What's Up in Ohtori

by sharnii

Chapter 3: The Endless Elevator

SCENE 3: Mid-Afternoon. Exterior. Mysterious Forest – The Endless Elevator.

Utena: (to Anthy who strides ahead determinedly) Where are we going? I'm hungry.

Anthy: You're always hungry.

Utena: Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm starving right now. We haven't had lunch yet. I can't survive without a lot of food. Even more than a normal person, because I play sport y'know.

Anthy: (through gritted teeth) Do tell.

Utena: We've been walking for forevvvvvver. Geez, that hallway was really long. It really made me hungry.

Anthy: Can't you think about something else? That's what I usually do when one of my Victors prattles on.

Utena: (whining) Didn't you make me a lunchbox or something? Or do you only do that when Wakaba does it?

Anthy: Quiet fool!

Utena: Huh?

Anthy: Er sorry, Utena-sama, I must be feeling the heat. Look, don't you notice where we are?

Utena: We're in the mysterious forest. Behind the school. But it's the afternoon…I only come here in the evenings when I've been challenged to a duel.

Anthy: Well, you have been challenged to a duel.

Utena: I have? That sucks. I wanted to have lunch.

Anthy: Yes, you've been challenged by Touga-senpai. The duel has to be in the afternoon, because he has a prior engagement in the evening.

Utena: Hey, that doesn't seem fair…

Anthy: Since Ends-of-the-World also has a prior engagement this evening, he agreed to the change.

Utena: Oh. Alright then. Wow, Himemiya, I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this duel. I'm so hungry.

Anthy: (tic develops in right eye) By all that is unholy! Oh look, Utena-sama. It's an elevator. How convenient.

They have arrived at the bottom of the endless elevator that leads to the arena. The dueling theme is playing loudly. Water is flowing forth strongly etc etc.

Anthy: This music give me a headache. I'll have to have a little talk to a certain someone about changing our theme.

Utena: What theme?

Anthy: I said, look there's an elevator.

Utena: Huh? An elevator? Here? I don't have to drag my sorry as& up and around twenty flights of stairs at a 45 degree angle? Whoa! I wonder why I never saw it before?

Anthy: I never had to walk through the mysterious forest with you before.

Utena: That's true. Wow, you have really good eyesight for someone with glasses.

Himemiya walks into the elevator ahead of Utena, turns to face her, smiles demurely, and disappears from her school uniform.

Utena: Holy CRAP! Himemiya?! Himemiya? (Utena looks wildly all around herself) Ummm, where'd she go?

Utena steps into the elevator, and spins around several times looking for Anthy. Suddenly Anthy's naked adult-sex-body appears facing her. The elevator starts going up!

Utena: Holy CRAP! You're naked!

Anthy: And you like it.

Utena: Um…yes…in a pure way. (reaches out hesitantly toward Anthy's chest) Are those things real? They seem really oddly proportioned.

Anthy's (ugly) rose bridal dress suddenly appears out of nowhere. Meanwhile her abandoned school uniform is being worn by a bush. The bush is growing.

Anthy makes some lewd gestures over Utena's naughty-bits and lo and behold, Utena's dueling uniform appears out of nowhere. Utena is smiling.

Anthy: (seductively) You like this, don't you?

Utena: Well, it's easier than dressing myself!

Anthy: If this was any other duelist, I'd be on my back for 30 seconds.

Utena: Yeah, well, this isn't the movie; (points finger self-righteously in air) I don't want your body, I just want your eternal friendship and servitude.

Anthy: Hmm. Well, while we're standing here doing nothing, can we at least make some suggestive poses up against each other?

Utena: Okay! But for the sake of purity, let's use our breastless-bodies when we do the nudity. And just for fun, I want to be much taller than I usually am, with a very pointy nose.

Anthy: Done.

Anthy waves her hand over them both and they enjoy a succession of naughty poses together (which will sadly be relegated to ending credits). Afterwards they stand together in the still rising elevator breathing heavily. Utena is sweating. Anthy is smoking a cigarette.

Anthy: Did you kiss me?

Utena: No! I chastely pressed my lips to yours.

Anthy: So what's the deal with the chaste tongue?

Utena: What's the deal with leaning over backwards so far that I feel like my back's breaking?! What's the deal with your skirt flying up so that any perve can get a peepshow?!

Anthy: Hmm. You're feeling a little defensive. (innocent smile)

Utena: What's the deal with that friggin' BUSH?!

Utena points at bush-in-school-uniform, which is now sprouting many (lovely) pink roses. Anthy stubs out her cigarette on one.

Anthy: Oh this bush? It's just there to be pretty.

Utena: Oh. Okay. Wow this elevator's taking a long time to get up there.

Anthy: It's a long theme song.

Utena: I'm really hungry. This elevator's making me really hungry. And that posing made me even hungrier. And my bikepants feel tight and itchy. And kinda damp.

Anthy: (singing along with elevator music) Moshy! Moshy, moshy, moshy. Mushy, mushy, mushy. Mashy mashy mashy. Stab her in the backy.

Utena: Hey, Himemiya, are you listening to me? I'm hungry! And I don't know how to get food unless you get it for me.

Anthy: Oh for the love of… (snaps her fingers) Oh look, we've arrived.

TBC in Chapter 4: A Duel Like Any Other Duel