A/N: I wrote a nice long chapter to make up for the shorter one last time. I was so eager to get it done, I wrote more than half of it in one sitting! Be warned: this chapter has a lot of angst in it. There is also some slight lime-ish content.

It had been about a year and a half since Amon and I had had our fight. I had just celebrated my fifteenth birthday. It was a nice enough event...for once, my father was nice enough to throw a party for me just like he always did for my brothers. Of course, this didn't have anything to do with what he thought of me personally. No, he was just looking to marry me off as quickly as I could. I was still too young for an actual wedding, but there weren't any rules that said I couldn't be betrothed.

Right now, it was more imperative that I get married than ever. When Sid was two years old, his illness had finally been diagnosed. As it turns out, he had been born with cystic fibrosis.

Cystic fibrosis has all sorts of nasty side effects. We had already been accustomed to the respiratory and digestive problems, but now we had learned that Sid would most likely not be able to reproduce without medical intervention. Naturally, this was a huge blow for my parents. The biological heir that they had worked so long to obtain would grow up to be virtually infertile...if he grew up at all. Therefore, I (and my reproductive organs) had newfound importance to the family.

My father took out his rage and sorrow on anybody or anything at hand. I used to find him yelling at the poor servants over the smallest of mistakes. One time, he actually fired one of them because she had put too much salt on his dinner. Mother tried her best to calm Father down, but she was busy with grief of her own. Unlike Father, she did a great job of keeping herself composed in public. However, I sometimes caught her crying when she thought that nobody was looking.

Amon, as usual, was very stoic about the whole event, and treated Sid just like he had before the diagnosis. I think he may have been actually trying to shield Sid from all the upheaval.

I understand that I may be sounding too detached and clinical when describing all of this, but keep in mind that I have never been close to Sid. He has always thought of me more as a servant than a sister.

It wasn't like my parents were telling me all this, though. At the time, I knew Sid was sick, but I was really more preoccupied with my own social life. My figure had finally begun to "fill out" over the past year. I had always been naturally thin, but at least I no longer looked like a stick figure (for which I was eternally grateful). Now, the tables had been turned...now, it was the male servants who were staring at me.

Sometimes, I even thought I saw Amon looking at me oddly. But whenever I turned my head to get a better look at him, he would always be doing something else. I assumed that it was all in my imagination.

It was around this time that I met Michael Rabin. Lately, my father had been calling on me to perform hostess duties while he and his friends talked business, since Mother was ill yet again. Father could have asked a servant to take Mother's place...but this way he would get yet another opportunity to parade me around in front of all his rich business allies.

Today seemed no different than the other times I pulled hostess duty. I was finally starting to get the hang of it. If I had thought that helping Mother at the party had been difficult, I had been sadly mistaken. Serving refreshments to ten old guys is the epitome of difficulty in my opinion. At least I made it through the whole process that day without spilling anything.

Michael was the youngest businessman of the group, although he was still almost old enough to be my father. He was one of Father's proteges if I remember correctly, and showed much promise in the world of finance.

I noticed him almost immediately, since he was the only man in the room who wasn't all hairy and fat and old-looking. I wouldn't say he was exactly pin-up material...but then again, neither is Amon. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

As I served the coffee, Michael kept sneaking glances at me when Father wasn't looking. This was unlike the other friends, who would keep gawking at me whether Father was preoccupied or not. And it definitely wasn't my face they were looking at, either. When he smiled, it seemed to be genuine; not just a leer disguised as a smile. I think I started falling in love a bit right then and there.

The meeting was just wrapping up when Amon walked in to the sitting room. He was supposed to have been there the whole time, so Father could show him off as well. However, Amon was more clever than me, and always found some excuse to be late or leave early.

At once, Father went into his usual spiel about how promising Amon was. About how he wasn't even fifteen yet, but he was already taking college-level courses. I was all but forgotten. Nevertheless, one person was still watching me.

Amon couldn't take his eyes off me as I took as much time as I could clearing Michael's cup away. His face looked mildly annoyed. I knew his well enough to take this as a huge warning signal. When Amon let his facade slip even a small amount, it meant that he was majorly pissed off.

No, he didn't like Michael one bit.

If Michael had noticed this, he made no sign that he knew. From then on, he came to our house almost every day. Sometimes, he even showed up when there wasn't an official get-together scheduled. Father seemed overjoyed about this, and encouraged the visits as much as he could.

"She's perfect for you!" Father would exclaim jubilantly, as if I wasn't in the room hearing every word, "But I hope you'll just be able to wait a bit for her!"

Michael would laugh along with him, but shot sympathetic looks at me when Father continued to crack himself up.

At this point, Amon would almost invariably mumble something about how he had homework to do, and get out of the room as quickly as he could. He always slammed the door a little too loudly.

But for once, I didn't care about what Amon did. I thought that maybe he just got fed up by the mushy stuff. As for me...keep in mind that I was just fifteen, so I was easily won over by the most cliche sentimentality.

After a few weeks, Michael started bringing presents for me when he visited. He also always had a little something for Sid, so the little kid wouldn't get envious. But while Sid was more than content with candy and toy cars, I got some more elaborate things.

The first time he did this, I was caught off guard. He had bought me such a pretty silver hair ornament, I had to struggle to maintain my composure. Thankfully, I was able to wait until I was alone before squealing excitedly over it.

It was no secret that my hair was my best feature. It was wavy and thick and shiny, and I wore it down to my waist. I would spend hours in front of the mirror just brushing it. It wasn't like there was much else about me that was attractive. My forehead is too flat, my chin is too pointy, and my nose makes me look like a rat. That's just as true now as it was then, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Sometimes, I wonder what happened to that hair clip. I guess it must be buried in one of my jewelry boxes back home. It's not like I have much use for it anymore. Back then, though, I wore it nearly every day.

I had just barely gotten over the excitement of the hair clip when Michael showed up with another present. This time, it was a locket. One might think that I would have started to get bored of jewelry, but I found it to be even more thrilling than the previous gift.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I gushed while showing it off to Amon. All Amon did was shrug. I should have backed off then. However, I was too happy to realize that he really didn't want to talk about it.

"So...what do you think I should put in this?" I asked him. Once again, there was no reply. Oh well. I had plenty of time to think on the matter.

Amon most likely thought what pretty much everyone else did...that all those presents weren't free. The servants wouldn't admit it, but they all thought that Michael and I were sleeping together. Although I still didn't fully understand why the maids kept throwing Michael scandalized glances, I could tell that they didn't like him much more than Amon did. Well, let me just say right now that those rumors are completely false. Michael always acted like a perfect gentleman towards me. For months on end, he never even did so much as hold my hand. I have no idea why everyone always wanted to portray him as some evil pedophile.

Before you get all convinced that this story will have a "happily ever after" sort of ending, though, I'll just spoil the surprise and reveal that I did not end up marrying Michael. This is simply not that sort of story. Life ended up having other plans for me.

As the weather became warmer, Amon grew increasingly surly. He glared at Michael whenever the older man tried to strike up a conversation, refused to talk to me, and even grew short-tempered with Sid sometimes. Now, he has never exactly been Mr. Sunshine (despite his name), but this was getting ridiculous. I resolved to talk to him about it.

Even today, I still wonder...would I have gone through with this had I known the long chain of events it would set off? I'm pretty sure I would have. Sometimes, people just need to take risks.

I hadn't been in Amon's room in ages; not since our argument. He was quite surprised when I showed up at the door. He had already changed into his pajamas, and it was still early enough for Sid to be awake. I noticed just how tall he had become recently. For the first time, I had to look up to meet his eyes. He said nothing, but looked at me quizzically.

"We should talk," I finally said as politely as I could. I tried to walk into his room, but Amon blocked the doorway with his body. I wasn't sure why he wasn't letting me in his room now, when I'd been there so many times before. However, I decided not to press the issue further. I was here to try to reason with Amon, not get into another fight with him.

We just stood there and stared at each other for a minute or so. I began to feel uncomfortable. That old longing sensation was back again, and it was stronger and more mysterious than ever. I wondered if Amon felt the same way, but I decided he probably didn't. After all, he was so much more mature and collected than I was.

I was a mixture of relieved and disappointed when Amon broke the silence.

"Well? Did you want to say something to me, or are you going to stand here staring at me all night with your jaw gaping open like a fish?"

To my embarrassment, I realized that my mouth really was hanging slightly open. I closed it as quickly as I could, then started talking hesitantly.

"Amon...why are you so mad at Michael? He's such a nice person, and I like him. Why can't you just be friends with him?"

I decided not to address his ignoring of me. I was used to his behavior, and I was only worried for Michael's sake. As it was, I seemed to have touched a sensitive issue. Amon's eyes narrowed, and he moved his head at just the right angle, so his glasses glinted threateningly (I know that doesn't sound particularly scary, but it always frightens me when he does that.) However, he managed to keep his tone of voice relatively calm.

"Why don't I like him, you ask? Well, maybe it's because he absolutely disgusts me."

This confused me. Michael was not disgusting! It wasn't like he had bad hygiene or manners or anything, which was the only relevant definition of "disgusting" that came to my mind. I wanted to ask what he meant, but Amon did not elaborate. Instead, he simply wished me good night and closed the door to his room.

As I walked back to my own room, I felt very frustrated. I didn't even know why I was so frustrated, which just made it worse. Once I was in bed, I thought for a very long time about what had happened. I didn't want to make Amon mad, but I liked Michael too.

It was very difficult for me to get to sleep that night.

I was hoping that Michael wouldn't visit the next day. I still had my feelings to sort out, and I wasn't sure I was ready to face him. Unfortunately, however, Michael walked into the house with Father at the usual time.

I tried my best not to look at Michael or encourage him in any way. When he tried to greet me as usual, I averted my eyes and mumbled some response or other. Luckily, though, Michael was mostly involved in what sounded like a serious business conversation. I would have normally been disappointed at the lack of attention. Today, I just wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible.

Amon and I ended up leaving the room at about the same time. He hardly even acknowledged my presence, and went his own separate way. For a time, I wandered the halls alone. I had no real destination; I just wanted to be alone to think over this some more.

At length, I paused beside a big bay window. I felt calmer absorbing the sun, since I rarely had the chance to go outside anymore. For a long time, I just stood there, wrapped up in my own thoughts.

"Ekou?"

I whirled around at the sound. I think I may have been half-hoping that it was Amon, but apparently Michael had decided to seek me out instead. I looked down at my feet, unsure of what to do.

Michael took a deep breath.

"Okay, Ekou, this is hard for me to say...but I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you want, I'll stop seeing you. You're young...I personally don't think that you should be roped into such an important decision so early."

I looked over at him in surprise. I had never even thought of it that way. I had been happy with the idea of marrying Michael because Father was happy with it.

Had I hurt Michael's feelings today? I hadn't meant to be rude or anything like that.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I ran into Michael's arms and started sobbing. He was caught off guard, but politely hugged me back. He prudently refrained from asking questions.

Everything was so confusing! Did I like Michael or not? More importantly, how did Amon fit into all of this? I definitely felt different around Amon than I did Michael, and I'm not sure it was just because he was my brother.

We just stood there for what seemed like forever. When I had finally calmed down a bit, I began to get very embarrassed. I had probably ruined Michael's shirt because I had cried on it. What would he think of me now? Would he tell Father about it?

And then...as if things couldn't get any worse, I glimpsed a flash of red hair out of the corner of my eye. Amon had been watching us the whole time. He wasn't even hiding or anything. We had been so distracted that we hadn't even noticed him.

I sprang back with a cry of surprise, and ran away as fast as I could. I didn't dare look at either of the men.

Michael called after me to wait; that he would sort all of this out. But I didn't look back.

I wouldn't see Michael again for a very long time.

That night, I wanted nothing more than to just lock myself in my room; preferably for the next fifty years or so. I had refused to eat any dinner, and I felt like I would never be hungry again.

I had overheard the servants gossiping about Amon's shocking behavior. About how he had completely lost his temper for the first time since he had arrived here. They didn't know the exact details of just what was said, but it was bad. Michael had fled the house, and it was uncertain whether he would ever return.

Amon was in deep trouble, but I had been spared. Through all of this, Michael had kept my breach of conduct a secret. I wasn't sure I'd ever get to speak to him again, but I would be grateful for all of eternity.

I was curled up in my bedcovers. I had had more than enough excitement to last a whole week. Little did I know, though, that my day was far from over.

I guess it must have been about midnight when I heard the knock on my door. Normally, I would have been asleep at this hour, but I had resigned myself to another sleepless night.

I put on a bathrobe and went to answer the door. Imagine my surprise when I saw Amon standing there. I would have thought that he would not want anything to do with me. To this day, I'm not quite sure how he managed to evade the servants...he was supposed to have been confined to his own room.

I looked up at him while tears fought their way into my eyes yet again.

"Why did you do that?" I whispered.

All traces of Amon's temper tantrum seemed to have fled. He briefly closed his eyes, then said, "Ekou, I did what I had to do. Nothing more."

And with that, he invited himself into my room.

"Amon, what are you doing...?"

"Ekou, you're right. We do have to talk."

Well, maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps Amon was finally willing to reveal the reason behind his vendetta against Michael.

"Look," he began, "I understand that you have been very sheltered throughout your life, so I'll try to put this in terms you can understand. I'm just trying to help you. When I think of...that man...touching and hurting you, it just makes my stomach turn."

I still wasn't sure what Amon was talking about. Why would Michael ever hurt me? I just have looked very confused, because Amon then attempted to explain further.

"Okay, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'll be blunt...you are extremely ignorant of how life works. No fifteen-year-old should be so in the dark. All these years, your parents...our parents... have sheltered you, protecting you from anything that's adult-themed in any way. Obviously, this has backfired. But don't worry, Ekou...I can teach you before it's too late."

"Teach me..?" I answered faintly. I was not used to Amon saying this many words at once. Part of me was starting to become alarmed, and I suppressed it as best I could.

"Yes...teach you," Amon said in almost a whisper as he moved closer.

I am certain that Amon would have left had I told him to, but things just didn't work out that way. I could have started screaming my head off and alerting the servants...yet I didn't. I am a big believer in fate (as you may have surmised already), and if Amon and I were destined to have this relationship, I can't argue about it.

You all can probably guess what happened next. There was still an alarm going off in my body saying, No, this is wrong...but Amon kept murmuring over and over that he was doing this for my own good. That made me feel a bit better...if he said this was all to help me, than he must have truly thought that.

I kept my eyes closed the whole time, since it wouldn't be polite to look at Amon when he had his clothes off. Therefore, I wasn't quite sure what he was doing. All I knew was that it hurt, and I didn't like it very much. Thankfully, it was over pretty quickly.

It didn't take me long to figure out that this was what Michael would have eventually done to me. No wonder that Amon was so upset.

When I woke up the next morning, Amon was long gone. I was left alone; tired, confused, and very sore. I didn't know what all of this meant, but I knew I would still love Amon no matter what happened.

From that point on, it was like I was living two lives. During the day, I continued to act the same as I always had. For the most part, I was successful at doing this. Not even the old sex-ed crone noticed anything different. I think Mother may have suspected something, but she never voiced any concerns. The nights, however, I spent with Amon.

This must sound like one of those glamorous double-agent movies. But let me tell you, it was anything but. I was exhausted all the time, I lost weight, and my schoolwork started to suffer. However, when I tried to stop, I found that I just couldn't. I was actually growing to like these little encounters as I got more experienced.

My sixteenth birthday came and went, and no new men came to visit me. Father was disappointed by that, but I was secretly glad. I had decided that I was going to marry Amon one day, no matter what my parents thought.

Amon didn't seem to be so keen on the whole marriage idea, though. The one time I brought it up, he immediately changed the subject. I told him I loved him every single night, but he never said anything back. Maybe he just needed more time to learn how to express his feelings. He wouldn't be doing this with me if he didn't love me, right?

It wasn't long before Amon said he was growing tired of doing the same things over and over again. Soon after that, he brought out the handcuffs for the first time. I don't know where he got them. At first, I wasn't too sure about this new stuff, but Amon seemed to like it. Therefore, I decided that I liked it too.

As the months passed, I grew more used to the stress that this double life was creating. It took a lot of work, but I did manage to get my grades back up to a respectable level. All in all, I thought that life was going rather well for me. Then, this delicate setup suddenly collapsed.

One morning, I woke up with a horrible stomachache. Amon was not with me...he had had to stay in his own room all night to complete an essay for school.

I assumed that this was just a bad case of cramps. I was a couple of weeks overdue for you-know-what, after all. I didn't see anything amiss with this, though, since I'd always had a quirky cycle. So I just popped a couple of pills. That seemed to help out...but only for a little while.

The pain started to nag me again during lunch. I wanted to go up to my room and rest, but I had promised Mother that I would sew with her that afternoon.

I tried my best to have a pleasant time. In some ways, it was. I always liked spending time with Mother, of course, and we found a lot to talk about. One might think that we couldn't find many common interests to discuss, but somehow we did. For example, I had never known until then that Mother was interested in gardening. I had always thought that she just liked staying inside.

The conversation helped take my mind off the tedium of sewing. Then, I felt just about the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I had to cover my mouth to keep from screaming. I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it will be truly able to understand.

"Ekou?" said Mother in concern, "are you all right?"

I tried to say that everything was fine, but it was clear that I was lying. I started to feel faint.

After a few moments, Mother added, "All right, that's it. You are going to lie down, and I am going to call the doctor."

She helped me over to the nearest couch, but I only took two steps before my legs gave out.

Maybe I should go to sleep, I thought. Maybe when I woke up, the pain would be gone.

The last thing I remember before blacking out was Mother breaking my fall and screaming for a servant.

I woke up to a steady beeping sound. Ugh...that was annoying. One of my hands feebly waved in an attempt to turn that sound off, but I only succeeded in lifting the hand a few centimeters off the bed. Needless to say, the beeping continued unhindered.

Wait a minute...this wasn't my bed at home. Where was I? I realized that maybe opening my eyes would help me figure this out. It took a lot of effort, but I eventually managed to crack one eye open most of the way.

Even with my sleep-fogged brain, I could immediately tell that I was in a hospital. The beeping was coming from some sort of monitor. There was an IV catheter taped to the back of my hand. I didn't know just what sort of stuff was going through it, but I suspected that it had something to do with why I felt so sleepy.

I barely had time to think all this before a nurse noticed that I was awake. She seemed startled, as if she hadn't expected me to wake up, and pushed some sort of intercom button.

In just a few minutes, a doctor entered the room. He was smiling a bit too much for my taste.

"Hello, Miss Garam. Can you understand me?" He said in a loud and slow voice.

I managed to find enough strength to incline my head slightly.

"Good. We were beginning to wonder when you would regain consciousness...you've been out for two whole days! Your parents have been very worried about you, and they will be glad to hear this good news!"

This doctor was starting to annoy me. He was still talking in that slow voice, like he thought I was a two-year-old or something.

"Do you know why you are here?" the doctor continued. I dearly wanted to make some sarcastic remark about how I was pretty sure it had something to do with that stomach problem. But all I could do was shrug.

"Well, Miss Garam, you were very sick for a while. As it turns out, you had an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that means?"

That must have been some powerful cocktail of drugs in the IV, because it took a few moments for those words to register. The first thing I remember thinking was that "ectopic" was a really funny-sounding word. Then I suddenly realized what he was saying.

The doctor then proceeded to explain that I had conceived, but it happened in the wrong part of my body. Then there was this long thing that I didn't really get. The doctor kept going on and on about rupturing and internal bleeding and lapa-something-or-other.

The drugs were making it so I couldn't focus. I decided to go back to sleep. I would think about this later.

When I woke up again, Mother was in the room. I had never seen her be so pale in my entire life. Her lips were pressed together so her mouth looked like just one thin line. It was obvious that she was very angry. I would have cowered under the bedsheets if I could.

Mother explained to me that we would not tell anyone about what really happened. She had informed Father that I had had an ovarian cyst. That was going to be the official story, she said, and I was to stick to it.

Now, when I've had time to think about it, I marvel at the bravery Mother displayed. She lied to her own husband, the rest of the household, and the media...all to keep me out of trouble. Although she did try to ask me who the father was once, when I remained silent she didn't pry further. I don't know what would have happened to all of us had she forced me to admit it. I never did get around to thanking her, and I feel very sorry about that.

I recovered fairly quickly. Sid thought that the bandaged incision on my lower abdomen was just about the coolest thing ever, and he had some newfound appreciation for me. Mother was there almost constantly, and even Father showed up once or twice. Amon never visited. Father said that he was very busy with his schoolwork.

Sometimes I was angry at Amon for this, but then I remembered that not even he knew the truth. He had been told the ovarian cyst story just like everyone else, and there was no reason for him to question it.

After a few days, I returned home. It was odd to be sitting at the table for dinner that first night, since I had gotten accustomed to eating in bed. I couldn't eat much, though. The bandages itched, and that stupid incision was hurting like hell. I excused myself to go to bed early, and fell asleep before I even had a chance to change into my nightgown.

Sometime in the night, I woke up. At first, I wondered why I had woken up so suddenly, but then I heard a sound I had not heard in years. There was a baby crying somewhere in the house.

Naturally, I had to go investigate. As far as I knew, none of the maids had had children recently.

I gingerly got out of bed, so as not to aggravate my wound. I was careful to be quiet as I walked out of the door. There were no servants in the hall, which I thought was odd. Wouldn't they have been woken up by all that crying?

Finding the source of the crying was like playing a game of hot-and-cold. Sometimes, when I moved in a certain direction, the crying got louder, and sometimes it lessened. I had never before noticed just how many hallways this house had, and I began to hope that I would be able to find my way back to my room.

Then, just when I had begun to despair of ever finding this crying child, I turned down a narrow hall and there it was. It was just lying in the middle of the floor, wrapped in a pink blanket and screaming its head off. But I was still apparently the only one who could hear it...

I ran over to comfort the poor thing. It looked so tiny wrapped in all those blankets...it must have been a newborn.

I scooped it up, and it stopped crying. I unfolded part of the blanket to look at the baby's face. I was pretty sure it was a girl, since it was wrapped up in pink. It had such plump little hands, and a cute little face, and just a tiny bit of red fuzz on the top of its head...

"Miss Ekou! What are you doing up so late? You should be in bed, resting!"

I whirled around. I had been so busy with the baby that I had not seen Sid's nanny sneak up behind me. I felt great relief...this woman would know what to do!

"Oh, thank God you're here!" I babbled. "I found this baby, and it was just lying out here crying, and no one but me seemed to notice!"

The nanny seemed very bewildered.

"...What baby?" She asked.

"The one that I'm holding, of course! See, it's right here in my arms..."

I trailed off. For now, as I looked down at the infant, it had disappeared! The nanny smiled knowingly.

"It's all right, Miss Ekou," she said, "It was just a dream. There is no baby. Everything is just fine. Now let's go back to bed, okay?"

But...I didn't understand! The baby had been right THERE! How had it vanished right out of my arms without me noticing? It wasn't a dream...I swear! I remember how warm and soft the little thing felt when I held it. It was too real to be a dream.

I don't recall walking back to my room, but I suppose I must have. The next morning, I woke up in my own bed. For some odd reason, my pillow was wet with tears.