AN: I added a link on my Profile page that will take you to photos that illustrate this story. It has interior shots of the Cabin and the Lodge, locations, etc. I will be adding photos as I add chapters. Manka's Lodge is a real place; you should go there sometime.

End of Chapter 12: "Edward," I began cautiously. I had changed my mind about something, and I needed to tell him, but I didn't think it was going to be easy. He had been close to giving me what I had wanted before, but in the last few days since I stopped him he seemed to be more grateful than annoyed. This felt like the perfect time to tell him exactly what I wanted, and see if we could make it happen.

Chapter 13: Even if it's wrong

"Yes, Bella, what is it?"

"Well, do you remember the last time we were in our meadow and you put my engagement ring back on my finger?"

"Yes, of course I remember it. Why?" He sounded curious now, and just a bit worried. I felt his body tense just slightly.

"Um, well, you know how you were ready to give me everything I wanted, with no reservations, and I stopped you?" I was devoutly hoping he knew where I was going with this.

"Yes, I remember it well," he said evenly.

Oh, good. He knew what I meant. "Well, I told you I would let you know if I changed my mind and I have changed my mind. I know that makes me sound like I don't know what I want, but that's not it. It's just that I'm so much calmer now. The pressure is finally off and we're all alone; no Charlie, no Alice and the rest of your very close family . . . you know I'm just not used to being in a house with so many people around all the time."

He remained silent. I think he had stopped breathing. I plunged ahead.

"And this place is so perfect, Edward. It's so romantic; the crackling fire, the soft music, the candles, and you've been so thoughtful arranging everything…" I trailed off, suddenly hit with inspiration.

"Edward, if this is all part of a plan of seduction on your part, it's working," I pulled away so I could look into his eyes.

His face was still and I couldn't read the expression in his topaz eyes. "Why don't you say something?" I cried.

"I'm speechless."

"Edward! So I take it this wasn't a planned seduction?" I said with a hint of disappointment in my voice.

"No, Bella, I was just trying to be considerate and provide a weekend of relaxation and fun for you, after the stress we've both been through," he said calmly.

"Okay, well, you have been wonderful, and I do appreciate it. I appreciate it so much I'd like to rethink my previous position," I offered.

"I would not like to revisit that topic, Bella. I think you were very wise and mature in deciding to wait until we were married. This can still be a beautiful, recuperative weekend. As you said, this is the first time we've been on our own, with no family around, and we should take this time to just enjoy being alone together," he said reasonably.

This was driving me mad. I didn't want to be reasonable. I was finally alone with him, we were engaged, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to me. I summoned up all the courage I could to say what was on my mind. I had to make him understand.

"Edward, I want you. I don't want to be wise and mature. I want to be reckless and immature. We're getting married in just a few weeks and we're going to be together forever. That is going to happen. Alice has seen it. But this weekend is unique. It's something special for just the two of us. I think this would be a good time to try again, please?" I tried to say the last part as sweetly as possible, remembering how I had almost won this negotiation before agreeing to marry him.

"What about your mortal soul?" He said flatly.

"Not that again! Edward, you know how I feel about that," I said, exasperated. "Besides, you're just trying to change the subject," I objected.

"It is the subject, Bella."

"Oh, if we're going to go over this ground again, it's just pointless. Can't you listen to your feelings instead of your brain?" I implored him.

"You should be careful about lighting a fire you can't put out," he warned. "If I let my feelings get the better of me it wouldn't be good for you," he sighed.

"I don't believe that. Couldn't we at least try?" I beseeched him.

"I am going to try to keep your virtue intact. Am I going to be working on that all weekend?" he sounded amused.

"Yes, and that's a promise!" I huffed.

"Shall we seal that promise with a kiss?" He still sounded amused.

"You bet," I said as I threw myself into his arms and pressed my lips against his. He returned my kiss with enthusiasm and moved his hand up to caress the back of my neck.

He continued kissing me for several minutes, but in a very casual, leisurely way, as if he had all the time in the world. My pulse quickened and my heartbeat picked up speed, but in a more controlled way than usual. He was making me comfortable and excited at the same time. I was really enjoying this.

I started to hope that despite what he had said, perhaps he had changed his mind, too. I decided to test my new theory. I reached up and slowly started to unbutton his shirt. I felt his cool fingers grasp my hand and lace his fingers with mine. He brought our hands away from his collar. Then he broke our kiss.

"Bella, I am trying to do the honorable thing here."

I groaned.

He continued. "Just being alone here with you, like this, breaks so many rules, and you cannot know how excited it makes me feel. I do not even allow myself to dream of moments like this. Well, I do dream of them, but I know it's wrong."

"Edward, this is not wrong. It's okay for us to be together like this; we're engaged, after all. We love each other, and it's not 1920 anymore."

"I am well aware of that. But as much as I enjoy new technologies, I often feel like I have more in common with Jasper than Emmett, even though I'm closer in age to Emmett."

That reminded me of something.

"I know Jasper must have intense feelings for Alice, but have you noticed he never kisses her when I'm around?"

"It's nothing personal, Bella. Jasper was born in 1843. He was raised to show women respect, as was I, and he would never want to have a public display of affection like that. But believe me, it is a different story when they are alone."

"I'm glad you're not that old fashioned."

His eyes were sparkling and the corners of his mouth were beginning to turn up. "I am almost that old fashioned. But where you are concerned I seem to have thrown all the rules out the window."

"Not quite all." I couldn't help myself from adding that.

"No, not quite all, but so many I have lost count. You have no idea how much you have changed my life. I didn't have a life before you."

"I didn't have a life before you either, Edward." He opened his mouth but before he could speak, I put my finger up to his lips. "I know what you think, but I was there and you weren't. Everyday was pretty much the same. Except for the occasional trip to the emergency room." He smiled.

"As much as I liked the desert sun in Phoenix, I never fit in there. I never got a tan, I didn't have a lot of close friends. I never had real dates. I was close to my Mom, but she has Phil now. She doesn't really need me anymore. And you do need me, don't you?"

He didn't answer immediately. I had been pretty confident of his reply, but it seemed like he didn't want to say it. It didn't take much to make me start to worry.

"Don't you?"

"Yes I do." It sounded like it cost him something to admit that. "But it should not be about my need. Your happiness is what's most important."

"You don't think I need you? You know I couldn't be happy without you."

"When you say something like that it makes me feel alive again." His eyes were gloriously intense as he said this, his voice smoldering.

I felt a thrill go through me. He pulled me to him and crushed me to his chest.

"Whenever you touch me it makes me feel alive, Edward. And I want you to touch every part of me." I knew I was blushing and I couldn't believe I was being so bold, but being with him like this made me feel intoxicated.

"Bella, calm down. I want that too, but we just have to wait a little while longer."

"Why do we have to wait? Men and women sleep together all the time." I couldn't stop blushing now and I gave up trying.

"That doesn't make it right."

"You do know you're in love with a heathen, don't you?"

He laughed. "I think you are confused. You are an angel."

"No, you are confused. You're the angel and I'm the heathen. You were raised properly, and Renee let me grow up with a different belief every other month. None of them really stuck, so I don't have all the spiritual conflicts that you do. So if I'm not concerned, you shouldn't be, either." I thought that was a logical argument he wouldn't be able to refute. Was I ever wrong.

"Bella, your soul is pure, whether you are aware of it or not. You are the innocent angel. You always do things with the purest motive, not selfishly. You radiate kindness. It hurts you to see others in pain, and you do whatever you can to relieve that pain, even if it means you suffer yourself. You are an angel here on earth."

"Edward, no one can live up to that standard. You have got to get me down off that pedestal; I don't want to be above you, I want to be your equal."

He groaned. "I know; that is what I am afraid of. I am afraid for the day you become like me."

"I live for that day. It will be the happiest day of my life. Because then I will be with you forever. And we can really begin our lives together, and share everything."

"Bella, you are romanticizing a horrendous event. It is not romantic; it is violent, painful, and irreversible. I would do anything to spare you from that."

"Well, that's what makes it romantic; that you want to protect me." I smiled. "I know it will be horrible, but you will be with me, and when it is over, I will be with you forever. That's the important part." I had to keep telling myself that; it was too overwhelming to contemplate otherwise.

"This is still so hard for me to accept." I could hear the struggle in his voice and hastened to reassure him.

"It hasn't exactly been easy for me to accept either, but I've been dealing with things way beyond my maturity level for a long time now. I don't have visions like Alice, and I can't read people's minds like you can, but there are certain things I know. I don't know how I know them, but I do know them. And one of those things is that I was meant to be with you and you were meant to be with me."

Then I thought about how I had seen the future with Jake; children, everything. That was something I had known. I had known that it could happen. I could make that happen. But that would mean a life without Edward. And I couldn't accept that. He was my future. I knew that as well as I knew my own name.

I didn't want Edward to ever find out that I had seen an alternative future with Jacob. That would hurt him too much, possibly so much that he would leave me again. I couldn't ever let that happen. He knew I loved Jacob but he didn't know I had let myself be in love with Jake, even if for only a brief time. I didn't want him to ever know that. His velvet voice brought me back to earth.

"I don't deserve you."

"No one deserves to be saddled with me, but you have the honor anyway."

"Silly Bella, you have no idea how much I treasure you."

"Well, why don't you show me?"

"How have I ended up in this position again?"

"I'm craftier than I look, huh?"

"Oh you look plenty crafty," he assured me, but he kissed me anyway. I could never get enough of his kisses. My heart skipped a beat.

Then he moved away from my lips and put his mouth next to my ear. His frosty breath gave me a shiver as he whispered, "That's enough for now, Bella, my sweet. I still think you need a nap before dinner."

He continued to hold me like that, his lips gently pressing against my neck as my pulse slowed and my heart returned to a more normal rhythm.

He began to hum my lullaby and I placed my warm hand on his perfectly chiseled cheek as I felt a wave of relaxation sweep over me. 'Maybe I did need a nap after all,' was the last thing I remember thinking.

When I woke up it was almost dark, with the room being lit by candles and another one of those antique glass world globes, this one black. It made a perfect nightlight, casting the softest glow.

"Did you have a good rest?" my angel asked me, as I turned to look into his butterscotch eyes.

"Oh yes, I'm so relaxed now. I could stay like this forever," I said as I looked at him hopefully.

"You'll be hungry soon enough," he assured me.

"I'm already hungry -- for you." I was feeling so good I decided to press my luck and continue the conversation we had before my nap.

He groaned.

"You know how you have a need for speed?" I asked, trying to make him understand.

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised.

"In the car, running through the forest, waiting for me to get to the point?"

"Ah, yes. I see," he acknowledged. "I do like to go fast."

"Well, there's always been one area where I have wanted to go faster than you." I hoped he knew what I meant.

"What area would that be, Bella?"

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" My lips were pressed together, hard.

"You brought it up," he gently reminded me.

I decided I needed some ammunition to drive home my point of view. "Okay, do you remember our first night in Port Angeles?"

"Yes. Like it was yesterday," he replied smoothly.

"So do I. Do you remember the last thing you said to me when you dropped me off at home?"

"The last thing? After I asked you not to go into the woods alone?"

He did remember. I don't know why I was surprised. It must have been etched in his memory just as it was in mine. I nodded.

"I said 'sleep well.' Did you?" he smiled.

"Well you should know, weren't you watching me that night?" I retorted.

"You did a little sleep talking," he admitted.

"Well what you couldn't know was what I was thinking before I fell asleep."

He slightly raised his eyebrows and leaned closer to me. This had him interested. He always wanted to know what I was thinking. "Are you going to tell me now?"

"Yes. You had confirmed that you were a vampire. I knew you were thirsting after my blood. And my last thought before I fell asleep was that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you."

He took my face in his large white hands and slowly leaned in to kiss me. It was a gentle, sweet kiss and when it was over he didn't remove his lips from my skin, merely kissing his way across my face and down my neck to where he rested his lips at the hollow of my throat.

"I still can't believe we've come so far," he breathed. "Loving you is better than anything I ever imagined."

"Edward, you make me feel so guilty for wanting even more," I whispered. "But that's the part I was talking about when I said I wanted to go faster. That first night you dropped me off; when you leaned over and said 'sleep well,' I had hoped you were going to kiss me."

He laughed softly and raised his head to gaze into my eyes. "I would have liked to, but I was afraid. Being with you is so much easier now, but that night, your scent was already driving me wild. And I thought I could tell how you felt; that you wouldn't reject a kiss if I tried, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to frighten you. I was convinced you would run away screaming at any moment."

"I wanted you to kiss me. It was all I could do to not launch myself at you, but I wasn't sure how you would respond. I wouldn't have been frightened if you had kissed me, Edward," I vowed.

"You should have been."

"I realize that now; but I had just learned that you wanted to drink my blood and I didn't care. I was longing for you to kiss me. I wanted to know what your lips felt like when they met mine."

He shook his head. "You are amazing. I still wasn't sure if being near me at all was the right path for you. But I tried, and I just couldn't stay away from you. I figured I was already going to hell and I might as well enjoy the trip," he sighed.

I laughed. "You think too much. That's my point. Let your body be in charge, instead of your mind," I encouraged.

"Bella, if I did that you would have been dead a long time ago," he said, exasperated.

"I don't believe that. You're much stronger than you think," I told him.

"I'm not going to put that to the test," he said with finality.

I made a snap decision to go with Plan B.

"Edward, I've been trying to think of a way to put this so you could understand what I'm getting at… and I came up with something that might help. Because we've always been so careful, I'm a little concerned that on our wedding night we'll hit the accelerator too hard. In trying to go from zero to 60 in three seconds flat… well, that might cause some problems."

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "I hope we're going to last a bit longer than three seconds, Bella."

I laughed. He was taking this part better than I expected. "Yes, of course. But you know what I mean. Maybe we should try shifting from first gear into second, just to see how we handle it. Couldn't we use this weekend to expand our boundaries just a little? In the name of leading up to the wedding night?"

"Just being here with you like this is an expansion of our boundaries, but I see what you're getting at. Perhaps there is some merit in what you propose," he said, evidently giving my suggestion some consideration.

"Really? I know we still need to be careful, but I think it could be very valuable to expand our range of…" my voice trailed off. What exactly was I trying to say?

"Sensory overload?" he suggested.

"Oh I always have sensory overload when I'm with you."

"Yes, I experience that, too. That's why I think maybe we should explore our limits a bit. It might be very good for me to discover gradually just how far I can go with you before it becomes too much. The wedding night would not be the best time to discover something like that."

"How do you want to begin? How far can we go?" I couldn't contain my excitement.

"I don't know the answer to either of those questions, but I know we can't go too far too fast," he said in a level tone of voice. Evidently he could contain his excitement. Stupid inhuman fiancé.

"I think once I get started I'm not going to want to stop, Edward," I said, finding honesty was no deterrent to blushing.

"Well, why don't you behave naturally, and when I think it's too much, I'll tell you?"

"That doesn't exactly sound like it's going to be fun for me," I said, unable to conceal my skepticism.

"Perhaps not, but we can't really have it the other way around. I am not the one whose life is in danger by being with you. I have to draw the line when I need to, to protect you. And of course, if at any time you want me to stop, please say so."

Right-- like I was going to tell him to stop. I was having a hard time imagining that now. I knew I had stopped him in the meadow, but I had been overwhelmed by everything that we had just been through then. I was beyond that now and I wanted to feel his arms around me. I needed to be close to him. I didn't think it was going to be possible to get too close to Edward.

"All right, we have a deal. Can we implement this new plan now?"

"What did you have in mind?" He finally sounded like the eager participant I had hoped for earlier.

This was one time when I wished he could read my mind; I still had trouble putting these things into words. I gazed up into his eyes and saw nothing but love. I reached my hand up and placed my palm against his smooth cheek. He leaned down and brought his lips to hover over mine.

"You are a temptress, you know that, don't you?"

"And you are a tease," I replied, the anticipation of him closing the gap between us making the butterflies in my stomach flutter wildly.

When his lips touched mine I felt a spark that went from my head to my toes. I reached around and wound my fingers in his silky hair, tugging him closer. His lips moved against mine hungrily. I inhaled his sweet scent and pressed my curves against his hard chest. His hand ran up my back and he held me even closer as our kiss deepened. I felt his icy tongue slide across my bottom lip and I shivered and gasped.

My heart was pounding and when I began to get dizzy he released me and pulled back enough for me to see the golden light in his eyes before he buried his head in my dark hair. We lay in each other's arms like that for a long time, both warm and happy. What a delicious kiss to inaugurate our new found partnership.

Finally he whispered, "Hungry yet?"

I had to admit I was beginning to get hungry. With his acceptance of the new plan to explore the limits of our physical relationship, I looked forward to how we would spend our evening after dinner.

I nodded in assent and was rewarded with another dazzling smile followed by another impressive kiss.

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AN: My grateful thanks to not done baking for her fantastic beta skills. Use the link on my Profile page to see pictures of Manka's Lodge, cabin, and surroundings.