What's Up in Ohtori
by sharnii
Chapter 2: The Endless Hallway
SCENE 2: Noon. Interior. Ohtori Academy – The Endless Hallway.
Utena: (to Anthy who trails her demurely) Geez, this hallway is long. I never really noticed how long it is before.
Anthy: It's long because it's metaphorical.
Utena: Huh?
Anthy: (patiently) It's long because we haven't met anyone else coming down it yet.
Utena: Huh?
Anthy: (like she's speaking to a very young child) It's long because it's a plot device, and I'm beginning to wonder if you are too.
Utena: Oh. Well anyway. I'm getting a blister. And it hurts. Ow!
Anthy: I thought you were too much of a tomboy to care about things like that?
Utena: Heh, normally that's true. But I want my feet to look nice for Akio-san. I just can't seem to hold onto my personality when he's around…
Anthy: Or your self-respect.
Utena: Right. Uh what?
Anthy: Oh look, Utena-sama! It's uh…boys playing sport! Aggressively!
Utena: (cranes her head to look) Where? Where?!
Anthy: They're gone now.
Utena: (disappointed) Darn.
Anthy: Yes Darn indeed.
Out of nowhere Wakaba zooms up, and glomps all over Utena, who is suddenly facing a window and about to be knocked out of it.
Wakaba: UTENNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAA-SAAAAAAAAAMMAAAAAA!!
Utena: Oh crap.
Utena falls out window. Anthy cracks up laughing, slapping her thigh for good measure. A horrified Wakaba turns to stare at her in…horror.
Anthy: (automatically reverts to sweet face & voice) Hello Wakaba-san.
Wakaba: OMG!! You were laughing!! Evilly!! Evil laughter!! EVIL!!
Anthy: Was I?
Utena uses her incredible sporting abilities to physically haul herself up the vertical wall and over the windowsill.
Utena: (puffing) Knew…puff…that would…puff…happen…one…of…huff huff…these…days…
Wakaba: Utena-sama! I'm so glad you're alive!! But I have something SHOCKING to tell you!!
Wakaba points a shaking finger at Anthy.
Wakaba: She…no it…IT is ev-IL!!
Anthy looks worried.
Utena: (grows angry) Wakaba! How could you say such things! Himemiya is my friend, and I know you're incredibly jealous of her but that's no reason to go around saying such mean things.
Anthy: (places hand softly on Utena's breast…uh I mean her heart, and smiles beatifically) Oh, Utena-sama…
Utena: (all misty eyed) Himemiya…
Wakaba: (rains her fists down on Utena's back) Open your eyes, you dolt! She's EVIL!!
Saionji: (pops out of nowhere) She makes me so angry I have to hit her. She makes me do it!
Wakaba: Evil!
Utena: Saionji's on medication. Everyone knows that.
Anthy: (smiles at Saionji) Poor Senpai.
Juri: (pops out of nowhere) I have to hit her too.
Wakaba: Because she's evil!!
Utena: Juri's a lesbian who likes to dominate women. Everyone knows that.
Anthy: Those were the days…
Nanami: (pops out of nowhere) She keeps weird animals in her draws and closet!
Wakaba: Evil! Evil animals!!
Miki: (pops out of nowhere) I think they're cute.
Nanami: AND she sleeps with her brother. As in they get busy on the couch.
Anthy sweatdrops. Luckily the light hitting her glasses at just the right angle creates an impenetrable glare, so nobody can see her expression. Because it is an evil one.
Wakaba: OMG! EVVVVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!
Miki: Well, that doesn't sound so bad to me…I mean, if I could understand what you're talking about. Which I can't.
Utena: Now calm down, Wakaba. I'm sure there's a good explanation for why they do homework on the couch. Besides, I do homework on that couch too.
Nanami: OMG are you fu(king braindead? Get busy means they fu(kin' fu(k, okay? Geez!
Utena: Ohhh. Oh! Er…hmm, well um. Let me think about that…Uh…
Everyone waits with baited breath.
Utena: OMG, Himemiya is trying to steal Akio-san off me! Oh no! I feel so betrayed…
Anthy: Technically, you're trying to steal Onii-sama off me.
Utena: OMFG, I've betrayed Himemiya! Himemiya, my dearest friend in all the world after only three weeks…oh no! I feel like such a betrayer…
Anthy: Oh I'm used to that, Utena-sama. Don't worry about it.
Utena: But…Himemiya…I betrayed you. I accepted foot-sex from your beloved brother. I'm not a perfect prince after all…oh I think I'm going to cry. Which is unusual, because I don't cry.
Anthy: Foot-sex, foot-schmex. Metaphorical water under the bridge. Let's go and water the roses some more. I'm sure that will make you feel better.
Utena: (sniffing) Okay. Sounds fun.
Juri: Sounds boring as heck.
Anthy: Not when it's metaphorically done, Senpai.
Juri: Hmm.
Utena & Anthy start walking off down the endless hallway, arm in arm.
Wakaba: OMG I can't believe how EVILLLLLLLL that awwwwwfullll rose bitch issss!! Or how dumb Utena-sama is. I mean, really really dumb.
Anthy: (over her shoulder) Tell me about it.
TBC in Chapter 3: The Endless Elevator