Soul of a Fierce
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. No one owns anything really...
dumdeedum—The prologue was a quick jump into the future. The consequential chapters are leading up to that point and then will exceed that point. I didn't mean to confuse you, lol.
Chapter 2: Two Man's Tango
I lost track of what everything meant, what everything was supposed to mean. The next few days smeared into one another, becoming a perpetual moment of cold isolation. The numbness built up into the tips of my fingers and slowly, the earth just stopped spinning and the trees just stopped growing and the world I was in suddenly seemed to fill me up to the brim and I was overflowing with a sense of uneasiness, of unwinding.
I felt dizzy with despair, wandering in a realm of worthless inhibition and, all alone, I found myself, a helpless wreck, uninteresting and timid beyond words. I was the epitome of pathetic, the definition of something weak and insignificant. I was worthy of being pitied by the world to which I could have grown fond of. Beyond myself, I had no clear purpose—being a shinobi was out of the question.
I had lost all sense of reasoning, lost all sense of logic. Nothing had principle to begin with and nothing had a justifiable cause. The world itself lacked reasoning and without reason, what have we? I lost my reasoning and I lost it well. It echoed in that house like a dying wish swept free from the lips of the dearly departed. Up was down and down was somewhere else; I was lost in the void Hiashi had caused.
That's right, I thought to myself, nestled under the large leaves of a tree, he isn't my father anymore. He's just another shinobi now, isn't he?
Hiashi had banished me, told me I was worthless to my face. And now, all of Konoha would know that, too. I wasn't ready to face that humiliation just yet. After running out on the Hokage the other day, I thought I had everything in order. But now, my life was in shambles in more ways than one.
Everything is slowly falling apart, I thought, pulling my legs tightly against my chest, pressing my left cheek against my knees. Everything is drifting apart and I'm all alone again. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now… I don't know what I'm going to do now that I—now that I don't have a home to return to…
"Hinata, what are you doing under there?"
I looked up into the blank face of Kakashi Hatake, the same man I'd seen yesterday with the same look of detached interest lingering in the dimness of his good eye. I felt something stir in the pit of my stomach, like a bubble had suddenly formed and my breathing grew shallow and I felt faint for some reason, I wiped my face with the back of my hands, before nestling my cheek back against my knee. I wasn't ready to talk yet and I hoped he caught that hint.
"Hinata? Something bad happened, didn't it?" he asked, kneeling in front of me.
My eyes gently rolled onto his figure, the bubble in my stomach pulsating. I didn't know what it was that I was feeling or why he was the cause of it so suddenly. What I did know, however, was that the closer he got to me, the stronger the pulsations became. It hadn't been as noticeable yesterday because he wasn't so close to me. But now, with him only inches away from me, I could feel the heat his body was releasing and I was inclined to be warmed by that heat, compelled by him.
"Hinata?"
I looked up at him suddenly, abruptly pulled from my momentary lapse of insanity. I was left in the realm of reality, face to face with Kakashi, and for that moment, I could not breath, his eye so full of something I didn't know, something I'd never seen before. It was a moment that seemed to slow itself, spreading its worth over what could have been eons, and in my mind, that was about accurate. He seemed to be at peace in this one moment in front of me, kneeling the way knights do for their fair maidens. He was compelling, I'm sure women would say, and he was charming—a taste of sensual dominance lingering around his mouth and eye.
Kakashi stood up slowly, no longer kneeling before me and for that moment, I believed myself safe from his inquiry. However, I was sadly mistaken when he quite firmly took my hand in his, which were undeniably soft, pulling me up alongside him. I rose quite slowly and quite clumsily lost my footing, stumbling forward, my face pressed into his warm chest. I heard his breath catch in the back of his throat, my own lost somewhere in my lungs. My face, now a brilliant shade of red, felt so comfortable against his chest, our bodies pressed closely together.
For that moment, I was lost in a sensual urge to explore, one that was quickly extinguished upon remembering who he was.
"I'm s-s-s-sorry, Kakashi-sensei," I stammered, backing into the tree's thick trunk, my hands folded against my chest in a nervous habit.
Kakashi remained as he was, lost in his thick stupor from the moment we had shared. In my mind, I wondered if he regretted—
Don't think things like that, I thought harshly, berating myself. He is your sensei…
The man slowly returned to reality, his face suddenly losing that moment of pure joy, returning to his somewhat reluctant acceptance of life, the plain grimace he carried daily. I didn't want to know what it was that had made him glow as he had, for fear that it was something other than the brief moment he and I had exchanged only moments before. I stared at his face a moment longer before casting my eyes to the ground, nervous and wanting, but not daring to make such things known.
"Kakashi-sensei, you needed me for something?" I asked, trying to keep from stuttering so nervously, even though my teeth were chattering.
The man gazed down at me, as if it was the first time he'd ever seen me in his life and for that moment, I was a victim to his intense gaze, the lazy smile that made him seem surreal, the gentle curve of his strong jaw, the way his shoulders slouched just slightly, the way he seemed to lean back, away from the rest of the world. My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat; I couldn't breathe.
"I went looking for you at the Hyuga Manor earlier this morning. I wanted to speak with you, actually," he said, still gazing at me. At the mentioning of my previous home, I knew already that he had discovered my horrible truth, the one I had wished to keep hidden from the world. But he had gone and found me out, hadn't he? "However, when I asked to speak with you, Hiashi said you were no longer a resident there. Is that true?"
"Y-y-y-y-yes, Ka-Ka-Kakashi-sensei," I stammered, filled with regret and a deeply rooted, sorrowful feeling of longing and remorse. I hadn't wanted him to know, I didn't want anyone to know, but least of all him. "I have dishonored the Hyuga name and for it, I was banished from the Hyuga Manor…by my fa—by Hiashi."
The tears welled up in my pale eyes and before I knew it, I had sunken down into the soft grass around me, balling beyond control. I thought for a moment how pathetic it must have been for a shinobi to cry, for a Hyuga to cry at something so small. I knew for sure that no ninja of the Leaf Village had ever been as pathetic as I was, as I'd always been.
Kakashi must think so lowly of me, I thought, wrapping my arms around my legs. It's pathetic, me crying like this. Hiashi was right after all. The life of a ninja is not for me. I can't do anything, I can't—
"Hinata, you're not alone," said Kakashi slowly. "Life isn't awful. I understand what you're going through and how bad things must seem to you. But if you don't fight for yourself, no one else will, Hinata. You must fight for yourself and make yourself known to the world. You're not as alone as you think… You're never going to be alone. That I can promise you…"
I looked up at the man who was wrapping his arms around my shaking body, pulling me closer into his embrace, my face and palms pressed against his strong chest, his warm shoulders. I wanted to struggle and not give into the feeling welling up inside of me but the more I tried to pull away from him, the more I realized that I belonged in his arms, at least, for that moment. So I relaxed into him and felt my worries drift away, taken from me like my breath.
--
"You called me here?" asked the woman with red lipstick.
She looked up from her place near the wall in the wooden stool, a small cup clasped tightly in her delicate, cutthroat hands as he entered. She pushed aside her empty bowl and turned her face towards him, wondering what it was that mask was hiding from the world. However, he didn't look at her directly; his mind seemed to be on something else entirely, and she wasn't it. Instead of pulling him back to reality, she let him go off into his own little world, wondering what is absentmindedness would reveal.
He took a seat beside her and ordered a bowl of ramen, vaguely aware of where he was. In his mind, he kept replaying a certain scene between himself and a young, innocent kunoichi. If he wasn't careful, he'd surely blush from the delicate moment they had shared. She had been so innocent and so frail, cradled in his arms like a young lover. He put his hand under his chin and stared off into the back of the ramen shop, not sure what it was he was looking at, only barely aware of what his face was letting on, half covered or not. It was then that Kurenai saw the faintest glimmer of a fleeting smile, one of his truer moments, when he wasn't hiding behind the steel-cold façade of uncaring, distant and unattached aloofness. This was the man she had known when she was younger.
I wonder what's caused this, she thought to herself, folding her hands under her chin, too.
"So how did everything go, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked, sipping from her cup lazily. She glanced sideways at him, trying to see if she could snap him from his stupor. "Well?"
"She isn't up to it," said Kakashi finally, the smile suddenly slipping from his face, fading back into the weird unknown which was so him. "She can't handle the daily things of life. How can you expect her to handle anything outside of that?"
"What are you talking about?" demanded the woman angrily, her eyes narrowed with an uncharacteristic flare of indignation.
"Hiashi has put her out of the house," said Kakashi without a hint of concern. "She was crying about it earlier when I found her." All right, so that's not completely true, he thought to himself, though Kurenai didn't need to know that. What's a little white lie between friends, right? Besides, I'm doing what's best for her, aren't I? "She isn't—she can't handle it. She isn't ready for it."
"Let's not say that just yet, Kakashi," said Kurenai slowly, staring down into her half-empty cup. "I have one more favor to ask of you, then, if that's alright?"
"Hm. What is it?" asked Kakashi, begrudgingly.
--
After Kakashi left, I remained where I was, staring at the dimness of the forest, the sun setting someplace that I wasn't aware of. What he said to me seemed to touch some part of my heart and gave me small but sturdy sense of courage and self-worth.
"Hinata, you're not alone. You're never going to be alone. That I can promise you…"
You're right, Kakashi. I'm not—I'm not alone, am I?
Resolved to his words, I slowly pulled myself together and to my feet. I dusted my pants of and wiped my tired eyes with the back of my hand, sniffling under the palely lit sky, the moon hiding behind a thick wave of blue-purple clouds. There was an old hut in the middle of the forest where no one went to anymore; it was abandoned and needed a bit of work to make it homier.
That will do for now, I thought, making my way towards its general direction.
I stopped suddenly, something having flown past me, a strong gust of wind whipping past my face. A small, thin cut appeared, blood trickling down my cheek. A moment later, I foresaw the impact and then felt the sharp pain of a palm thrust against my chest, the wind knocked from my body. I slammed into the thick trunk of a tree, cracking the hardened wood before sliding down, my bottom slapping roughly into the hard, dirt ground. I regained my lost frame of mind quickly, realizing I had been attacked.
But by who?
I looked around quickly but saw no one. I activated my Byakugan and saw someone waiting in the distance, camouflaged perfectly behind the thicket of bushes and trees with thick trunks. I got to my feet quickly, breathing slowly. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into and I didn't know who my opponent was that I was up against. I was fighting blindly, a terrible disadvantage…if I was anyone other than a Hyuga.
"Who are you?" I demanded, keeping my eyes focused on my opponent's chakra network. I wouldn't lose sight of him. "I demand to know who you are!"
"I'm your worst nightmare, Hinata Hyuga," said the man sinisterly.
Slowly, he crept from the thicket, appearing from his hiding place, a kunai with my blood hanging from where his mouth should have been. His entire face was hidden by an ANBU Black Ops mask, although his seemed to be smaller and cracked in certain places.
"You're with ANBU," I said, knowing I was stating the obvious. "why are you here, attacking me? I've done nothing wrong—
"Now that's where you're wrong, Hinata Hyuga," said the man, stepping closer to me. "By order of Lady Tsunade, I am to eliminate the threat, the person who could bring down the whole of the Leaf Village because of her inhibitions and false determination. Those were the Hokage's words, and so, you must die."
The person who could bring down the whole of the Leaf Village? Was that really me? Was I so bad at being a shinobi? Had I failed my home—my friends and my family so terribly? The Hokage had sent him to kill me, had sent this man to end my life…not that I'd be missed… Who needs a worthless shinobi hanging around anyway? I have failed at this, my only dream in life. So then I—then I'm not worthy of this existence anymore.
I didn't notice the man coming at me full force; I had been too wrapped up in my own inabilities. He jabbed the bottom of his kunai into my stomach, his shoulder connecting with mine. I was slammed, yet again, into the rough exterior of the tree. I felt it crack upon impact, but made no move to do anything about it. I didn't fall, however, which I probably should have, as it gave the man a chance to hurl a handful of kunai into my body. I stood there and took them all.
"Come on, Hinata, you're not even trying to fight back!" said the man from across the field. He stared at me from where he was and sighed his regret, although, that moment of humane thoughtfulness only lasted a moment at best. "Well, what's the point in fighting the inevitable? You are truly worthless, however…giving up so easily."
He's right, of course. I'm…my life is on the line and I'm doing nothing to protect it. No, instead, I'm here, letting this man take my life from me. Do I hate life that much?
For whatever reason, I thought of Kakashi Hatake.
Do you really hate living that much, Hinata?
He had come to me one day whilst atop a building. I had been returning from another mission and he had been on his way out for one. I admired him then, almost as much as I did now. I did hate living; I was always a nuisance to someone, always a bother or in someone's way. But with him, he always seemed gentle and caring, accepting me for what I was, for who I was. He never made me feel troublesome. Kakashi made life seem worth living…
"Come on—fight me!" said the man hysterically.
He dashed at me again, but this time I tried to hold up a decent enough defense. I met him out in the open field of grass, my Byakugan focused on his chakra network. He made a move to strike me straight on, but I startled him with a quick movement of my hand. He jumped back, then dashed at my side, the cold steel from his blade tearing through my coat into warm, bleeding flesh and then again across my back. I swayed but did not fall, maintaining the Gentle Fist style, even though I was terrified to move.
Life isn't bad really, Hinata. It is we who make it bad, who make it unbearable. People have that way about them, to make things much worse than what they really are. But you have to see through this, for it's just a façade. You must find out for yourself what it is that you want to do, find out what it is that you want to become. If you want to be a shinobi, do it for your sake, not the sakes of others. Become a shinobi because it is what you want to do. Is that what you want to do, Hinata? Do you want to be a shinobi?
The man stared at me again, waiting to see what I would do. I remained where I was, unmoving and unsure of my next move; I was trying to anticipate the man himself, to little avail. He was too sporadic, to unpredictable. It was almost as if he just let his body move of its own accord. He darted behind me and I easily evaded the jab to my wounded left side, but hadn't foreseen the trap he'd laid. Several kunai were catapulted from within the thicket of trees, landing in my back, arms, upper body and legs. And before I had time to calculate the amount of damage he'd dealt to me, he landed with his foot in my chest, effectively kicking me off my feet and into another tree with such force that I was sure I broke several bones from the impact alone. I fell forward and coughed, blood from my mouth pooling around my face.
Life is full of struggle…full of hardships and the like. No one will ever tell you life was easy because it isn't. Life is hard and is so for a reason. We are supposed to learn from life's hardships and make ourselves better people. We pick ourselves up when we fall, wipe of the dirt and the blood from our scraped knees and hands and keep moving. If we stay where we are forever, then we'll never grow and eventually, we'll come to hate life, come to hate the struggle we all must endure. That is the endless struggle of life, Hinata, the struggle we all fight against…giving in means death.
Was that what this was? I wondered, lying down against the tree that I had cracked earlier, blood seeping from the many gashes the man had left from his continuous assault with his kunai. I lay there against the tree, holding onto my bleeding wounds, trying to remove the kunai blades before he threw another vicious onslaught. Is this what you meant, Kakashi? Is this the struggle of life?
"You don't have to pretend to be strong if you're not, Hinata," said the man behind the ANBU mask, flicking the blood off the blade of his kunai. He stared down at me as I writhed in pain from the blades jammed into my body. "You're not like the others. I know that. I know what you can do and what you can't do. I've seen into your future and this is certain: The life of a shinobi isn't for you and we both know that, now. You aren't strong enough to be—
"Shut up!" I cried, pulling myself up slowly, blood still dripping from my mouth and the rest of my body.
The man behind the mask took a step back from the unexpected ferocity in my voice, which was otherwise stuttering or unsure, and I couldn't blame him. I even shocked myself. I quickly tore the kunai from my body and tossed them to the ground, glaring at the man. Both of my legs swayed and it looked to him like I most likely would fall from the loss of blood. However, I straightened myself and stiffened my posture. I assumed the Gentle Fist stance, my Byakugan already activated before he had the time to have noticed.
"What's this? One last desperate act?" the man teased snidely, twirling a kunai in his hand. "Give it up already. You can't hold out much longer against me. Just give up—
"I said shut up!" I said again, shaking my head almost as if I was trying to shake the echoing words from my brain.
I've heard all of this before… I've heard them time and time again, but this time…this time, I swear I won't fail. Every time something gets even a little hard, I give up. But I can't! I won't give up this time!
"I won't let you beat me without a fight," I growled, trying to steady myself, despite the amount of blood I'd lost previously. "Someone—someone important to me told me today that I wasn't alone! That I didn't have to be all by myself anymore. I won't give up because I know he wouldn't want me to do that! So I can't give up anymore—I just can't!"
the man grunted his disbelief, twirling his kunai around as he stood there, cocky, insulting me. He tossed the kunai past me, and I moved my head just enough to avoid the blade's cold sting. I heard something behind me snap. From all sides, a barrage of kunai blackened the sky, I at the center of the agenda. With that many kunai, there was no way for me to survive.
"Give it up—you're finished!"
I slowly closed my eyes as the blades closed in on me, calming my quickly beating heart as I focused my chakra into various parts of my body. I am a Hyuga—I can do this. I can do this!
"Rotation!" I said, begging to slowly spin, chakra exiting my chakra points. Before long, I had created a giant, spinning mass of chakra, capable of deflecting anything, the kunai included. They fell to the ground, harmless and broken. "I told you, I'm not giving up…"
--
You did well, Hinata, I thought, cupping her face gently as I knelt beside her. I lifted her up into my arms, her legs, arms and head dangling over my respective forearms. I dashed away into the darkness of the forest, careful to avoid trees and low branches, for fear of adding further damage to the girl. I didn't think you had it in you until the very last moment. I'm proud of you.
I hadn't anticipated Hinata growing a backbone so quickly, so abruptly. To be honest, I hadn't the slightest idea what or who it was that gave her so much strength, strength enough to battle me. And she was more of an opponent than I thought she was. That Gentle Fist of hers nearly had me done in for. She's stronger than I thought she was. If I hadn't subdued her when I did, she likely would have beaten me up pretty badly…
Kurenai will be proud of you, too, Hinata. She believed in you, much more than I did. But then again, you are her student, after all. She never once gave up on you and event sent me to fight you, to test you. It seems you pass the test…
I took her to the abandoned little house in the middle of the forest; the place Kurenai and I had made up for her earlier. I opened the door slowly and crept up the stairs with her in my arms still, careful to not hit her head against the side paneling of the stairway. I traveled down the hallway a bit and opened another door.
The bedroom, I thought to myself with a slight smirk.
I laid her on the bed and tucked her on, careful not to disturb any of the bandages I had wrapped around her wounds. I watched her as she slept for a moment, admiring her gentle face, her soft eyes ad smiled to myself.
She really is a beautiful girl, I thought to myself, turning on my heel. If you were a little older, I'd ask you out on a date. You'd been a wonderful girl to have on my arm… And… hmm. Well, goodnight, Hinata.
"Ka-Kakashi…"
I froze mid-stride, my eyes wide with concern. Had she used her Byakugan to see through my mask the whole time? I turned around slowly, only to notice she was still sleeping quite soundly, exhausted from our battle.
"Kakashi," she said again, her voice soft and enigmatic. "Kakashi…"
is she dreaming of me? I thought slowly, creeping closer towards her bed. What are you dreaming of, Hinata? What is going on inside of that head of yours? I wonder…what do you dream of when you sleep, Hinata?
"Kakashi…are you…are you proud of me…?"
I stared down at her as she slept, her brow furrowed with intensity. She had been looking for my approval? I didn't understand that, but I understood her need to be validated. All humans needed that much, at least.
I sat down beside her on the bed, taking her hand in mine. I removed my mask from my face, laying it down atop the soft, cotton pillows, on the other side of her face.
"I am proud of you, Hinata," I said slowly, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, an act I didn't think twice about, not in her case, at any rate. "I am very proud of you…"