Dressed in Graham's tatty robe, Hannah sat on the window seat, her legs tucked up under her, tracing the raindrops against the glass with her index finger, tears trickling down her face. She heard a moan come from the bed and she glanced over to see Graham shifting positions and rolling onto his back. She watched for a few seconds hoping he wouldn't wake and when he didn't she returned to the glass and the raindrops. The patterns resembled an abstract painting, she thought as her finger followed a drop and then another. Nothing was what it seemed and that is actually how she felt right now.
She had no idea who she was. A few short hours ago she had made love to Graham. How could she have done such a thing? Of course she cared for him and he loved her. There was no doubt in her mind about that. Wasn't that enough? She placed a hand underneath the robe and onto her naked belly. Caressing the skin in a circle she looked down at her slightly swollen stomach and all she could think about was Logan. If he hadn't left would things be different? She swallowed hard, fighting back the urge to let out her true feelings. She could never hurt Graham now. She owed him too much. She removed her hand and closed the robe around her tightly. She had to buck up and deal with this. Logan wasn't going to come back and take care of her this time.
Graham rolled over expecting to find Hannah at his side, but his hand only found the turned back covers and the cold sheets, which confirmed she hadn't been in bed for awhile. He propped himself up to see the figure engrossed at the window tracing the raindrops. For how much she shared with him, there was still so much she was hiding and at this particular moment he felt the distance even stronger. The much anticipated first time had lacked the passion and intimacy he had been expecting. His own fault, since he was unable to control himself and came the minute he entered her. Then pretty much passed out from over excitement. Not his finest moment.
He quietly approached her and then realized the tears in her eyes. He leaned up against her placing his chin on her shoulder, his hands reaching around her finding a bare kneecap; he stroked it gently startling her. Her jerky movement caused him to lose balance and fell with a thud on the floor on his bare ass.
"I startled you, sorry." He rubbed his behind gently, smiled and stood up, "Are you okay?"
She gawked at him as if he were a stranger, "You're naked. Graham, put something on."
He was a bit disconcerted by her demeanor. Was this the same woman who had shared his bed? "Hannah, what is wrong?"
She turned back to the window flustered, running a hand through her hair, "Nothing...Everything...please, Graham, put something on."
Now his ego was truly shattered. He found the pajama bottoms that had been discarded a few hours before and slipped them on, "So it was that bad. That's why you're sitting on your own giving the pane of glass more attention than me. I didn't measure up."
She snapped out of her daze and looked confused, "What?"
"The glass, you left my bed to stroke the glass."
"You were asleep."
"You could've woken me."
"I already did that once this morning. You needed to sleep."
Graham couldn't have been more confused. "You've been crying."
"There's a lot to absorb at the moment."
He knew she was troubled. She had a lot happen to her in the last few days. A baby on the way, the beginnings of an intimate relationship and the upcoming concert. Rather than face the reality it seemed easier to lighten the situation, "Just not my naked body."
She managed a smile and finally looked him in the eye. He had a lovely twinkle and his smirk turned up at the corner, very boyishly. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and she was grateful for that. "You have a lovely naked body, Graham. I just…" She wished she could be clever and say something to keep the mood light but it wasn't working. She put her head down feeling stupid.
He walked back over to her sitting besides her, taking her hand. "You don't have to explain. You weren't ready, Hannah and I did push."
She loved the feel of his hand on hers; he kneaded each finger in an incredibly erotic way. She sighed as she closed her eyes. If she could feel this way when he held her hand why couldn't she feel the same in bed with him? Logan had the opposite effect. Foreplay was pretty much non existence. All she ever wanted was him to make love to her and there were moments she couldn't bare being in the same room with him, she wanted him that desperately. Her face flushed and she felt guilty thinking of him in such a way while Graham was giving her such pleasure.
Pleased with the reaction he believed he was getting from her he leaned into her finding a spot on her neck, gently kissing her, "The first time is a bit awkward I suppose." It sounded ridiculous once he said it. Something his grandfather might have muttered in his day. "I was a bit awkward. I've wanted you for a long time, Hannah. And I got a little over excited and lost it. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it."
She was quiet, but he felt her body relaxing against his, her fingers now finding their way between his, her breathing was slightly heavy. Not acknowledging his comment he felt an opportunity present itself. She was enjoying his touch, that was obvious and everytime he kissed the back of her neck she let out a sigh. Carefully he allowed his hands to slip into her robe and caress her breasts. Hannah's eyes remained closed and she leaned back onto him, sighing with delight.
Graham didn't want to jeopardize this moment. Whatever disappointment she had felt earlier now seemed to have disappeared. He continued the caresses, kneading her breast gently then circling her nipples with his finger tips. This set her over the edge, crying out with each stroke. He pulled her up against him, holding her tight as she rode out the wave. Pleased with her reaction he kissed the back of her head, "Enjoy it, darling." He whispered as her body continued to convulse against his.
As she gained control she felt a wave of nausea come over her. Maybe it was the baby or the embarrassment of the moment. She stood up abruptly, her body tense and put a hand over her mouth, "I'm going to be sick." She pushed Graham back and rushed past him to the bathroom.
Graham remained on the floor where she had left him, rubbing his hand through his disheveled hair. Something was not right. She was being distant and he didn't want to believe it was Logan. Would she think about him every time there was any intimacy between them? He rubbed his temple. What was he going to do?
She came out of the bathroom her hand over her mouth looking ashamed, "Graham, I'm sorry. The baby…"
"Of course the baby." How could he forget the baby? Logan's baby. He stood up, not looking at her, "Right… morning sickness, well actually afternoon sickness in this case, it happens. Don't apologize."
She sensed something in his voice. And she immediately understood and felt the need to make it right. She moved over to him placing her hand on his cheek, and smiled, "That was a wicked thing to do, Graham. Taking me by surprise like that."
He now looked into her eyes, she had turned again. "Well, I felt I owed it to you after me being so impatient and selfish earlier."
She gently kissed his lips, then traced a finger across them, "I'm the one that owes you." Then moving away she went to the dryer to find her clothes. When she turned around Graham was still standing there staring at her. She didn't know what to say to him, "You know, Graham, we should go pick up my things. I need to get back to practicing. My Rachmoninov needs work."
He was silent as she disrobed. Her back to him she slipped on her jeans and t-shirt. "Are you going to get dressed? Or are you going to stand there all day?"
He snapped out of his daze, "No, you're absolutely right, your Rachmoninov does need work and the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we're back and can get cracking on it."
The rain still hadn't let up as the cab pulled up in front of the mansion. They both pulled their coats over their heads as they ran up the front stairs. When they finally reached the shelter of the front door awning they both laughed. "I don't know what your father is going to think of you like this. I could've had the decency to bring an umbrella."
"I don't think he'll care when he sees that I'm happy."
Graham became serious as he took her face in his hands, "So you're happy?"
"Of course I am." She grabbed his hand as she opened the door, "And I'm warning you, Graham, he might try and read your mind so please clear it of those dirty thoughts, I know that you have about me."
He smiled, "What, like having my way with you on top of the piano."
She slapped him playfully on the arm, "You stop that now."
"It's bound to happen one of these days."
"In your dreams." She pushed past him into the foyer of the mansion. Glad to be out of the rain, she nonchalantly shook her head to allow the access drops of water to trickle off her hair and onto the floor. Then ran her hand through the disheveled mess trying to look presentable.
Graham never took his eyes off her. Even standing there like a wet puppy, she was enchanting. Surprising her, he pulled her towards him turning her around kissing her. The strained moments of the morning were long gone and Hannah was relaxed and playful. She gently pushed him, while giggling, "Somehow I doubt a lot of practicing will get done today. You are being extremely naughty."
"Well, there is all sorts of practicing one can do. All of them beneficial, my darling."
She gave him a playful slap on the behind and he pulled her closer, as his mouth devoured hers. She felt herself weakening. The fuzzy feeling in her head returning as he pressed harder against her.
They didn't hear Charles roll up. To say he was somewhat bewildered was an understatement. This friendship had obviously progressed a lot further in the last 24 hours. Not being able to read her mind, he had no idea when she had let go of her feelings for Logan and allowed Graham in. For weeks after Logan's departure, it had been clear that Hannah was not going to give him up. She had lost herself in her playing but there were moments when she was alone Charles had seen that look in her eyes. He knew it was Logan. She longed for him, and he often heard it in her playing.
But now this. Locked in a passionate embrace with a man he actually approved of. It was a little awkward. Seeing his daughter intimate in such a way was a bit shocking, He was beginning to think he preferred Logan's sentiment of keeping displays such as this behind closed doors. But then Logan was an old soul with many an old fashioned notion in his mindset. How strange that he was thinking of that at this moment. He was the one that was adamant about Logan's corrupting of his daughter. Maybe he had it all wrong.
Finding the scene getting a little too heated, he cleared his throat and Graham nearly jumped out of his skin, backing away from Hannah only to find she wasn't giving up his hand. He couldn't shake it loose, as he looked up smiling sheepishly, his face bright red, "Professor."
"Graham, Hannah." Charles looked from one to the other. Graham clearly embarrassed, Hannah coyishly smiling as she gripped Graham's hand tighter.
She leaned down, still clutching onto Graham, and kissed her father on his cheek, "I hope I didn't worry you too much. I wasn't thinking when I ran out last night, well, that's not exactly true, I was thinking of me and I never thought for one minute anyone would be concerned."
"I'm just glad Graham had the courtesy to call."
Graham smiled awkwardly, "It was the least I could do."
"He is quite the gentleman, father. There is no question about that." Hannah smiled up at Graham and he was finally able to remove his hand from hers.
It now seemed obvious Hannah was enjoying this display in front of her father and Graham began feeling slightly annoyed with his part in it. He took a deep breath and regained composure. "Hannah, you should get your things. We have a vigorous rehearsal this afternoon and every minute is vital." He then turned to the professor, "I don't mean to whisk her away by all means but she tends to become distracted if you don't stick to the routine."
Hannah smiled up at him, "Oh, I see, I become distracted, now is it?"
He gave her an evil look, "Hannah."
She knew she was beginning to cross a line. "Alright, I'm going." As she walked down the hall leaving them, she turned to see Graham still scowling at her. He had every right. She was acting ridiculous in front of her father. And using Graham, which is something she never wanted to do under the circumstances. He was too good to her.
As she disappeared around the corner Graham turned back to the professor, feeling the need to apologize for her. "She's not herself. The stress of the concert, I'm afraid." He watched the professor knowing he could read his mind. Hannah had said to clear it. Easier said than done.
"She's told you about me." Graham tensed up, "Relax, Graham, I have no intention of prying into your thoughts. You are in love with my daughter; I've known that from the first day we met. And I have no objections and obviously Hannah doesn't either from that display I witnessed earlier. "
"Sir, that was uncalled for. I got a little carried away."
The professor smiled, "Understandable. My daughter is a lovely girl but she also knows how to get what she wants."
"Sir, really, that was my doing."
"Graham, before you arrived on the scene there was a situation…."
Before he could complete the sentence Graham piped in, "Logan. I know about the situation with Logan, sir."
"Really, that is interesting. So she's completely over him."
"I wouldn't say that" He paused, not really knowing how much he should reveal, "I think she knows it would never have worked out. And working so close together over the past few months, well, things were bound to happen between us. It's good, sir. And everyday it gets better."
The professor nodded, knowing full well there was more to it but he also could tell that this man loved his daughter and she did seem more content than she had only a few short months ago. "Well, Mr. Eastborne, you have your hands full with that one but I don't doubt for a moment that you can't handle her. You've already brought so much out of her. I couldn't have placed my daughter in more capable hands."
"I'm glad you feel that way, sir."
"Graham, please drop the sir. Relax. I prefer Professor actually. "
He dropped his shoulder slightly and managed a smile, "Professor, of course."
Hannah went to her room and packed a few things for the next few days. She knew there would be no breaks before the concert and there would be no time to come back for anything. She didn't need much, Tshirts and jeans were her clothes of choice now and the most comfortable to practice in. As she began throwing things into a duffle bag she spotted the Pendleton shirt tucked under her pillow. She stopped, standing motionless glaring at it like she had just seen a ghost.
She wanted to turn away, pick up her bag and walk out but she couldn't. She moved closer to the bed and reached for the sleeve, pulling it slowly to her. She drew it close to her chest, hugging it against her for a few seconds. Deeply sighing as she caressed the soft warm flannel with her fingertips. Bringing the shirt towards her face, she buried her head in it. It was crazy, the way she smelled every inch of it, brushing it against her cheek hoping there would be some trace of him lingering there. But it was gone. Long gone. In frustration she threw it across the room and collapsed on the bed.
The tears came so easily to her. It was the times she pretended nothing bothered her that were difficult but alone in her room it was easy to feel the pain of losing something so precious to her. Sometimes she wondered where she was finding the strength to continue. She buried her head into her pillow and sobbed, hoping it would just go away.
After a few minutes there was a knock on her door, "Hannah, its Henry."
Hannah slowly sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm busy, Henry."
He opened the door and she glared at him.
"I didn't say you could come in."
"I didn't ask for an invitation. I heard you crying as I was going past."
"Well, I don't need a shoulder to cry on if that's what you think."
"No, I didn't think so but I'm here anyway. Ororo told me you're moving into Graham Eastborne's apartment for the next few days."
"It's much more convenient with the concert coming up."
"That's an excuse and you and I both know it."
She didn't want a lecture and she gave him an evil glare, "I don't care what you want to believe, Henry. I'm going and that's all there is to it." She stood up and began zipping her bag when she spotted the Pendleton on the floor. She stooped down and scooped it up quickly slipping it into the bag before she zipped it.
Henry noticed this action, "That's Logans."
"It's mine." She snapped as she struggled with the zipper in frustration.
He moved closer and easily slid it shut, then took hold of her hand.
She managed to look into his eyes. She would never want to see him in battle she thought, but right now there was only kindness and his big bearlike paw was comforting.
"I miss him, Henry." She blurted out.
"We all do."
"But he's not coming back to me. I know it."
"He told you he would."
"I can't rely on him. You know that. Right?"
He moved her to the edge of the bed and sat her down, sitting beside her, "I think you can. Despite any differences we've had, the man is true to his words concerning our friendship. He values that, Hannah. But your case is different. Keeping you safe means keeping you at a distance. He's lost too many he's cared for over the years. It's hard to let down your guard when he has been subject to so much pain. But he loves you. I don't doubt that for a minute and you shouldn't either."
"I still can't rely on him, Henry."
"He still has a right to know about the baby."
"Not now. It's better this way. Graham loves me, Henry and it's good with Graham."
"But how is Graham going to feel everytime you pull out that old rag of a shirt and cry your eyes out. And not to mention when the baby arrives and everytime he looks into that child's face, Logan will be staring back at him. I don't care how good it is, Hannah. It's not fair to him."
"I will make this work. I love Graham too." She stood defiantly, "I have made my decision, Henry. This is how it's going to be."
"And what about the time you decide to tell Logan or Logan finds out? How is that going to fit into this perfect little world you've created for yourself?"
"I don't have all the answers; I just know this is what I have to do now."
"Then you do what you have to do, but think about who else this is effecting, Hannah. It's not just you. Just like 25 years ago, it wasn't just your mother." He stood up and headed towards the door. He turned and spoke again, "Please just promise you'll think about it."
"I think about it all the time, Henry. Not one minute goes by that I don't think about it."
"That's good to know."
"You know Henry; I love Logan more than anything. Nothing can change that."
"Then you'll do the right thing."
As he walked into the hall he nearly ran into Ororo. He looked a little startled, "I should have looked where I was going."
"Maybe you were to preoccupied by something else, Henry. Anything you want to tell me?" She put her hands on her hips and was now glaring at him.
"Hannah is moving out."
"We all know that. So were you helping her pack?"
He heard rumblings overhead and realized there was now thunder accompanying the rain. He looked at Ororo. Her eyebrows furrowed into a scowl. "Is that really necessary, Ororo?" He raised his eyebrows to the ceiling as another loud crash was heard overhead.
"She seems to have everyone wrapped around her finger."
"Including me?"
She crossed her arms across her chest, "I thought she was seeing Jean after that fainting spell on the mission, but I was told she came to you."
"Maybe she has a thing for the color blue." He smiled.
"Don't you be funny with me Henry McCoy."
The thunder bursts came closer together. "Do you really think she would go to Jean about anything? Those two have never been on the closest terms. My relationship with Hannah Masterson is purely a professional one."
The thunder began to cease. "I assume Logan asked you to look after her."
"I haven't been doing a very good job in that department. And it does look like Graham Eastborne will now have that duty which I 'm sure Logan would not be pleased about."
"What is going on, Henry?"
"Like I said, Hannah is moving out. She is no longer our responsibility. Just leave it at that." He headed down the hallway leaving her behind.
Ororo looked towards him then back to the door. It was hard to just leave it. She now was incredibly curious. She rapped at the door, and then slowly opened it finding Hannah sitting on the bed, just staring out into space. She didn't even acknowledge Ororo's presence.
Ororo cleared her throat and Hannah turned, "Ororo. I didn't know you were here. So much on my mind and very little sleep. I'll be glad when this concert is over."
"But isn't it just the beginning? Won't Graham start getting a tour together?"
With the baby coming that was going to have to be put on hold, but Ororo didn't need to know that. "I'm sure that is the plan but we're not in any hurry."
"So you and Graham…it seems to have gotten pretty serious."
"Yes, you could say that. I never thought I would find someone who was so in tune with me. Graham and I just connect on so many levels."
"Unlike you and Logan."
"That's different." She felt a bit defensive.
"I love Graham, you know that. He seems perfect for you, but what you had with Logan…."
"Is over. That's what it is." Hannah obviously didn't want to talk about it. If only Jean was there to read her mind, Ororo might feel better. Hannah abruptly stood up and grabbed her bag, "I don't mean to just rush out of here but Graham's waiting. We have a lot to do this afternoon."
"Of course you do."
Hannah sensed what she was thinking and felt the need to defend herself, "It's time to move on for me. Graham is the right choice. Even Logan would agree, Ororo, you know he would."
"He might agree but he wouldn't like it."
"Well, we won't have to find out will we? He's thousands of miles away more than likely."
Graham peered around the door, "Ah, girl talk. That's what is keeping you." He smiled at Ororo and then moved over to Hannah casually slipping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.
Ororo noticed how natural he was. Hannah on the other hand tensed a little before she let her body finally relax. His hand gently stroked her back and finally found its place resting on her behind. Hannah shyly giggled and buried her head into his neck, "Graham, really. We've already wasted half the day."
"Hardly a waste in my book, darling. Your Rachmoninov will be all the more passionate due to this morning's activity. "
Hannah felt slightly embarrassed, "Ororo, doesn't need to know that."
Ororo smiled, "I can't wait for the concert on Saturday. If you two keep it up, you're going to be on fire."
Hannah blushed and Graham chuckled, "I will make sure of it."
Hannah pulled away from him and grabbed her bag, "Are we going?"
He smiled triumphantly and took the bag from her grasp. Their eyes met and he hoped she wouldn't be too cross with him. She let out a sigh and smiled back. He reached for her hand with his free one as they walked out the door, then he leaned towards her whispering in her ear, "She's right you know. You will be on fire Saturday if I have my way. But I don't want to push you. You just say the word and I'll back off. "
He knew her to well. He knew she couldn't just move on that quickly. She was silent as they entered the elevator heading towards the main floor. She leaned up against him and he kissed the top of her head. "You know maybe we need a break from practicing. You probably could use some sleep."
She turned her head up to him, "Absolutely not. You are not going to molly coddle me. I need to practice and you need to push me. It's what I expect from you."
"But Hannah, you're exhausted. So much has happened in the last 24 hours. It's a lot to take on so quickly."
"Are you saying I can't do this?"
"I am saying you are only human."
"And I am going to be on fire Saturday night. It's what we both want."
"Is it?" Graham had heard part of Ororo and Hannah's conversation. Logan was part of this equation.
It was as if she could read his thoughts, "Logan would want this too. My playing meant the world to him. And it's not just that, Graham. He would want me to move on."
"So you're doing all this for him."
"No. I'm doing it for me and you too. I know what you want from me and I don't want you to give up. It's going to take some time because I have taken too much on but I need you to believe in me and push me. I can't imagine my world without you, Graham. That is the truth." She placed both hands on his cheeks and looked straight into his eyes, " I want to make love with you in the afternoon and practice afterwards til my fingers are ready to fall off. I want to fall asleep in your arms from pure exhaustion and hard work and wake up to your caresses to start the day. I need you now more than ever, Graham. No matter what you can't give up on me."
He placed his free hand over one of hers and kissed her lips gently, "I'm not giving up."
"So boss. You know what is best for me and I am placing myself in your capable hands for the next few days. Because I am going to step out onto that stage and play like there is no tomorrow."
They were still locked in an embrace when the elevator doors opened and Kitty stood mouth gapping at their intimate embrace. She was shocked. She remembered the display between Logan and Hannah before he had left. And it was hard to imagine that she could have the same feelings for this man, who was just ordinary.
"Kitty, are you alright?"
She wasn't her friendly self, "I'm fine. I was going to come say goodbye to you but now I don't have to go out of my way. I have a session with Scott and Peter in a few minutes."
"Scott wouldn't want you to be late." Hannah wasn't even looking at her. Graham still had her undivided attention as they stepped out of the elevator and moved towards the foyer. Kitty entered the elevator and then Hannah called, "You're coming on Saturday aren't you?"
"I don't know. I might be busy." The doors closed and Hannah looked surprised.
Graham spoke up, "What did you do to piss her off?"
"Nothing. That wasn't like her." Hannah couldn't understand it. She just stared at the closed doors until Graham tugged at her hand.
"Come on. I know your goodbye to your father might take awhile."
Hannah had to do this. She had to leave and it was a little frightening. She had been so safe here and secure. Of course, she would miss her friends and her father. But it wasn't forever surely. Graham and her could have a life together and still be a part of this world. It was possible. Kitty's facial expression was still clear in her mind. It disturbed her. Maybe it was Graham. Maybe they couldn't accept him. Was that why Kitty had been so rude earlier and what about Ororo and Henry. Despite everything they seemed overly concerned with Logan's wellbeing. She clenched her eyes tight. Fighting these thoughts. No, she wouldn't believe it. Things were going to work out. They just had to.