EXAMS ARE OVER! EXAMS ARE OVER! HALLELUJAH!

Chapter 15- The Science of Love

To put it bluntly, RSU creamed, sautéed, walloped, screwed, pulverized, skewered and, of course, won against Lei's team, bagging the trophy with a magnificent-since there were only 45 minutes left- score of 8-4.

The winning kick came from-who would have guessed?- Yamazaki, with a little help from Eriol and Li, slaps of encouragement from Brian and the guys, and a kiss from Chiharu. It was a game to remember. Most of their rivals would raise issues on how it was just pure luck while others said karma, but majority would say it was a boost of confidence, which probably came from finally seeing their captain and co-captain team up. It was probably why they were called captains. It's called leadership.

At the 2 weeks when the school's euphoria was at it's peak, strange things happened… to Miyu Okinawa. 3 days after the game, weird and mostly disgusting objects and animals occupied her locker, the most amusing (to a certain student) is the dissected frogs from the bio lab and the locusts. 2 days later, her laced lingerie were found hanging at the top of the HS flagpole, causing the principal, an old sadist, to go into spasms. A few more after that, exactly 9 days later, when Lei visited the campus, the intercom suddenly crackled to life. Most seniors, including our tennis and soccer champions were at the cafeteria. It played a one-sided conversation, the voice-who else?-Miyu's. At the end of the recording, an androgynous voice said, "what a nice girlfriend you have, Lei. Never fear, there's more to come!".

And there really was. 2 days later, the principal called Miyu, who was quarreling with her boyfriend, to come to his office with the latter. Imagine the cheerleader's shock when the principal recited and ticked off every rendezvous, steamy-make out sessions, bullying and other offenses she has created for the past 5 months… all within the earshot of her boyfriend. WITH VALID PROOF.

Needless to say, they broke up with practically half of Asia hearing their fight.

Soo… away from the pompoms, talent scouts hounded the phone lines of the Li Mansion, asking this and that about the heir and his guest. The strange thing is, even with all this happening, the heir wasn't happy. He was very far from happy.

Very very far from happy, actually. Frustrated, yes. Confused, yes. Not pissing his guest off? Impossibly, yes.

Because for the past 1 and a half week, he was feeling something. Something deep and something he had never felt before. Ooh-la-la, our parrot is in luuuvvv.

To whom? Well, unfortunately, a completely dense chipmunk.

OoOoO

I flipped the pages of the huge book, scanning it with agitated eyes. Neurologists… dermatologists… pathologists…yuck, gynecologists… what about emotions-ologists? Or a psyhiatrist? How about a mental-ologists? Dammit, where are the doctors when you need them! I threw the book away, cursing and slumped down my seat.

I'm going crazy. I am GOING crazy. What is wrong with me?

For the past 2 week, I have been avoiding Sakura like a plague. I tried to approach her, but my legs feel like jelly whenever I do. I can't talk to her. I can't look at her in the eye. Hell, I can't even bear to stay in the same room with her! I feel her presence even when she's 50 feet away. I feel light and sweaty when she's around.

See? Still don't believe me?

Fine. You're just like Eriol and Tomoyo. They told me that I wasn't insane, neurotic or possessed by an evil spirit. In fact, they even played Doctor Quack and analyzed the symptoms for me, coming up with a conclusion that I REFUSE to believe. Pfft, some best friends.

"Li, if you still don't believe the word of your 2 pals, answer the questions I'm about to ask you," Eriol said yesterday.

"Is it true that you always worry about her?"

"Yes. If I don't, she'd probably be in her grave by now."

"Uh-huh. Do you feel like beating every guy who dares to look at her?"

"Er-yes." (because I know what goes on behind their thick-headed craniums. I'm a guy, too, duh)

"Do you sneak glances at her whenever you can?"

"Yes. But it's not what you think! I do that for BLACKMAI-!"

"shut up, dear descendant. Now, do you feel the need to impress her?"

"Err…" (uh… maybe?)

"I take that as a yes. Do you want to be at her side always?"

"Well…" (she's a very amusing target, you know)

"That's a yes. Would you risk anything for her?"

I stared at him. "I would risk anything for anyone if it's needed and justified."

"Even Ivanna and the twin brothers?"

"Ahahaha… when it's just reeaaalllly needed." (from what? Cheap lipsticks and an egg beater?)

"How about Miyu and Lei?"

"uh.. depends." (No freakin way)

"How about people like Tomas Chien and Jake?"

"Absolutely not. I'd help them be killed, actually." (Only when a scientist proves the world is actually flat, when Eggy is actually straight and if Fatty turns out to be a girl)

"Oh, really?" Eriol mused. "Okay, lastly, would you do anything to make this lucky girl happy? Even at the expense of your own happiness?"

I thought before I answered. Would I? I remembered how venomously she dictated the reasons why she chose law. She lived with deranged and dangerous blokes. She never smiled, not once. At 18, she has the violence and vengefulness of a scorned adult. Plus, something horrible happened to her. Something that has a name… the one that's been knocking at my head since the video fest.

Would I?

Of course I would.

"Yes."

Eriol was quiet for a moment. Then, he suddenly said, "wow, Li, I never thought I'd live to see the day you finally had the gall to let yourself in this." WHAT THE?

"What? Are you hinting on a trip to a brain surgeon now?" I snapped, unsettled. "I have consulted the yellow pages for any kind of doctor brilliant enough to cure me from the blasted whatever-it-is that is making me this way and there isn't a single bloody thi-!"

"You did what!" he asked disbelievingly, now positively laughing. "My dear descendant, you don't need a doctor! Anyone can see why you're acting like this!"

I blinked. "They can? WHAT THEN? Pancreatitis? SARS? AIDS? Cerebral Palsy? HEART CANCER? Heat stroke? WHAT?"

"You're in love."

Silence.

"Oh, fuck."

I stood up and laid on the couch, glaring at every object my eyes landed on. I refuse to believe that! A second later, I snatched the 'lovely' little toy called a Magic Cue Ball and gingerly examined it. "I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered.

So sue me. I am desperate. Modestly aside, I am brilliant. I know it, but the matters of the heart are something I neither knew nor cared to know about. It is a taboo in my world. Hell, I haven't even FELT it yet. This… stupid… cue ball was given to Meiling when she was in 8th grade, and gave it to me a year later as a joke. I meant to throw it then. Burn it, actually. Of course, before departing, she reminded me how a woman's wrath is when she finds that her gifts are considered useless. It can melt even the strongest metal in the world. I decided against it.

"God, I am officially going to rely on a freakin' toy," I grumbled. Okay, cue baby, am I attracted to her? I gave it a shake… answer: yep.

Oh crap. Since when?

Guess.

I fumed. GUESS? I shook it harder.

Coffee break. Be back in a jiffy.

REST! I AM AT THE BRINK OF INSANITY HERE, YOU FREAKIN BALL! I shook it furiously, feeling myself age 50 billion years. "HELLO! AM I HAVING PLAIN TEENAGE HORMONAL DRIVES OR AM I FALLING IN LOVE WI-!"

"That toy's a dud when it comes to stuff like that, you know," a voice said matter-of-factly.

My voice box hitched to a stop the same time my heart started beating maniacally. Turning around, I faced the door and saw the person I was avoiding for the past 10 days. "Why-when-what are you doing here?" I demanded, wincing when the words came out sharper than intended.

But of course, I shouldn't have expected her to react. She didn't show any signs of irritation, annoyance or even a flinch. Instead, she walked over and sat at the stuffed sofa directly beside me. Crossing her legs Indian style, she lapsed into silence, only staring at me with those emerald green eyes.

"What?" I muttered, trying to hide the toy from her view. I mean, it would be a pretty valuable weapon for blackmail if she found out this was mine. i don't think she'll be nice either, since my treatment towards her has been a little less than cordial recently.

Then she spoke, "would you mind asking the ball a question for me?"

I warily eyed her. "Uh… sure."

"Would you ask why a senior named Li Xiao-Lang, current Li heir and my host, has been treating his guest like dry rot for the past few days?" she asked pleasantly.

I winced, surprised. So… she had, unfortunately, noticed.

"And," she continued, her eyes practically boring a hole in my shoulder, "that she'd like the reason to be a reasonable one, because she doesn't like being treated as part of the wallpaper and would gladly leave this place if it is not."

"I haven't been…," I started arguing.

"Yes, you have!" she snapped. "Wanna tell me why?"

"Why should I tell you?" I shot back rather defensively. "Why do you even want to know, anyway?"

She didn't answer me, just eyeing my dryly with one eyebrow raised. "Don't tell me the reason has something to do with what I just head, Li," she then lowered her voice and imitated what I said, "HELLO! AM I HAVING PLAIN TEENAGE HORMONAL DRIVES OR AM I FALLING IN LO-!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I cut her off stubbornly, horrified that for the first time in a year, I can actually feel the heat rising to face. In a sudden burst of agitated energy, I jumped to my feet and started striding around the room, yelling, "OH MY GOD! I'm feeling what I incite on my female targets! SHIT!"

She only watched me. "Well, so I was right? Now that is a surpri-".

"LALALA," I said loudly, covering my ears, "I can't hear you! I'm deaf! Lalalalalal-!"

"but of course, you don't have anything to worry about—"

"Lalalalalalalalalala-!"

"—since you'll still keep your bachelor life and live the life of a parrot—"

"Lolololoalaeleieloooo—"

"—because she'll never want you back, anyway."

"Lalalala- WHAT?" I whipped back and faced her, an indignant expression on her face. Then I stopped and sat on the table in front of her. "What makes you say tha- is that what you think?" I asked her, squelching the—oh nononono—hurt down by throat. Then, in an attempt to regain my composure, I smirked and said, "you're not even a girl!"

Something flashed in her eyes and she threw a pillow at my face. "I am, you idiot, so I know that no women would want your stinky hide."

"Even you?" I accidentally asked.

"ESPECIALLY me," she said smugly.

"Why's that?"

"Well… for one thing… you have that swagger that's a pain in the eyes," she said after some thought.

"I… what?" I asked.

"You know…" she stood up and began demonstrating, "You walk with your shoulders down and your pelvis out, basically strutting around like a constipated drug-pusher."

"I do NOT. So you hate my walk even though I KNOW I don't walk like that, so what about my physical gifts? You can't deny that I'm on top on that department," I said, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, I can and I will," she replied, smirking. "Your nose is flat, your eyes are bulging like a frog and you have the mouth of a parrot." The she added, "Besides, your hair is a shame to humanity."

"What's wrong with my hair?" I asked indignantly, already offended about what she thought of my face, hand instinctively spring up to touch my crown.

"It's oily, it sticks out everywhere and it stinks… oh and it has very ugly color," she said matter-of-factly, her eyes shining mischievously.

"Why, thank you Kinomoto, my shining pillar of support, you" I answered sarcastically, unable to keep my mouth from quirking on the side with amusement.

"See, you're amused. So tell me, Li. Who's the unlucky girl?" she asked, apparently interested. "Are you going to woo her with your ugly walk and smelly hair, or are you gonna follow in Hollywood's steps and sing praises of her every night and actually devote a mini-altar for her behind your closet?"

"Contrary to what your thinking, I am not one of those twits in the movies running around like a tomato and screaming 'I love you!' over and over."

"Actually, love is nothing but a series of chemical reactions," she pointed out.

"Another reason why I call them twits. Serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible from keeping you sane, drops, thus the claims of 'being crazy in love' is created. That's another reason why I call them… twits."

"Well, my parrot, it's not as if you weren't a nutball the very first day I met you. Oh and you forgot to mention norephinephrine, dopamine and-in you case- testosterone."

"Uh-huh," I said in a bored voice, recalling my chemistry lessons with ease, "the former's duty is like adrenaline, so it makes you slightly sweaty and makes… makes…" my eyes widened.

"…makes your hear beat 3 times faster," she continued for me, amused. "My god, you ARE bitten by the love bug!"

I closed my eyes and gulped, remembering perfectly well what the last 2 does to the human body.

Dopamine elevates by perhaps 20 to 40 percent, making you disgustingly giddy and energetic.

Testosterone makes you want to be with you honey all the time.

My eyes swiveled to the direction of the fallen cue ball, now lying innocently on the carpet, the glass window staring at me in the face. And to my horror, the message it conveyed gave birth to a mixture of reactions in me.

In white cursive letters, it proclaimed one thing: yes.

Hell exploded.

"NO! I AM NOT! I AM NOT A TWI-!"

"Hey, I wanna be the flower girl, got it! I WANT 15 GRANDCHILDREN, LI! OHOHOHO-!"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALA!"

"I wanna hear about your torrid affair! GO ON, MY LOVESTRUCK PARROT! SPILL!"

"LALA- THERE WAS NO BLOODY TORRID AFFAIR!"

00000000

I sat boltright up in bed, fists clenched. With a load groan, I feel back and covered my head with the pillow (hoping to die) as the norphinephrine, dopamine, testosterone hormones and transmitters finally began to move and pupil dilation took place.

Letting out a shower of very colorful words before conceding defeat, I removed the pillow and stared at the ceiling, finally acknowledging what's been happening to me for.. well… I don't know when it started.

I, Li Xiao-Lang, heir to the Li clan, excellent athlete, brilliant student and now taken, am in l-love with…

With…

With…

Sakura Kinomoto.

Can somebody please deliver me to my death?

a/n: amazing... i edited! keh... I'm not saying that it's perfect (i think it's far from it, actually) already. i just corrected the spelling mistakes i saw. I HAD TO. It causes blindness and possible eye popping. (wince)

yeah, anyways... i haff eh new story coming.. i don't know when... maybe when i can get my ass outta bed... SUMMER VACATION! BWAHAHAHA! THANK YOU for the recent reviews! you guys are so freakin awesome!