Disclaimer: I do not own B10:AF I just play in its universe.
HERO
Rain pours from the sky in sheets drenching the young brunette standing upon the muddy ground. His sea green eyes stare in horror at the smoking and charred alien body at his feet. He wants to help the alien, get it some type of medical attention, but instead he stands there unmoving, observing as green fluids leak from its gaping maw. It gives one last cough, choking on its own bodily fluids, a single cry of pain, and then its opaque eyes gloss over and blacken in death. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. It was dead. He had killed it with a laser blast from Chromastone. No. It couldn't be dead, that blast hadn't been powerful enough, had it?
Gwen and Kevin, who had just finished beating their own share of aliens senseless, jog to him. His cousin gazes down at the alien for a moment and then up at his horrified countenance. A gasp escapes her. "Ohmigod Ben is it . . . " She trails off.
His voice hitches in his chest.
Kevin kneels and touches the alien's forehead, checking for its heartbeat. A shadow passes over his face. "Yeah. It's dead." He straightens and takes in a deep breath.
She gasps again. "Ben . . . Did you-did you kill it?"
He turns his head away, erasing the rain dribbling from his hair and into his eyes.
Kevin's eyes widen "Holy crap." He mutters in disbelief. Murder was nothing new to him, hell, he had killed his fair share of aliens, mostly those that double-crossed him. But then again, he didn't have much of a conscience when it came to that type of thing. Ben however, was a different story. The kid was so enamored with being a hero(and heroes don't kill) that this one act accidental or not was going to change him for life, Kevin knew it.
The redhead runs to his side and puts an arm around his shoulders. "Ohmigod Ben. I-I mean it's okay. Everything is going to be alright. You didn't mean to do it, right?"
He can't bring himself to look at her and keeps his stare downward. "I-I, it . . . he came at me and-and . . . " He stammers. His eyes fall upon the alien's corpse and his stomach roils. He breaks from his cousin's grasp and bolts to the car, sliding into the vehicle and shutting the door.
Kevin puts a hand on her thin shoulder. "He'll be okay Gwen."
She glances back at him and heaves a deep sigh. "I hope you're right."
Ben straps himself into the car and says nothing when the other two climb in. There's nothing to say. He just killed an alien. He took a life, something sacred.
The car lurches forward as Kevin guns the engine and they rocket down the highway. Silence and pea-soup thick tension chokes the atmosphere in the car. No one knows what to say, how to comfort the young man in the backseat.
After several miles, the older teenager can't stand it any longer. "Radaal was a filthy lowlife scumbag, if you ask me he had it coming." He takes a left and drives onto the highway that leads to Bellwood. "The universe is gonna be better without him."
"Kevin!" Gwen scolds. "Ben . . . " What could she say? Tell him that it's not okay that he took a life? That he's a murderer? No, that would only hurt him even more. She peeps over the top of her seat at the crestfallen teen in the backseat.
He stares out at the rain trickling down the window. What would Grandpa Max think of him now? Sure, he had killed all those aliens by blowing himself up, but that was because that was his only option.
Kevin pulls the car into the driveway of Ben's home.
Slowly, he undoes his seatbelt, slides to the passenger side, and climbs out of the backseat, pushing past his cousin. He steps into the rain and strides down the pathway, hoping that his cousin doesn't want to talk to him, because right now he seriously does not feel like holding a conversation. He fumbles in his pocket for his key, pulls it out, and inserts it in the lock, turning it and opening the door. The vague click-clack of Gwen's shoes reaches his ears as she approaches him. Without speaking, he faces her, still ignoring the rain pelting his clothes.
"Ben, are you okay?"
She wants him to open up, he can see it in her eyes, but right now he merely wants to climb into bed and hide under the covers. "Yeah." He fibs and enters the house, giving her a sad smile before shutting the door. In slow steps he strides toward the stairs, his sneakers squeaking across the wooden floor, and walks up them and to his room. He shuts the door and falls onto his bed.
The alien's unearthly shriek of pain fills his ears. Its scream should have stopped him, should have cued him to dial down the strength of his blast, but it had failed. Its tortured visage rises into his mind replaying over and over. He, Ben Tennyson, the supposed hero of the universe, the legendary Max Tennyson's legacy, had taken a life, and he had done it with the Omnitrix. He curls up into his mattress and lets out a small sob. He'd used the Omnitrix to snuff out another life, and that made him no better than those that coveted it. His green eyes broaden. He was no better than Vilgax.
His stomach lurches and he jerks up, bolting to the hallway bathroom. He slams the door, throws back the toilet lid, and vomits into it. After he finishes, he drops onto the floor and wraps his hands around his knees, rocking back and forth in a desperate attempt to comfort himself.
In this farewell,
There's no blood, no alibi,
'Cause I've drawn regret,
From the truth of a thousand lies.
So let mercy come and wash away,
What I've done . . .
Days pass and his guilt lingers on, seemingly increasing with time. Right now, he is alone, speeding through the air as Jetray towards his destination, the local lake. He lands gracefully and transforms back into himself, causing a green glow. Sitting down on the bank, he produces a handheld device and types in Radaal's name. It's Kevin's handheld computer he brought back from space, a virtual encyclopedia of the bad and the ugly of extraterrestrial convicts. Images of various aliens flicker across the screen rapidly until it stops on Radaal. Ben reads through his criminal record and through his biography. He stops when he gets to the middle of the paragraph. Radaal was married with two children.
Ben's blood runs cold. He had killed not just a criminal, which was bad enough, but he had slaughtered an alien with a family. Somewhere on some planet in the galaxy a wife was waiting for her husband and two children were waiting for their father to return, but their waiting was in vain. They would never see him again, all because he had murdered him in a single violent instance. Radaal and his wife would never grow old together and he would never see his children grow into adults, because he was dead. Because I killed him. He'd taken a husband from his wife and robbed two innocent children of their father. Three people were going to suffer because of him, because he was a murderer.
"Ben?"
He scowls at the sound of the voice. It's Gwen. How in the heck did she find him so quick? No doubt with one of her Anadite tracking methods. "Go away." He commands. No, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, he doesn't want to hear anything she has to say. Nothing can be said or done. He is a murderer.
Gwen sits next to him and places a slender arm around his shoulder. "No Ben, I'm not going anywhere. We haven't heard from you in days. I know that you think it's your fault and that you feel guilty, but it was an accident."
His upper lip curls into a frown. "That doesn't matter."
Squeezing him closer, she rests her hand on his. "Yes it does."
"No, it doesn't!" He shrugs off her hold and jumps to his feet. "I killed someone Gwen, good alien or not, it's still wrong!"
Holding her hands up in a gesture of passiveness she speaks calmly, "okay I know that, but it was a mistake."
He scowls at her. "That doesn't matter either! Radaal had a family Gwen!" He shoves the handheld in her face. "A wife and two kids!"
"Ben—"
"No!" Tears sting in his green eyes threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. "His wife and children are going to suffer because I killed him Gwen! Me! Not us! ME! So don't try to pretend like you understand, because you don't." With that outburst, he transforms into Jetray, before his tears can fall, and rockets away. He cuts through the air like a guided missile to the highest part of Bellwood, the water tower. He hovers for a moment and then puts his feet on the ground, returning to his original form.
The town below reminds him of a model in a box, the cars appearing as mere toys and the people as ants on the ground. He leans on the railing and lets out another sob. A wind blows by, caressing his tear-stained cheeks. He killed one fourth of a family, made some lady alien a widow, left two little children fatherless. Unable to hold it in anymore he opens his mouth and lets an agonizing, sorrowful cry erupt from his mouth. His body quivers and he crumbles to the ground repetitively muttering the words "what have I done?"
I'll face myself,
To cross out what I've become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I've done.
Ben sits in his room, alone, in the dark listening to the music on his ipod. For the past week he has become a loner, distancing himself from his family and friends. He figures if he stays away from them he can protect them from him. The light pops on and Gwen and Kevin are standing in the doorway. Reluctantly he takes his hood from his head and pulls the earbulbs of his ipod out.
Kevin stares at Ben's appearance, the matted hair, bloodshot eyes, rumpled clothing, and noticeable loss of weight. "Damn Tennyson, ya look like hell." He winces when Gwen jabs her elbow into his side hard.
Venturing into the room she strides to the bed and sits on its foot, attempting to ignore the potato chip crumbs peppering the spread. "Ben," she starts, "it's Saturday. You want to come to the Smoothie King with us and have a chug contest?"
"Yeah." Kevin chimes in. "Maybe I'll let ya drink in my car this time."
"I don't want to." He rolls to his side and ignores them altogether. Why can't they understand that he doesn't want to be in public? That he wants to, prefers to be alone.
Gwen stills her trembling lip and puts a hand on her cousin's side, gingerly laying her head on his shoulder. "Ben, please. Please come with us. Please." She pleads through her tears.
Kevin stuffs his hands in his pockets. He had never seen Ben this unhappy, this down in the dumps ever since he'd known him. The kid had always been so upbeat and chomping at the bits for the next adventure but now, now it was like some invisible force had robbed him of his personality and left them with a husk, a shell. But what could he do? How could he help? "Yeah, Ben, cuz this sitting in the dark ain't healthy and cuz ya could probably get some sort of disease from this biohazard ya got goin in here."
Ben didn't even blink at his insult. He just lay there still as a statue.
Kevin's jaw drops. He expects Ben to at least come back with something smart or even react just a little, but he'd given nothing. Jeez, this was serious. "C'mon Ben. Come with us, it'll be fun."
In a single movement, he put his earbulbs back in and conceals his face with the large hood of his dark shirt, as if trying to close them out. He wants them to go away, for Gwen to stop trying to reach him, for all of them to leave him alone.
Tears leak down her cheek and she gazes up at Kevin with pained eyes. "Whatever you do Ben, don't let it consume you." She whispers before she and Kevin leave the room, defeated.
Eventually, after they leave, Ben drifts into slumber. However, his sleep is plagued with nightmares of him murdering the alien in different scenarios, of the aftermath that his family is undergoing, of him hurting those he loves with the very device he swore to protect the galaxy with.
Ben, as the alien hero Big Chill, lands in the snow-covered ground, reverts to his original form, and trudges towards the hill, where he sees the large stones jutting from the earth. He shivers uncontrollably and runs towards the rocks. DNAliens are sprawled everywhere as if a major battle had been fought, but he couldn't fight such odds on his own. Where were Kevin and Gwen? He continues to run. The coldness of the air is trumped by the icier grip of fear running through his veins.
He fears the worse. Had they been killed? No, their bodies were not among the slew of unconscious DNAliens laying face down in the snow. Maybe they were just over this hill. His sneakers pound the ground, the snow crunching beneath his feet, and his heart drums rapidly in his chest. "Please no." He runs to the crest of the hill and dashes to the first rock to his right, wiping the condensation from its surface. Bile enters his throat.
Inside the frozen tomb gazing at him with lifeless eyes is Gwen.
"No!" His knees buckle and he falls. Shock buffets him, he cannot think, he cannot scream, all he can do is stare in naked terror at his cousin's body. Then fearfully, he takes a glimpse of the remaining blocks. His mom and dad, his uncle and aunt, Ken, Kevin, and Julie. How had this happened? How had they been frozen in these blocks? His eyes widen in an agonizing realization. He had killed them all. He had transformed into Big Chill and frozen them all in blocks of ice.
His family, his friends had all died at his hands. His head pounds and his heart drums rapidly in his ears. He ignores the cold wind howling past him, stabbing into his skin beneath the thin jacket, the ominously darkening sky and weeps inconsolably, his shoulders trembling like a leaf on the wind.
Ben awakens to find his mother and father standing over him. A relieved breath leaves him. It had been a dream. Thank goodness.
"Ben, are you okay?" His mother asks.
"Yeah mom." He gazes up at his father. "I'm okay." He repeats.
"Do you want to eat dinner with us tonight?" She asks hopefully.
Dinner? He casts a glance at the window and sees the darkened sky. He'd slept all day long? "Maybe another night." He learned that if he promised his parents that he'd eat with them they usually left him alone.
His father slightly frowns. "Okay. Tomorrow then."
"Tomorrow." He waits until they leave and then he curls up into fetal position. Was that his destiny? To kill all that he held dear? No. He was to become Ben 10,000 the greatest hero the galaxy, maybe even the universe had ever seen. His eyes widen. Maybe not. In the future, Kevin was still a bad guy and Grandpa Max was alive. Maybe that was it, the past had changed and thus maybe that meant that the future had changed also. Maybe he wasn't meant to be a hero in the new future that presented itself. After all heroes did not kill, not Superior Man, not Nightman, or The Streakster. None of the heroes in his comic books killed, they might come close, but they always managed to beat the villain without resorting to murder.
He was no hero.
"Hi Ben." A voice says.
He glances up. It's Julie. Why the hell was she here? "Julie?" He takes out the earbulbs again.
She smiles at him sweetly and flips her short cut hair. "I haven't seen you around lately, so I decided to come see you. Your parents said it was okay if I came up." She sits down next to him on the bed. They sit in silence for a while.
Finally he turns over and sits upright, causing the covers to rustle. "Why are you really here?" He asks quietly, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
She folds her legs and smiles at him again. "Like I said, to see you. I thought maybe you were too busy with hero stuff so I decided to swing by."
His shoulders droop and his thoughts drift back to the dream, of her being frozen in a block of ice. He needed to protect her from him, even if it did hurt them both. "I'm no hero."
She raises an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? I've seen the things that you've done, the people that you've saved."
Casting his gaze downward, he fidgets with the covers. "Yeah." He grits his teeth and push himself to do what he never wanted. "Jules, I can't date you anymore."
Her eyes take on a wounded look and she bites her bottom lip. "What? Why?"
He keeps his face blank. "To protect you."
"B-but."
"Bye Julie." He reinserts the small earphones into his ears and turns his back to her, signaling that he no longer wanted to talk. A deep exhalation leaves him when he hears her sobbing as she runs down the stairs. He turns the volume up on his ipod and snuggles down into the covers. Breaking up with her might have seemed harsh, but he was doing it to protect her from harm, from him. Because in reality, he was no hero.
Put to rest what you thought of me,
While I clean this slate,
With the hands of uncertainty.
So let mercy come and wash away,
What I've done.
Another week passes and Ben is not the same. His grades are starting to slip, his performance on the soccer team is less than par, he avoids Gwen and Kevin at all opportunities, and he hasn't fought DNAliens in what seems like forever. Every time he glances in the mirror he sees a monster and the crying and distraught faces of Radaal's family. They were all suffering because of him, because he misused the power he was given.
He walks amidst the teenagers eager to get out of school to live out their weekend, seemingly ignoring the world around him. The sun shines upon his face and the wind tosses his hair but still he continues to walk with his head down until he comes to his bicycle. He stoops down and starts turning the combination lock when a pair of legs concealed by denim jeans appear before him. He glances up and resumes his task.
"We need to talk Tennyson." Kevin says, trying to keep his voice from becoming harsh.
Ben stands straight and holds up his bicycle. "Why? There's nothing to say."
He holds the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep his cool and speaks again. "Yes there is."
He rolls his eyes and nods, walking the bicycle to a bench. They sit and quietly watch the group of cars steadily dwindle. "So talk Kev."
Kevin places his elbows on his knees. "Ben I know that you're upset, but it's been two weeks since the accident. This walking around all lonely and breaking up with Julie for no apparent reason and not fighting DNAliens ain't kosher man."
He narrows his eyes at the older teenager. "I broke up with her to protect her."
He leans back against the wooden bench and stares piercingly at the brunette. "You ain't protectin' nobody by alienatin' them Ben. Don't you see how worried everybody is about you? Your mom and dad are at their wit's end and Gwen can barely focus, because you won'tget it together."
He glares daggers at Kevin's candid words. "Not everybody's heart is steel like yours Kevin."
"You're right, but I–"
"Don't sit here and try to pretend like you know what I'm going through because you don't!" He remarks shrilly.
Kevin inhales and silently counts to ten. "Look I ain't gonna pretend I know what you're feelin, because I was happy when I made my first kill, but I am gonna say this. If you don't stop bellyachin and rollin' around in your own guilt the enemy is gonna win and the entire planet's gonna go to hell in a friggin' picnic basket." He leans so close to Ben that it looks as if they may kiss and stares firmly into the teenager's eyes. "So stop cryin' over spilled milk and get your shit together." He sayssternly, gets up, and saunters away.
Ben hops on his bicycle and pedals to his grandfather's secret spot. By the time he makes it there, the sun is setting behind the hills and the sky is darkening. He runs to the tree and falls upon his knees. Reaching in his back pocket he retrieves a picture of his grandpa from his wallet. A few tears flow when he stares down at the picture of his grandpa smiling as if he had not a care in the world, dropping onto the portrait. He had been ten years old in the picture, had just discovered the Omnitrix and had so many high hopes of being a hero. But now, everything had all come to naught. He had performed the worst crime. He'd committed murder, not as his last resort, not as his only option, but because he'd lost control.
What would Grandpa Max think of him now? Would he proud of him if he knew he'd killed someone? No. He was supposed to be a hero for all sentient beings alien or human and usher in a new era of intergalactic brotherhood. He was Ben Tennyson, grandson of Max Tennyson. It was his duty to live up to if not beyond his grandfather's legacy, but now, he had soiled their reputation by killing Radaal. Grandpa Max would not be proud of him, if anything he'd be disappointed, ashamed, disgraced.
He clenches the picture in a vise-like grip, pressing it against his forehead. "What do I do Grandpa, what do I do?"
I'll face myself,
To cross out what I've become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I've done.
Ben sits on the roof of his house, still clutching the picture of his grandpa in his hand. A memory flashes through his mind. He smiles, something he hasn't done in two weeks. He and Grandpa Max had been by the lake catching fireflies in a jar:
Ben gazes in wonder at the tiny glowing bugs flying around in his jar.
Grandpa Max holds his own jar of fireflies up. "Good job Ben, now whatever you do don't open the lid."
"Huh?" Ben says right before opening the lid.
The fireflies rush out of the jar and to freedom.
"Oh no!" Ben cries, his eyes brimming with tears. "Grandpa they're gone, my fireflies they left." He blubbers sadly.
Max merely smiles warmly at his grandson. "It's okay Benjamin." He pats the young child's shoulder.
"It's not okay! They're gone and they're never coming back because I opened the lid."
Max wags his head and picks his grandson up. "No use crying over spilled milk Benjamin."
Ben stops crying to stare at his grandfather inquiringly. "But what if there's no more milk left?"
He chuckles and sits down in the lush grass. "Not in that sense Ben."
He tightens his eyes at his grandfather and raises an eyebrow. "Then what do you mean?" Wriggling from the large man's grasp, he sits next to him.
Max sits the jar aside. "I mean that everyone makes mistakes because no one is perfect. You just have to clean up the slate and keep going. Because dwelling on the past won't help the future." He says in a sagely tone, staring down solemnly at his grandson.
Ben stares up at him and nods, taking in the advice, even though he doesn't quite understand it. "Okay . . . Can I have your fireflies grandpa?"
He chuckles good-naturedly and hands the little boy his jar of fireflies.
Grandpa Max's words reverberate through his mind. He looks down at the picture and lets his mind wanders through the last few weeks, starting with the "accident." As his thoughts flow, he comes to a recognition. The only reason why the superheroes in his comic books didn't need to kill wasn't just because they always came up with some ingenious plan to win but because they weren't real. In reality there wasn't always time to cook up some ingenious plan to save the day and sometimes options were scarce. Circumstances didn't always allow firemen to save every person from a burning building, or police officers to dissolve a heated situation without killing the perpetrator, because life in the real world was not like a comic book.
He chews his bottom lip. That was the difference. Superiorman, Nightman, The Streakster, they all were comic book characters, the outcomes of their battles were written by writers that felt good should always triumph, that mistakes weren't made. Ben Tennyson, however, lived in the real world. Mistakes were made. He just needed to understand that and move on. Kevin was right, he did need to get it together and move on or else this would consume him. And that was the last thing he wanted to happen.
Sure Radaal's family was suffering right now, but there was nothing he could do about that, it was just the way things were. He couldn't just roll over and die because he felt bad about robbing a family of their husband and father. The world, his world was counting on him and his friends to stop the Highbreed from taking over and exterminating humankind. That was his job and he was going to do it to the best of his ability.
A familiar beeping reaches his ears. His Plumber's badge. He swings into his room and snatches it up, running downstairs and out the back door toward Gwen's house.
For what I've done,
I start again,
And whatever pain my come.
Today this ends,
I'm forgiving what I've done.
They pull up to a foreboding building, looming over the trees outside of the sleepy little town. "Another weather machine." Kevin says what they were thinking.
Gwen opens the car door and stands, staring at the unwitting aliens in the distance. "So what helped you come back Ben?"
He rolls his shoulders and gives a nod towards Kevin, who has already absorbed the density of his car's metal, and gives a small smile. "Dwelling in the past won't help the future." He turns the Omnitrix until it comes to the alien of choice and slaps it. When the green glow dies down Swampfire stands in Ben's stead. "Let's go kick some alien butt."
"Alright!"
Ben smiles as he runs into the fray, barbecuing and pummeling aliens. He's not afraid, he is not consumed, not anymore. Grandpa Max left him with this legacy and it was his job, his responsibility to live up to his expectations. No matter what, he would always be Ben Tennyson, grandson of the legendary Max Tennyson, bearer of the Omnitrix. He would always be a hero.
I'll face myself,
To cross out what I've become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I've become.
Yay! I finally updated. Sorry it was so late, but my computer was acting like a nutcase. I hope you like it. Remember every time you don't review one of Ben's 10,000 aliens is deleted from the Omnitrix. So please review. Gracias.
Love ya