Soul of a Fierce
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. No one owns anything really...
AN: Hinata is confronted with her own shortcomings, deciding on her own to become better
1: Get it Started
I sat atop one of the elder Hokage faces, staring down at the sleepy village where I'd spent so much of life. This was home; this was where the heart was. It was here, then, that I belonged. Still, I felt strangely dissocitive when it came to this, the Leaf Village. I knew my place was here, knew that I could only be happy inside of its gates, inside of its walls. That was something all Leaf shinobi came to understand. That was the simple truth we had all been made to believe was acceptable. Leaf shinobi belonged to the Leaf Village.
Still, I felt a part of me fade away whenever I returned here, whenever I found myself walking its lonesome streets, its empty forestry. I peered down at the emptiness that made me full, the depths which were empty, devoid of adventure, of anything at all, really. In this place, people came to die; shinobi gave up their lives to protect something they never understood in the very beginning. It was like some secret known only to the mocking faces of the Hokages who'd passed us on. It was alright to die here, they said, it's alright to give up your life here. I felt my life draining from me also, wondering if that was what we all came here knowing. Was it our destiny to die here, not having gained anything in the vast tribulations of life?
Slowly, the Leaf Village began to stir, the gentle sunlight peering up over the Hokages' monument, the guardians of Konoha. This monument was but a memory of their power and strength for the whole world to see. This was a reminder to the Leaf shinobi of the greatness that ran through our veins. They were apart of our blood, just as we were of their blood. In them were the seeds of greatness and we were those seeds. We were meant to bloom, to grow and make prosperous. Those four men died giving their very best to this, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Konoha, the Leaf Village. The four Hokages died for us, for their children, for Konoha's children.
The sun rose over their heads every day, granting them the power to protect our lonely village, our beloved Konoha. I felt that sun against my back, weak but penetrating my mesh undershirt, warming my skin, cold from the night's journey home. I wasn't ready to say, "I've returned," just yet, so I remained perched upon the faces of Konoha's loving forefathers, pondering things I ought not have. But what else was this dying village left with? Our shoulders were heavy with burdens we shouldn't have needed to carry. It was something we dealt with together, however, depending on one another, seeing each other through the difficult times.
I was reminded of Naruto, just then, and his smiling face. He was always there to help someone, even if the person was a stranger. He was always busy doing something, be it a mission or just another way to bother Lady Tsunade. She didn't mind him any; we all knew he was just looking for a way to bring back Sasuke, his best friend. We could all understand that; Sasuke was a Leaf Shinobi, he was just lost. One day, we were sure he would come back to us; Sasuke would return to Konoha and everything would be ok in the end.
But even I knew that was being too optimistic. There was no going back after what Sasuke had done, to Naruto, to his friends…to his village. He abandoned us for power, Lord Orochimaru's power. The death of his brother—to that end would he strive and he would not return until his task had been completed, the Uchiha Clan avenged. Sasuke was Avenger; that was his only purpose now in life.
They're all growing up, I thought to myself, leaving me behind in the past. I'm still trying to be a ninja, still trying to understand what it is that I want to do with my life. I'm a ninja, aren't I? I'm a shinobi, aren't I? Then why don't I feel like one?
Sickly, I felt, knowing that my mission was just another childish rendition of "being a shinobi." My life as a shinobi, then, was nothing more than a joke. I had given up the prestige and honor that came with being a shinobi when I refused to escape the shell that I'd been hiding in for the whole of my life. Looking down at the faces of the Hokages who'd come before me, I felt ashamed, I felt as if my existence was a mockery of what they had strived for in the courses of their lives. I was a failure to them, to the name of the Hidden Leaf Village, to the Hyuga Clan, Lady Hokage...but mostly, I was a failure to myself.
"Hinata, what are you doing up there?"
I glanced down at the Hokage's office, catching a glimpse of Kakashi-sensei before he dipped into the Hokage's office. He had waved me down, beckoning me to follow him. Seeing no other choice, I got to my feet, deciding to follow behind my sensei.
Inside the Hokage's office, I found Kakashi standing there, a lazy smile gracing his calm face. Nervously, I jumped down from the window, crossing the small room to greet him. Another one of his books was clasped tightly in his hands, but he wasn't paying the book too much attention, I noticed. Instead, something flickered in his eyes, something I didn't know how to name.
"Morning, Hinata," said Kakashi, blinking slowly. "You're up early, aren't you?"
"I was just returning from a mission Lady Tsunade sent me on three days ago," I said softly, my eyes trained on his face for a time longer than I expected.
"Hinata," said Kakashi, sliding his book into his back pocket, his brow furrowed as he stared at me. "Tell me something, won't you? Why is it that you never—?"
"I'm sorry for being late, Shizune! I was trying to get some sleep! Why can't the Hokage ever get some rest around here? It's pathetic," said the Lady Hokage, exasperated as she burst into the room. Shizune was at her heels, carrying a stack of papers, along with Ton-Ton. "For the love of—oh, hello you two."
I turned on my heel, staring at the Hokage strangely as she threw herself into her chair, Shizune plopping down the stack of paperwork on Tsunade's desk before rushing to her lady's side. Tsunade looked the two of us over for a long moment, her elbow propped on the desk, her long index finger tracing her bottom lip as she pondered our situation.
"You have something for me, Hinata?" she asked after a moment. Hesitantly, I reached into my carrying sack and pulled out a golden coin, handing it to the Hokage. "Ah, thank you, Hinata. Your returning this is the first bit of good news I've received all morning long," she snorted, tossing an aggravated glance at Shizune, who immediately paled at the woman's glance. "And you, Kakashi?"
"I have it here for you, Lady Tsunade," said Kakashi lazily, handing the woman a long, rolled up scroll with strange markings. "It was almost burned in a building."
"Well, aren't I lucky to have sent such a capable Jounin to handle the mission," said Lady Tsunade brusquely. Shizune cleared her throat importantly, berating the Hokage with her eyes. "Your efforts won't go unrewarded. Both of you—here," said Tsunade, tossing Kakashi and I each pouches filled with mission reward money. "Hinata, I want to talk to you before you leave. Kakashi, you may leave."
"Yes ma'am," said Kakashi before disappearing in a gust of smoke and leaves.
"Hinata," said Tsunade quietly, folding her hands on her desk as she stared at me. "I'm concerned about your intentions."
"What do you mean, Lady Tsunade?" I asked just as quietly.
"You're a Chuunin," said Tsunade slowly, picking up my profile papers, glancing over the information slowly "and you're nearing your seventeenth birthday, isn't that right?" I nodded slowly, not wanting to look at her anymore. "With the exception of Naruto and Sasuke—who didn't get a chance to complete the second Chuunin exams—you're the only one of the original Rookie Nine left as such. Both of your old teammates are Jounin now. Doesn't that mean anything to you? It's almost as if you only want to be a Chuunin. I'm concerned…."
I didn't have anything to say to Lady Tsunade. She was absolutely right on all accounts. My birthday was in a few days and I had done nothing to become a better shinobi. My only dream had crumbled and died before me and I simply stood there, letting everything I'd ever worked for go to naught. Even Naruto and Sasuke were better than me shinobi wise—they were battling one another, striving for something much greater than either of themselves. And yet, here I was, not doing much of anything because I didn't want to, not because I couldn't. How dare I?
"Hinata? Don't you have anything to say?"
"No, Lady Tsunade," I said, answering truthfully, wishing I could bite my tongue the whole while. "I don't. There's nothing I can say to atone for my bad behavior. I'm so sorry, Lady Tsunade. I'm a big disappointment, I know it. Everyone tells me so. But I—I don't want to be anymore. I just, I just can't—."
I ran out of the room before I could finish my statement, tears streaming down my face. I rushed past Kakashi, nearly knocking him down and I barreled out of the Hokage's building. I didn't want to deal with the disappointment of being ashamed of any longer. I rushed out into the clear, crisp air of outside, wanting to be filled with a sense of understanding, wondering if I'd ever feel at peace again. Even in the Hyuga Manor, I no longer felt welcomed. Still, there was nowhere else for me to run to, nowhere else for me to go. Deciding it was best, I rushed off into the direction of home, wondering if that was really where my heart was.
"You've returned home," said Neji softly, granting me a small smile as I pressed through the gates of Hyuga Manor. I glanced over at him and nodded slowly, just to show that I had heard him at least. "Your father was looking for you yesterday morning. Perhaps you should go and find him."
Nearly out of breath from the quick run, I could only stare at the face of my cousin who had become like my brother in two years, even though I was still only a Chuunin. Since the exams, he'd come to realize that I had the same life he had and, in learning this, he sheltered me, took me under his wing and did his very best to train me into a better Hyuga. We trained together almost every night, save the times either of us had missions. I felt I was becoming worse, but he was steadily a voice of encouragement in my ear, pushing my limits above and beyond until new ones were set. Silently, I thanked him before rushing off to find my father.
I found him in his den, reading over some scrolls. When I knocked gently on the doorpost, he beckoned me in without looking up from whatever it was he that was doing. I stood nervously a few feet from his chair, my hands laced together behind my back, my fingers pressed together in agitation. I didn't know what Hiashi was going to say to me, but I had assumed already that it wasn't good news.
"I heard you passed another mission, Hinata," said Hiashi, still studying his scrolls. "You came in this morning. Is that correct?"
"Y-yes father." He always made me nervous.
"Another C-ranked mission, am I to assume?" he said again, slightly less pleased than before.
"Y-yes father." Again, I knew where this was going.
Hiashi turned in his chair, faced me for a long moment then got to his feet. He directed me to follow him as he led me outside, into the breezy front courtyard. We say together on the wooden floor, looking at Neji as he trained. We sat there for a long moment, neither of us saying a word to the other. Instead, we let words go to naught, Neji's training enough to fill the silence. He was beautiful in his movement, eloquent and divine. I'd never seen anything so glorious in my whole life. That was what it meant to be a Hyuga. That was the pride we Hyuga carried on our shoulders every day. That was something I'd given up.
"Hinata," said Hiashi, staring at Neji as he trained with himself, "you are my eldest daughter. However, you are an unfit eldest daughter. Hanabi, your sister five years your junior, excels better in the Gentle Fist than you do. She is a much finer heir to the Hyuga Family's Main Branch Household."
"W-w-w-what are y-y-y-y-you s-s-saying, father?" I asked, trying to stop my voice from trembling.
"I'm saying, Hinata, you are no longer welcomed here. You are no longer welcome as a member of the Hyuga Family."
Neji stopped mid-thrust, his eyes wide with disbelief. My father had just disowned me without the slightest change in his facial expression. I didn't blame my father for what he'd done. I only wished he could have done it quietly. I gathered myself up, trying my best to not let Neji see me cry. As I rushed past him, I swore that I heard him say, Hinata, I'm here for you. But I was so far gone that I wouldn't have mattered really what he said to me. Outside, I pressed my body against the gate and cried my heart out silently before disappearing into the thicket of trees and forestry.
--
"You called me here, Kurenai," said the man leaning against the brick wall, his arms crossed as he waited for her.
"You're right, I did. I appreciate you doing this for me," said the woman with the red lipstick, dropping down from a tree branch. "I'm only glad you already owe me. Otherwise, you'd probably laugh at me."
"What's this 'proposition' you have for me?" asked the man, lingering in the shadows as Kurenai crossed her right arm over her chest, grabbing her left arm as if she was in pain. "It sounded interesting. What is it?"
"I need you to go on a mission," said Kurenai nervously, "with one of my students. It's…important to me."
--
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