Rantings: I don't believe it! 'The Da Vinci Code' is BANNED in my city AND it's R-18! WTF!

Chapter 18

Head Over Feet

I glared at the big fat red B stamped on the paper that is my brilliant Christopher Columbus essay for AP World History. I bloody cannot believe the gall of my unfeeling and merciless professor. Sure, I may have plunged into this essay at the wee hours of the morning because a certain annoying parrot kept popping in my brain and that there's a huge chocolate and caramel stain right in the middle, but really, a B? Some evil prats are so uncaring and indifferent to people who may have tragedy in their life.

Who gives a fig about explorers anyway? The last one stalked around a stinky farm acting all high and mighty and claiming he had found the world of pixies and what happened? He disappeared.

Huhn. Probably got whacked by a duck, tripped on a twig and attacked by sheep.

I have never gotten a B before.

Die, B. DIE.

No, screw that. It should be: DIE, LI. DIE!

It's that parrot's fault I've been acting like a dolt for the past two weeks. I positively cannot believe that I cried in front of him and he just LET me. It is unheard of, quite frankly. WHY did he have to be so effin' nice? He did the best thing that I could ask for, which was just stay by my side and not pity, hate or treat me like I have AIDS, the way people did when they learned what a pack of parasites my family was… and is. He stayed at that bedside chair from the moment Sandman bonked me on the head to the time I woke up to brutal reality.

And for the past 2 weeks, he hadn't changed how he thought or acted when it comes to yours truly. Heck, he even dumped a whole pitcher of milk on my face the other day, as if assuring me that nothing changed.

It felt good.

Oh, it's true that I'm still… afraid about what my bastard brother's thinking of doing. It's true that for the past two weeks, I've been a nervous wreck, barely going out of the house and spent more hours practicing self-defense and reading everything I could about depressants and hallucinogens. I was furiously digging my hole and building up a barrier complete with a cannonball and a mad dog (i.e., Kero), but sadly, he did not allow it and took me to practically half of the tourist spots in both the campus and the country.

It's sad and confusing… I feel safe, even though I know that somewhere out there lurks my stepbrother and my father. I feel safe… because of him.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

I've been ignoring him, though.

Is that the right thing to do?

Ah, blast it.

"Hey, look," a girl, who is a gossip if I ever saw one, sitting next to me crowed, " isn't this such a cute top? QUICK! Would you say I look good on it with boots or high heels?"

I rolled my eyes. Ooh, what a major dilemma.

A friend giggled. "Ohh, you'll definitely catch his eye if you pair it with high-heeled boots!"

Yes, if you ever try to walk on it to impress whoever the hell he is, I sincerely hope you trip.

Bad Sakura, I berated myself. You are turning into a nosy git! You should be mentally selecting what remote island you will live in for the next hundred years because of your crying fit 2 weeks ago.

Against my will, I snuck a glance at Li. Half my brain (the wise part) said, STOP LOOKING. HE'S UGLY, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? You have no business looking at him! Why are you looking at him anyway? The other (stupid) part scoffed and retaliated, 'he's the nicest and the most intriguing guy you've met, and that's saying something. Why can't you just admit that you feel something for him?'

I promptly bonked myself in the head, earning a not-so-subtle irritated glance from my merciless History professor and puzzled looks from my classmates, including Li. Ahhhh… I'm going crazy.

He's looking at me.

Compose yourself, Sakura.

YOU IDIOT. YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS?

To block out the annoying voices I focused on the conversation between Ms. Gossip and her friend, and I found much to my displeasure that their topic was not far off the one I tried to squeeze out of my (poor) head.

"You mean Li would notice me if I wear high heeled boots?" Ms. G exclaimed delightedly.

I groaned and buried my head in my arms, wanting to shrivel off the face of this useless planet. Is it just me or is every bloody woman in this so-called top university smitten with a parrot?

"Yes, he so would!" her friend affirmed.

My ears, much to my chagrin, perked up.

"He would?" Ms. Gossip burst out excitedly.

HE WOULD?

"That's a relief," Ms. G. said, smiling smugly. Then, lowering her voice such that I had to ('casually') lean my head to hear, "I thought for a while there that he fancies… you know."

Stop, Kinomoto, you nosy prat, stop eavesdropping.

It's bad.

You're turning into one of them.

…

I listened intently.

"Who?" her friend asked curiously.

"Duh, his… guest."

Birds stopped chirping. Evil AP teacher became mute. Lightning crackled and thunder boomed. A wind swept the classroom and an earthquake rumbled. My heard stopped.

… Me?

Then, Ms. Gossip continued in a haughty tone, "but of course, I was sure I was wrong. I mean," she smirked, eyeing my 'sleeping' form, "what kind of guy would be turned on with a girl as messy and drab as her? Li likes sophisticated and high-maintenance girls."

My sleeping form jerked, and before I can fully transform myself into batgirl and pummel them, the bell rang. I watched with burning eyes as the two girls catwalked away, and felt my urge to incinerate them even more when they gave Li suggestive looks. In my state, I did not notice the recipient gave them a contemptuous stare.

I swore and stomped out of the classroom, intent on getting some peace and quiet.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Li's not as shallow as that… is he?

OoOoOooO

Jake's eyes—or eye, since one was too beaten up and puffy to see,--followed the figure of his running sister, following the swaying motion of her bag and her shining face. Sweat beaded down his oily hair and into his face, as he cursed once again and wondered why in all hells do they have to have such a HUGE campus.

He had waited for a long time. It took a huge effort and willpower not to chase after her, grab her from behind and stick her back into his car and back where she belonged: in his arms, his possession and his life. But he must let her lower her guard down for a bit, then…

He nearly cackled out loud at the thought. So what to do now?

Unfortunately for him, there was a rustle behind the bushes he was using for cover. Not wanting another black eye, he tore his eyes away from his prey, only to find out that it was only the wind.

And when he turned back, she was gone.

OoOoOo

I stepped inside the huge cathedral, feeling very uncomfortable and nervous. I have never stepped in a cathedral as big as this before. Then again, I've never been inside ever since… that day in the lake. But I remembered what my mother used to say whenever I punched somebody my old school.

When burdened, do not inflict bodily harm.

Meditate and pray.

In a church.

Come to think of it, I don't even know why I chose this place, since I don't think God knows a thing about the matters of the heart. Still, he was supposed to be All-Knowing, hm?

I knelt on the nearest pew. Er… what am I supposed to say? 'Dear Lord, I am in the brink of insanity. There is this boy who won't stop being nice. So sweet and nice, in fact, that I found myself feeling mentally-challenged. Do I have AIDS?'

I can practically feel the reaction I would get from the Almighty.

He would guffaw spectacularly then tell his angels, who in turn would laugh their wing feathers off.

"This is stupid," I said out loud 20 minutes later and made to get up, when a voice stopped me.

"Are you sure about that, dearie?" a womanly voice asked from behind me.

I turned around and faced a nun, who is probably half a decade older than me. "Do you have a problem?" she asked me kindly, sitting next to me.

"No," I said automatically. I didn't like the immediate trust I felt for her.

"Oh, I beg to disagree. Does it have anything to do with a boy?"

I gaped at her like a goldfish. "How the hell did you know?"

"Dear girl," she chortled good naturedly, "I've been around this good earth more than you have and seen more, felt more and did more than you can imagine. Trust me, I know." She smiled. "One of the things I learned is never let things be bottled up in that fragile heart of yours. You'll explode."

I looked at her oddly. I didn't know if it was my mood or some other supernatural or natural or odd or magical or whatever force, because the next thing I knew, I was telling her about practically half my life. After I poured my internal organs out, I whispered nervously, "so do you think I have AIDS or something?"

She blinked at me then let out a heart-warming musical laugh. It seemed to fill the huge cathedral and resound of the walls. Then again, maybe it's just the first symptoms of an AIDS attack. It was still very entrancing.

She thought for a moment then leaned over and said thoughtfully, "I don't know if I'll be able to help you with this little information but back when I was your age—although a little bit more on the romantic side—my mother used to tell me to let the birds lead the way."

"Eh?"

"You see," she rested her back and looked at the giant crucifix at the centerfront of the place, "there was an old folks tale in my village that birds lead us to what we want… it can also lead us to our other half."

My heart was thudding. LOUD. "Seriously?" I asked dubiously.

"Well, it's worth a try, you know," the nun said, smiling. "If you'd do that, I recommend the ones with white plumage or a dominant white."

There was a short comfortable silence. Then, I stood up shakily. I was about to leave when I asked, "have you ever tried it before?"

She looked at me and said, "yes, I did. It led me to something that does not involve the matters of the heart, though, I'm afraid."

Then I turned around and walked towards the exit. Before I was 4 feet away, I cursed and turned around, intending to thank the (slightly mad) old nun, but when I returned, she was gone.

Scratch that, I'm the mad one.

Oooooo

Don't ask me why in all hells am I in a petshop near the university campus after dismissal, narrowly avoiding Li and Eriol and Tomoyo and skipping my afternoon class with the sadistical sadist named Eggy.

I entered the petshop, asked the lady in the counter where the birds where, received an odd look and was pointed to the birds section… which was no less than 2 feet away from me. I bloody can't believe I missed the incessant squawks of a huge parrot right in the side of the door. I glared at it. It glared at me, if that was possible.

There is actually a 'hate at first sight' for an intelligent human and an annoying bird.

I never liked birds, particularly pigeons, which attacked me back in sixth grade just because I threw some of their supposed food to the ducks, who I think are much more docile and likeable. Whatever.

"SQUAWK! Ugly ugly ugly! SQUAWK! Ugly ugly ugly!" it screeched gleefully.

My left eye twitched and I promptly whacked the stupid bird at the back of the head. It nearly fell on the floor before flying upwards again and attacking me for forty-seven years.

"OW! YOU STUPID BIRD!" I bellowed furiously, drawing the attention of the other customers. "Stop! STOP! ARGHHHH!"

The lady in the counter finally took notice and, after giving me a (I would've called it beautiful if I hadn't felt so irritated at its kind at the moment) small dove, chirping happily inside a small cage, she booted me out of the shop when I threatened to make parrot stew out of that mad bird.

I hate parrots.

The bird and the man, more specifically.

When I was finally out in the sidewalk, I made sure there was no one around to witness my lapse of sanity then kneeled in front of the small cage. "Er… seriously, bird," I addressed the dove uncertainly, "I don't exactly know what I'm going to expect from setting you free, but please, be less irritating than that parrot and don't get yourself killed when I release you."

It stared at me with big black orbs.

I'm talking to a bird. A cute one, though. I opened the cage and watched as it hopped out and into the palm of my hand. Uh… am I supposed to raise my arms or something to make him fly? When it still didn't budge after I raised my arms like a loon, I told it, "okay, buster, you may be cute, but you are not THAT cute." "Now, the whole purpose of me buying you is the see if the nun's tale is true and you will actually lead me to a man and not a pigeon hole," I explained patiently, as if talking to a three year old kid.

I made sweeping motions. "Now, GO! Fly like a bird! Be free!"

It still didn't budge, looking at me innocently.

"Aw, come on!" I whined. "Go! FLY! Use those feathers of your—OW! OI!" I yelled, surprised when it suddenly flew of and veered to the east. "WAIT!"

The bird should be thankful of its cuteness.

I ran and followed it. It led me to the park… to a pathway lined with cherry blossom trees…… continuing in a steady line… puff puff, argh…

To a small gate…

To a fountain…

I stopped 10 feet away from the fountain, consisting of a man and a woman dancing in a cloud, water rushing out of various spots, strategically positioned to make it look as if they were ribbons of blue to complete the picture of romance.

I watched as it landed on the shoulder of a person.

A person with… brown hair.

Messy… brown… hair.

Aw, crap.

OoOoO Li's POV oOOOO

I stomped agitatedly into the mansion, looking for either a head of blue hair or black hair with a bow. Finding neither hide nor hair of my two 'extremely reliable' so-called best friends (humph), I barged straight into the meditation room, where I knew my mother would be sitting and cleansing her soul or something with the sound effects of 'huhhnnnnn… huhhhnnnnn… ngggghhh…..'

"Mother!" I shook her from behind violently. "Your son is in need of parental opinion since all his friends have mercilessly deserted him!"

She straightened her neat hairstyle (it was destroyed by my sexy hands), whirled around and made me the recipient of a very threatening glare. Of course, not to me since I've been it's target for the past 18 years.

She knows that too so all she said after that was, "pretty melodramatic of you, Xiao-Lang," in a dry voice. "What is the problem?"

I heaved a sigh. "Mother, look me in the eye and tell me your answer which you think is the truth and nothing but the truth and with BRUTAL honesty."

Yelan blinked. "Well, fire away, then."

I looked at her seriously and asked in a panicky voice, "do you see a teenage boy with brown hair and amber eyes when you look at me?"

"Yes…"

"Not a monster with a total of one tooth, a pug snout and a bald head?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Am I ugly?"

She stopped then, staring at me disbelievingly. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

I nodded.

"Well, you did look like a terrorist on your last passport picture…"

"Gee, thanks. I bet the authorities would LOVE to hear that, my dear mother," I said sarcastically, then proceeded to pace around the room.

"What is wrong with you?" she burst out exasperatedly. "Why do you suddenly question me with questions bordering on rhetorical and absolute nonsense? If you have a pug snout, then your parents most certainly have, too! Do you think I HAVE a pug snout?"

"Uhm… I guess not," I replied, blinking, looking at her pert nose.

Then I proceeded to tell her what happened at the park. To sum up my confusing afternoon, right after I perched the bird on my index finger, I hear a very panicked expletive which came from the only mouth I knew who could sound so funny and shocking at the same time (two guesses who). I whirled around, intending on asking her out for..erm… coffee—a subtle way of asking 'want to hang out with me?'—when I saw her face.

It was the most confusing and hilarious face I have EVER seen, more so than the clown I whacked on the gut with a flaming candle when I was 3.

I was about to ask her what the hell is the reason why she's gaping at me like a goldfish, when she suddenly launched herself at me. I caught her by the waist just as her small delicate hands grabbed hold of my collar and wailed, "WHY YOU?"

"Why ME?" I repeated then, confused, unable to melt at the sight of her green eyes—usually narrowed or pissed—widened to the point that it looked absolutely adorable

"YES," she wailed, glaring at me, "why, of all the people in this world, did the bird have to pick you? WHY YOU?"

Then, she scowled at the bird and said accusingly, "why in the world did you pick HIM?"

I asked her, "er… what do you mean?"

As if realizing what just happened, she gave me the most puzzling expression ever. Her cheeks reddened… then her face… then her neck… then her ears. Before I can even blink, she was gone, leaving only a path of burnt stone on her wake as she zigzagged towards god-knows-where.

And she took the bird.

And after hours of thinking, I have finally come to the conclusion that I may have contracted a disease just this afternoon which, for some odd reason, made me so horrible to look at that I make people like Sakura practically fly away.

"Sooo… what do you think?" I asked anxiously after I finished.

She thought for a moment, then, to my surprise and wariness, a slow smile spread on her face. Facing me, she asked suddenly, "did you say a WHITE bird?"

I nodded. "As in a dove?" she persisted, her smile definitely starting to creep me out.

"Yes," I answered. "Mother, what is brewing inside that middle-aged brain of yours?" I asked cautiously.

"Oh, pshaw, it's nothing," she said airily, waving a hand in the air. "Xiao-Lang, do you like Sakura?"

My temperature rose. "Well," I started doggedly, "I like her as a friend and as a victim of my pran—"

She looked at me, expression flat. "Don't try and lie to me, son. I'm your mother."

"Okay! Okay! Don't look at me like that!" I said defensively, backing away. "Fine, so I lov—LIKE her. So what?"

Her eyes brightened. "When do you plan on telling her?"

"Uh… how about never?"

"XIAO-LANG!" she exploded. "The Li men are not cowards when it comes to the game of love!"

"L—LOVE?" I choked out. "I don't love her! I..er.. like her! Yes, I LIKE HER!"

She ignored my poor attempt on correction and instead seriously said, "I think you should tell her."

I was now the one gaping like a goldfish. "ARE YOU INSA (insert raised feminine eyebrow)— whoops—I mean, no way! What if she rejects me? What if she never sees me as a friend again? I can't take that risk—"

"Xiao-Lang…"

"It's unheard of! There's a fifty-fifty percent chance she'll pummel me to my death—"

"Son…"

"—or sever ties with me. And what am I supposed to say?"

"Xiao-Lang… stop…"

" 'Sakura, I am so sorry. I've been trying hard not to but I can't help it!'" I ranted, not noticing the footsteps that stopped at the doorway. " 'I, Li Xiao-Lang, your tormentor and official host here in Hong Kong, have fallen in love with you.'"

"Son—"

"In fact, I feel it in my heart so much it hurts like he—"

"XIAO-LANG!" Yelan bellowed. "You are embarrassing yourself!"

"Why?" I asked dismissively. "It's not like she's here to he—"

Tweet.

My heart stopped. Aw, crap.

Tweet tweet.

I turned around, dread seeping through every hole in my body and 2 seconds later, a mini-explosion burgeoned in my chest, hopefully incinerating every organ in my body and killing me in a matter of seconds.

I hope I hope I hope I hope…

… because when I completed a full 180-degree turn, I met the stunned shocked face of Sakura Kinomoto, carrying the small white dove in her hands.

She backed away, her hands falling limply, letting it fall and fly.

And ran.

"Xiao-Lang?" my mother's sympathetic voice penetrated my (hopefully dying) brain.

"Yeah?"

"You may not be afflicted with ugliness but, really, this is one of those times when I think I have a son who is either deaf or autistic."

"Yeah. I wonder that, too."

Aw, shit.

A/n: Okaaaaayyy, uhm, this chapter was inspired by Alanis Morisette's 'Head Over Heels'. Really sorry for the grammatical errors and spelling mishaps! R&R please! I also have a new (spur-of-the-moment and hopefully not horrible) story. R&R that as well!

Later and Lotsa Love,

CalCarrie

P.S. Ooooh, thank you for all the wonderful reviews!

p.s. The bird thing was… uh (cough cough) made up. Yeah… (runs away). Don't know exactly how a dove ended up in HongKong… (coughs even more violently)…