The next few days were difficult for Lindsay and Danny. They had been paired up a couple of times on cases but Lindsay was keeping things strictly professional. There was none of their usual banter, a fact which was noticed by most people in the lab. She was adamant, however, that the situation should not affect their work.

Danny was glad just to be around her, even if she was acting like a robot. He had tried to break the ice once or twice with stupid jokes but the look on Lindsay's face when he did told him to cut it out.

Stella was no closer to finding out the truth about her friends, she had a feeling that Lindsay wanted to talk to her but she was holding back for some reason.

Lindsay was feeling more alone than ever. She had received some bad news from home and she would normally confide in her best friend, Danny. Given the state of their relationship lately he was the last person she wanted to speak to. She could talk to Stella but she knew that would raise questions as to why she was speaking to Danny. She didn't want to defend Danny but she also didn't want people at work to know what he had done. She didn't know if she was protecting him or herself.

She walked into the break room to get a cup of coffee and found Hawkes sitting reading a text book. She took a seat beside him and asked nervously

'Sheldon, what do you know about coronary heart disease?'

Hawkes looked at Lindsay with concern and reached out for her hand.

'Is everything OK Lindsay?'

'Not really, my father's pretty sick. He has diabetes and now he is having heart problems. Can you explain it to me, what this means for him?'

'Sure, I can take you through some stuff but it all depends on how advanced the disease is. If they've caught it early he could get away with taking medication for the rest of his life and having regular checkups.'

Lindsay drew in a deep breath.

'What if they haven't caught it early?'

'There are a number of surgical procedures they can try; they really do have a good success rate treating this Lindsay. They can try angioplasty or a coronary heart bypass. Listen, the fact that they caught it at all is great news; most people don't even know they have a problem until they have a heart attack.'

'I guess I should be grateful he has diabetes then, he's had regular checkups since he was diagnosed.'

'Lindsay, thousands of people have these operations every day and go on to lead full, healthy lives. I can understand your concern but you should try to stay positive?'

Lindsay smiled at him, her first smile in over a week.



'Thanks Sheldon, I do feel a lot better now. I thought my parents were down playing it so I wouldn't fly back to Montana. They want me to get on with my life here.'

He chuckled lightly.

'That's not such a bad idea. By the way, how are you getting on with your life here? You haven't seemed yourself in a while, is it just to do with your father's illness?'

Lindsay blew a strand of hair out of her face and then rested her head on the sofa behind her.

'Not really, there is other stuff going on, I just really don't want to talk about it.'

'I understand, if you ever need anything you know where I am. I might be your colleague but I'm also your friend.'

'I know' she smiled 'thanks for everything.'

'You're welcome.' Hawkes stood up and patted Lindsay on the shoulder on his way out of the room.

'Sheldon' Lindsay turned to face him as he stopped at the door 'would you mind keeping our conversation just between us?'

'Not at all, but if you really are having a hard time, you should talk to a friend. Don't let it eat at you.'

Lindsay smiled and nodded her head.

Danny watched the exchange from his office across the hall. 'What the hell is she doing holding his hand?' he wondered aloud. It was good to see her smiling though, even if it wasn't at him. He turned back towards his paperwork and his eye caught the pink stress ball sitting on the corner of his desk. It had been a gag gift from Lindsay after he had almost punched a suspect who made some smutty remarks to her. He hoped to god she would want to talk soon, he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold his tongue.

After Lindsay had finished work and ran a few errands she decided to try to relax, her shoulders were becoming tense and painful with the stress of the last week. After a hot bath with candles and trashy magazines, she decided to pour herself some wine and put on some music. With Norah Jones playing softly in the background and the wine making her warm, she opened her window and stepped out on to the fire escape.

She lit a cigarette, a habit she had very recently taken back up, and exhaled the smoke into the night air. It was unseasonably warm and Lindsay couldn't think of a better way to relax. Her anger towards Danny was finally abating and what she felt more than anything was an overwhelming sense of loss. She had lost her best friend, her lover. She was angry at herself for breaking her own rule, no relationships with colleagues. He had been able to convince her that they would stand the test of time; she didn't need to worry about losing what they had.

As she finished off the cigarette she climbed back in the window to go find an ashtray. When she found the ashtray, her eye found something else. Sitting on the shelf in her kitchen was the letter Danny had written for her. She hadn't yet read it, scared of what it would make her feel. She sighed 

heavily and lifted it from the shelf. She would have to read it sometime if she ever wanted to be able to move on with her life. She took the letter out to the fire escape and sat down. It took a few seconds to get it open as her hands were shaking slightly.

She unfolded the piece of paper and something fell out, she put it back in the envelope for now, she wanted to read the letter first.

Dear Montana,

I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for what I did, and most of all, how much I have hurt you. When we got together I swore to myself that I would never hurt you, that I would protect what we have with my life. I let you down and for that I will always hate myself.

I can't begin to explain what I have done because I don't understand it. There are no romantic feelings between me and Rikki, it was just desperation. I know I should have come to you but I didn't feel like I could. At the time I wasn't interested in anyone or anything that didn't have to do with Ruben. That's how I ended up with her.

I won't lie to you and say that I regretted it straight away, I didn't. I was the one who initiated it, twice. Being close to her was like being close to Ruben somehow, and I couldn't walk away from that. I know I treated you terribly; made you feel like a bad girlfriend but it was my own guilt making me do and say those things.

You may never believe me but I just want you to know that I absolutely WAS going to tell you about it. I will always regret the horrible way you found out.

I am glad we had that talk in our office when you told me how you felt, that was the kick in the ass I needed to realise, I feel the same. I don't want to say it yet; I don't want you to think I'm saying it to get you back. If I am ever lucky enough to get a second chance at a life with you, I promise I will never let you doubt how I feel about you. I will tell you every day. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.

If I am unlucky and you don't give me the chance, then I hope we will find a way to be the friends we once were. On that note I have enclosed two tickets to the Zoo for the next weekend we both have off work. If you want to take someone else I will understand but I will always think of that as our place, that day changed my life forever.

Yours always

Danny

Lindsay was by now crying so hard the words had become blurred at the end. She didn't know if she would ever forgive him but she desperately wanted her friend back, she needed him. The honesty in his letter had surprised her. She had assumed the letter would be just a bunch of excuses but he had taken responsibility for everything. She decided that giving the friendship another go couldn't hurt. She pulled out her phone and typed out a text message



C U at the Zoo!

Before she could change her mind she hit Send.

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