, though, he had the protection of his fame and the reputation of the Malfoys's very public and respected name. The Malfoys couldn't harm the Boy Who Lived while he was in their home, especially without the Dark Lord to protect them. It just wasn't done. Harry swallowed and stepped closer to Malfoy. "Very good." Malfoy praised like Harry had just performed a trick. "Now I just put my arm around you," Harry shuddered again, "and you'll feel a sensation of being squeezed through a tube. Take a deep breath." Harry did as instructed and felt himself squeezed through a tube. It was a very apt description. He found himself standing in front of a grand house in the next instant.
He stumbled away from Malfoy and fought the shaking in which his body liked to indulge. "It can be rather disconcerting the first time." Mr. Malfoy said as he put an arm around Harry's shoulders. Harry fought the shudders and hoped Malfoy thought he was still cold. "Just take a few deep breaths. That odd feeling will pass." Malfoy guided Harry up to the house and inside. "Cloaks go in the cloak room here." Malfoy said as he ushered Harry into the room. "These hooks might suit your height more." Malfoy said as he pointed to some hooks that were nearer Harry's size. Harry hung his cloak and scarf up as directed and followed Mr. Malfoy to a sitting room the size of the Ravenclaw common room. There was one thing about the Malfoy house. It was large!
"Dobby!" Malfoy called out. The house elf appeared and bowed low. "Dobby. This is young Master Harry Potter." Harry noticed that the house elf was not introduced to him. Mr. Malfoy fished out a miniature trunk Harry recognized as his own and handed it and Harry's book satchel to Dobby. "Put his things in the guest room we prepared for him." Dobby took the tiny piece of luggage and disappeared. "Dobby is our house elf. Just call him if you need anything at all." Malfoy told Harry. "Draco should be down in just a few minutes."
"Thank you, sir." Harry said quietly. He looked around in silent wonder. The Malfoys had a beautiful house, and while it was not very homey, it was very majestic. It was little wonder Malfoy acted like a little prince when he was surrounded by all of this.
"You may sit down, Mr. Potter." Malfoy said to him as he took his own seat. Harry looked around and chose a chair that did not have a back to the door. The door opened just a few minutes later to reveal Narcissa Malfoy. Both Harry and Mr. Malfoy got to their feet when she entered. Those etiquette lessons were paying off.
"Mr. Potter!" Narcissa Malfoy sounded genuinely pleased to see Harry again. "Please forgive me for not being here to greet you on your arrival." She said as Harry bowed over her hand. He felt a little silly to do something like that, but she gave him a wider smile when he straightened up. "I'm so happy you could join us for the Christmas holidays."
"Thank you for having me, Mrs. Malfoy." Harry said politely. "It was kind of you to invite me." Harry told the woman as she motioned him back to his seat and she sat on one of her own.
"It is a delight to have you here. Besides, I'm sure Draco would not have forgiven me if we had not. He has been saying that you need a proper wizarding Christmas for quite some time." Narcissa Malfoy said as she patted Harry's hand. That felt…nice. Caring. This is the Malfoys, Potter! Do not confuse the social graces for kindness!
"Harry!" Harry looked up from Narcissa's explanation of what the different decorations meant and saw Draco standing in the doorway. "It's good to see you out of the library." Draco said as he came into the room. Harry stood to greet him as Professor Snape had drilled into their heads during etiquette lessons and shook Draco's hand.
"Yes, well. Professor Dumbledore said it would do me good." Harry told Draco in a low voice. Forced to take a vacation. Good going, Potter.
"Dinner is served, Master and Mistress." Dobby said as he popped into the room and popped back out just as quickly. Harry followed his host into the dining room and thanked every deity he could think of that he had attended those etiquette classes. He would feel less out of place here, less self-conscience. Less…Muggle.
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"He looks horrible." Narcissa told her husband later that night after they had sent the boys to bed. "Drawn and exhausted." She elaborated.
"Yes. Dumbledore said as much. All of the teachers, well, except for Severus, say that he works too hard." Lucius leaned back into his chair and balanced his drink on his knee. "Dumbledore required an Unbreakable Vow from me before he would let me take the boy. Something about not harming him while he is in my care." Lucius told his wife.
"That is vague." Narcissa said as she looked up from her accounts with a frown.
"I know. I think he was just trying to reassure himself." Lucius raised one hand to his forehead and massaged the skin there. "That boy trembled every time I came anywhere close to him or touched him. It took almost five minutes to get him close enough to Apparate. The way he pulled away from me…" Lucius took a sip of his drink and sighed. "It's not normal, even for one raised as a Muggle."
"You said he was in the library when you went to pick him up?" Narcissa asked as she jotted down a figure.
"Yes. I could see him through the windows. He didn't see me at all. I don't think he is tall enough for the windows into the hallway." Malfoy explained. "He looked so lost, Nari. He cried and didn't look around for anyone to help him. He shook and he simply ignored it. Harry Potter rocked himself and hugged himself and looked so lost that it made me hurt inside. No child should look like that, Nari. Not even one who defeated the Dark Lord."
"You said he was crying?" Narcissa asked. "Do you know what caused it?" She wondered as she closed her books and sat next to her husband.
"No, not at all. He was just sitting at a table and staring into space one minute and in the next second he was shaking and crying. He's a very self-contained child." Lucius nearly dropped his glass when Dobby popped up in front of him, wringing his ears and crying in distress. "What is it?" Malfoy demanded of the elf.
"It's young Master Harry Potter, Master Malfoy. He be crying, but Dobby can't wake him and he won't wake up. Crying and screaming, sir, but Harry Potter doesn't wake up, sir."
Malfoy stared at his house for just a few seconds before he got to his feet and left the room, his wife close on his heels. The staircase disappeared in a matter of minutes and he found himself outside the boy's door. He opened it with a puzzled expression. He should be able to hear something now. He strode through the sitting room and into the bedroom to find everything just as Dobby said. Harry Potter was in his bed, crying and screaming, but not a sound could be heard. "Silencing spells." Malfoy said to himself as he went over to the bed. He reached down a hand and shook the boy's shoulder. The reaction was not what he was expecting.
Potter's eyes flew open the minute his shoulder was touched and Malfoy felt the silencing spells end almost immediately. The boy leapt from the bed to the other side and his wand was pointing straight at Malfoy without a waver. The eyes told Malfoy more than the actions. They showed pain at first, an almost overwhelming pain. That pain faded somewhat into a slight confusion and then into a more questioning stare before the eyes welled up with tears that the boy blinked away. "Mr. Potter, are you well?"
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Harry stared at the man in front of him, a spell ready on his lips. No one would blame him, would they, if he had felt threatened and slightly maimed or even killed the Malfoy patriarch? He was the Boy Who Lived. He could tell them that he heard Malfoy plotting to harm him and had made a preemptive strike against such a person. He could… "Mr. Potter, are you well?" ….do nothing at all. Harry shuddered and stared at him. "Do you know me, Mr. Potter?"
Harry nodded and looked around, acting like he was just "waking up". It looked like it was going to have to be the "night terror" story again. Dobby had taken all of Harry's potions away from him, for children at the Manor were not allowed their own potions' collection. Harry had planned on sleeping tonight all along, but had had his usual nightmares and now the Malfoys knew. Great. This is just great.
Narcissa Malfoy moved closer to him and reached out a light hand to lower his wand. She didn't take it from him which was a very good idea in Harry's opinion. He would have reacted violently to having his wand taken. "It's alright, Mr. Potter." She said softly as he stared up at her. "It was only a dream. Nothing here can hurt you." She told him with a gentle tone. She didn't miss when Harry's eyes shifted to her husband and then back to her. Interesting.
She moved slowly and Harry found himself in her arms before his brain registered her even getting close to him. He nearly dropped dead from surprise when she picked him up. True, he was short and he was smaller than anyone else in his year at Hogwarts, but this was a little embarrassing. He tried to squirm out of her embrace but only found himself in a more comfortable position as she perched on the side of his bed. He yawned and squirmed again. She only shushed him and held him firmly. "It's okay." She said in a soothing tone. "Just a dream."
Harry shuddered as he lowered his head against her shoulder. She didn't want to let him go and he hated being touched, but he was so very tired and her shoulder was right there. It was an odd situation. He discovered that he really didn't want to move now. Harry felt himself relax the tiniest bit and jumped when he felt her start rubbing his back. "Just go back to sleep." She told him kindly as she rocked him the slightest bit. Harry's eyes closed against his protests and he found himself growing lethargic. "Just relax." She said as he let everything go and allowed himself to slip further into sleep. He was vaguely aware of her standing, laying him down in the bed, drawing the covers over him, and brushing his hair out of his eyes. He did not hear or feel anything the rest of the night and woke up at dawn the next day to wonder how he had managed to sleep for six straight hours without a nightmare.
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Author's Note: Well, there's the next installment. I hope you all liked it. Don't forget the forums!