"Woah Abby. I don't see what Tony has to do with the death of McGee's Grandmother?"

Abby and Tony turned to stare at Gibbs as he just looked at them, mildly concerned by Abby's violence.

"McGee's grandmother?" Abby sniffed and blinked through the threatening tears.

"Yeah he got a call Friday night after work. A drunk driver ran through an intersection and plowed into a car with McGee's Grandfather, Grandmother and heavily pregnant cousin in it. They were on their way to see some school play. His Grandmother was killed instantly and his Grandfather and cousin are in hospital. His Grandfather was driving and I gather is in a pretty bad way. McGee called me with the basics but he was pretty shaken up and was heading straight out to meet up with the rest of the family at the Hospital. The Director cleared his bereavement leave request and I think he's going to take some of his holiday time on top of that if he needs to, to make sure he is able to attend the funeral. His Mom and Sarah are obviously really upset too so he wanted to make sure they were alright. He didn't want them driving through the night on their own."

"Oh" Abby didn't know what to say and Tony just turned and sat down quietly at his desk. Shit. And he thought he had had a rough weekend.

"Poor Timmy. I tried to phone him this weekend but it kept going to message bank but… I guess he's got a lot of other stuff .. on at the moment. And if he's at the hospital he won't be allowed to have his cell on..." Abby trailed off and bit her lip.

"I'll be down in the lab. If McGee phones give him a hug for me would you Gibbs?"

Gibbs smiled and nodded 'Sure thing Abby."

A few moments of silence later and Gibbs looked up, his steel blue eyes boring into Tony "So are you going to tell me what that was all about Tony? What did you do to make Abby think you had driven McGee away?"

Tony dug deep and found his most practiced and familiar response. He smiled and flashed Gibbs his brightest grin.

"Abby thinks I have been teasing McGee a bit more than usual lately. I wanted to apologize to him for it but when you said he had left ….." Tony shrugged and felt Gibbs assessing him.

"I had noticed you getting pretty nasty with McGee recently. And that's not like you Tony. I mean you tease him and he teases back, that's fine but I won't go losing a team member because you've developed some sort of problem with McGee. I'm glad you're going to sort it out with him. He's a good agent and if I remember rightly he's saved your ass more than once."

"You noticed?" Tony was surprised even though he knew he shouldn't be. Gibbs noticed everything although he had tried hard to be 'normal' around Gibbs as much as he could lately.

Gibbs just gave Tony one of his looks and Tony nodded "Yes Boss. As soon as he gets back Boss"

Tony gave himself a firm head slap for good measure and saw Gibbs quirk a smile.

It was a very long week for Tony. A case didn't come up and while that would normally be a good thing, this week it simply meant that Tony had nothing else to dwell on. Nothing else to think about other than the fact that he missed McGee.

Without the pressure of McGee being around to watch him Tony relaxed into his feelings a little more and allowed himself to explore them… just a little bit. Not too much because well he was still totally straight. Definitely.

Well maybe he might be Bi? That was ok, girls liked guys who liked guys … and girls. Wasn't that what he had told McGee when he hassled him about getting a manicure?

A manicure. Tim must have the most marvelous hands…. Tony found himself drifting off on the slightest provocation.

What sort of aftershave did he use? Cologne? Whatever it was it smelt amazing. Maybe he should get some for himself?

By Tuesday when Tony found himself fondly sighing over McGee's paperclips that he stole out of his desk and unthinkingly linked together into a pretty little chain, Tony realized he had developed a giant, toe curling, heart pounding, break into a sweat at the very thought of him, boy crush on Timothy McGee.

It certainly seemed that absence did make the heart grow fonder.

Without the anxiety of running away from it mixed into the equation Tony found he missed McGee's little lop sided grin as Tony dragged him into yet another scheme that would result in both of them getting in trouble. The jokes and laughter as they checked inventory in the truck and filed their evidence reports. He missed the way Tim viewed the world in bright shiny colors with only small tiny controlled bits of grey. Tony felt like he lived his entire life in the grey areas sometimes and he wondered if he had ever seen people as almost entirely right, good and true the way Tim seemed to do.

His eyes would instantly stray to the far desk every time he walked in first thing in the morning and he would feel a flash of sadness at the sight of the empty desk, even though he already knew before he looked across that McGee wouldn't be back yet. To cover his disappointment Tony would plaster on a bright smile and joke about how peaceful it was without McGeek around.

Lunch time wasn't as fun without Tim to throw his lunch wrappers at. His computer didn't work just because it knew McGee wasn't around to work his magic on it. Hardly anyone listened to his ramblings anymore although he kept it up out of habit. Every show on television was a re run, the Magnum Marathon was cancelled and no one wanted to split a portion of pork dumplings with him.

Everywhere he went he seemed to be reminded of McGee. Abby's Lab, a car wash, a park (poison ivy) even the video store which still had up an old Lord of The Rings poster. If McGee was an Elf Lord did that make him Frodo? The curly dark haired brave one with the big feet?

Tony found he developed an almost unhealthy obsession with the Strawberry Chap stick that had once belonged to McGee. Tony found himself carrying it around like a good luck charm in his pocket. What was he doing? He hadn't acted like this since Shannon White in Junior High. Although Tim's pouty mouth could knock Shannon Whites out of the ball park!

And that was just the day time! At night Tony would lie awake and try not to relive the sensation of Tim holding him against the lockers, his long fingered hands on his chest and his warm sweet breath on his face.

1.45pm Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tim Tm Tim Tim Tony practiced his name until it started to become familiar to him.

3.12pm Strawberry kisses. Soft full lipped gentle kisses that would last all night.

4.10pm Maybe he could take McGee to the Superhero's movie coming out at the end of the year? It combined his love of movies with McGee's comics.

He couldn't sleep at night as he ran through his head a thousand versions of what to tell McGee when he finally faced him. Some scenarios ended up with a kiss (Tony's personal favorite) a silence, a punch, a puzzled 'What?' a frown, a 'get the hell out of here!' and almost the worst a laugh.

To hell with it! This was driving him crazy! Even if McGee laughed in his face at least he would know. And perhaps then he could move on… get some therapy or something. It wasn't like he was suddenly attracted to any guy. It wasn't like he had a thing for Gibbs… or heaven forbid for Palmer! It was just specifically McGee. But that must be a good thing right? It showed that he wasn't gay just…. singular in his current gender obsession.

Hours of gut clenching anxiety would suddenly pass (I'm Not Gay! I'm NOT Gay!) and Tony would quietly find himself wondering what it would feel like to rest his head on Tim's chest at night. To not be alone. To hear his heartbeat beating in time with his in the warm dark night.

By the time Gibbs announced that McGee had called him and told him he would be back at work Monday Tony had all but worked himself into a froth.

A strawberry chap stick wearing, paper clip linking, pork dumpling pinning, Will and Grace watching froth.

He nearly cheered but stopped himself and then realized that straight Tony would have cheered to have his Probie back so Tony gleefully raised his arms in celebration and whooped.

Gibbs just smirked and shook his head.

Yes. Tony decided he was growing up. He wasn't going to run. He was going to be brave and mature about this and handle it like he was an adult.

This concept was a bit of a novelty for Tony and having finally made the decision he felt insufferably proud of himself. As soon as McGee got back he would admit that he was attracted to McGee, apologize to him for his recent behavior and insist that he would allow McGee to take the lead on where it might head as he wished to keep his friendship with him intact.

Tony after some careful consideration figured he was doing this for McGee was well. Being thrown against the lockers and feeling his Senior Field Agent having a raging erection for him must be disturbing the poor Probie no end so the faster it was sorted out the better.

Tony stood in front of McGee's door on the Sunday night and ran through all the reasons that had seemed so clear to him only moments ago. Even as the fear started to creep in and trickle in drops of sweat down his neck Tony felt a smile twitching across his lips and butterflies in his stomach at the idea of seeing McGee again. Maybe he could sneak in a manly hello hug? Wrap his arms around him, just for an instant? He had been gone over a week. Nine days in fact.

Taking a deep breath and convincing himself once again that talking to McGee now privately before he came into work was much better than another painful deep and meaningful by the lockers, Tony knocked on Tim's door.

And then he knocked again. Louder.

Suddenly the door swung open and Tony without waiting for an invitation stepped into Tim's apartment with a grin plastered across is face.

"This is not a good time Tony"

Tony's smiled vanished at the weary cracked tone of Tim's voice but he plowed on worried he might lose his courage if he stopped.

"Look I just wanted to apologize for…… You've cut your hair!" Tony was surprised. It wasn't quite the buzz cut he had a few years ago but it was a long way from the almost floppy silky locks McGee had worn a few days earlier.

Tim just sighed and ran his hand over his face. This was the last thing he wanted right now. He knew he was barely holding it together as it was and he didn't need a confrontational evening of discussing Tony's insecurities on top of it all.

"What do you want Tony?"

"I thought that … you know… you might like to talk about what happened before you left. I mean… um between us…….I have been thinking about it all week and figured it would be a good idea to clear the air between us before work tomorrow. Because you know I figured it might be…. Well… bothering you."

Tony looked at Tim to try and explain and suddenly saw just how exhausted and shattered McGee looked. He looked pale and thin like he hadn't eaten in days which made his already large green eyes seem huge in his face. There were lines of tension and stress around his eyes and mouth which made him look much older than he was. And he looked angry. Really really angry.

Tim stood in the middle of his tiny apartment and practically shook with rage. He couldn't frame his thoughts to express himself for an instant and then he turned and stood right in front of Tony.

"Bothering me? You think that what I have been worried about all week is YOU? Jesus you are so selfish Tony. You really don't have a clue do you? I knew you were bad at relationships but I thought you might just have some human decency. Do you know what I have been doing this last week Tony? Do you even care? I have been grieving! My Grandmother was decapitated Tony, did you know that? In the car crash. Sheared her head right off. My Grandfather was badly hurt but he could have survived but he didn't want to. He didn't want to live another day without his wife of 57 years by his side. He saw her killed beside him and then we had to stand there in that hospital and just watch him die right in front of us!

But did you care? Hell no! You didn't even phone and see if I was ok! You have been too busy thinking about YOURSELF all week. How YOU feel about whatever is going on in that head of yours.

Oh did you know there was a chance they wouldn't release her body because they wanted to carry out an autopsy to see if they could bring anymore charges against the driver! I had to go and argue with the Police just so my Grandparents could be buried together! "

Tim took a deep shuddering breath and held onto his rage as it was the only thing stopping him from collapsing shaking in tears as the savage wall of emotions from the last week rose up and threatened to drown him. He started pacing trying to release the pent up energy sizzling through him.

"Everyone was asking me what the hell was going on. Because I'm the Federal Agent. Because I'm the eldest Grandchild, the clever genius I'm supposed to be able to deal with all this and have all the answers. I'm the strong one and everyone was turning to me. I haven't even been able to morn because I have to be the one keeping it all together. Keep the family functioning. Talk to the hospital, talk to the police, talk to the funeral home, talk to the solicitors, find a home for their god damn cats! Mom is doped up to the eyeballs trying to deal with the shock of loosing both her parents in two days, Sarah's a mess and to top it off Tony, my cousin Linda who was also hurt went into premature labor. They gave her drugs to try and hold it off as long as they could but they only gave her an extra couple of days."

Tim angrily jabbed his finger into Tony's chest

"Do you know what that was like being at the Funeral and wondering if we would all be back there in a few days time? Derek, Linda's husband got called away from the funeral because Linda went into labor and was experiencing complications. He thought his wife and baby girl might die Tony! Everything's gone to hell! And you don't seem to HAVE A CLUE!"

Tim sucked in a huge breath, trembling from head to foot in his exhaustion.

"I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, I haven't cried, I have been driving all day to get back here in time for work tomorrow and I have to say that the last thing I have thought about this week has been YOU!

SOMETIMES NOT EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU!" Tim screamed, silent tears slipping down his face as he raged against the world.

Tony was horrified. What had he done? Tim was right. He was a self absorbed, thoughtless, immature Bastard. He had spent the last week in a candy floss, adolescent, isolated stupor obsessed with McGee without giving a thought to what Timothy as a person was currently experiencing.

And he had been so proud of himself for being adult enough to come and talk to Tim tonight of all nights.

"Tim, I'm sorry I….."

"Didn't realize? Didn't know? Did you even bother to ask Tony?"

Tony realized with shame that he hadn't. His entire week had been about him and what he wanted to say. His own shame and guilt. His fear.

He had wanted to come here tonight not to ease McGee's concerns but to settle his own. It had been unthinking and selfish.

"Just go Tony. Go. NOW!" Tim stalked over to the door and ripped it open, dashing the tears away from his face with the heel of his hand.

Tony slipped through shame faced and heard the door slam behind him which was followed a moment later by the slightly softer sound of Tim's body sagging against the door and sliding slowly to the floor. Tony stood alone in the corridor and listened to the muffled sobs now coming from the other side of the door.

He couldn't move and he felt a wave of self loathing clutch at him. What could he do? He couldn't go back in and offer comfort, that would only make everything worse. Minutes went by and Tony could still hear Tim's soft anguished sobbing as he wept his despair and grief of the last week out into the cold night.

Slowly feeling empty of everything but shame Tony walked away from the door and went home.

(

(Awwwww Poor Timmy... poor Tony...silly silly boys...Please review and let me know what you think)