The Ex Factor

Bulovka Hospital-Prague

The strength left Theresa's body in a whoosh as she stared at the letter in Ethan's hand. It couldn't be...it just couldn't be. She looked at him with tear filled eyes as she sat heavily on the bed.

"Where did you find that?" she whispered.

Ethan looked at her, his eyes dark with emotion. "I found it in your sweater when we went to look for you at the hotel."

"I meant to throw it away." Theresa mumbled, more to herself as the memories came back.

(Flashback-Crane Jet-Going to Prague)

Theresa looked over at Gwen, who was lightly dozing in her seat as the plane flew threw the night.

"Thank God I don't have to listen to her for a while." She thought to herself. Leaning back in her seat, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep herself, but it was no use. All she could think of was might be waiting for them in Prague. What if they couldn't handle it? What if it was something more horrible then she ever could have imagined? What if...what if they didn't survive? Or..the one thing she was dreading above all happened..what if everyone was right? What if Sarah really was dead? She nearly stopped breathing at the thought. She'd invested so much in this mission. The financial cost was nothing-at least not for Alistair Crane's widow, but she had been so sure that she could put Sarah back in Gwen's arms...and Ethan's. And if she couldn't, it would be like watching them lose Sarah all over again, and she couldn't bear it.

Behind her closed eyelids, she could see Ethan's face, that night on the pier, that haunted expression in his eyes, the tears on his skin, and there was nothing she could do. She could be there, but she couldn't take the pain away, and she felt so helpless. 'And I feel so responsible.' She murmured. 'What happened in L.A. was Gwen's fault. She attacked me, and I tried to get away. But I could have handled things differently. I could have left L.A. before she ever knew I was there. I should have, and I have to live with that knowledge. But it's more than that. Maybe I feel so guilty all the time because Ethan has another child, and I've kept him from knowing that. I've robbed him of knowing he has a son. I have to tell him. It's not right to keep this from him anymore. Maybe it will help ease some of his pain.'
Wiping a tear from her eye, she reached into her bag and pulled out her monogrammed stationary. 'I don't know how to make you understand, Ethan, but I have to try...' Pulling out a pen, she began to write.

Dear Ethan,

By now you may know what Gwen and I have done. We are on our way to Prague, and I have to believe that when we come back, we will have Sarah with us. I can't wait to see the look on her face when your daughter is back on your arms. I believe it will fill a hole in your heart, a hole that I am partially responsible for creating.

But maybe we won't find her. I can't bring myself to believe that. I have to have faith that God wants Sarah to come home to you. You'd laugh, but I think it's fate that we find her. And yet...we may not. And I don't think any parent should have to be without their child. I know that pain well. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad about what you and Gwen did to me. That's a whole different conversation, one we've had many times before. I'm writing this because there is something I need to tell you., something that I should have told you months ago.

When we were in Rome, I was finally able to track down JT Cornell. I thought getting the proof that Gwen sold you out to that tabloid would resolve everything and put my life back together with one neat little click. Well, it's never that easy, is it? JT Cornell told me something I never expected, something that changed my world. He told me that EJ is not Julian's son...he's yours. I was stunned-you have to believe that I never knew, Ethan, I swear to you I didn't. At the same time it explains so much. I can't believe I didn't see it before.

My first impulse was to run to you and tell you. I wanted you to be as happy as I was, I wanted you to take me in your arms and cry with joy, and turn to Gwen and tell her it was over, for once and for all. But I knew it wouldn't happen. I didn't tell you, because I knew you still wouldn't leave Gwen. And no, it wasn't to punish you for that, but be honest with yourself, Ethan. You may be gritting your teeth right now, reading this, furious with me, but what would you have done? What would Gwen have done? You would have sued me for custody. You probably wouldn't have believed that I didn't know, and you would have taken our son from me. I couldn't take it again. Maybe I'm selfish, but there's only so much pain and loss I can handle.

When we got back to Harmony, I found out just how right I was. When you took Julian's custody case, it was the worst betrayal. It was a betrayal because once again, you were helping someone take my child from me. That's when I knew I couldn't trust you any more, that you weren't the same Ethan that I fell in love. You were an angry, cold man who wanted to punish me, and I still don't know my crime.

Still, I fought with myself. I started to tell you so many times. I never wanted to keep EJ from you. I wanted you to be with him, with us, every single day for the rest of our lives. I have tried to tell you so many times, but I have stopped myself. Not only because I was afraid that you would take EJ from me, but I made up this lie in my head that I didn't want EJ to lose his inheritance. That's not it. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to see the look on your face, that angry, disappointed, hateful look you've given me so many times. I didn't want you to hurt me, and I was terrified that it would be the straw that finally broke the camel's back and vanquished that last bit of love you have for me. And I didn't want to let it go, that light in your eyes I see when you look at me. It's all I have left of you.
So, I'm asking

(end letter)

Abruptly, Theresa stopped writing, wiping the tears off her face. 'I can't do it.' she whispered to herself. 'Maybe I'm a coward, but I can't. I just can't.' She crumpled up the paper in her hands, forgetting for a moment that Gwen was nearby.

The noise, small as it was, awakened the other woman. She opened her eyes and stared coldly at Theresa. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." Theresa muttered, slipping the crumpled paper in her pocket. "Just writing out a to-do list." That was close, she thought. A little too close.

Present Day

Theresa couldn't think over the roar in her head. For a moment she just sat, looking miserable, huddled on the bed.

Ethan watched her for a moment, then joined her. "I guess I don't have to ask you why you didn't tell me, do I? This letter says it all."

Theresa began to sob, unable to believe the nightmare she suddenly found herself caught in. "You weren't supposed to read that, Ethan! Why did you have to..." she couldn't continue.

"Theresa, I had a right to know! You should have told me the minute you found out-how could you keep this from me? EJ has a right to know who his father is!"

Theresa put her good hand over her ear, desperately trying to shut out the angry words. "No, Ethan, please don't...just don't. You don't know how hard it was...you

don't.." Sobbing, she buried her face in her lap.

The room was quiet for a moment then Theresa felt Ethan move off of the bed.

"Theresa, look at me, please."

Finally, she opened her eyes and looked up to see him kneeling in front of her, his hands on her knees. "Theresa, I do understand why you didn't tell me. I'm not happy about it, but I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I came here today to ask you to forgive me, for everything, not to cause you more pain."

Theresa looked at him cautiously. "You...understand?" she whispered, amazed.

He nodded, looking so sad it tore at her heart. "I do."

She couldn't help but cry, and he stood up and wrapped his arms around her, letting her lean on his chest and cry her eyes out. After several minutes, she finally brought herself under control and gently pulled herself away from his embrace. "I forgive you, Ethan. I forgive you for everything. But it doesn't...it doesn't change it. It won't make the memories go away. We lost faith in each other, and we deliberately caused each other pain. I don't think we can get past that. I'm sorry, Ethan. It's over. I won't leave you hanging the way you left me for so long. I've made my choice." Her heart bled at the words, but she couldn't take them back. She couldn't trust that he was strong enough to be with her anymore, strong enough to withstand the obstacles that were to come, and she couldn't bear the pain of trying once more, only to lose him again.

"Theresa, please..." A single tear trickled down Ethan's place. "Please don't say that. I'm so lost without you."

Theresa put a soft hand on his face. "You told me yourself that you've been lost a long time. Don't you owe it to yourself to try to figure out who you really are and what you want? You say you want me, but I can still hear the uncertainty in your voice and I can see it in your eyes. You're not ready, and I can't wait. Not anymore." She pulled him close to her. "I love you. I always will. Don't ever forget that. But we can't be together. I'm sorry."

Ethan nodded, finally believing her. His soul cried out that this was wrong, so wrong. They were meant to be together. It was fate, as much as he'd tried to deny it.

As his lips met hers for one final, bittersweet kiss, he vowed to himself that even if now wasn't their time, it would come. Today wasn't their day, but he wouldn't give up, not ever.

Prague-Hotel Moravia

"Are you sure about staying?" Theresa inquired of her brother as he sat next to her. Beside him Paloma stood leaning over the bed, packing Theresa's suitcase. Having a broken hand was turning out to have some advantages, such as not having to lift a (crushed) finger for herself.

"Absolutely. I'm not leaving Fancy alone in a strange country while she's hurt. The doctor says it will be probably about two weeks before she can travel, so I'm going to stick it out." Luis's voice was firm, yet there was an underlying emotion to it. Theresa suppressed a smile. It was nice to see her brother moving on...really moving on. She couldn't lie to herself and say she wasn't a little disappointed that he couldn't end up with Sheridan, but some things apparently weren't meant to be. 'Like me and Ethan.' She thought to herself sadly. Shaking off the depressing thought, she smiled at her siblings. "So how did Fancy take the news that she has to stay that long in the hospital?" Theresa inquired of her brother.

Luis laughed. "She was raging. Not pleased at all. But I managed to distract her, if you know what I mean." He winked and Paloma shuddered melodramatically.
"There's no getting that image out of my head now." She muttered, but she couldn't hide her merry grin. It was about time that her stubborn brother let Sheridan go. Straightening up, she tapped him on the shoulder. "It's done. Make yourself useful and help me take these out to the lobby." Each picked up a suitcase and left the suite. As they did, a tall figure entered. Theresa looked up and smiled.

"You wanted to see me?"Â Kieran asked.
"

I did." Theresa smiled brightly and indicated he should join her. He sat next to her on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he looked over her pale expression with some concern.

She shrugged. "I'm OK. I guess it will take me awhile to recover from all of this."

He was still watching her intensely. "I guess I expected you to be a little more...exuberant."

Theresa sighed. "So you know that Gwen and Ethan are getting a divorce, I take it."

Kieran nodded. "I do. Gwen's taking it pretty hard. She's hurting a lot."

Theresa looked down at her lap. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Kieran chuckled softly. "You're not that sorry, are you?"

"Well..." Theresa smiled reluctantly. "Would you think I'm a horrible person if I said she had it coming?"

"I'd think you were an honest person, and that's a rare trait these days." Kieran shrugged. "I read enough of those magazine articles and tabloids to know that you two have a very complicated history. Still, you helped her get her daughter back. Maybe it's the beginning of a new era for both of you - maybe you can put the past behind you."

Theresa strongly doubted that, but she kept it to herself. Kieran was a surprisingly pure person, an optimistic one. She thought to herself. It was amazing that he wasn't more cynical and hardened then he was. "Anyway, I asked you in here because I was a little curious to what your plans are. You did so much for me and Gwen...so I thought..." She chewed her lip, wondering how to breach the subject without hurting his manly pride.

"Let me guess. You think you owe me, and being the powerful Mrs. Alistair Crane you wanted to reward me, possibly with large bushels of cash, a cushy job, and possibly a nice rent controlled flat?" Kieran grinned at her.

Theresa laughed. "You don't beat around the bush, do you? Well, actually, yes. I can give you a job just about anywhere in the world, anywhere there is a Crane office. Whatever you need, it's yours for the taking...just let me know."

"Actually..."Â Kieran scratched his chin. "I think I'm going to Harmony for awhile. So a seat on the Crane jet with the rest of you is all I need."

"Really?" Theresa smiled, not particularly surprised. "Let me take a wild guess as to why."

"My place is with Sarah." Kieran said softly.

"And with Gwen." Theresa smiled at him.

"I hope so." Kieran admitted cheerfully. "But I won't rush her."

"Well, that's perfect then. We can get you a job at Crane Industries, any position you want."

Kieran shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but the idea of working in an office - eh, not my cup of tea, I'm afraid."

"Hmmm." Theresa thought for a moment. "I know! You'd be perfect as a police officer. Harmony PD is seriously understaffed, and there's a cadet training class going on right now."

Kieran was shaking his head again. "Yes, well, that sounds great..except there's the matter of me having a wee bit of a criminal record. Wouldn't pass the background check, I'm afraid."

Theresa laughed with him. "Ah, a bad boy. You're going to be fighting off the ladies, but it looks like you're already spoken for. I hope Gwen appreciates you. Well, I'm basically out of ideas. You could always join my brother Miguel on the fishing boat, I suppose."

Kieran brightened considerably. "Now that's an idea."

"I was joking!" Theresa looked aghast. "It's a horrible job, hard work, low pay...I keep trying to get him to come work with me instead but he's stubborn."

"Then he and I should get along just fine. And hard work and low pay is the story of my life. So it's settled then. That's if you don't mind pullling a few strings for me."

Theresa shrugged, defeated. "God save me from stubborn men. It seems I'm surrounded by them."

"Wouldn't be talking about me, would you?" Jared came in the room, smiling, a large bandage on his head.

"Jared, you're supposed to be resting!" Theresa scolded, but she was smiling.

He leaned over to kiss her lightly. "So are you. Not chatting up handsome strangers. Am I going to have to fight for your honor?" He teased her gently.

Kieran laughed, standing up. "In a different world, perhaps, but I'm afraid someone else has stolen my heart. I'm going to head downstairs and see if anyone needs my help. I'll see you later."

As he left the room, Jared dropped another kiss on Theresa's head and moved closer to her. "Alone at last." He murmured, wrapping his arms around her. Theresa sank into his embrace, ignoring the pang in her heart. It was time to move on, and she couldn't let thoughts of Ethan stoop her.

Prague International Airport-Crane Jet

Ethan walked back into the seating area, frowning. "Sorry, you guys. The pilot says we won't be cleared for take off for at least an hour." He sighed, leaning against the wall. The sight of Theresa sitting acorss the cabin from her, Jared sitting so close and holding her hand so possessively made him want to break something. He swallowed his hurt and anger and remained silent, watching her.

Theresa was dictating a e-mail as Paloma typed for her on a laptop, doing her best to not look at the brooding man whose stare she could feel boring into her.

'Valerie,

Please forward to me the list of candidates to oversee the reconstruction of Jesenik. As Crane Industries is assuming full financial responsibility for the project, it's vital that we get exactly the right person. Make sure that all the candidates understand that the job will mean moving to the Czech Republic for several months, possibly over a year. It will involve interacting and gaining the trust of the locals, and that will not be an easy task. Most of all, they need to understand that this position requires 100 committment.'

"Slow down." Paloma muttered. "Does committment have one t, or two?"

"Three." Theresa sighed.

"Very funny." Paloma snapped, and Theresa chuckled.
"OK, go on."Â Paloma positioned her fingers over the keyboard once more.
Theresa continued dictating. "I need to get this project off the ground as soon as possible. If you are fast and thorough, I may reconsider firing your worthless-"

"Theresa!"

"Alright, alright. Scratch the last part."

As they talked, Kieran moved over to stand next to Ethan, who was still watching Theresa moodily.

"That's an admirable thing she's doing, have Jesenik rebuilt." He said quietly.

Ethan looked at him, wondering why Kieran had sought him out. "Yes, it is." He agreed.

"It's honest work, overseeing it. Those people need someone who is trustworthy, someone who would genuinely care about improving their quality of life. Someone who's not afraid to get his hands dirty. It's work that could really help a man get his head in the right place." Kieran looked at Ethan, his face expressionless.

Ethan looked hard at the other man. "Is this about getting me out of Harmony? Are you afraid of the competition?" He nodded towards Gwen, who was seated on the sofa, reading a storybook to Sarah.

Kieran smiled, but his eyes were serious. "I would fight you for her if I had to, because I don't think you deserve her. But I don't think I have to. It's over between you, and you can't hold onto her. No, this is about someone else." His eyes sought Theresa as she leaned over the laptop, giggling with Paloma. Jared had gotten up and was making drinks at the bar. "She needs someone worthy of her." His eyes challenged Ethan. "Become that man."

Ethan hesitated for a moment, looking at Kieran for signs of deception, or malice. He saw none. Of course, that meant little. He'd spent years being unable to see people for what they really were. But suddenly, he saw himself...rebuilding the schoolhouse, making plans for a new clinic, helping to reestablish local authority, someone the people of Jesenik could finally trust. He saw himself becoming a man that he could actually stand to look at in the mirror.

Theresa looked up, surprised, as Ethan came over to them and gently tugged the laptop out of Paloma's hands.

"Don't send that e-mail."

Paloma looked at him. Seeing the serious look on his face, she stood up. "Um..I'm going to go, uh..over there. Because over there is...better." She beat a hasty retreat to the far corner of the cabin.

"I want that job."

Theresa's eyebrows shot up. "What?"

"I want that job, Theresa. I want to help rebuild Jesenik. Can I take advantage of our long relationship to pressure you to hire me?" Ethan smiled at her, relieved that he hadn't forgotten how.

"Ethan, you have a job. You're a lawyer, remember?" Theresa stared at him in bewilderment, wondering if he had some sort of undetected head injury.

"And I hate it." Ethan admitted, running his fingers through his hair. "I always have. I only studied law because I thought it would help me run Crane someday. Things are different now. Theresa, I'm serious. I want this job."

"But Ethan, you'd have to stay here. It would mean..." Theresa's eyes suddenly welled with tears. "Ethan, no. You have to come back with us."

"I can't."Â Ethan looked down. "I want to. I really do. I want to be with my children, but I'm...it's all fallen apart. I need to put my life back together. Theresa, please."

Slowly, Theresa nodded. "OK. It's yours. I'm going to miss you, Ethan." She wiped the tear away before anyone else saw it.
"

Not a tenth as much as I'm going to miss you." Ethan whispered.

TBC...In Harmony, Gwen and Theresa have a little unfinished business...