Tony felt sick. Actually physically sick as he sat in his apartment. McGee knew. He had to figure it out. What was he going to say to him?
Tony's mind skittered away yet again from the reality of telling his one time Probational Agent, Timothy McGeek that he was physically attracted to him. A man he had more than once sniggered at in his gym clothes, who he had teased mercilessly about his taste in clothes and his varying haircuts. Whose nipples he had tweaked and butt he had slapped and pinched a thousand times over. McGeek, McGoogle, Probie, Probilicious, McGiggle….
He had to admit though; McGee had changed a lot over the years Tony had known him. He had grown more confident, changed his clothes, lost weight, whitened his teeth, grown his hair and he no longer timidly popped up his head from behind his computer like an over grown prairie dog when someone asked him a question. Now he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head and his feet on his desk when he was thinking.
Had he learnt that from me? Tony suddenly wondered, the image of the man that sat across from him clear in his head.
The way Tim would occasionally get that gleam in his eye and he would glance over at Tony with a grin and Tony knew he was onto something. And lately Tony found himself itching to run his fingers through Tim's silky fringe as it flopped forward….Stop it!
His mind didn't even admit to himself that it was actually more than physical attraction. He cared for McGee. As more than a friend.
And THAT was even worse.
Tony swallowed wondering if he was actually going to be sick as his stomach roiled with anxiety. Deep breathes.
Tony glanced down at his phone. Six missed calls. All from Abby.
There was no way he was going to the bar tonight. Not now. She would take one look at him and drag him off into some dark corner and wouldn't stop until he spilled his guts. And the way he was feeling at the moment it might actually be literally.
And it being Abby, she would probably be happy for him. For them. She would see it as two of her closest friends getting together. She would be delighted, clapping her hands and winking cheekily at him. It would be a disaster!
She wouldn't be able to keep it to herself either. She would go straight into operation get Tony and McGee together or GTMT. Tony could see it all now. Mysterious notes arranging secluded meetings turning up on both of their desks, deliveries of flowers from a 'Secret Admirer" and invites to all night movie marathons.
No no no. McGee hearing about Tony's feelings for him for the first time from Abby? Cornered, alarmed as Abby pounced on Tim demanding details from him he just didn't have. No Tony couldn't do it to him. At least if he talked to Tim personally there was a chance it could remain private, just between them and maybe, just maybe they might be able to work something out.
Abby would make it sound like a great Brokeback Mountain decade long romance. She would make it sound like Tony was in love with McGee. Tony knew McGee would freak. Hell he would if Abby told him the same thing. Hell who was he kidding he was freaking. Tony got up yet again and paced around his apartment running his teeth under his immaculate fingernails out of sheer nervous tension.
What to do? What to do? It had to be something. Doing nothing wasn't working. He wasn't sleeping. Tim was on his mind constantly at work, mostly in an effort to avoid him where possible. Even going to the toilet lately had resulted in plans being laid to ensure McGee wasn't anywhere near the bathroom when Tony was.
Ridiculous! This was a man he had worked side by side for years with. They had survived Kate's death together, Gibbs retiring, McGee shooting a cop, McGee's stalker killing two people, the whole Frog thing, being supposedly blown up. The list went on and on. He had seen McGee shirtless, asleep a hundred times on his desk, in the car, seasick, covered in poison ivy rash, sopping wet from running through car washes.
This was a man he had talked to while he pee'd and now the very thought of the sound of McGee standing there and unzipping his fly broke Tony out into a sweat. Tony pounded the heel of his hand into his head. This was a man whose face he had Superglued to a desk! What was wrong with him!
He needed to suck it up. If he didn't talk to McGee, then McGee sure as hell was going to want to talk to him. He couldn't avoid him completely. Not now. Trying to avoid him had only resulted in them nearly coming to blows. The complete surprise and confusion on Tim's face as he slammed loudly into the lockers continued to haunt Tony. What he had wanted to do in that instant was pull Tim up off the ground and into a hug, frantic apology's spilling from his lips, his arms clinging to Tim's solid warm back. What he actually did was turn and run away as fast as he could with the sound of McGee frantically calling his name ringing in his ears.
If he wasn't careful he was going to lose a friend completely. A good friend. A turn up at his door covered in blood at two in the morning sort of good friend. A friend who didn't believe you were dead even if there was a body, both phones AND his badge. A friend who had listened to his Fugitive speech more times than he could count and still bothered to give him pointers.
Sex Machine. That was his pledge name. Suddenly Sex Machine was contemplating …. No let's try and be honest here. Lusting after a man! Tony picked up a cushion and twisted it in his hands just to give his hands something to do. Should he see a psychiatrist?
They were field agents and had to entrust their lives to each other every time they stepped out the door. The team couldn't function if half the team wasn't speaking to each other.
Oh my God. Tony suddenly realized what was worse than confronting McGee.
Gibbs.
Gibbs already knew something was up between them but Tony was sure Gibbs was hoping they would just work whatever it was out. And if they didn't? The thought of being shut up in that tiny elevator with McGee and Gibbs, sweating under the steely blue Gibbs glare until he eventually confessed and choked out that he was obsessed with his male team mate was ………was………..
There were no words to describe that scenario. Tony groaned aloud and buried his head in his hands. He would actually rather be dead than be in that situation.
Tony's cell rang insistently. Again. Tony leaned over and checked the caller ID. He may not feel like answering it but he had to be contactable at all times.
Abby.
Tony paced and gritted his teeth ignoring the ringing. He knew he had to talk to McGee. Ok decision made. Not talking to him was worse.
Now what to say? What to say? What did he want to say?
What did he actually want?
Tony dragged his miserable butt through the door and peeked at the Bullpen. Phew he wasn't here. An entire weekend of avoiding calls, no sleep, headaches and feeling so wound up he thought he might snap had not helped him come to any sort of decision.
He just hoped that when the time came to speak to McGee it would just come to him, the perfect thing to say to make everything alright. And if that didn't happen he would have to fall back on the old DiNozzo magic and smile really nicely. Really, really nicely.
"Tony!"
Tony found himself yanked sideways out of the elevator.
"I have been ringing you and you haven't been answering! All weekend! I need to talk to you." Abby glared at Tony fiercely
"Ok Ok Abby please your hurting me" Tony whined plaintively
"You need to talk to McGee. I don't want to hear any excuses from you now Tony either. I just want.."
Tony held up his hands in defeat "I know. I need to talk to McGee. I know. I will. I promise as soon as I see him."
Abby stopped in mid rant "What? You will? Excellent. Let's find him right now. I want to watch!"
Tony sighed and wished he had snuck up the stairs as Abby dragged him over to stand in front of Gibb's desk. Abby waited a moment patiently while Gibbs slowly looked up.
"What?"
Abby nudged Tony, hard.
"Boss do you know where McGee is? I…. I need to speak to him about something"
Gibbs looked surprised.
"Didn't McGee speak to you over the weekend? He's already left"
"What do you mean left? Gone to get coffee?"
"No I mean left the State. Gone. He spoke to the Director Friday night apparently and got it cleared with her. I'm not sure exactly when he will be coming back."
Abby glared horrified at Tony, tears already starting to prick at her eyes.
"What have you done?"
(
(So what do you think? I have already written three chapters ahead of this so will load fairly quickly)