Sorry for not updating in such a long time!
I sat up as the sun peered through my windows, eating through my serene privacy. Rubbing my teary eyes, I let out a simple yawn, like a lioness, before heading towards the bathroom to wash up. It had been a few months after the Earl had been destroyed, and everyone has yet to settle down.
Kanda has been trying to conduct lessons on swordsmanship, but his fiery temper and minimal patience has led to countless pointless injuries, of which he was at fault, mostly.
Lavi has been trying to find his perfect match, as he went out to town almost everyday, but something wasn't right, whenever he saw me around, he would give up going to his flirtatious schedule and invite me out.
I let out a tired sigh, as I gurgled and let all the water out.
Allen-kun was still recovering from his deep wounds and injuries. One of his arms had been severed from the fight, and the reconnection of his arm just meant that it would take a long time to heal. His arm wasn't the only thing that was injured. The Earl's sword had impaled through his stomach as they both exchanged fatal blows, and I was there to see through the whole fight. It was terrible, I couldn't join in to help him, the Earl's barrier prevented any interferences.
Torturous was the word to describe how I felt. Unable to help no matter how much I wanted to, it was just like it is now. When Allen-kun still slips in and out of unconsciousness and not being able to be a valid candidate for the blood transfer was not helping either.
After slipping on the usual exorcist clothes, I stood in front of my tall mirror, gazing into my own reflection. My dream to live happily as a normal girl was coming true, although I was already 18… No matter, I'm already very grateful that the Earl was dead, and there was nothing else to stop me from living happily.
I beamed as I bounced out of the door, striding merrily as I headed for breakfast. The cafeteria was nowadays extremely packed and filled with people as the whole order was actually a huge home, with no work to be done except for maintenance.
Stepping forward in the queue, I placed my order, "Err, I would like some Mitarashi Dangos, please."
Jerry didn't question anything, but just happily smiled as his eyes sparkled through his shades, eerie, totally eerie. Almost magically, the mitarashi dangos appeared in front of me, wonderfully presented and skewered. How does he do that so fast?!
Bowing in gratitude, I carried the tray over towards Lavi, who just happened to notice me and hollered me over towards him frantically, as the few women who sat around him made some space. Flirting again, I see.
Rolling my eyes as obviously as I could, I took a seat beside one of the scientists after her acknowledgement. "Good morning, Lenalee-chan!" Lavi scooped a spoonful of his rice as he dipped it into his soup.
"Good morning!" I smiled, holding the first stick of Mitarashi Dango. Why did Allen-kun like it so much? Such a normal and simple food, to be loved so much by Allen-kun. Oddly peculiar that he liked it so much, considering the wide variety of food he ate. That's why I decided to try it out, although in the back of my mind I knew that I just wanted to understand Allen-kun more, even if it means eating something I've never had any interest in before.
I bit into the dish, it was slightly salty, and had a nice, minced texture. Mmm.. it wasn't so bad.
"Lenalee, would you like to go out with me today?" Lavi snickered, as if he had some kind of plan.
"Err, why don't we both go and visit Allen-kun today?" I offered. Actually I didn't really want Lavi around, but… he's a friend of Allen-kun too.
Lavi shook his head in rejection, "No—no Allen!" A smile overtook his frown, "Just both of us, how does it sound?"
"Sounds bad, Lavi." I said bluntly, what would I do if Allen-kun got the wrong impression? He'd think of something like… Angelic Lenalee and Flirtatious Lavi…
I finished up the last skewer of mitarashi dangos while the awkward silence between the both of us made me want to eat another skewer. Oh well, it was about time I went to visit Allen-kun.
I stood up and carried my tray, heading over towards Nii-san's clean corner, which was the shiniest part of the cafeteria, where three mini-komurins worked hard, clearing the trays and washing the dishes till they shined so bright and sparkled. Even the Komurins that looked like they were entering a cosplaying competition seemed to sparkle.
Taking a glance back at the table, Lavi was still sitting there, daydreaming. "Lavi, are you coming with me or not?" I said in annoyance, don't keep me waiting!
Lavi turned to face me, his face full of sadness, "Please Lenalee, just this once, can you go out with me?"
My conscience did not allow me to decline his offer, rather I just sighed heavily and bobbed my head lightly. His expression changed completely as he bounced up and down like a child, smiling and laughing happily.
I moaned silently. What about Allen-kun? But it was too late, we were out of the order already.
I awoke to the chirping of birds outside the infirmary, my eyes attuned to the bright light almost immediately. As I used my left arm to push myself upright, my stomach growled in hunger.
My eyes naturally scanned around the room, Lenalee wasn't here yet. It probably was very early still. Lenalee always came to visit me, no matter what. I smiled happily, awaiting the enjoyment I had while we talked about everything under the sun.
There were times we talked about our futures, about our friends, even times we talked about our favourite animals. Lenalee loved all animals, as long as they were small and had four legs or less.
We talked about the order, and we both concluded that we enjoyed talking each other the most. I could still remember the mesmerising happiness that I felt, how I couldn't stop grinning for the whole week, and ever since then, I've always looked forward to waking up—because Lenalee was coming.
I reached out my right hand towards the bedside tray, before pulling it back hastily as it screamed in agonizing pain, sending shocks up my arm. I was sweating profusely as I felt the discomfort of a shirt sticking to my back.
I better stop forgetting that my right hand was injured, after it got severed by the Earl… I shook my head to rid off the bad memories. I took the cup of water in my left hand as I gulped down the liquid, soothing my rasped throat.
Turning back towards the window, I caught the clock in my sight—11:27, that's late! I bent towards the right as I forgot all my injuries as I rushed to make sure Lenalee was fine, the pain got me, though, as I scrambled onto the floor helplessly, my legs wouldn't obey and my arm was immobilised. This was worse than fighting the Earl, now I couldn't even do anything! Torturous it was, yes, torturous.
As the pain subsided, I grabbed hold onto the window pane and pulled myself up into a kneeling position. The previous pain was mild compared to the pain I just felt: Lenalee and Lavi, walking out of the order together. Smiles on their faces, they looked so happy, I could imagine their laughter.
My heart burst out in pain as I began to experience spasms. I heard the expression "heartbroken" before. Until now, I've always considered it a fanciful description, not an actual physical symptom. But now I felt a deep ache in my chest—like that of a sore muscle—and each beat of my heart pained me.
My only comfort was Timcanpy, the feeling of him laying on my head made me feel slightly better, as if I wasn't the only one in the world, and he was with me. I smiled affectionately at Timcanpy, my ever-present comfort.
However, I still felt empty spaces in my heart, as they filled me up with holes. All the times we spent together, were they lies? Did she say those just to please me? Lavi… He knew how I felt all these while, yet he… I sobbed lightly.
He still betrayed me like that.
But it wasn't really his fault either. I always knew that he wanted Lenalee so bad, but he could never reach her… I heaved a sigh, it was perhaps, all just a dream. I reached out and pinched my cheek as hard as I could.
Ouch, it really hurt… If this wasn't a dream, then, she really did go out with Lavi, instead of… talking to me.
It was expected, actually. Who wouldn't like to enjoy themselves with someone like Lavi? He looked better, smarter, brighter, he was better in every way. Compared to sitting down in some infirmary talking to a cursed boy whose right hand couldn't really move well, it was far more entertaining.
The whole day just drifted off like that, as my stomach growled and tried to attract attention, I didn't have the mood to even eat a mitarashi dango. How I wish Lenalee was here, this longing—this love—it's new to me. It's like a constant obsession, deeper than my memories with Mana.
My tears kept falling, as it stained the bed, and evaporating just as fast, leaving not a single trace behind. That was how I cried myself to sleep.
I lied still on the bed. This whole day, I didn't even see Allen-kun's face once, I felt this heavy burden on my back, as if I did something wrong. Well, of course I did something wrong, I mean… I went out with Lavi, and all he made clear to me was that he was a big flirt who only looks at the body of a girl.
"Lenalee," he said, shimmering emerald eyes that engulfed me in nervousness, "I want you." And he laid his hand on my thigh, I couldn't really react, by the time I gained control of my body, my mind was also clear: Lavi just wants me for my body.
"I don't want you." I said, before walking away.
He shouldn't have a problem with a rejection, since he doesn't mind any girl, 'sleep and go'. Thus, an apology isn't really necessary.
I fell asleep, awaiting the next morning, I'd go to see Allen-kun immediately, in case something else cropped up and I'd be left stranded in some decision I didn't make.
I headed over towards the infirmary immediately after I washed up, I couldn't bear to miss the unsaid appointment again. My heart panged in guilt for leaving Allen-kun alone for one whole day.
As I stopped by outside, I heard a muffled sob. Something led me to wait outside for a while longer, until the sob died out and the infirmary nurse walked out with her ordinary façade, but her hand on my shoulder made me feel otherwise.
I walked into the room bravely, Allen-kun was already sitting upright, while he was usually asleep. He turned towards me and smiled happily, yet… something felt different.
Returning the smile, I took a seat on the chair beside his bed, "Good morning, Allen-kun." I said.
"Good morning Lenalee." He looked somewhat distant. I didn't know what to say. For the first time, I'm at a loss of words. Should I apologise? Or hope he doesn't take it too hard?
His head drooped low as I fought the mental struggle, "Lenalee, you don't have to come visit me everyday, you know." Allen-kun said, refusing to face me.
"What are you talking about, Allen-kun. Are you alright?" I was starting to worry, it wasn't like Allen-kun to talk this way.
"I'm fine." He looked up and smiled cheerfully, his eyes shut closed tightly. I looked down on the bed, noticing a few damp spots, he was crying.
"What's wrong, Allen-kun?" I grabbed his uninjured hand tightly, forcing him to tell me an answer.
"Do you really want an answer?" He looked into my eyes, those deep, grey gems staring straight at me. Fearsome, yet I nodded. "Where were you yesterday, Lenalee? I…"
So, that's why… "I really missed you." Allen-kun stuttered out, blushing slightly. I too began to blush, how can I tell him that I went out with Lavi?
"N-Nii-san had something for me to do." I said, trying to maintain my usual expression, refusing to give away my lie.
"Is that so…" his voided faded off as he smiled quickly before looking back at the bed.
This strange silence was agonising, trying to strike a conversation, I asked, "What would you like to talk about?"
He looked up in anticipation, as if forgetting whatever he's been worrying about, before dropping his head low, as if he just recalled something sad, "Let's talk about Lavi." Allen-kun wanted to talk about Lavi?!
"Let's not," I waved my hands defensively in front of myself, "He's nothing good to talk about."
Allen-kun looked up at me with a small slit of hopefulness in his eyes, "Oh, then…"
"Let's talk about you!" I suggested, yup. Allen-kun loved to share about himself, and I loved listening to everything about him, too.
Allen-kun looked up, a little surprised from my outburst, "Nah," he shook his head, "I'm boring to talk about, even going out with someone like—" his sentence failed to finish, yet I knew what he was going to say. He knows.
He noticed my discomfort, as he tried to change the topic, "Why don't we talk about games?" He brightened up, he still couldn't be angry at me, after all. Not even wanting me to feel discomfort, he really was too nice to me.
"I'm sorry, Allen-kun." I bowed my head in apology, hoping he would forgive me.
"It's okay, Lenalee, you don't have to apologise," He said, trying to make me feel better, "It's not as if we're already… I mean…" He took a deep breath.
Allen-kun's so naïve, just say it!
"I mean that it's your choice to do whatever you want."
I totally felt like slapping him, how dumb can he get?
"But Lenalee, I…" He started to blush.
Was he going to tell me something secretive?
"Lenalee, I really need you." He finished off, unable to look at me, as he turned his head to face the window.
"I can't live without you." Allen-kun said, I was caught totally unaware. Sure we were best friends and we loved being with each other… Is that love? I didn't really know.
"I can't live without you." I said, my mind flustered, as I barely managed to say that to Lenalee. Would this ruin our friendship? My mind flooded itself with possibilities, expecting a blunt reply, I couldn't help but keep my head turned away from her.
"I'm s—" A warm finger touched my lips.
"Shh, don't apologise." Lenalee said, it was then that I mustered enough courage to face her, a sly grin appeared on her face, "I told Lavi off."
And she kissed me.
While squeezing my right arm ever-so-lovingly, we were finally love—wait. We were finally back to normal. I smiled amidst the kiss, and the pain, this was pure bliss.
Thank God I got what I needed.
"No, you're no good, Lenalee! I want Lenalee!" Lavi cried out in horror, while the lady next time him just covered herself with her clothes as if she just did something really really wrong, with a really, really mad man.
I know it isn't really very good. D: I hope it wasn't too OOC, though. Reviews please! Thanks! (Your Welcome!)