"Who's idea was this?!" Came the loud and very much irritated protest from the bed. "My ideas are usually brilliant so this can't be mine…"
"Is it me or has his ego grown?" A mutter came from the two standing directly over the bed.
"You were the one who said that you had to leave my mothers because 'you felt ill'."
"But you were the one who decided to take it literally." Rose tried to hold her laugh.
"Wives are supposed to take care of their husbands."
"I wouldn't call landing your husband in hospital for a few days 'taking care of him'. What happens when the use the stethoscope and find a small, minor thing like…oh I don't know…two hearts!!" Jack rolled his eyes.
"It's never stopped you before." Rose told him sternly.
"I'll use the screwdriver on it." Jack pulled the item in question out of his pocket.
"You mean he actually let that thing out of his si…hang on." Rose yanked the screwdriver out of his hand. "Where did you get that screwdriver? It isn't the Doctor's."
"He gave it to me after you went away."
"Which brings me back to the question - why don't I have one yet?" The Doctor reached for Tala trying to change the subject, Rose moved back further. "Holding Tala might cause your 'condition' to worsen."
"Quick, the Doctor's coming this way…" The pair looked at Jack trying to work out what he was on about until they realised that he meant a medical doctor.
"Now then, Mr Smith, a very good morning to you. How are you today?" Theta flashed him a slightly forced smile. Rose noticed the medical students craning their necks to see Tala.
"Aw, not so bad, still a bit, you know. Blah."
"John Smith, admitted yesterday with severe abdominal pains." Rose did her best not to laugh, earning her a sharp glare.
'That was the best you could come up with? You want to try periods.' She whispered into his mind.
"It's your mother's cooking that does it." He replied. Rose shook her head slightly before pretending to move an annoying piece of hair out of her eyes when one of the students looked at her curiously.
"Jones, why don't you see what you can find? Amaze me." A young dark skinned medical student leaned over the Doctor, preparing to examine him.
"That wasn't very clever, running around outside, was it?"
"Sorry?" He looked at Rose and Jack.
"On Chancery Street this morning. You came up to me and took your tie off."
"Really? What did I do that for?"
"I don't know, you just did."
"Not me. I was here, in bed. Ask Rose and Jack."
"Well, that's weird, cause it looked like you. Have you got a brother?"
"It depends on your definition of brother."
"As time passes and I grow ever more infirm and weary, Miss Jones."
"Sorry. Right." Rose quickly nudged Jack as Jones placed the stethoscope to his chest. Jack fumbled with the screwdriver trying to block the sound of the heartbeats.
"I weep for further generations. Are you having trouble locating the heart, Miss Jones?"
"Oh be fair Doctor," Theta began. "She could have a faulty stethoscope." If Jack could, he would have rung the Doctor's neck at that comment, Rose just stood and watched her husband. Doctor Stoker picked up the chart and dropped it quickly, receiving a shock.
"That happened to me this morning."
"I had the same thing on the door handle."
"And me, on the lift."
"Oh I do love long commentaries. Shall we discuss what we had for breakfast too?" Jack interrupted.
"That's only to be expected. There's a thunderstorm moving in and lightning is a form of static electricity, as was first proven by - anyone?"
"Benjamin Franklin." Rose couldn't help the grimace that came, knowing he was just about to go into a long ramble.
"Don't you dare…" She muttered.
"Correct!"
"My mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite, and then I got soaked…"
"Do you want to hold him while I strangle him or the other way round?" Rose asked quickly.
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Rose sat down on the bed next to her husband. He gently kissed her.
"I know you hate hospitals but you know why we're here." She assured him.
"I know." He hugged her to him. "These beds are uncomfortable, the mattresses feel like lead, the pillow is made of grit…"
"Only a Doctor could be worse than a patient."
"At the moment I renounce the 'Doctor' title." Rose laughed.
"Jack, that's an official invitation to call him Theta." Jack grinned evilly. The only time Jack called him Theta as at a formal occasion or to put him in his place.
"We're on the moon, we're on the bloody moon!" A cry echoed through the halls.
"Wait for the screaming to begin." Jack joked. Rose shook her head slightly before moving to allow her husband to dress, hiding her smile.
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Rose looked out of the window, observing the moon.
"Of all the places we've been, I never expected to go to the moon." She turned towards the cubical curtain. "You know, I've always thought that spaceships need special glass, not just to survive the speed and re-entry but to stop air escaping…so why isn't air escaping through these windows?" The Doctor pulled open the curtain and Rose winced at his suit.
"Very good point! Brilliant, in fact. What's wrong?"
"You've got a new suit. It isn't exactly…"
"Exactly what?"
"You, the suit it isn't you. But I think it could be due to the shirt and tie though." Rose looked at him, "I think a t-shirt would go better with it."
"We're on the moon for no reason, in a hospital, facing death at any second and you're concerned with my suit?" Rose shrugged slightly. "What was your name?" He asked the young medic changing the subject suddenly.
"Martha."
"And it was Jones, wasn't it? Well then, Martha Jones, the question is, how are we still breathing?"
"We can't be!" Another medic squeaked.
"Obviously we are so don't waste my time." Rose looked at him, shocked at his attitude.
"Don't be rude." Rose snapped. "She's not…" Rose looked round. "A 'thingie' that's trying to kill you."
"Martha, what have we got? Is there a balcony on this floor, or a veranda, or...?"
"By the patients' lounge, yeah." He reached across and held his hand out, Martha looked at it for a moment as she was about to grasp it Rose put her hand into it. Martha realised that he wanted to take the blonde's hand, it became increasingly clear as he pulled Rose closer to him.
"So, we're going outside, yeah?"
"Oh yes." He winked slightly, Rose beamed at him. "C'mon. Not her, she'd hold us up. We really don't have time for that, four of us is enough."
"This is all because I commented on his suit. He can be worse than a woman." Rose muttered to Jack, just before she was yanked in the direction of the lounge.
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The group stood outside gazing at their surroundings and the stars above them.
"You know," Jack began, "This reminds me of that Stargate SG-1 episode when the building was beamed out into space, although it was to stop America from being neutralised. It's the same idea."
"You're getting more like him." Rose warned.
"I heard that." Came a soft reply.
"You were meant to." She laughed.
"There must be a containment field around the hospital and surrounding space. To hold the air." Rose told him, he looked at her confused. "You forget who has to sit next to you when you decide to watch sci-fi programmes."
"What do you think happened?" Martha asked them. Rose moved closer to her husband, linking her arm through his.
"What do you think?"
"Extraterrestrial. It's got to be. I don't know, a few years ago that would have sounded mad, but these days? That spaceship flying into Big Ben - Christmas - those Cybermen things. I had a cousin. Adeola. She worked at Canary Wharf. She never came home." Theta's face clouded and his expression hardened.
"I'm sorry." Rose told her.
"I promise you, Mr Smith, we will find a way out. If we can travel to the moon, then we can travel back. There's got to be a way." Jack sniggered at the prospect of a human trying to comfort the Doctor on matters to do with space.
"It's not Smith, that's not my real name."
"Who are you, then?"
"I'm the Doctor."
"Me too, if I can pass my exams. What is it, then, Doctor Smith?"
"Just the Doctor."
"How do you mean, just the Doctor?"
"Right, I'm going to cut this short," Rose snapped, noticing the woman was flirting with her husband. "He's called the Doctor, that's his name, no surname what's so ever." This time Rose was the one being hostile.
"Now who's being rude?" He whispered into her ear.
"As far as I'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."
"Well, I'd better make a start, then."
"Doctor," Rose pointed to something. The group watched as a ship landed and aliens began to march towards the hospital.
"Judoon." Jack whispered.
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"Doctor look." Rose pointed to something, Jack craned his neck to see what she was pointing at expecting it to be something vital to the situation.
"Oh, look down there, you've got a little shop. I like a little shop."
"Never mind that! What are Judoon?" Martha butted in.
"Galactic police. Well, police for hire. More like interplanetary thugs."
"And they brought us to the moon?"
"Neutral territory. According to galactic law, they've got no jurisdiction over the Earth, and they isolated us. That rain? Lightning? That was them, using an H2O scoop."
"Is this the same as the Shadow Proclamation?" Rose asked him.
"Yeah well part of it only it doesn't exactly cover the Earth the subsection they're using. They're making a catalogue, it means they're after something non-human, which is very bad news for us." Rose suddenly whipped her head round to face Jack.
"Please tell me you've never upset them." She pleaded. Jack paused thinking for a minute.
"I don't think so." He told her. "I've had dealings with them when I was a…you-know-what…but that's all." Rose sighed in relief.
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The Doctor looked through the computer files using his screwdriver.
"Jack can you look through that one." Tala began to squirm in Rose's arms, sensing something was wrong.
"They've reached third floor. What's that thing?"
"Sonic screwdriver."
"Well, if you're not going to answer me properly!"
"No, really, it is. It's a screwdriver, and it's sonic. Look." The Doctor looked down slightly. "If you're open to the idea of aliens maybe you should be open to the idea of different technology as well." He told her resisting the urge to hit the computer to make it work.
"I'm having no luck with this computer, the records have been wiped." Jack called. "How thick can you get?" The Doctor turned to face his wife.
"I wasn't looking for trouble, honestly, I know it seems to happen a lot but…" Rose put a finger to his lips.
"I know you don't mean to cause trouble," She lightly stroked his cheek. "It just happens to follow. I knew what I was getting into when we met, got married and had Tala, I chose this and I wouldn't change it for anything."
"But what were they looking for?" Martha asked confused, oblivious to the couple.
"Something that looks like a human but is something else entirely." Jack told her.
"Are you part of TORCHWOOD?" Martha asked suddenly. She was met with a stony silence. Martha suddenly noticed something over Jack's shoulder. "I think I've found who we're looking for." The pair in the centre of the room only had eyes for each other; Rose continued to gently stroke his cheek.
"I've restored the back-up." Jack told them before turning round. "Martha's found her."
"You what? Run!" The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand and ran off down the corridor, Jack followed pulling Martha close behind them.
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The Doctor pulled Rose into the radiology room. The pair watched as Jack and Martha skidded past the doorway. He poked his head round the doorway.
"When you're ready!" He called. The stopped and ran back towards him. "When I say 'now', press the button Rose."
"This one?" He shook his head. "This one?" He gave her an exasperated look. "The great, big, threatening button?" She asked partly out of sarcasm.
"That's the one! NOW!" Rose hit it and watched as the Slabs were hit by the radiation.
"What did you do?" Martha asked stunned.
"Increased the radiation by five thousand per cent. Killed him dead."
"Please tell me you're not going to regenerate again?" Rose asked.
"Regenerate? With your mother and her slaps? It was bad enough last time. Nah, it's only radiation. We used to play with roentgen bricks in the nursery. It's safe for you to come out, I've absorbed it all. All I need to do is expel it. If I concentrate I can shake the radiation out of my body and into one spot. It's in my left shoe. Here we go, here we go, easy does it..." He shook his foot. "Out, out, out, out, out. Out, out, ah, ah, ah, ah. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is hot. Ah - hold on." He threw the shoe into the bin. "Done."
"You're completely mad." He grinned before throwing the other shoe into the bin. Jack gently carried the Doctor's screwdriver.
"My sonic screwdriver." He looked at it regretfully.
"I'll get you another one." Rose cooed.
"My sonic screwdriver!"
"She had a straw like some kind of vampire." Martha tried to explain.
"I loved my sonic screwdriver!"
"Is there something I should know?" Rose teased.
"Doctor!"
"Sorry." He grinned as he tossed the screwdriver away. "You called me 'Doctor'."
"Anyway! Miss Finnegan is the alien. She was drinking Mr. Stoker's blood. We saw when we ran past."
"Funny time to take a snack. You'd think she'd be hiding. Unless - no. Yes, that's it, wait a minute. Yes! Shape-changer. Internal shape-changer. She wasn't drinking blood, she was assimilating it. If she can assimilate Mr Stoker's blood, mimic the morphology, she can register as human. We've got to find her and show the Judoon. Come on!"
"I'm still not convinced you're aliens." Martha told them as they walked.
"We prefer galactic travellers if you don't mind." At that moment a Judoon stepped in front of them, scanning Tala.
"Non-human."
"Oh my God, you really are!" And once again Martha felt her arm being pulled from its socked as Jack started to run pulling her along with him.
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"Doctor, there's not enough air for all these people." Rose told him.
"I know." He whispered.
"She's a vampire like thing," Rose muttered.
"No, she's a plasmavore."
"How does that change things?"
"It tells you what she is for definite. Think, think, think. If I was a plasmavore surrounded by police, what would I do?"
"If it were me I'd go for the place where I could do the most damage."
"Sometimes you can be a violent person." He teased.
"I don't me to kill I mean to shut down transporters and things like that."
"That's it! Where the place you could do that in here."
"I don't know, x-ray, operating rooms, generator, MRI…" He looked and noticed the MRI sign.
"MRI! Brilliant!" He pressed a quick kiss to her lips.
"Find the non-human. Execute." Voices carried, Rose sighed.
"You know sometimes I hate being a Time Lady!" Rose told her husband as they stood there. "It'd be so much easier if I was human in situations like this."
"Wouldn't work." He told her facing her.
"Why not?"
"You'd carry enough genetic transfer material to keep their scanner busy for weeks." Rose looked confused, but the moment he raised an eyebrow at her she blushed, fully understanding what he meant.
"You're going to have to hold them up." Rose told Martha.
"Why can't he?" Martha asked, she may have been trying to get her breath back but she wasn't deaf, she'd distinctly heard the words 'Time Lady'.
"He's human, just with other bits thrown in."
"Rose you are fantastic." He grinned as an idea came to the Doctor. He gave Jack a knowing look and he immediately knew what he had to do.
"How do I distract them?" Jack leaned forward and kissed Martha.
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Rose and Theta walked into the room, Jack hovered outside.
"Have you seen - there are these things, those great big space rhino things, I mean rhinos from space. And we're on the moon. Great big space rhinos with guns on the moon. And I only came in for my bunions, look. They're all right now, perfectly good treatment, I said to my wife," he pointed to Rose. "I'd recommend this place to anyone, didn't I Rose?"
"Yep."
"But then we end up on the moon. And did I mention the rhinos?"
"Hold them!" The two Slabs grabbed Rose and the Doctor.
"That thing, that big machine thing, is it supposed to be making that noise?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"Isn't that a magnetic resonance imaging thing? Like a ginormous sort of a magnet? I did magnets at GCSE. Well, I failed, but all the same."
"The magnetic setting is now set to 50,000 Tesla."
"Ooh. That's a bit strong, isn't it?"
"I can send out a magnetic pulse that will fry the brain-stems of every living thing within 250,000 miles. Except me, safe in this room."
"Hang on." Rose began. "The Earth's closer than that, won't they all be killed?"
"Only the side facing the moon. The other half will survive. Call it my little gift."
"Different, most people want to kill all of Earth." The Doctor mused.
"Who's side are you on!" Rose snapped at him.
"I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me, I'm a little out of my depth. I've spent the past fifteen years working as a postman, hence the bunions - why would you do that?"
"With everyone dead, the Judoon ships will be mine, to make my escape."
"Now, that's weird. You're talking like you're some sort of an alien."
"It's the perfect hiding place. Blood banks downstairs for a midnight feast, and all this equipment I'm ready to arm myself with should the police come looking."
"So, those rhinos, they're looking for you? Big chief rhino boy, he said, no sign of a non-human, we must increase our scans... up to setting two?"
"Then I must assimilate again."
"What does that mean?" Rose asked fully aware of the answer.
"What are you doing?" The Doctor asked as she approached Rose she signalled to the Slabs to take Tala from her, that wasn't the plan he'd been hoping for. "Leave her alone."
"It's not your wife I'm after."
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Tala screamed. Rose's eyes began to glow as the Bad Wolf side of her began to take over. Theta watched as Rose gained the strength to break away from the Slab holding her, she strode the few steps it took to reach her daughter and pushed Florence away from the Slab holding her daughter, Florence fell to the floor.
"What are you?" She asked as Rose snatched her daughter from the Slab.
"Time Lord." Rose told her as the Bad Wolf began to ebb its way back into her mind. The Judoon chose that moment to march into the room, Martha close behind, clearly following the screams of their daughter.
"She's not human."
"Oh, but I am. I've been catalogued."
"Scan her again, you've upgraded your scans." Rose gently bounced Tala up and down in an effort to prevent her from crying further.
"Non-human."
"What?"
"Confirm analysis."
"Oh, but it's a mistake, surely. I'm human. I'm as human as they come."
"Confirmed: Plasmavore. I charge you with the crime of murdering the princess of Patrival Regency Nine."
"She deserved it! Those pink cheeks and those blond curls and that simpering voice. She was begging for the bite of a plasmavore."
"Do you confess?"
"Confess? I'm proud of it!"
"Verdict: guilty. Sentence: execution."
"Enjoy your victory, Judoon, because you're going to burn with me. Burn in hell!" Florence screamed as she disintegrated.
"Case closed."
"What did she mean, "Burn with me?" The scanner shouldn't be doing that. She's done something." Martha yelled. The Doctor snapped out of his thoughts and ran towards the MRI scanner, yanking out the plug.
"Wasn't that a bit…melodramatic?" Jack asked staring at the plug. "I was expecting cursing, running, sonic screwdrivers, race against the clock type of thing."
"Next time you can sort it out." Rose told him, even though she felt the same.
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"Have you found another screwdriver?" Rose asked as a cheerful yell echoed through the control room. Her husband flashed the new device in front of her eyes.
"You touched your Bad Wolf/Time Lord side today." Rose nodded, ashamed.
"I lost control." She admitted to him.
"I know you did." He hugged her tightly.
"I've never lost control of my Time Lord side before."
"It scared you." She nodded a few tears forming. "I think it was your maternal side kicking in."
"You never lose control of your Time Lord side."
"Only because I'm used to controlling it, you haven't been a Time Lady for long, give it time." Jack chose that moment to walk in bearing three mugs of tea, pretending he hadn't heard their conversation and the Doctor was grateful for that.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"I'm good. You?"
"Fine."
"Doctor?" Jack didn't receive a reply. "Doctor? Theta?"
"Hmmm? Oh I'm fine."
"You seem a little distracted." Rose took a sip of tea. "I think you should take Martha on a thank you trip." Jack coughed as his tea went the wrong way.
"One trip." The Doctor agreed.
"Besides…" Rose continued. "It'll be fun to have another girl around." Jack and theta simply looked at each other.
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"You never even told me who you are." Martha told them as they stood outside the TARDIS.
"The Doctor."
"Rose Sigma, this is Tala." She told her, Martha smiled at the bundle.
"And I'm Captain Jack Harkness." He moved forward.
"Stop flirting!" The Doctor and Rose cried at the same time.
"What sort of species? It's not every day I get to ask that."
"I'm a Time Lord, so's Rose and Jack is from the 51st century so…I just thought since you helped save Earth and I've got a brand new sonic screwdriver which needs road testing, you might fancy a trip.
"What, into space?"
"Well."
"I can't. I've got exams. I've got things to do. I have to go into town first thing and pay the rent, I've got my family going mad."
"If it helps, I can travel in time, as well." He tried, she deserved to know what he could do.
"Get out of here."
"I can."
"Come on now, that's going too far."
"I'll prove it." The Doctor walked inside, the TARDIS dematerialised for a minute before dematerialising. He walked back out with his tie in hand. "Told you!" He began to fasten his tied back on; Rose pulled it from his hands.
"I told you that suit doesn't need a tie." She smiled at him; he nodded before turning his attention back to Martha.
"And that's your spaceship?"
"It's called the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space." Rose told her mimicking him. Jack laughed.
"Your spaceship's made of wood. There's not much room. We'd be a bit intimate." She began to flirt slightly, he coughed nervously.
"Take a look."
"Five pounds she says 'It's bigger on the inside'." Rose bet Jack as they walked in.
"You're on."
"But it's just a box. But it's huge. How does it do that? It's wood. It's like a box with that room just rammed in. It's bigger on the inside." Rose held out her hand for Jack to give her the money. He grumbled before reaching into his pocket.
"Is it? I hadn't noticed. All right, then, let's get going. Just one trip to say 'thanks', you get one trip, then back home."
"If you will wear a tight suit...
"Now... Don't!" He warned throwing a glance at Rose who was trying not to laugh, after the days running she needed a laugh, the hostility she initially felt when Martha flirted with her husband was all but gone as she sensed his panic.
"And then travel all the way across the universe just to ask me on a date..."
"Stop it." He told her. She looked as if she was going to say something else.
"Theta where's your ring?" Rose asked politely, inserting herself into the conversation; deciding that no matter how fun it was to watch her husband sweat he deserved a break. He looked down at his hand.
"I took it off in the hospital. I gave it to Jack." Jack rummaged through his pocket before handing him his wedding ring. As he put it on Martha noticed for the first time the wedding ring on Rose's own hand and everything clicked into place – the glances, the touches, the daughter. He gently kissed Rose.
"For the record? I'm not remotely interested. I only go for humans."
"Good. Well, then. Close down the gravitic anomalizer. Fire up the helmic regulator. And finally - the hand brake. Ready?"
"No."
"Off we go." He cried as he looked up at the rotor with Rose smiling, an instant before they all fell backwards.
TBC
A/N: I hope you don't mind me changing Martha's character slightly, I think Moper Jones' moping went to far in the third series.
I also hope you'll forgive me for altering the episode's sequence slightly from how they were broadcast, I've only seen the season once and I have no desire to ever watch it again – instead I'm using transcripts from my friend.