Danny reached her apartment and was glad to see the light shining from beneath the door. He had worried on the way over that she may have got in a cab, not thinking about the danger. His relief was shortlived though, as he could hear banging and crashing coming from inside.

He lifted his hand and knocked loud enough for her to hear over the noise. The sounds from inside stopped and he waited for her to come to the door. She didn't answer imediately and he wondered if she would see him at all tonight or leave him standing in the hallway. His heart started to pound in his chest as he heard her move towards the door.

As the door swung open Danny was once again overwhelmed by guilt when he saw his normally beautiful girlfriend standing there, looking worse than he could have imagined. Her normally groomed hair was still damp and straggly, her eyes so puffy he was surprised she could still see. What disturbed him most was the look of absolute disgust marring her pretty face. Lindsay was looking at him like he repulsed her, a look he had only ever seen her give the worst of the criminals they encountered.

'Lindsay...please let me explain...'

'Is this the part where you tell me that it wasn't what it sounded like, that I misunderstood?'

'I'm sorry, no. It was exactly what it sounded like. Will you let me come in and explain?'

Lindsay took a few seconds to think over her answer, they were going to have to get this over with some time. It might as well be tonight, while her anger was still fresh. At least this way she could be sure she wouldn't let him off the hook. She walked back into the apartment and left the door open for him to follow.

As he walked into her living room he noticed two things. The first was the half empty bottle of wine. The second was the cardboard box sitting on the chair. As he stepped forward to examine the contents his breathe caught in his throat.

'You're packing up my stuff.'

'You're damn right I am Danny. Why the hell would I want this crap lying around my apartment reminding me of the worst mistake I ever made?'

'I know I hurt you honey but please listen to me...'

Lindsay was growing angrier by the second, he was actually going to try and make excuses for what he had done. The wine and the adrenaline coarsing through her veins were refusing to let her be calm about this. She closed the short distance between them and pushed him hard in the chest.

'You really think I'm going to let you explain away what you did, to rationalise it? I wish to god I had never met you!' She pushed him again. 'I wish I had listened to my instincts about you that told me you were a player.' She pushed him again. 'I wish I could take back that night on the pool table and every night since then.'



She was now screaming at him and hitting his chest with her fists. He easily caught her flailing arms and pulled her into his chest. She lay her head there for a second, inhaling his scent before pushing him away and turning her back to him.

'You've made me feel like the biggest moron for falling for you Danny. I will never forgive you for that.'

'I'm so sorry Montana, things were just so screwed up for a while there. It's no excuse and you wouldn't believe how much I regret it.' He laid his hand on her shoulder but she immediately shook it off.

'The morning I called to invite you for breakfast...was she there?'

Danny closed his eyes tight at the memory. 'Yes, that was the morning after it happened...'

'So when you told me you had things to do, you were really doing Rikki?'

Danny's voice cracked with emotion as he thought back to how selfish he had been. 'If I could take it all back I would, you have to know how much you mean to me.'

Lindsay's voice began to get higher as she remembered how bad he had made her feel that day. 'How much I mean to you? She was still in your apartment when you talked to me on the phone. Do you really think that little of me?'

'At the time I didn't think about it. I know it sounds strange but it's true. She just made me feel better...I was able to keep what I was doing separate from my feelings for you. Please look at me Montana.'

She turned towards him and he saw the tears running down her cheeks. She had never looked so tired, so lost. Even with everything that happened in Montana she had been able to retain that spark of life he loved in her. Now it was gone. He felt physically sick that he was the person who had done that to her.

'I could have been the one to make you feel better! Our situations may not be exactly the same but I do know what you were going through. Damn it Danny, why couldn't you have just broken up with me if you wanted to be with her?'

'I didn't, I don't! Like I said, the two things are separate...'

'Not to me, I might be old fashioned but I always believed that your girlfriend should be the one you sleep with.'

'I didn't want to bring it all back for you Lindsay, I didn't want to bring back bad memories for you.'

'So you thought you'd cheat on me instead, because that's far less painfull!'

'You're right Lindsay, I've been stupid and selfish. I know you're pissed as hell right now and I don't deserve a second chance but...'



'You're damn right you don't and you won't be getting one. I'm going to bed, take your box of crap and let yourself out.'

Lindsay stopped at the kitchen to grab herself a bottle of water before going in to her bedroom and closing the door.

Danny sat down on her couch and pulled the box towards him resting it on his knee. He had quite a lot of stuff here considering they had only been together a few months. They had just felt so at home in each others apartments. They had spent most nights together when they weren't working. That had all changed when Ruben died.

There were various items of clothing that belonged to him, some CD's and DVD's, deoderant, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, shower gel, shampoo. He had brought his own shampoo and shower gel over after being forced to go to work smelling of Mango and Papaya one morning. Flack and Hawkes still took the piss about it occaisionally.

There was a book he was halfway through reading. Lindsay had bought it for him after he told her he was interested in learning about criminal profiling. It was little details like that which made him love her so much. He had only just realised it and he was hating himself for that fact. There was also the box of condoms they had been working through. Danny had insisted on being the one to buy them as birth control was the mans responsibility. Lindsay had laughed so hard when she heard that.

He felt the tears threaten to fall as he saw what else was in the box. The NYPD sweatshirt he'd had for years. He hadn't worn it in forever but it was a favourite of Lindsay's. She had found it the second time she had stayed at his place. She'd stolen it and had worn it to bed ever since. He'd tried persuading her that she'd be more comfortable sleeping naked like him but she insisted she was a cold sleeper. More often than not it ended up on the floor after a while anyway. He lifted the worn garment up to his face and inhaled her scent. That's when the tears came.

The last item was the Giants coffee mug. Lindsay had assured him she had more than enough coffee mugs to meet their needs, but he had insisted that it didn't taste the same.

He felt despair at the thought he might never get back what he'd had. That he might never sleep next to her again. To wake up spooned with her, hands entwined. To never laugh the way they once had about stupid, meaningless things. But most of all he despaired at the thought of never being, in her eyes, the man he used to be when they were happy.

He wasn't going to give up but he knew that trying to talk to her any more tonight would be pointless. He would go home for now and hope that once she had calmed down she would find a way to forgive him. If anybody could, it was his Montana.

He wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand and stood up slowly with the box. As he got to the door he turned back, pulled the sweatshirt from the box and laid it down on the couch. With that he left the apartment and drove home with their conversation replaying in his mind.