AN- Thanks for your reviews, I'd like to especially thank Skunk and Hedgehog for your encouraging reviews and all your constructive criticism and suggestions. But a big thank you to all who review and read too- you guys are what it's about.
The time skip was necessary, and if you think the dates are too out of whack I have done my best to work them around. The gap between 1888 when he made the formula and 1899 when he joins the League is very large and I felt he should be in London much longer than 1888 before he flees to Paris, otherwise he would have been in Paris for even longer than I have plotted, so bear with me!
Enjoy.
16th January
1888
Three times this week Gabriel has called upon me, but I won't allow him into my home. I know I must be causing him a great deal of worry, as it was only a week ago that he dined with me. However, I am feeling far too much the strain of this 'experiment' of mine. Hyde continues to loom inside my very mind- I can feel him there and it leaves me very unsettled. It's a darkness which makes me shudder whenever I acknowledge its presence…
27th January
1888
Hastie Lanyon has passed away after a sickness which befell him, following his meeting with my monstrous alter ego. It pains me to think that I have had a hand in the death of one of my oldest and most trustworthy friends…truly the sight of my evil separate to myself was far too great for him to comprehend...the funeral is to follow soon and I have tipped away all that was left of the last batch of my formula.
10th February
1888
I am ashamed to say that my fast, as it were, has been broken. The confines and weight of being an 'ordinary secret sinner' are far too great- how others cope this way I do not understand. My method is so much better- but it yields such terrible consequences…and yet I cannot stop.
15th February
1888
The evening started off well- but has ended in yet more bloodshed. Thankfully those who have suffered will not be missed- at least not for some time. But of course, it does not excuse Edward's actions…he inquired with a woman on the street as he has often done before, to entail her 'services'- and a young sailor- at least, that is what I thought him to be from the anchor symbol tattooed upon his hand- tried to step in between them and 'take' her from Edward.
I have already spoken of Hyde's harsh appearance and the man thought he would obviously be able to take her custom over Edward because he was so much taller and so much more- human in looks. Of course, Edward became quite enraged at this…he snapped the woman's neck before informing the man that now he couldn't have her anyway, and proceeded to beat him to the ground..
Then he left for 'home' casually as ever.
20th February
1888
I do not know what has come over me- it is growing harder and harder to resist taking that elixir. I can be seated up in my chamber and be made to rush all the way down into the laboratory to take a draught- it is evidently becoming an addiction- but I just cannot stop, even for the things that Hyde will do- he has such a temper within him that I cannot fathom…
Caging him for such a long period of my life has obviously had a terrible effect upon his character and made it to be so far from my own.
I feel myself becoming weak, not just mentally, every so often and it is only this horrible drug which relieves me. I sent Poole as soon as I was out of ingredients to collect more from Messrs Maw, leading him to question me in my demands. I do not answer.
16th May
1888
Things continue for the worse- and I fear infiltration of my laboratory at every second, that I may well hide these entries and lock the doors at all times, no matter if it is a member of the household who wishes to enter and certainly never Utterson.
I have strengthened of late, but in the past few months it has been a fluctuation between my moods and weakness towards the Lab. I do try to resist but it is harder than anything I have ever known.
Some nights, I am successful. Most are not.
3rd March
1895
Although it has been a long while since I have written an entry within this book, there have been occurrences which I managed to document despite their nature which Hyde has ripped out of this book in a fit of rage.
He has also destroyed some of my earliest research notes which I did not commit to memory…although the formula is still safe; I can remember it off by heart by now so I do not fret over it. The notes are locked away however so they do not fall into the wrong hands…not that mine have been right after this creation was allowed onto the streets of London.
My last entry was a few months ago at the end of 1894, but as a large chunk has be torn from these pages, I will document the most important thing to have been ripped out since then.
Edward has grown larger. Between 1888 and 1891 he has grown tall enough to know be at y shoulder height- and it terrifies me. He is more human looking now, though the taint of darkness is still very apparent upon his face. I continue to take my elixir like a sick patient will take their medicine.
After all of this, I really cannot stand anymore of Edward's actions…he has grown ever more violent and forceful in his ways, attacking men and women alike, even though it is the fairer sex he delights in 'hunting' most. He forces all people he chooses to reach the very brink of utmost terror and delights in every second.
I hate to think he has grown out of my- how could a man possibly have such dark thoughts as these? I know I would never have dreamt of doing half of the things Edward does- in fact, they all recur in nightmares almost every evening, some more than others.
Even his very presence grows stronger…though he has not escaped me again without the formula; he is there in the back of my mind chillingly more than ever, his voice stronger than before. I cannot take this burden which I have brought upon myself any longer.
10th March
1895
This was to be mine and my wretched creations last night upon this earth. However, I have proved to myself to be far too much of a coward to take my own life, making me ever angrier with myself. Edward laughs and assures me that he's seen it all along and that I could never have the gall to do it. He'll have to do it- but he does not want to die.
I wrote out a long confession of my actions and addressed the envelope which holds it to my dear friend Gabriel Utterson, whom I hated to leave this way, especially since he no longer has Lanyon to help him through my 'demise'.
Once it was done, I was hurried to get the deed over with, both for my fear of death which stopped me from acting and the fear that Hyde would get out of me and save himself by ripping up the confession and stealing away. I left the envelope upon my desk and wandered quietly around the Lab for a short while, taking in the last details of the place where I had spent such a great deal of time.
Finally I stopped in the middle of the room and took a revolver which I had acquired, making sure it was ready to fire and pressed it to my temple. I must have stood this way for quite some time, but by the time I ripped the gun away my hands were trembling. I couldn't do it- at least not this way. I stole over to my workspace, grabbing the nearest chemical to me and prepared to drink it. Poison would kill me and taking it in the same way as I had been taking that damn elixir all these years would have to work.
But alas, I could not do that either…whether I feared the wrath of God or the fires of Hell, I cannot remember. But it was not so much a religious quarrel which stopped me from taking my own life- I just didn't want to stop living, despite what was happening to me…so I ran up to my room and threw some possessions into a case I would be able to carry effectively. Papers, clothes, and all the money I had to hand as well as this book, once I had finished writing half of this account.
Leaving the confession upon the table, I tore away from my home and took a cab to the docks where I caught a ferry across the channel. It is upon this boat now which I finish writing- the water is rather choppy but it is more relaxing, actually, than anything else. I have left my home behind as well as any friends I had left…by tomorrow they will think me dead, if not simply vanished, by my account left to Gabriel.
All I can do now is apprehensively wonder what is going to happen once I arrive in Paris…
To Be Continued.