Chapter 11
Chocolates. Blueberry muffins. Sugar coated candy canes. These wonderful things are all I can see.
My stomach gave an earth-shaking rumble as I stared, mouth open with awe. It's official: I am dead and have gone to heaven… or hell. Whatever. If this is hell, then our CL teacher needs to change her lectures about how hell's a place with fire and where you end up neck-deep in poo if you don't want to burn. Then again, if this is heaven, I don't see any angels. Angel cakes and angel-shaped candies the size of the Eiffel Tower, yeah. But the winged and haloed kind? None. Nil. Nada. I looked around wildly and spotted a sign. It says: "WELCOME TO SWEETS HAVEN! ENJOY EVERY BITE AS YOUR TEETH FALL OUT!".
Hallelujuah! There's a river of chocolate flowing down my right, a bridge made out of syrup-dipped waffles before me, flowers made out of lollipops and—oh crap—is that a boat of BANANA SPLIT? Yummy scrumboes! I ran and dived straight into a spring made out of caramel and vanilla. Grabbing a candy butterfly, I licked my lips and cackled delightedly. Supah supah fab! You are mine, my sweet sweet butterfly! I opened my mouth to taste it…
SPLASH!
"AHHHHHHHH!" I screeched, jolted awake by a powerful (and cold. Extremely cold) jet of water that hit my whole head. I flailed my arms around blindly when felt my BED was missing. My bed! Where's my bed? I finally managed to grab hold of something and gripped it tightly as my body tried to stand on its own. What was water doing in my bedroom? And why does said bedroom smell like…er… soap? I sputtered, keeping my eyes closed, waiting for my head to stop spinning. Then, I realized 3 things that are very out of place:
a) the place where my head's resting is moving. In simpler terms, it is breathing (i.e., it is a person's chest)
b) said chest is flat. As in muscled and… I hate to say this… sculpted. Man-like. So this revelation throws Rose as Owner Of Chest out.
c) Said owner of chest is snickering. Not just ANY snicker, but THE snicker. Oh, I know that snicker (oh no). I KNOW THAT SOUND even in the midst of NBA finals with screaming fans. (Oh nononono) that snicker is none other than the snicker of…
…… Li. My eyes widened as it met laughing brown ones. Oh, crap.
"OIII! LET GO!" I yelled and jumped a mile away. I grabbed the first thing I touched—which is a very useless rubber duckie—and pointed it at him. "What am I doing here?" I demanded. Then, my mouth dropped open. Okay, I am in a bathroom with Li. I dreamed of Candyland. Li is with me with a smirk on his face. I am holding a rubber duck (curse Eggy's sex education!). I am wet… oh, crud.
"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, amused.
"Oh my god! Oh, crud!" I panicked. My hands flew towards my body. T-shirt is on, although wet; my shorts are intact and untorn; my bra's on… omg. I faced him and thrusted the rubber duck on Li's chest, making it produce a squeak squeak sound with each thrust I do on that dreaded-but musc-NO!- chest. "What-squeak squeak- the hell- squeak squeak- am I- squeak squeak- DOING HERE?" I yelled. "Oh god, Li, if you did ANYTHING illegal to me I swear I will stick this rubber duck up your butt and the toilet seat into yo-!"
"Technically, whatever you're thinking is not illegal" he piped up cheerfully. "You're already 18, right? So under the law, you are perfectly le-".
The duck's right eye popped out after that.
"-perfectly legal to ha-"
"CUT THE CRAP AND TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!" I demanded, nervous and stressed.
"Relax!" he cut me off, grinning broadly. "We just had a very passionate night together under the stars as we ma-"
"/( $# & #!"
"I WAS JUST JOKING! Do you seriously believe I'm capable of that?" he protested. After receiving a very dry look, he quirked an eyebrow and said, "you are seriously out of your mind, Kinomoto".
"Then answer the question and tell me what the hell am I doing here!"
As an answer, he led me to my room and showed me the bed. "If you haven't noticed, it's already 7:05. We're supposed to be in school at 7:20 today for some announcements. Knowing how much you abhor waking up before 7:55- five minutes before the bell, might I add-, I came to wake you up. As a result, this is what you did when I tried to take you out of googooland," he said, pointing out the feathers from the holes in my pillows and the rumpled sheets.
"This is the dent you made when you tried and failed to punch me," he told me and gestured towards a dent in the wall beside the door. As I felt my face redden, he finally added, not without a trace of (definitely not good) smugness, "and this is the bite- or should I say hickey?- you gave me when I half-dragged, half-carried you into the bathroom!". He showed me teeth marks on his (oh no) neck.
"So what does a logical young man- why are you snorting?- do? I made you lean on the wall of the bathtub, turned the shower to full blast and VOILA! I succeeded!" he finished, seemingly pleased with himself. "So how does it feel to be back on the land of the living?"
"Bad. You could've used a less cold and painful way," I complained, squeezing the water out of my hair.
"What?" he exclaimed in mock disbelief, "And risk missing a wonderful chance to irritate you? NEVER!"
"Sadist."
"I know. Oh, and Kinomoto?"
"This better be good. What?"
"I think you should know that blue panties and orange sports bras aren't good nighttime outfits."
BAM! "Feel the wrath of my rubber duck, you freakin' pervert!"
OoOOoOooOooO AP English class- last period OooOoOOoOo
"Project!" the evil AP English teacher announced, taking pleasure in the horrified faces of his students as the announcement settled in. Oh great, another sadist.
Our class of 42 groaned loudly. Ignoring the complaints and mutterings, he added, "together with a partner, both of you will write a fanfic about yourselves! All of you should keep in mind that this project is due at the end of out 2 hour lesson!" Flipping through his record book, he started calling out names.
"Eriol Hiriigazawa and Tomoyo Daidouji!"
The owners of the names sighed with relief.
"Chiharu and Yamazaki!"
Both students cheered.
"Sakura Kinomoto!" he yelled. "Your partner will be Li Xiao-Lang."
The owner of the former (i.e. me), who had been sleeping peacefully, woke up. I glanced around and, noticing the stares, straightened and yawned. I waved at the teacher, who didn't look happy at all, and asked cheerfully, "hey, man! What's up?"
When he didn't answer, Naoko, who was on my left, leaned and told me about the project. My eyes widened with every word and when she finished, I raised my hand and said indignantly, "no way, sir! I OBJECT!"
The teacher finally acknowledged me and asked in a glaring voice, "and why not?"
"Work? With that sex-starved maniac? Never!"
"Don't utter such vulgar words in my classroom! I'm your teacher!"
"Huh? What word? Maniac?"
"Stop it!"
"Stop what? The 'huh', the 'word' or the 'maniac'?"
"Detention! One year!"
"Wha-! MANIAC!"
"Argh! By the way, whatever your partner writes, you can't erase or change!"
OoOooOo Library OooOoo
"Alright, my dear partner! Let's get started!" Li exclaimed gleefully, sitting on a chair beside me in the library. I groaned and buried my head in my arms. "Leave me to die," I told him. He ignored me and started the fic:
There was once such a poor idiot named Sakura. Unknown to her, she was the long lost daughter of Eggy, who is a senile overweight man with an uncanny ability to driver her mad. Obviously, she'll be senile and fat, too. She is good at any sport and any subject, or so she said. All those trophies and plaques? Pfft, they were pure luck. Truth is, she sucked in sports. But—
"Oh, seriously" I snorted. "Pure luck? Give me break. That was natural talent (insert Li's smirk)". I didn't like it. Oh no, I definitely did not. I grabbed the pen.
-there was someone who sucked more than she did. Because Sakura is cute, athletic , smart and a total winner. In fact, he—the one who sucks more than Sakura— secretly bewitches his opponents and sap their abilities before every game by the help of his future fiancé, Miyu Okinawa! She's a witch that attracts animals, especially dogs. They like to pee on her, you know. Anyway, this guy is none other than Li Xiao-Lang!
"FUTURE WHAT?" he said, disgusted. "She can marry Eggy, for all I care!" With the speed of light, he grabbed hold of the pen:
Sakura happened to look and act like a chipmunk, a very VIOLENT chipmunk. As in a chipmunk that is not chipmunk but looks like chipmunk, like a mutated chipmunk with a large body and a small brain. Nobody was surprised because her development was so slow. In fact, because of that, she was one of the official idiots of RSU. She actually has the title of Stupidest Gi—.
"I am NOT a chipmunk!" I hissed, unable to yell because it was a library.
Of course, Li, in addition to being a loser, is also a sex crazed maniac. He takes pleasure in torturing defenseless teenage girls—.
"Defenseless!" Li cackled, shoulders shaking in mirth. "If you're defenseless than I'm Eggy's long lost son!"
"Which you probably are!" I retorted. "Now be quiet! Can't you see I'm writing?"
--defenseless teenage girls by getting one form her bedroom in the middle of the night, dragging her towards the bathroom and blasting her straight in the face with ice cold water. Plus, if he can, he'll proba—
He snatched the pen away from me.
Sadly, the chipmunk is delirious. In fact, her description of teenage girls is way off. Truth is, the girl (yes, there's only one) is a crazy nut. When said loser—who is not a loser—tried to save the girl from 10 years of detention, she went bananas and gave him a hickey right smack on his neck! Now, is that what you call defenseless? Seriously, it's obvious who the sex-crazed maniac i—.
"I didn't even know I bit you!" I argued, blushing red to the tips of my roots. I took the pen away from him and wrote:
Li was a parrot. An extremely annoying, sex-crazed parrot. Chipmunks and parrots are natural enemies—
"Truest thing you said, chipmunk!" Li commented. I ignored him and continued:
Anyway, parroty Li was hit in the head by super chipmunk Sakura with a hammer! Bwahahahahaha!
Li frowned.
But Li wasn't affected. However, because he had superpowers, he deflected it and Sakura's head broke apart! Everyone in the scene expected pink goo and bits of the brain slide out. To their surprise, only gas that smelled like dirty socks wafted out! SHE WAS BRAINLESS!
I wrestled the pen away from him. Oooohh, that little parrot.
But it wasn't Sakura's head, it was Li's head! In fact, after his brainlessness was exposed, the head combusted!
No, you chipmunk! It was your head!
It was yours, parrot!
It was yours! Anyway, the chipmunk died and everyone lived happily ever after. The end!
"Argh, you are so annoying!" I yelled.
He smirked and said, "likewise."
OoOoOOoOoOo Li's POV oOOoOOoooO
85.
Hmmm… I guess we have quite a talent in writing… not. I told Sakura exactly that and she smirked in her all-too-familiar way. "To tell you the truth, I was expecting a big fat 75 on the paper since all we wrote are.. well…"
"Crap?" I offered, smiling.
"Yeah."
"So… how's your practice for the Interschool sports fest? You're in the tennis category, aren't you?" I inquired, interested. The fest happens every 2 years, bringing together the 3 top schools with the best athletes, connections and campuses. Our school is the host for the fest's softball, tennis and soccer games. The rest are scattered on the other two. Chipmu—I mean—Sakura is the representative of the senior year's division in the tennis games. I'm the captain of the soccer team so it basically means that we're going to have quite a time, the competition being only 4 days away.
Sakura shrugged. "I'm doin' good. We're going to have our final practices today and tomorrow. How about you?"
"Same here"
We parted ways since our practices were in different places. I watched her walk away, musing over my new nickname (parrot. Stupid, I know). Just as I was about to put the fanfic away, I saw a note that I missed.
85 percent for the effort. Please be informed that this is checked by a chaste (and wholly honorable) man. Keep all your sexual activity away from me. I want to live at least 10 more years.
Sincerely, your teacher.
P.S. detention this Friday,both of you!
There was another note attached to it. I plucked it away from the former and read:
Dear parrot,
Thank you for waking me up and saving me from torture (a.k.a detention). Don't worry about the crazed old coot. I'll deal with it.
Sakura.
Oh, seriously! She'll deal with it. I shudder to think what kind of farfetched plan she'll pull soon. I really hope it's not like the time she set the frogs loose in the science lab. I jogged back, intent on bugging her (my way of saying 'your welcome') until practices officially start. It's a good thing I did follow her. Because as I rounded the corner, I found my tomboyish chipmunk surrounded by—in said chipmunk's own words— mini-skirted bimbos.
OoOoOo Sakura's POV-5 minutes ago oOoOooOo
I opened my locker and proceeded to dump my books in its (already full) space. I wiggled the foot that was recently sprained, wincing when I felt a twinge of pain shot up and disappear as quickly as it had come. What a poo. This is definitely going to have a bad effect when it's my turn to play in the court. Carefully relieving myself of the burden I was carrying, I absently wondered whether or not Li found my little note. Contrary to popular opinion, I KNOW how to appreciate. Anyway, it took all my will power to swallow my pride and write that bloody thank you!
At least he's aware of what he's eating already (i.e. back to normal). I slipped cat food on his plate yesterday and, much to my delight and chagrin, he did not eat it. Instead, we started World War 3 in the form of a food fight. Only when Tomoyo threatened to lock us up in a room with straitjackets on did we stop. Much better, right? I thought of giving back the tape recorder I borrowed from Ms. Mizuki before going to practice. I needed one for a (bah) thesis whatever. I grabbed hold of it and was about to close the locker when a talon (yes, you read right) gripped me painfully in the shoulder and made me turn around. I accidentally dropped the recorder as my back slammed on the locker next to mine. I opened my eyes and scowled. Oh, great. Juuuuussssstttt grreeatttt.
A tall, cheerleader outfitted figure towered over me. It was a monster. … no, actually, it's just Miyu Okinawa… again. Flanked by 3 of her cronies, I have reason to think that they are here to duff me up. That's what bimbos—especially the peed-by-a-dog ones—do, right? Oh great. This is just great. I have dealt with these types for the past five years or so of my life. Do they really think that their D cup bras and 3 inched nails will scare me? Puh-leaaassseee.
"Do you know why I'm here, Kinomoto?" Miyu asked in a syrupy voice. She didn't wait for me to answer. She continued, "you see, a girl like me, one who is much MUCH more desirable and prettier and richer than yourself, doesn't like being made a fool of anybody, especially of your kind. So, for the past two we-".
"No, wait," I interrupted with a bored voice. "I'll guess the reason why. Is it because you want to marry Kero the dog and the only way to do it is to get close to Li or is it the fact that you are just a natural born bi-".
"Don't call me names, Kinomoto" she hissed, grabbing hold of my chin and making me face her. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to take Li away from me. It's not going to work. Stay away from him, little girl. You have no right. No right at all. He is mine and mine alone."
I counted to ten silently in my head. A therapist recommended it to me whenever I feel murderous, you know. Seriously, it works. Even though I know I'm not trying to take anyone away from her, I smiled devilishly and said, "and what makes you think he's your property? I don't see your piss at him. And I don't see why I should heed what you say, Okinawa. I can flirt with whoever and whenever I want. I'm not under you nor do I intend to."
Hmm, Fatty seems to be influencing me with his evil powers unconsciously.
She snorted and tightened her grip on my chin. "You are lower than me and you will always be. You stole my fiancé. Everyone thinks you're so boyish, not giving a damn about the opposite sex or anything else as long as you have a glove and a bat. I know better, though. You are a—"
"Is this what mad cheerleaders do when they get peed on by a puppy?" I asked in an amused tone.
"She got peed on by a dog?" one of her groupies exclaimed, horrified.
I nodded and continued seriously, "she came by Li's house 2 weeks ago. While she was too busy trying to rape him in the garage, Kero—that's the dog—peed on her Italian shoe-d feet. It was—in your vocabulary—so, like, disgusting and, like, sta-!"
SLAP!
My cheek stung as took the hand she slapped on it away. I clenched my fist and tried to control my already raging temper. I was in a new school for less than a month. I have no intention to have a suspension so early. I bit my cheek hard as she sneered at me and said, "enough! Don't interrupt me when I'm talking, Kinomoto!".
"Fine. Whatever. Okay, you know better and you think of me as a what?"
"I think you are a conniving little bitch! A slut who fucks every man she deems worthy and a freeloader who spends someone else's money! You're a waste of space. People are just too blind to see it. They're too stupid to see past the sports trophies and stellar grades".
"Wow," I said, a cold smile on my face. I can take these insults, really. I've heard them too many times to care. I can deflect it and turn it into a puddle of mud. I continued in a cheerful tone, "I'm a bitch, a slut and a hypocrite all in one! Maybe I'm a reincarnation of a famous criminal vamp!"
She laughed contemptuously as her comrades joined in. Boy, she is seriously not aware of what she's getting herself into. She said, "I bet you're like your father. I did my homework, you know. He was quite a provider, isn't her? Knocked your mother up and left her penniless. You're just like him. Both of yo-".
I wrenched away from her grip and shoved her away. I glared at her full force and whispered in a deadly tone, "I… am… NOTHING… NOTHING AT ALL… like my father, Okinawa. Watch whatever comes out of that pretty little mouth, lady. You don't know who you're dealing with."
She looked at me disbelieving me. "Oh, seriously. What can you do? You're just a bi-"
"Tsk tsk, I just told you to watch your words," I chastised her. Smiling icily at her, I said quietly, "look in the mirror before you insult anyone, honey. Remember, whatever disparaging remarks you throw to anyone might be what everyone thinks of you."
Her nostrils flared as her hand rose up to slap me again. This time I was ready. I don't take to abuse nicely. One was enough. Twice was too much. Thrice's out of the line. Her hand came towards my cheek and I raised mine to block it. To my surprise, a hand shot out to block it before I can.
"That's enough," a new entered.
I craned my head to that direction and saw Li holding Miyu's arm tightly. He wasn't looking good, really. He looked ready to kill. The owner of the arm reddened and swallowed hard. She wrenched her hand away and walked backwards together with her group. She stammered, "o-oh hey Xiao-Lang. Your nice guest and I w-were just having a nice chat a-an—".
"And what?" he inquired in a light tone.
She didn't get to answer, because at that moment, a huge and burly jock entered the scene. Ignoring the rest of us, he turned to Miyu and asked in a jealous manner, "who's this, babe?"
Looking extremely relieved that she's not going to die yet, she ran towards the jock and clung to his arm, saying, "oh, Lei, I'm glad you came! We're just talking. Can we go now?" she said it all in rush. I analyzed the situation and, comprehension dawning, I asked the guy in a smirking voice, "hey, is she your girlfriend?"
He nodded at me and said, "yes, she is (insert Miyu's squeak in the process) my girlfriend. We've been together for 3 weeks." He glared at Li and emphasized the word in italics. As the group walked away, Li walked up to me and asked in a worried tone, "are you alright?"
"Oh, I'm okay" I said cheerfully. I walked towards my open locker and took out the tape recorder. I told Li to wait for me as I, walking towards the center of the hall, called out the name of my latest victim. They were just 10 lockers away from me, you know. Keeping eye contact, I took out the tape and waved it in the air. She froze midway to a glare. I winked and blew a kiss at her. Before I turned back to Li, I wiggled my fingers at her and mouthed a few words.
When I was finally back with Li, he asked me quietly, "what did you just told her?"
I shook my head, my eyes gleaming. As I said when I mouthed it to Miyu: don't mess with me, Okinawa. Don't you dare.
a/n: yay! i've finally edited! anywayz, thank you again for all who reviewed! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! there (beams triumphantly), i 've been waiting to say that! review please! labshoo!
Later and Lotsa Love,
Calcarrie