Unveiled Feelings and Fears

Nami stared blankly at the door to her map room. Her brain was still trying to process what had just happened and sort out the conversation she had had. Lying to Zoro was getting harder and apparently she wasn't doing a good job of it either. She had the distinct feeling that he hadn't believed a word she had said which both bothered her and excited her at the same time. Nami knew how to lie. Usopp might be the liar on the ship but Nami could weave a tale with a false sincerity that fooled the best of men yet Zoro didn't seem to be falling for her lines. She told herself it was only because he had caught her completely off guard. It wasn't like him to notice or even care.

"I'm his nakama. Nakama, that's it." She told herself firmly.

He had said so himself so there was no reason for her to be acting like this. She knew she had been distracted of late but she hadn't quite realized how bad it had been until Zoro had approached her in the crow's nest. Nami had felt his eyes on her quite often over the past few weeks but she had simply chalked it up to her over-active and hopeful imagination. Nami couldn't believe that Zoro pitied her, because that had to be why he was asking all these questions. Nami did not want anyone's pity, least of all his. His pity robbed her of all of her dignity and if Arlong couldn't do it then she'd be damned if the lazy, cocky swordsman would.

Her new found anger and indignation gave her some fire and she felt her mood lifting. While the indignation was fuelling her she finished up the map she had been struggling with for the last week. When Sanji called everyone for dinner she was feeling much better and even spent the dinner talking with Robin.

Zoro didn't know what had happened to Nami, he didn't know what had been bothering her and he didn't know why she was all of a sudden fine. He watched her throughout dinner, she was chatting with Robin a light smile on her face and there was a focus in her eyes that had been missing of late. But as the dinner wore on the focus faded ever so slightly and while she continued to talk with Robin, Zoro noticed a sadness creeping in around the edges. That's when everything started to click into place.

Zoro knew that it wasn't a sickness that was keeping Nami up and distracted, there was something that was saddening her enough to preoccupy her mind. His entire being was screaming that it was him that was upsetting her, he didn't know why but it was a feeling he couldn't shake. He thought back to her nightmare that had featured him and guilt roiled in his stomach causing the food in his mouth to taste like chalk.

He thought of the nightmare's that Luffy would occasionally have, nightmares in which he was powerless to help anybody or protect them. Could Nami's nightmares be along the same lines? The desire to help her welled up in him greater than ever, fuelled by the unnecessary guilt and he decided after dinner to give it one more go. He ate the rest of his dinner automatically, keeping an eye on her the whole time. Once the meal was finished he pulled her aside to talk to her in privacy.

"What's going on Zoro?" she asked a bit of fire in her voice.

"I'm worried about you and I want to help."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Nami replied her voice faltering slightly.

"Nami, you can tell me."

Zoro could see the hesitation in her eyes but then with a sigh of defeat her shoulders sank lightly and her eyes focused on her feet. He waited for her answer and this time he had a gut feeling that whatever she said would be the truth.

"I've fallen in love with you."

Zoro heard the words and knew them to be true but it took a few seconds for the understanding of them to sink in. In the time it took his shocked brain to process Nami's words she had closed herself off to him and walked away. Zoro stood there staring at the spot she had disappeared while not seeing his surroundings. The unsettling feelings he had been trying to ignore before dinner came back stronger than before and it occurred to him there was a slight euphoria welling within him with Nami's confession.

The euphoria came as a shock to him, how was it possible for him to have such an intense feeling of happiness over the news that she was in love with him. It couldn't make him happy, he didn't feel that way about her so this shouldn't make him happy. And to top it all off she clearly wasn't too happy to be falling in love with him. He thought back to her nightmare and instinctively knew it had been about her feelings for him and he was overcome with a fresh wave of guilt for making such acute pain enter her voice. As he thought about her nightmare he realized that it didn't matter whether he liked her or not, Nami deserved someone better than him. She deserved someone who was whole and could offer her a real relationship. Nightmare or reality Zoro could only bring her pain.



Zoro regretfully tracked Nami down, finding her sitting amongst her tangerine trees knees hugged to her chest. He cleared his throat and watched as her head whipped around her eyes guarded. Her chin jutted out defiantly and he could see the toil it took on her to present this unaffected look and he wished it could be different. But it couldn't and hurting her now would be better than the pain he was sure to cause if he tried to fool himself into thinking they could have a relationship.

"The dream you had the other day. What did I do?" he asked quietly, almost fearing the answer.

"It doesn't matter."

"Please." He whispered softly.

"I confessed my feelings and you... you laughed and said you could never love a girl as tainted as I was."

The words were wrenched out with a silent sob and Zoro's heart constricted and ached for the hurting woman in front of him. Hearing her words only made what he had to say next more painful and once again he wished things could be different because by now he had realized he was in fact in love with the tangerine goddess.

"Nami you are not tainted and you deserve the love of someone great, someone who can offer you happiness but that someone isn't me. It can't be me. I'll only bring you pain."

"You won't, I won't let you. You are great Zoro, if you just give us a chance you'll see."

"I want to believe it but I can't."



Zoro could hear the determination and desperation lacing her voice and he knew that it was going to take more to convince her. With his heart breaking he uttered the words that he knew would break her heart and make her hate him.

"I don't want it too either. I don't want to be with you Nami."

As pain etched into her delicate features Zoro turned and walked away from the one woman he found he could love. The sounds of her painful sobs haunted him as he disappeared into the bowels of the ship.