Frederick Koch appears courtesy of Panzer IV, and first appears in his Reason to Live series of fanfics. Liora originates from stories written by Colonel Marksman. Special thanks also go out to Darth Tabby and Sheo Darren for their assistance with fleshing out the plot!

amore pazzo

"This thing... called love... I just... can't handle it! This thing... called love... I must... get round to it! I ain't ready! Crazy little thing called love…"

There were many, many hallways and many, many buildings on the Social Welfare Agency grounds to get lost in. Triela was pacing a corridor in one such building, a building that had no name, in search of her roommate, whom she had not seen all day, when she felt a soft nuzzling at her bare ankle. There stood the diminutive white form of Liora, purring softly and nudging Triela in the direction of a side-passage.

Eyebrows raised, Triela walked briskly after Liora, whose bell jingled as she scampered along. Up flights of stairs, through innumerable entrances and down myriad corridors the pair went, their trek seemingly without end. In good time, however, they reached a secluded suite of rooms, from which a familiar, happy tune was issuing. Liora raised a paw to one of them, looked at Triela and mewled.

Triela strolled over, opened one of the room's two double doors and saw none other than Claes herself, exercising her vocal chords and merrily hammering away at her grand piano. She slowly stopped upon registering Triela's presence, but did not turn to face her visitor.

"Well, well," said Claes, stooping down to pick up Liora, who had slunk between Triela's legs and into the room. "Look what the cat dragged in."

"Claes, I need to speak with you," said Triela, her look being one of extreme sobriety.

"I know why you've come, Triela," responded Claes without making eye contact, petting Liora throughout. "I expect your apology to be nothing short of spectacular."

Sure enough, it was. One extensive, extravagant speech later, even the normally imperturbable Claes was left suitably impressed... or so it seemed.

"Mistakes were made, Claes – I truly regret all that I've done and all the distress it's caused you," concluded Triela. "Perhaps, one day, you might find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Perhaps," said Claes, reaching out to take her friend's hand in hers.

The two girls smiled, and time passed. A cool breeze wafted in through an open window, past which falling leaves fluttered. Fluffy white clouds obscured the sunlight shining in through said portal. Liora lay huddled in Claes' lap like a little snowball.

"So, now that we're friends once more..." Triela finally broke the silence, "Could you help me filch that video of us mud-wrestling off Baldo?"

"About time you cut to the meat and potatoes," Claes sarcastically chided. "Why on God's green earth, though, would the Agency's top gun require the assistance of a lowly lab rat such as myself?"

"I've tried everything ranging from civilized diplomacy to going Lady Snowblood on his ass," grumbled Triela. "The party got vanned pretty quick, though – I'm now under strict orders to stay over nine thousand feet away from his ward in the hospital. It's pretty clear there's nothing that big dumb ox isn't willing to withstand where the tape is concerned."

"What about Frederick?" Claes suggested. "You two are pretty tight, so to speak – haven't you been able to rope him in?"

"We've both been dressed down. He was the one who restrained Baldo throughout the waterboarding." Triela frowned. "I don't know why, but I haven't been able to shake the odd feeling that Frederick seemed kind of reluctant where it came to this business."

"Maybe he secretly wants a piece of the cake, too," sniped Claes. "Just kidding," she added, as she felt Triela's glare on her. "Come now, young lady – it doesn't pay to get mad at the person whose help you're trying to obtain."

"Claes, please. I'm begging you, here." The rictus of despair and desperation Triela's face was caught in is far better imagined than described.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to hear her sing 'Stand By Me' now. "Don't get me wrong, Triela – I'd have been more than willing to help if you'd come sooner," said Claes, palms raised. "Unfortunately, it's a bit too late for me to do anything of the sort now."

This, just as Triela thought her heart could not sink any lower. "Too late? How so?"

"Because I'm way ahead of you already." Claes produced a thumb drive from her pocket and dropped it into Triela's hands, causing the blond girl to start and give a little scream of joy. "Here's the original, unmodified copy – Baldo handed it over immediately after I proposed to swap it for something even better."

"Jesus Christ, I'm so happy I could kiss you," laughed Triela, doing a little victory pirouette as Claes fixed her with a semi-serious look of warning that seemed to say: "In the privacy of this room, you can call me Claes," and "Not in front of the kitty, Triela." "I don't know how to repay you, Claes – you're the truest friend I ever had."

"Just be sure to tone down that sass and keep your sniper rifle to yourself," chuckled Claes. "See you later."

Halfway out the door, Triela stopped in her tracks and turned around, her smile fading. "Hold the phone – original, unmodified copy? You mean there exist other, altered copies of this thing?"

"Just one," smirked Claes as she caringly set Liora down and resumed playing the piano. Her glasses gleamed disturbingly as they caught the sunlight, no longer blocked by the clouds. "One that I used as my bargaining chip with Baldo and titled Dual Dutch Delight, in which I, via the miracle of modern video-editing technology, deftly replaced my digital self with an astoundingly lifelike computer-animated rendering of you.

"You might want to watch it on YouTube to find out just how realistic she is..."