I don't own Naruto or red vs. blue
Talking
Thinking
AI
Red vs. Blue vs. Naruto
Chapter 16
"These are stupid and violent, and are the most foolish."
"Sarge! How long are we going too hide here?" said Simmons
"When I start giving Griff some respect."
"How long will that take?"
"Not even when I enter into the golden gates."
"Alright, but what if those mercenaries find us?"
"Then we'll use Griff as a shield while we run off in fear and give applauses to the Gold and Silver soldiers for killing Griff."
"Sarge, Sir, how about those new ninjas?" said Donut
"Oh, yeah, ninja…a simple slap in the back of the head will do."
"Or you can use that slushy machine to send them back to their world." Said Griff
"Slushy Machine? Oh yes, slushy, that's a brilliant idea Simmons."
"Simmons?!"
"Thank you sir."
"Alright, first we need to move back to our base and rebuild slushy."
"Hey, what they're talking about?" said Church
"What?" said Tucker
"What are they talking about?"
"Man, we're only five feet away from them are you deaf or retarded?"
"No, Caboose is retarded and as for deaf, possibly."
"Possibly, what do you mean possibly?"
"Remember that time Caboose jammed that pencil into my ear."
"No…"
A couple of weeks ago…
Church enjoyed the morning, as every morning, with blowing or killing something with his rifle. Caboose then ran to the roof of the base shouting like a maniac.
"Caboose, what the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted aiming his gun at him.
"HAIL LORD MEGATRON!!!!" Caboose ran into every solid material in his way. He then ran up to Church shouting at him. "HAIL LORD MEGATRON AND TOM CRUISE!!!" Which resulted to go deaf, for a few weeks.
"Wait, you said he jammed a pencil in your ear."
"I did…oh right…" Tucker stared at his leader and at Caboose and back at Church. "That was all a lie was it?"
"Yeah…"
While they argue Caboose felt a bit lonely. "I'm so lonely, so lonely, so loooooooonnnnnllleeeeyy. So very lonely, so very, very, looooooooonnnnnllllleeeey."
"Caboose, stop sinning." Shouted Church.
"But I'm lonely."
"Fine, hey Reds, get over here!"
Five seconds later…
"What is it Blue." Said Griff
"Help us tell a story."
"What?" said Simmons
"Oh, oh, oh, tell them the story about the birds and the birds." Said Donut
"Eww gross, not that story and do you mean birds and the bees."
"How about this one." Sarge whisper something to Church and, strangely enough, he agreed with him. "Oh man, this can't be good, a Blue agreeing with a Red." Said Tucker
"You guys aren't serious, are you?" said Griff
"Serious as a mutherfucker, lets begin!" said Church
Enter Sarge… "Once upon a time there where founder guys, two designers, a musician, and a writer and all four were bored of all the shity games that were coming out of the market, because really there all the same shit! So they created their own game, it's about this huge ring in space and these crazy…Mexicans wanting to use the ring to kill everyone in the galaxy because they were allowed to pass through the border, their first attempt was with a giant piñata, but failed because of those damn cavity craving kids. Then there was this crazy black man, yeah, who killed off all the Mexicans until the Asians came flying through the sky using laser beams that were coming out of their hand and eyes for some strange and messed up reason. After that…"
"Asians, Mexicans and Blacks, oh my!" Yelled Caboose
"Sarge! You're telling the wrong story!" Yelled Church. "It's my turn anyway, alright right off where Sarge left off where these guys wanted to make the BEST GAME EVER, they thought about what was going on in the world, with the crazy mad man and his coalition killing hundreds of innocent people dying for no good reason. Well you see Caboose long, long time ago the Jews were upset with this rock and threw it at some guy, he was so angry with the Jews that he made a new country name Germany and after several years later every German citizen forget about the horrendous accident, except for one his name was…Himler."
"You mean Hitler?" said Simmons
"Whatever, back to my…"
"No whatever me, Himler was Hitler's right hand man and even though it was Himler that so many Jews die everyone blamed it on Hitler. So really you got your history wrong Blue, because Hitler hated the Jews and brainwashed everyone hating the Jews."
"This is my story you freaking know it all…"
"Hey I just realize something," said Tucker "from, Who the Grinch stole Christmas, there was a quote saying, 'hating the Who's.' if you say it ten times fast it almost sounds like hating the Jews."
"Tucker, one Dr. Suess was not prejudice against Jews, two you're a fucking dumbass and three where the hell did you got that idea?!"
"What, you like Dr. Suess?"
"Yeah, who doesn't, I think he's a great role model."
"Alright, everyone raise their hand if you like Dr. Suess." Everyone raised their hands except for Tucker. "Oh…"
"Can we get back to the story?!" yelled Sarge
"Let me tell the story." Said Griff "Alright Blue, this is how it went."
"You're a fucking dumbass!" Yelled Sarge
"You see those four guys,"
"Prick!" yelled Simmons
"They wanted to tell and make the best,"
"Fucktard!" Sarge yelled again
"So they got their guys together…"
"Gay, faggot, ass fucker, baby eater!" Simmons again yelled
"And made a game called, Super Mario Brothers."
Everyone just stared blankly at Griff and he wondered why everyone were staring at him. "Griff, that ought to be the most retarded, insensitive, stupidest, gayest, flabagory,"
"Flabagory? What the hell does flabagory means?" said Church
"Grotesque, satanic, evil thing you just told to poor Caboose." Said Sarge "That was not how it went!"
"Oh, oh, oh, can I tell how it went Sarge?" said Donut
"Yeah, sure, just don't do it too girly!"
"Yes sir, okay, this is how it went. There were these guys and they made this awesome merchandise, for little kids. They called it Bratz!"
"Oh god no!" yelled Simmons
"Someone shut him up!" yelled Griff
"You can come their hair, put lips stick on, change their clothes."
"Donut, that must be the gayest thing I ever heard from a man." Said Church
"Yeah, I know, and believe me I got intimate with a Barbie doll once." It was silent in the cave as everyone stared at Tucker, again, for telling a really awful image in their head. "Tucker, never again will you tell that story." Said Church
"Can I tell the story?" said Caboose
"Caboose, can you even tell a story?" said Church
"Sure……what's a story, oh wait I have one now. It's about four people making a big game, with lots of laser battles and earth is more advance and they found a way to travel, laserspeed, oh wait, lightspeed and there are big rings that have the power to end life using a thingy, uh um, the key and these things call us declaimers and only humans can activate these big rings. Because we are related to these more advance other species who like to run a lot, um Forerunners. And this other guy, he was Master of these little people, because he was tall, just like all us. Do you know that we all have the same height as…Master Chief, oh and there was another one who has problems with slashing people with a really fancy sword, just like your Tucker and they call him, uh, Arbiter. Yes Arbiter."
The Reds and the Blues stared at Caboose quite surprise for the stupid and possibly slightly retarded Caboose; seriously the guy has a better vocabulary than most of the shows I see. "Caboose, how do know all this?"
"Oh, uh…lets see…oh yeah."
Fifty weeks ago…
"Sheila, do you know why we're fighting?"
"No, but I think Lopez does."
"Lopez, do you know?"
"Si, voy a empierza cuando la gerra empiezo."
"Man that was one shity story Lopez!" shouted Andy
"…Okay."
Five weeks later
"So, that's why we're fighting huh, and it took me five weeks for me to learn what you were saying in Spanish."
"Caboose," yelled Andy "How about you give me some credit for translating, and why did it take you that fucking long for you to learn why we're fighting. Lopez only took twenty minutes of explanation."
Caboose, being so stupid didn't know what the insane bomb was talking about, due to the fact he was thinking of cookies and orange juice. "Huh, what?"
Forty-five weeks later
"Caboose, how is the enjoyment of eating cookies and drinking orange juice explain that you know the story that we all tried to tell you?"
"Uh……"
"Never mind."
"Alright, we told Caboose a story, now it's our turn. You're going to help us rebuild the slushy machine and send those asstard—"
"Asstard?" said Church
"Back to their world and go back on fighting the war."
"Wait Sarge, let's think about this, and I mean before we send those ninja back to their world. Just five hours ago a ship infested of Flood just came out of nowhere and landed, or crash whatever. All I'm saying, maybe we should asset the situation as thinking why the Flood just suddenly came crash/land here."
"Well, Church has a good point Sarge." Said Simmons. "Those Flood do have the ability to destroy an entire species. Possibly there's a leakage in a one of the gas mines or another ring?"
"How the hell did you know that?" said Griff
"What, that preposterous, Master Chief and the Arbiter defeated the Flood in the Ark, along with the main central conscience of the Flood." No one had any idea what he meant by that until Sarge sighed and gave them the answer. "The Gravemind."
"Oh…"
"Wait, what if there's another Gravemind sir?"
"Griff, for the Flood to make another Gravemind will take years." Said Simmons. "It's a dense alien hybrid compact with multiple sentient life forms. It will take millennium of years for them to make another Gravemind."
"Well, when O'Malley was in my head he did say something about a large talking thingy."
"Wait what, Caboose, what did O'Malley said?"
"Well, uh…I can't remember, hey the big tower…in France." Church sighed. "Well that probably the only lead that we might—"
"Caboose, I'll give you a glass of Orange juice and a dozen cookies if you can remember."
"Cookies! Ah, ah, uh, um…oh yes, now I remember! Um, between the conception and the creation, between the emotion and the response, falls the shadow."
"Oh yeah, that's so something with an advance intelligent mind. Caboose is too stupid enough to even spell Blue."
"This is how I spell it."
Bloo.
"Oh, okay, let's get that slushy working again." Said Sarge "But first, let's make a game plan."
Twelve hours later
"Alright, we all agree that the chicken came first. Right?" said Church
"Yeah."
"Good, now for the plan, Sarge."
"Alright men, this is what we're going to do. We're going to run to the base, but in a straight horizontal line, with the least important one in the begging of the line and the most important at the end of the line. The enemy will be so confused that they'll have no choice but to shoot the first person and the second person in line."
"What, oh not this plan again." Said Tucker remembering the siege of O'Malley's fortress, or in Sarge case The Battle that they nearly got rid of Griff.
"So we all agree that this is a perfect plan." They all stared at him as though he was a bit mad. "Okay, what about this plan, we'll use Griff as a distraction while we move in the base and fix the slushy machine."
"Well that's sounds good." Said Simmons
"Yeah, I'll go with that one." Said Church
"What, hey do I have a say in this?" said Griff
In the depths of Halo in a large cavern somewhere underneath the library, Hinata laid in a coffin stasis of a slimy and gooey material. "Enemy has surrounded all sides; more than grave can contain, I see no further use having you by my side. I'll send you instead of them. Now wake from your dreams, and go on your journey." Hinata slightly twitched and she was released from her coffin. "Rise child of my enemy."
She slowly stood up and her rifle, MA5C, dropped next to her. She picked it up realizing that this isn't the same rifle she had when she was capture. "Hinata, are you alright?"
"Yes, Master Chief, I'm alright, what about you?"
"Don't mind me I'm inside your head remember."
"Right. Why did he let me go?"
"Enemies have surrounds us all, the old have became anew, and the dead have came back from the grave. I'll send you to the Icon, and you must hold it there."
"What do you mean, old have became anew and the dead have came back from the grave?" she asked, but he didn't respond. "Chief, do you know?"
"No, but I have a bad feeling. Let's just get the icon and we'll uncover the mystery. Oh one more thing, I'm sorry that I got you in this mess, it's not me sending someone else to do my work."
"It's alright John you're doing your duty, I'm doing mine." Gravemind then teleported her somewhere in Halo.
End of Chapter