Chapter 22

Mission: MadHouse Infiltration

To describe the mansion housing the controversial Chien family 'creepy' would be a severe understatement. Situated right smack in the middle of their 2 acre land, surrounded by either their wealth or nature gone mad and with a GARGOYLE at the top of each wing, it looked like it once housed the Addams Family. In fact, the equally rich neighbors have a codename for it: Madhouse.

Because, seriously, if you see it yourselves for the first time, it won't be far off the mark by calling it that. The inhabitants were not making it any better since the patriarch, Tomas, was rarely home and the new wife was rumored to be as unbalanced as she was beautiful.

Huge iron gates flanked by intimidating red brick walls detach it from civilization and the Cyprus trees that towers over any human being passing by makes it look like a very appropriate setting for a Steven Spielberg movie.

In any case, that was exactly what two of Whilimsiclistic Pest Control's workers were thinking.

One short and one thin, the two tilted their chins up and gaped. The fatter and bespectacled one looked at his partner and said, "'ey, Bob, ye sure 'tis the right place? We still on Earth or 'at?"

Bob scratched his head and looked at the clipboard. "Ye, says so right here," he pointed a finger at the white sheet.

WHILIMSICLISTIC RAT CONTROL

(We pest the pests to death!!!)

Customer: Hikaru G. Chien

Address: 31 Jefferson St. Hallltorn Subd.

Workers: Bob Green

Ernie Banolie

"Aw, crap."

They nervously lugged their equipment from the yellow and green van to the side where a doorbell and an intercom was found. Gulping, they wiped the sweat from their faces and prepared for the worst.

Shuddering, Ernie remarked, "scary, innit? Rumor 'as it that 'tis house is mighty cursed."

"Yeah, I 'eard a g-ghost comes 'ere ev'ry night and the w-wife wus a-a…" Bob trailed off, his pimples glowing at his self-incurred fright.

"A what?" Ernie whispered.

Looking around as if anyone would even bother to be out at this time of the night, he leaned in and said, "… a—"

He never really did get to finish the sentence, because a second later, his partner emitted a high-pitched squeak and tumbled backwards. "Wusa matter wit' you, Ern?" Bob sniggered.

In reply, Ernie held up a shaking finger and pointed at something behind Bob, who froze and trembled. "I-is a-a…"

Ernie nodded. If possible, Bob's face turned even paler, his pimples sticking out. They were about to scream and run pell mell down the road when said unidentified creature purred, "hello."

Slowly, Bob craned his neck, his insect repellant bottle absolutely shaking.

BAM!!!

And all was black.

OoOoOo

The guard in charge of the strict surveillance of The MadHouse snorted out of his sleep when the doorbell rang. He opened his bleary eyes and flicked the intercom connected to the gate on. "State your name and your purpose," he gruffly said, rubbing his bleary eyes and wondering who in all hells would think about visiting at this godforsaken hour.

The answer was rather ridiculous: "Bob Green and Ernie Banolie from Whilimiwatsits Rat Control at your service!" chirped a cheery voice.

"Wait! Wait and hold it! You tellin' me that Mrs. Chien ordered to have the house cleaned at 10 o'clock in the effin' evening," the guard stated slowly and flatly, a touch of sarcasm in his tone.

Another voice spoke up, "well… er… it says here," there was a shuffling of papers, "that, YES, he did."

Pushing his chair back, he grabbed his phone and called Chien himself.

"Hello?"

OoOooOoO

Wallace, an intimidating guard towering at 7 feet, walked forward to welcome the two pest control workers. He had always felt that his boss' wife was a bit touched in the head, but who in the seven seas would order to have pests killed at this time…

He opened the door and was met with a weird sight.

Two yellow-suit covered workers with black helmets and what must be a ton of machines in tow. The taller one, from what he can see, sports a mop of blue hair and a pair of azure eyes that were far too… twinkly… for his liking. He looked at his partner and appraised him with suspicious eyes.

Said partner fidgeted.

'He' was about a head shorter than Twinkly, but hell if he saw another one more… feminine… than this bloke. The suit was too large for him, the helmet to big, drooping down the black hair that covered amethyst-colored doe eyes. If he would look closer, he swore that he could smell a light… flowery… heavenly…perfume??? Wait just a damn second…

"Oi!" he barked at Twinkly, whose eyes were now practically shining with mirth, although in Wallace's eyes it was tears shed because of fear of his large and intimidating presence. "Is your partner wearing MASCARA???"

Twinkly coughed and smiled cheerfully, "oh no, sir, he just applied some castor oil in his eyelashes for 3 months straight and made it thicker and more shiny!"

Wallace stared in shock.

Twinkly's partner then spoke up in a squeaky voice, "would you like to have some? I have one in the van."

Letting them in, Wallace decided then and there that the two weird pest controllers were bananas and sincerely hoped that the bugs would eat them.

And besides, if they WERE fake rat controllers, what would they do, drown the place in ratty poison thingy?

OoOoo

"That, Hiriigizawa," Tomoyo muttered as she fixed her mustache nervously and followed the He-man into the mansion, "was the stupidest idea you've ever thought of!"

It was a split second decision, really. They were suppose to go in ala James Bond, complete with ropes and killer fighting moves, but the hideously bright van and its 2 unfortunate passengers were just to… bright… not to notice. They'd followed it towards the general direction to the house when a light bulb suddenly went up on Eriol's head…

… and it was obvious what happened next, really. After that, Eriol, dressed in black and all, stole their clothes and helped Tomoyo haul them inside the van.

Although it never really occurred to her how freaky Eriol looks when he wants to be until now…

Eriol huffed indignantly and dragged the equipment closer. "Was not!" he argued. "What, you mean you'd prefer to sneak into the place rigged with booby traps, snakes, poison darts and swarming with bodyguards whom I suspect are mutated Bigfoots???"

Tomoyo shot him a dry look. "Putting his nastiness aside, I hardly think that he's paranoid enough to put poison darts on his bathroom. Plus, Bigfoot is not daft enough to ally itself with such an old pillock."

"Oh, but—"

Mr. Wallace shot them a look.

They shut up and, meekly pulling their load, went inside the infamous MadHouse.

ooOOoooooOooooOOOO

Tomoyo stood up from her chair on the drawing room, too used to the extravagant decorations to care and looked up at the man—someone she personally didn't know but loathes with every fiber of her being—as he walked towards them, his luxurious robes draped across his body.

"Well, at least we know where Sakura got her looks. Definitely not from this guy," Eriol muttered, staring at the guy with a smirk on his face.

"Ew. He looks like a cross between a chicken and a hamster," she shuddered slightly.

Eriol never had the chance to reply since at that moment Chien demanded in a stern voice, "Are you the ones from Whilimisiclistic's?"

Obviously, they both thought, replying with a "yes, Mr. Chien"

He suddenly sniffed contemptuously and beckoned them to follow him. "Come along and follow me. The library will be the first room that must be treated. Those pesky little abominations love eating the carpet. I expect that all, and I mean ALL of them will be exterminated come 11 pm. Please do not touch…"

They rolled their eyes. He droned on and on until they reached the library. Before letting them in, he turned around and looked at them each in the eye. "Now," he said softly, his beady eyes narrowing. "I repeat: do NOT touch anything in this room unless it's a home of the rats I paid you to exterminate. Any broken, damaged or slightly chipped artifacts will be the death of your company. Do no harm to the awards and trophies. Understand?" Without waiting for an answer, he left them alone. Eriol and Tomoyo glanced at each other and uttered,

"Git."

OoOooOoo

"That's it! This family is wackos!" Tomoyo announced and stared at the huge room. The high-ceilinged room boasted high shelves filled with numerous books. Expensive lamps and furnishes reflected under the warm glow of the mini-chandelier and the furnitures and tables were not something to laugh at. While she can't contest the fact that they were a smart and rich lot, she can announce to the world that they were vain and hideous.

At the middle of two high shelves was a large picture of Tomas Chien. On the bare walls were paintings of the Chien family, the Chien's extended family's pictures and a really hideous and horrifying one of Jake in his teens. She was sorry for the painter, who must've gone blind. Near a Greek statue of a half-naked woman was a couch with pillows…

….pillows printed with the faces of ickle baby Jake

Eriol was still staring at the pictures. "Good Lord, they're vainer than you or Meiling."

Tomoyo promptly bonked him on the head

Fixing her "mustache", Tomoyo squared her shoulders, walked into the middle of the room and put her hands on her hips. "Ok," she said, looking around. "We're suppose to find some evidence of anything sleazy, underhanded and illegal about them, get it and go to the police. Sooo," she looked at her partner expectantly, "any more brilliant ideas, E—HEY! STOP THAT!"

Eriol looked up guiltily from the book he had found and had been reading. "What?" he cried defensively. "We may be able to learn a few winning strategies that would help!"

Tomoyo raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

"WHAT???"

"Oh, I never thought Kama Sutra can be sooo educational," she said dryly.

OoOOoo 20 minutes of fruitless search later OoOOoo

After a search of the cabinets that yielded nothing more useful, Tomoyo Daidouji had a very naughty thought going through her head. An evil and absolutely spectacular idea. She snuck a glance at Eriol and saw that he was still reading that damned book, glancing at it in between their original purpose.

Well, if he could do it….

Smiling wickedly, she fished the room and found a permanent marker sent by the gods. Uncapping it, she turned to the blindingly large picture of the snide Tomas Chien and smirked.

OoOoOOo 3 min. ago OOoooOo

Eriol closed the small book and willed his eyes to get back to proportion. He looked around the room and spotted Tomoyo furiously raiding an expensive-looking chest. Still trying to get the unwanted images in his head, he wondered again just how in all hells would people with normal abilities would be able to do those kinds of positions. Heck, it bordered on inhumane!

Stretching his back and arms, he reached out both arms and was waiting for a particularly violent yawn….

…. And felt his right hand push against something… conical?

He yelped and back away, craning his head to see what he had touched. To his horror, it was the half-naked Greek statue of woman holding a pot high over her head. And what he had touched was the left breast.

Not only had he touched it, he had pushed it.

And now, it had sunk. Yes, sunk.

Eriol's brilliant mind temporarily failed to perceive that a breast just can't sink like that when pushed, especially since it's made of marble and that something weird was going on. All he saw was that he had pushed a breast of thousand-dollar statue, broken it, and there was going to be hell to pay.

Turning around, he started to say, "Tomoyo, uh… I think you may ha—Tomoyo?"

His friend and partner-in-crime has disappeared.

OoOOo

Tomoyo inwardly snickered after she finished drawing little horns on top of the greasy, now-afro-like hair and admired her handiwork. She turned around to show off her masterpiece to Eriol (after all, she finished it for only 3 minutes, and she HAD been searching for quite a while) and to get back to her search. She stopped after a full 360-degree turn.

Before her stood a large, creepy medieval-looking door that was definitely not part of the library room.

OoOooOo

"Yoohoo… Tomoyo, where are you?" he hissed nervously.

Eriol was panicking, the breast forgotten. Tomoyo couldn't possibly have left the room because Chien would certainly kill her. For god's sake, knowing her, that Wallace guy would know for sure she wasn't really a man!

"Mascara, my ass," he muttered, smacking his head with his hand.

So she wasn't daft enough to go out, which means…

Tap tap.

He halted and listened quietly. What was that?

Tap tap tap tap

It was coming from the inside, and since the windows were closed and curtained, it ruled out the possibility of a bird mad enough to go within 50 feet of this place.

"Tomoyo?" he asked loudly, looking around cautiously. "Where the hell are you?"

The sound became louder.

TAP TAP TAP TAP!!!

IT'S HER!! He can almost imagine Tomoyo's incredibly colorful words while making that sound. But where…?

All those spy/action/adventure movies he watched suddenly came back to him, making his eyes widen with realization. OF COURSE! Chien's a possible psychopath, and according to the Laws of Psycopaths and Pillocks with Money, they were bound to have secret rooms, he thought. He scanned the room once again for anything amiss, and when his eyes landed on a picture, he wanted to jump with joy and at the same time poke his eyes out.

He jogged towards it and lightly tapped the cream-colored wall.

It made a hollow sound.

Movies really are a guy's best friend, he thought happily, looking at the picture.

Instead of a hideous picture of Tomas Chien nestled between 2 high shelves crammed with books, it was replaced with the more appealing, less blinding and more famous movie posters of Pierce Brosnan and Sean Connery in all their James Bond glory.

OoOOooOoo

The security guard on night duty was circling the neighborhood, doing his duties as his job told him to do. What could possibly happen in this rich and seriously boring neighborhood that would be more serious than a Jaguar getting a flat tire or some old coot getting chased by the IRS or a hungry dog who mistook his fat form for a huge steak?

He passed by the—what did they call it again?—Madhouse. He looked at the blinding yellow color of the van parked in the front and grunted. Getting out from his motorcycle, he approached it and saw that it was dripping oil. He was about to write them a ticket (attached with a nice $500 fine) when he heard a muffled sound from the back.

When he opened it, he realized that maybe some action would actually happen tonight.

OoOOo

"This is just great," Tomoyo breathed, annoyed. "I found a hidden door, but I can't show it to Eriol."

She was hesitant to open it, because there was no sure way of assuring herself that what lay inside were just evidence, not the lasers, darts and mutated Bigfoots (i.e. guards). While she was a very good athlete, her knowledge of fighting techniques were practically nil, so if ever Bigfoots DO reside inside, her chances of getting out was as large as a pebble. Oh, she knew she can always scream and shatter their eardrums or claw their eyes out, but Eriol's way was so much better.

Tomoyo was running her hands along the edges of wall and the picture, hoping to find any form of escape, when she suddenly felt the floor move. She prevented the shriek that nearly escaped from her as she watched a thin line separate the floor where she had slid down in surprise, forming a circle and breaking away. She shakily stood up and watched as the floor moved and turned beneath her, hiding that creepy door from her sight once more….

… and bringing to view the well-lit library and the grinning, gleeful, attractive face of Eriol. His gaze shifted from her face to the newly transformed and—to her opinion, at least—much better picture she named her masterpiece and whistled.

"Nice work," he said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why, thank you."

OoOoO

They both agreed that it was best to strap at least one pest-killing equipment on each of them, so that if ever all the room contained was a hundred itsy bitsy mice or cockroaches, they'd feel confident that they can squirt at the little buggers enough to escape, and if ever they make quite a commotion and guards come running, they can at least say that they were doing their job and that it wasn't their fault that the mice broke loose because this house should be condemned by the World Health Organization for being so unsanitized.

But fortunately, they found something more interesting than rats.

"This is so weird," Tomoyo whispered, looking around the room. They had opened the door and found themselves in a large rectangular room filled with racks and shelves and boxes of paraphernalia that seemed to have something… off… with their appearance. She walked around and examined the Loui Vuittons and Gucci bags that lined the right shelf and the designer clothes that hung on cabinet not far from 10 or so cartons lying sealed on the floor, some stacked on another and others just on its own.

Eriol snuck around and plucked a DVD from its place. His eyebrows shot up and he grabbed another DVD and looked at the title. He grabbed a handful and looked at the front, the back, and the DVD itself.

Jackpot.

"Eriol!" Tomoyo suddenly called out.

He went to her, bringing the DVDs. She held up a dainty-looking Burberry wallet she had found during her own search of the room. Eriol had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what she was on about and it only strengthened when she pulled out from her pocket—she had kept her wallet and the car keys with her—a wallet similar to the one she first showed him.

"Go on," he said, scrutinizing the wallets.

"This one," she held up the one she owned, "is genuine." She then held up the other one and announced, her eyes gleaming, "is so fake, but done so well that someone who wasn't skilled enough would be fooled into thinking it was the real thing." She looked at it and then at him and said, "Eriol, this room is full of fakes!"

She did not wait for an answer and grabbed a large white Loui Vuitton bag amidst Ralph Lauren shirts. "Look, genuine Loui Vuitton bags have smoother leather than this and it's supposed to have some sort of insignia or something in the inner compartment! This one," she opened the bag and showed him the inside, "has nothing," she said matter-of-factly.

"It's not only fakes that are in this room," he said, holding up the DVDs, "it's also riddled with pirated DVDs. Heck, this one," he gestured to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, "isn't even on the cinemas yet!"

A few more minutes of searching not only yielded more of them, but after opening the boxes and moving around the racks and cabinets, they also found counterfeit money. Dollars, nickels, pennies and even a few foreign currencies were scattered around the large room, waiting to be distributed to the people.

One coin even had a hole in it and so unbelievably obvious in its true nature that both of them had to snort.

Looking around the room, he asked her, "Do you have your video camera?"

Tomoyo pulled it out and grinned, waving it.

"Take a picture of this one first," he held up the sorry-looking coin.

OoOoOooOo

Sakura reveled in the feeling of being alone. She liked the knowledge that she was sure no one can harm her in this dark solitude, alone and curled up in a ball, knowing that she can do whatever she want, show what she truly feels and without a worry of what other people will think.

Her solitude was shattered when she heard the door creak open and a figure step in, letting the light from the outside in and illuminating her shaking form in the corner of the bedroom. The door closed and she heard the unmistakable sound of the locks sliding in place. When she was little, and thunder and lightning blended with the raging storm outside her bedroom, she would curl up in a little ball, thinking that if she were small enough, whatever entity that was out to get her would fail to notice. It had worked with her imagined Boogeyman and ghosts. But now…

It made her feel wretched to think that the stupid thought wasn't going to work. Not this time.

She felt another presence kneel in front of her, and she refused to acknowledge the disturbance and only buried her face into her knees. She tensed when he ran a hand through her hair and shook it away, knowing that it wasn't the same comforting touch she needed.

Jake's eyes hardened and she braced herself as he pulled on a chunk of her hair to get her to face him and slammed the back of his hand to her cheek twice, sending her head to the side. She looked at him with dazed eyes, eyes that held angry defiance, and spat on his face. She barely had time to draw breath when he grabbed the back of her head and slammed it on the wall until she became numb and saw stars. She scrambled for her beloved corner, running her hands through her head to check for any head wounds, ignoring the metallic taste of blood in her mouth.

He came closer and softly spoke, "why do you have to be so stubborn, Sakura? I could give you the whole world and more. You needn't bleed, sweetheart, if you just be good. All I want is you, can't you see that?"

"Go to hell", she panted, her hand clutching her chest.

"I can give you everything you want. Did you break a rib? Don't worry, my love, Jake will get you up and running in no time. Isn't that wonderful, Sakura? You'll be treated with the finest doctors in the world—"

"Get out. Get out. GET—OUT!!"

Jake let out a snarl. "Can't you understand? I need you, Sakura. How can you doubt my love? If I didn't, why would I take the time to track you down, to wait patiently until we can be together again?" He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

She clawed at his arms, punched him and kicked him. "I hate you!" she spat. "I HATE YOU, you awful piece of—"

His grip tightened and forced her to stand. He pressed his body against hers to hold her still as his right hand closed around her throat. She wheezed, longing to gouge out his eyes, her hands striking at whatever part of his body it came in contact with and shrieked when she felt his legs pin hers into place, keeping her from kicking.

Jake barred his teeth and growled, "this is all that Li boy's fault, isn't it? He's turned you into a complete slut. Where's the timidity? The demure girl I know? WHAT DID HE DO??"

Anger exploded in her chest when he lowered his head to her neck and, with a brief surge of strength, she curled her left hand into fist and smashed it against his head. He screamed in pain and punched her in the gut and released her. She doubled over and rolled to her side, tears streaming down her face. "Leave me alone," she whispered, "there are a lot of other girls out there who'd want to end up with you. Why do you have to do this to me? I'm your bloody half-sister!"

He only stared at her with blank eyes. "You're the one that I want, Sakura."

She wanted to kill him and castrate him. At the same time, she inwardly called out for help. Xiao-Lang. She watched both with fear and hate as he brought out a needle, and a gut feeling told her that this night would be far from over.

OoOoOoOo

"I wonder how Li is doing now," Tomoyo mused as they continued taking pictures and videos. They were nearly finished, looking at every nook and cranny and giving a generous amount of film to the counterfeit money.

Eriol chuckled. "He's probably turning Jake's villa into seventh hell by now." Finally standing up and stretching his cramped legs, he grinned. "Well, I should say we have enough evidence to put the father and son into jail until the next millennia," he said.

Pocketing the camera, Tomoyo nodded and motioned for the door. "Let's go."

They went out the door and, when Tomoyo tilted the very 'pretty' painting of Tomas Chien to the right, waited as the floor turned silently.

"You know, I still marvel at this newly found artistic side of yours," Eriol commented, looking at the elongated eyelashes and darkened eyebags that Tomoyo so generously bestowed upon the painting.

"I'm gifted," Tomoyo said smugly as the floor finally halted. They turned around…

… and met the sight of three hulking Bigfoots in all their 6'5'' glory, each holding a gun and looking at them in a way that definitely did not mean that they were here to escort them to the van.

The two parties stared at each other.

The Bigfoots began to march towards them. "Hold it right the—!"

It was a split second decision and even a faster period of eye contact, but Tomoyo and Eriol both held up the hose-like object dangling from each of their pest control equipment and yelled,

"PEST CONTROL! SQUIIIIRRRTTTT!!!!"

All hell broke loose.

OOoOoOoOo

In another mansion quite a distance away, a phone began to ring on a long and dark entrance hall. A bodyguard answered it and as he listened the angry and frantic voice bellowing at the other end, slowly, his expression changed from deadpanned to shock and, finally, to disbelief. He hurriedly put it down and scrambled to find the master of the house, yelling at the top of his lungs that a break in occurred in the master's family mansion.

He didn't even reach his fifth step when a figure appeared out of nowhere and knocked him out with a blow to the neck, his gloved black hands as strong as iron as he watched the unconscious guard fall to the ground.

His brown eyes gleamed.

'Showtime'.

A/N: (quietly slips away to avoid the wrath of angry readers) I'll—uhm.. oh, wow, look at the time! I need to feed my chickens! Read and Review… yeah… (runs down the hill)

Later and Lotsa Love,

CalCarrie