Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho
Cologne sat in meditation, contemplating her new subject of interest. At first the wizened elder found a veritable well of entertainment in which she hadn't experienced in years, but after the race...
The old Amazon decided it was best to give the pigtailed one some space. The aura of perversion that the young one gave off was extremely potent, and large. For a battle aura it was one of the greatest she had come across, Amazon Elder or no. Problem is it seemed to control *her* more than the redhead could control it.
Cologne also had to wonder about why the young man acted in such a fashion in his cursed form. Maybe it was an excuse for the young man to act out on impulses that he believed he couldn't get away with. The only thing wrong with that theory was that the redhead's aura was almost always present, except for the times when she was a he. Maybe it was a deeper suppression of his emotions than what would be healthy, given release in a major way; his mind may have snapped at the shock at being cursed and gave him a case of Multiple Personality Disorder.
Whatever it was, Cologne decided that it would be the most prudent thing for her to train this young girl in control. There was just one thing nagging at her. A memory that was just at the tip of consciousness. The girl's perversion aura wasn't anything she hadn't felt before. It probably was stronger than the one she had came across in the past, but it wasn't as refined. Even the matriarch at the time was smitten by it, not realizing the effects it was having on....
The old woman's eyes went wide, realizing who she was thinking about, "Greatest of Ancestors, if HE were around and the two of them met...."
Shampoo ran into her Great-Grandmother's room afraid and concerned while holding a paper bag, "Great Grandmother, breath deeply in bag. Is good, breath out, breath in...." Shampoo patted her Elder's back in comfort, as Cologne inhaled and exhaled into the bag.
_______________________________________________________________________
Somewhere, in the mountains of Japan....
_______________________________________________________________________
Kasumi blissfully busied herself in the kitchen as her father and Genma sat uncomfortably on the other side of the table from Soun.
"So, Tendou ol' PAL ol' only FRIEND in the strictest sense, how about a few games of shogi to pass the time?"
"Good idea, Saotome just good FRIEND. And we can share a bit of sake between two HETEROSEXUAL friends."
"Ahem, if you two are finished securing your sexuality..." both martial artists turned to see Cologne sitting calmly on one side of the table, sipping a cup of tea that Kasumi provided.
"We were doing no such thing," gruffed Soun, "Me and my associate in the UNROMANTIC sense were just discussing how to spend our afternoon."
Cologne looked up from her cup, "Methinks doth protest a trifle too much." Both Soun and Genma went to argue against, then thought best of it.
The elder chuckled a bit, but then recalled the reason for her visit, "Back to business, I need to know the whereabouts of the Anything Goes Master."
"Uh, me and Tendou here are the current masters..." Genma sweated nervously as Soun went stiff as a board.
"I'm not referring to you, I mean what happened to Happos-" Cologne was thoroughly surprised by the speed in which both martial artists as they leapt at her.
"Hmm, most impressive, you two are quite the masters you claim to be," Cologne complimented, sipping from her cup once again, her staff held out horizontally. Each end pointed towards one of the Anything Goes Masters, Genma imbedded face-first into one wall, while Soun's back muscles were frantically realigning his spine from where it nearly shattered from impact into the other wall.
"Must... never... say his... name," Soun said, face a stoic mask holding in a wonderful universe of agony.
Genma peeled his face away from the barrier like so much wallpaper, "Yes, to say his name would bring his curse upon us."
"So I trust he is still around?" Cologne's worst fears were starting to gain more substance from plausibility.
"We... laid him to rest several years ago," Soun said somberly.
"Oh? Then why do you fear Happosai's return?" The old Amazon asked curiously. Even she doubted the pervert from her past could recover from the finality of Death. She wouldn't put it past him though. Cologne waited for an answer.
"Tendou Soun? Tendou?" Cologne poked him with her staff, "Oh dear, I've knocked him unconscious." She then turned to Genma, who has wisely not attacked her at the mention of their evil master's name, and chose to babble instead.
"He'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realltotallyfucked."
The Elder sighed, and decided to find the whereabouts instead of Ranma. Perhaps making a few contingencies would be most prudent, "Kasumi, where had Son-in-law went off to?"
"Someone's married Shampoo? How nice!" Kasumi said cheerfully from the kitchen. Soun's head rolled out of the hole in the dining table, as his body slumped to the floor. Genma fell backwards, still chanting his mantra.
_______________________________________________________________________
"It's a form of greeting behavior, or reconciliation. Possibly food exchange behavior," explained the Zoologist that was leading the small group around, "It's certainly not sex, not lesbian sex, not... hot... lesbian sex. Now if you'll excuse me..." The zoo guide turned and called out for crew, "Somebody get the hose, Missy and Awachan are acting up again!"
Ranma and Akane loved coming to the zoo, they got to see so many interesting exhibits. They also got to share the experience this time with the group of children openly gawking at the two apes rubbing together while screaming at the top of their lungs.
"Mommy, are they hurting each other?" asked one frightened girl.
"No honey, they're... yes, they are hurting each other, really really badly. You should never hurt another girl the way they are doing to each other. Now let's go to the nice asexual species exhibit."
"This exhibit is looking pretty asexual to me..." commented one older bystander.
"Hey, 'Kane, you tak'n notes? They've got pretty good technique," Ranma-chan asked, munching on a bag of peanuts. Akane was quickly jotting on a paper pad.
"Ranma-sama, have you noticed that every time we come here, we see something peculiar."
"Now Akane, there's nothing peculiar about the instinctual mating habits of the animal kingdom. You wanna go to the duck bill platypus exhibit and see if they're doing the threesome again?" Ranma paused in thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have two vaginas?"
Akane pursed her lips a bit in thought, "I'd rather go see the deer lock horns again."
"Not a bad idea, who woulda thought male deer masturbate in such a way? Makes ya kinda want antlers," Ranma started towards the deer exhibits and paused, "Wha, what's that?"
"Uh, it's a spider monkey," Akane said, slightly puzzled at the question. Ranma said nothing, as she grabbed Akane's hands and started towards the zoo exit.
_______________________________________________________________________
"AKANE!!!!" The brown blur bounced from each young girl, gaining a snort of derision from each of them as they fluffed their dresses and skirts back down. After a while, the bouncing ball stopped moving, revealing itself to be an energetic midget. It gleefully went from girl to girl, exercising it's intent of perversion. Until, that is, it realized it wasn't getting its usual reaction from practicing said exercise upon the female persuasion.
"Hmm? What's wrong with all the pretty ladies?" local commentary clued him in.
"Hmph, what a sad old man," sniffed one girl, looking down on the old man condescendingly.
"Let him have his harmless gropes," another said dismissively, "He's nowhere near as bad as Ranma."
"Yeah, Ranma stole my innocence in four point two seconds flat."
"Feh, my maidenhood was taken in three point seven!"
"Ha, she stole MY chastity in three point one!"
"You were already curious in the first place!"
"Well, she didn't ask first!" The girls argued over which was taken advantage of the fastest, while Happosai blinked in confusion.
"Say, who's this Ranma fellow anyhow?" The old martial artist queried.
"SHE'S only the greatest pervert in Nerima, if not all of Japan!" one girl stated, her disgust and awe warring in each syllable. The old man had to flinch; a GIRL has usurped his crown while he was indisposed.
"Oh really?" the old man challenged, "I'll just have to meet this Ranma."
"You probably will; she's not going to like you poaching on her territory!"
"I'd like to see her try and stop me," the miniature man said, puffing out his chest, and to solidify his rebellion, leapt at the nearest female chest.
Akane blinked as she looked down at the midget groping her chest, "What's this?"
"Looks like a little troll. How's it feel?"
Akane mused for a moment, "Well, he has strong hands. They almost seem to be everywhere at once. He managed to remove my bra with me barely noticing, that was pretty impressive, I guess. His hands are kind of clammy though, and he's getting a bit forceful."
"Hmm, lemme see..." Ranma plucked the midget off of Akane's chest, and allowed him to attach to her own, "Well, seems to be kinda rushed, and I get no pleasure out of this at all. Takes all the enjoyment out of it. Excellent technique, but very little style..."
"YOU DARE CRITISIZE MY TECHNIQUE?!" The midget shouted, indignified by the commentary during his grope.
Ranma plucked the old man off the ground, and walked up to a nearby girl, "How's this feel to you?"
The girl shrugged as her chest was groped, "Well, kind of demeaning. Like I need to take a bath and scrub excessively hard until the crawling sensation stops. Also a bit too generic for my tastes."
"So what's the final score, 'Kane?" The girl in question held up a 5.7.
"Say, you said her name's Akane? As in Tendou Akane?" The old man asked.
"Uh, yeah, that's her alright," Ranma replied curiously.
"OH AKANE!!! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?!?"
Akane gave a half lidded gaze to the oncoming projectile, not even bothering to put up a guard as he flew at her chest.
Her unconcern was validated, just not in the way intended, as a wooden staff drove Happosai into the ground, "HAPPOSAI!"
"Was that really necessary?" Ranma asked Cologne with a snort.
"Yes, and you better high tail it out here, girl. This one's too dangerous for you to deal with."
"How can you say that about a harmless old man?" Happosai asked, sitting in lotus position on top of Cologne's staff with teary eyes, "You're such a mean old lady!" Happosai immediately perked up, "I know what'll cheer ya up!"
Cologne found herself forced onto the defensive, surprising Ranma and Akane as the old Amazon was forced to give up ground. Suddenly both leapt into the air to continue their duel, seeming to hover for a few seconds before gravity called a penalty. As soon as the two elder fighters landed, they broke apart.
"That was some workout," Happosai commented cheerfully, "You're defiantly looking younger from it."
Cologne began to move for another attack, but found herself a bit more restricted, "Wha? Where?"
"Bra looks good on ya," commented Ranma with an appraising look.
"Uber series C-12, I believe, B cup," added Akane.
"Hmm, you girls seem to know your stuff. Who are you, cutie?"
"Ranma Saotome." Happosai perked up at Ranma's family name, Cologne grimaced.
"You really should have kept your mouth shut, daughter-in-law."
"Oh-ho! So you're an Amazon bride!" cheered the old lecher, "Who's the lucky stiff?"
"Shampoo no stiff," the lavender haired Amazon said haughtily.
"Great Granddaughter, your timing is, as usual, impeccable," commented Cologne as she stared at the flattened little man under Shampoo's bike tire.
"Shampoochan! I've missed you!" Akane said sweetly, and approached the other girl. Onna-Ranma twitched slightly, at the youngest Tendou's declaration.
"Wife no touch Shampoo," the young Amazon stated idly as she resheathed her butterfly sword.
"And you, daughter-in-law," Cologne started in a soft, warm voice, "if you don't remove your hands from my breasts, betrothed to my Great Granddaughter or not..."
"Hey, I was just curious, bra actually makes you kinda firm."
"You really think so, Daughter-in-law?" the matriarch asked, tugging at one of its cups, and then posing a bit.
"What's you're beef with the old freak, old ghoul?" Ranma asked, helping a startled Akane back to her feet, while the raven-haired girl adjusted her shirt to accommodate the new opening across the chest.
"Yeah, what do you have against me?" Said the new attachment to Shampoo's chest. Shampoo blinked a couple of times, then curiously looked down.
"Oh... shit..." three voices whispered in unison.
_______________________________________________________________________
"Don't worry boys, I forgive ya," Happosai said, smoking his pipe peacefully upon the backs of his former students. "It just so happens that I ain't gett'n any younger, that it's time for one of you to take over the Anything Goes School..."
"Sorry, Master, but I just remembered I'm moving to China."
"I'm with him."
"Feh, pathetic, Pandachan," Ranma said, rolling her eyes at the spectacle.
"Why, Ranma's the PERFECT candidate! I'll even sign all my parental responsibilities and custody to you." Genma said, grabbing the redhead by the shoulders. Happosai's ears perked up.
"Ranma, you say her name's RANMA?!?!?"
"Yup, you heard right," stated the girl in question. Happosai immediately shot to his feet.
"So, you're supposedly the great pervert."
"Oh no, master, you are certainly the greatest pervert!" placated Genma, feeling his master's aura rising little by little.
"Don't know any bigger," Ranma stated with a shrug.
"Hmm, shame you're a girl."
"Oh, and what is THAT supposed to mean?" Ranma asked, a blizzard in her voice.
"Means I can't take you on as a student, wouldn't survive my training for a day." the old martial artist said wistfully, "So sad to see such potential wasted on one so fair." Happosai turned to the sound of pouring water.
"HEY! That's HOT!" cried a boy Happosai hadn't seen before!
"Now he's a boy! He isn't much to look at, but he cleans up pretty well!"
"Oh, now he'll do!" Happosai said, inspecting the youth. Such a strapping young man and hormonally healthy to boot! He would make a fine heir to his school for sure.
"There ain't noth'n I'll do for you, old freak," Ranma stated curtly, folding his arms together.
"Boy, you'll do whatever he tells you, he's your new master now," Genma said solemnly, his grave attitude spoiled by the tiny beads of sweat running down his brow, as his eyes twitched every so often back to the founding master of the Anything Goes School.
"Hmph, not like he's got anything to teach me," Ranma sniffed in distain, before turning away.
"You think so, huh?"
"Don't think..."
"Isn't that the truth," Nabiki piped in. Ranma turned and glared at the middle Tendou sister.
"I don't think, I know."
Happosai hopped off of Soun's back, and took a puff of his pipe, "Very well then, I challenge you..."
"Hey, anytime, you old freak! I'm ready for ya!" Ranma braced himself confidently for a battle.
"Well then, here are the terms of the fight..."
Everyone paled at the grounds Happosai had laid for the contest.
"No, oh no, ohnononononononononono," Akane whispered, she knew this was going to get out of hand.
"I think I have enough for me and one other to leave the country, coming Kasumi?"
"I'm ready," the eldest Tendou daughter called out, lugging a heavy suitcase behind her.
"Huh? Kasumi?" Ranma asked.
The girl in question jumped, "Uh, I always wanted to travel," Kasumi stated nervously, "Um, who are you? Are you one of Akane's little friends?" Ranma's eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Nabiki! How can you leave your poor father behind!" wailed the Tendou Patriarch.
Ranma's mouth opened and closed like a suffocated fish. This was bad, badbadbadbadbad.
"Ranma-baby, for what it's worth," Nabiki placed a supporting hand on the agitated boy's shoulder, "I hope he fucks you over so far that you are gonna be shitting through your nose."
"Nabiki!" Akane cried, scandalized. Happosai narrowed his eyes and smiled to himself, this was going to be fun.
_______________________________________________________________________
From the wall, Cologne observed as the challenge was issued, and everyone's reaction, "Son-in-law, what Hells have you doomed us all to?" The elder contemplated it for a moment, and then brought a paper bag back to her mouth, feeling another attack coming on.
Cologne sat in meditation, contemplating her new subject of interest. At first the wizened elder found a veritable well of entertainment in which she hadn't experienced in years, but after the race...
The old Amazon decided it was best to give the pigtailed one some space. The aura of perversion that the young one gave off was extremely potent, and large. For a battle aura it was one of the greatest she had come across, Amazon Elder or no. Problem is it seemed to control *her* more than the redhead could control it.
Cologne also had to wonder about why the young man acted in such a fashion in his cursed form. Maybe it was an excuse for the young man to act out on impulses that he believed he couldn't get away with. The only thing wrong with that theory was that the redhead's aura was almost always present, except for the times when she was a he. Maybe it was a deeper suppression of his emotions than what would be healthy, given release in a major way; his mind may have snapped at the shock at being cursed and gave him a case of Multiple Personality Disorder.
Whatever it was, Cologne decided that it would be the most prudent thing for her to train this young girl in control. There was just one thing nagging at her. A memory that was just at the tip of consciousness. The girl's perversion aura wasn't anything she hadn't felt before. It probably was stronger than the one she had came across in the past, but it wasn't as refined. Even the matriarch at the time was smitten by it, not realizing the effects it was having on....
The old woman's eyes went wide, realizing who she was thinking about, "Greatest of Ancestors, if HE were around and the two of them met...."
Shampoo ran into her Great-Grandmother's room afraid and concerned while holding a paper bag, "Great Grandmother, breath deeply in bag. Is good, breath out, breath in...." Shampoo patted her Elder's back in comfort, as Cologne inhaled and exhaled into the bag.
_______________________________________________________________________
Somewhere, in the mountains of Japan....
_______________________________________________________________________
Kasumi blissfully busied herself in the kitchen as her father and Genma sat uncomfortably on the other side of the table from Soun.
"So, Tendou ol' PAL ol' only FRIEND in the strictest sense, how about a few games of shogi to pass the time?"
"Good idea, Saotome just good FRIEND. And we can share a bit of sake between two HETEROSEXUAL friends."
"Ahem, if you two are finished securing your sexuality..." both martial artists turned to see Cologne sitting calmly on one side of the table, sipping a cup of tea that Kasumi provided.
"We were doing no such thing," gruffed Soun, "Me and my associate in the UNROMANTIC sense were just discussing how to spend our afternoon."
Cologne looked up from her cup, "Methinks doth protest a trifle too much." Both Soun and Genma went to argue against, then thought best of it.
The elder chuckled a bit, but then recalled the reason for her visit, "Back to business, I need to know the whereabouts of the Anything Goes Master."
"Uh, me and Tendou here are the current masters..." Genma sweated nervously as Soun went stiff as a board.
"I'm not referring to you, I mean what happened to Happos-" Cologne was thoroughly surprised by the speed in which both martial artists as they leapt at her.
"Hmm, most impressive, you two are quite the masters you claim to be," Cologne complimented, sipping from her cup once again, her staff held out horizontally. Each end pointed towards one of the Anything Goes Masters, Genma imbedded face-first into one wall, while Soun's back muscles were frantically realigning his spine from where it nearly shattered from impact into the other wall.
"Must... never... say his... name," Soun said, face a stoic mask holding in a wonderful universe of agony.
Genma peeled his face away from the barrier like so much wallpaper, "Yes, to say his name would bring his curse upon us."
"So I trust he is still around?" Cologne's worst fears were starting to gain more substance from plausibility.
"We... laid him to rest several years ago," Soun said somberly.
"Oh? Then why do you fear Happosai's return?" The old Amazon asked curiously. Even she doubted the pervert from her past could recover from the finality of Death. She wouldn't put it past him though. Cologne waited for an answer.
"Tendou Soun? Tendou?" Cologne poked him with her staff, "Oh dear, I've knocked him unconscious." She then turned to Genma, who has wisely not attacked her at the mention of their evil master's name, and chose to babble instead.
"He'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realltotallyfucked."
The Elder sighed, and decided to find the whereabouts instead of Ranma. Perhaps making a few contingencies would be most prudent, "Kasumi, where had Son-in-law went off to?"
"Someone's married Shampoo? How nice!" Kasumi said cheerfully from the kitchen. Soun's head rolled out of the hole in the dining table, as his body slumped to the floor. Genma fell backwards, still chanting his mantra.
_______________________________________________________________________
"It's a form of greeting behavior, or reconciliation. Possibly food exchange behavior," explained the Zoologist that was leading the small group around, "It's certainly not sex, not lesbian sex, not... hot... lesbian sex. Now if you'll excuse me..." The zoo guide turned and called out for crew, "Somebody get the hose, Missy and Awachan are acting up again!"
Ranma and Akane loved coming to the zoo, they got to see so many interesting exhibits. They also got to share the experience this time with the group of children openly gawking at the two apes rubbing together while screaming at the top of their lungs.
"Mommy, are they hurting each other?" asked one frightened girl.
"No honey, they're... yes, they are hurting each other, really really badly. You should never hurt another girl the way they are doing to each other. Now let's go to the nice asexual species exhibit."
"This exhibit is looking pretty asexual to me..." commented one older bystander.
"Hey, 'Kane, you tak'n notes? They've got pretty good technique," Ranma-chan asked, munching on a bag of peanuts. Akane was quickly jotting on a paper pad.
"Ranma-sama, have you noticed that every time we come here, we see something peculiar."
"Now Akane, there's nothing peculiar about the instinctual mating habits of the animal kingdom. You wanna go to the duck bill platypus exhibit and see if they're doing the threesome again?" Ranma paused in thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have two vaginas?"
Akane pursed her lips a bit in thought, "I'd rather go see the deer lock horns again."
"Not a bad idea, who woulda thought male deer masturbate in such a way? Makes ya kinda want antlers," Ranma started towards the deer exhibits and paused, "Wha, what's that?"
"Uh, it's a spider monkey," Akane said, slightly puzzled at the question. Ranma said nothing, as she grabbed Akane's hands and started towards the zoo exit.
_______________________________________________________________________
"AKANE!!!!" The brown blur bounced from each young girl, gaining a snort of derision from each of them as they fluffed their dresses and skirts back down. After a while, the bouncing ball stopped moving, revealing itself to be an energetic midget. It gleefully went from girl to girl, exercising it's intent of perversion. Until, that is, it realized it wasn't getting its usual reaction from practicing said exercise upon the female persuasion.
"Hmm? What's wrong with all the pretty ladies?" local commentary clued him in.
"Hmph, what a sad old man," sniffed one girl, looking down on the old man condescendingly.
"Let him have his harmless gropes," another said dismissively, "He's nowhere near as bad as Ranma."
"Yeah, Ranma stole my innocence in four point two seconds flat."
"Feh, my maidenhood was taken in three point seven!"
"Ha, she stole MY chastity in three point one!"
"You were already curious in the first place!"
"Well, she didn't ask first!" The girls argued over which was taken advantage of the fastest, while Happosai blinked in confusion.
"Say, who's this Ranma fellow anyhow?" The old martial artist queried.
"SHE'S only the greatest pervert in Nerima, if not all of Japan!" one girl stated, her disgust and awe warring in each syllable. The old man had to flinch; a GIRL has usurped his crown while he was indisposed.
"Oh really?" the old man challenged, "I'll just have to meet this Ranma."
"You probably will; she's not going to like you poaching on her territory!"
"I'd like to see her try and stop me," the miniature man said, puffing out his chest, and to solidify his rebellion, leapt at the nearest female chest.
Akane blinked as she looked down at the midget groping her chest, "What's this?"
"Looks like a little troll. How's it feel?"
Akane mused for a moment, "Well, he has strong hands. They almost seem to be everywhere at once. He managed to remove my bra with me barely noticing, that was pretty impressive, I guess. His hands are kind of clammy though, and he's getting a bit forceful."
"Hmm, lemme see..." Ranma plucked the midget off of Akane's chest, and allowed him to attach to her own, "Well, seems to be kinda rushed, and I get no pleasure out of this at all. Takes all the enjoyment out of it. Excellent technique, but very little style..."
"YOU DARE CRITISIZE MY TECHNIQUE?!" The midget shouted, indignified by the commentary during his grope.
Ranma plucked the old man off the ground, and walked up to a nearby girl, "How's this feel to you?"
The girl shrugged as her chest was groped, "Well, kind of demeaning. Like I need to take a bath and scrub excessively hard until the crawling sensation stops. Also a bit too generic for my tastes."
"So what's the final score, 'Kane?" The girl in question held up a 5.7.
"Say, you said her name's Akane? As in Tendou Akane?" The old man asked.
"Uh, yeah, that's her alright," Ranma replied curiously.
"OH AKANE!!! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?!?"
Akane gave a half lidded gaze to the oncoming projectile, not even bothering to put up a guard as he flew at her chest.
Her unconcern was validated, just not in the way intended, as a wooden staff drove Happosai into the ground, "HAPPOSAI!"
"Was that really necessary?" Ranma asked Cologne with a snort.
"Yes, and you better high tail it out here, girl. This one's too dangerous for you to deal with."
"How can you say that about a harmless old man?" Happosai asked, sitting in lotus position on top of Cologne's staff with teary eyes, "You're such a mean old lady!" Happosai immediately perked up, "I know what'll cheer ya up!"
Cologne found herself forced onto the defensive, surprising Ranma and Akane as the old Amazon was forced to give up ground. Suddenly both leapt into the air to continue their duel, seeming to hover for a few seconds before gravity called a penalty. As soon as the two elder fighters landed, they broke apart.
"That was some workout," Happosai commented cheerfully, "You're defiantly looking younger from it."
Cologne began to move for another attack, but found herself a bit more restricted, "Wha? Where?"
"Bra looks good on ya," commented Ranma with an appraising look.
"Uber series C-12, I believe, B cup," added Akane.
"Hmm, you girls seem to know your stuff. Who are you, cutie?"
"Ranma Saotome." Happosai perked up at Ranma's family name, Cologne grimaced.
"You really should have kept your mouth shut, daughter-in-law."
"Oh-ho! So you're an Amazon bride!" cheered the old lecher, "Who's the lucky stiff?"
"Shampoo no stiff," the lavender haired Amazon said haughtily.
"Great Granddaughter, your timing is, as usual, impeccable," commented Cologne as she stared at the flattened little man under Shampoo's bike tire.
"Shampoochan! I've missed you!" Akane said sweetly, and approached the other girl. Onna-Ranma twitched slightly, at the youngest Tendou's declaration.
"Wife no touch Shampoo," the young Amazon stated idly as she resheathed her butterfly sword.
"And you, daughter-in-law," Cologne started in a soft, warm voice, "if you don't remove your hands from my breasts, betrothed to my Great Granddaughter or not..."
"Hey, I was just curious, bra actually makes you kinda firm."
"You really think so, Daughter-in-law?" the matriarch asked, tugging at one of its cups, and then posing a bit.
"What's you're beef with the old freak, old ghoul?" Ranma asked, helping a startled Akane back to her feet, while the raven-haired girl adjusted her shirt to accommodate the new opening across the chest.
"Yeah, what do you have against me?" Said the new attachment to Shampoo's chest. Shampoo blinked a couple of times, then curiously looked down.
"Oh... shit..." three voices whispered in unison.
_______________________________________________________________________
"Don't worry boys, I forgive ya," Happosai said, smoking his pipe peacefully upon the backs of his former students. "It just so happens that I ain't gett'n any younger, that it's time for one of you to take over the Anything Goes School..."
"Sorry, Master, but I just remembered I'm moving to China."
"I'm with him."
"Feh, pathetic, Pandachan," Ranma said, rolling her eyes at the spectacle.
"Why, Ranma's the PERFECT candidate! I'll even sign all my parental responsibilities and custody to you." Genma said, grabbing the redhead by the shoulders. Happosai's ears perked up.
"Ranma, you say her name's RANMA?!?!?"
"Yup, you heard right," stated the girl in question. Happosai immediately shot to his feet.
"So, you're supposedly the great pervert."
"Oh no, master, you are certainly the greatest pervert!" placated Genma, feeling his master's aura rising little by little.
"Don't know any bigger," Ranma stated with a shrug.
"Hmm, shame you're a girl."
"Oh, and what is THAT supposed to mean?" Ranma asked, a blizzard in her voice.
"Means I can't take you on as a student, wouldn't survive my training for a day." the old martial artist said wistfully, "So sad to see such potential wasted on one so fair." Happosai turned to the sound of pouring water.
"HEY! That's HOT!" cried a boy Happosai hadn't seen before!
"Now he's a boy! He isn't much to look at, but he cleans up pretty well!"
"Oh, now he'll do!" Happosai said, inspecting the youth. Such a strapping young man and hormonally healthy to boot! He would make a fine heir to his school for sure.
"There ain't noth'n I'll do for you, old freak," Ranma stated curtly, folding his arms together.
"Boy, you'll do whatever he tells you, he's your new master now," Genma said solemnly, his grave attitude spoiled by the tiny beads of sweat running down his brow, as his eyes twitched every so often back to the founding master of the Anything Goes School.
"Hmph, not like he's got anything to teach me," Ranma sniffed in distain, before turning away.
"You think so, huh?"
"Don't think..."
"Isn't that the truth," Nabiki piped in. Ranma turned and glared at the middle Tendou sister.
"I don't think, I know."
Happosai hopped off of Soun's back, and took a puff of his pipe, "Very well then, I challenge you..."
"Hey, anytime, you old freak! I'm ready for ya!" Ranma braced himself confidently for a battle.
"Well then, here are the terms of the fight..."
Everyone paled at the grounds Happosai had laid for the contest.
"No, oh no, ohnononononononononono," Akane whispered, she knew this was going to get out of hand.
"I think I have enough for me and one other to leave the country, coming Kasumi?"
"I'm ready," the eldest Tendou daughter called out, lugging a heavy suitcase behind her.
"Huh? Kasumi?" Ranma asked.
The girl in question jumped, "Uh, I always wanted to travel," Kasumi stated nervously, "Um, who are you? Are you one of Akane's little friends?" Ranma's eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Nabiki! How can you leave your poor father behind!" wailed the Tendou Patriarch.
Ranma's mouth opened and closed like a suffocated fish. This was bad, badbadbadbadbad.
"Ranma-baby, for what it's worth," Nabiki placed a supporting hand on the agitated boy's shoulder, "I hope he fucks you over so far that you are gonna be shitting through your nose."
"Nabiki!" Akane cried, scandalized. Happosai narrowed his eyes and smiled to himself, this was going to be fun.
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From the wall, Cologne observed as the challenge was issued, and everyone's reaction, "Son-in-law, what Hells have you doomed us all to?" The elder contemplated it for a moment, and then brought a paper bag back to her mouth, feeling another attack coming on.