Me: another chapter! already!
sasuke: ... WOAH that was fast! how did you manage to get all this time on the computer?
Me: sprained ankle. GO FANFICTION CHAPPIE GO!
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(Sasuke POV)
"Okay," I said, "This is our gate."
Touka giggled. "I'm so excited..." she said, beating one of her fists up and down.
"Why?" Naruto teased. "Is Haku going to be there?"
"Noooo..." Touka said. "But someone who used to work with Sasuke's brother is." she grinned at me. "But I still know mooooore than heeeeeeeeee doooooes..."
I froze. "What?"
Touka giggled. "Wait 'till after these exams. I'll tell you everything I know about your brother's crimes. But, you have to wait until all this Chuunin crap is over. I might know more by then, anyway. Okay?"
I glared at Touka. "What do you want so much that you're dangling that in my face?"
Touka sighed. "I just don't want you to be so rage-blinded that you don't train well. You're going to need every once of that strength of yours in the upcoming matches. You see, Sasuke, I have your best interests in mind."
I smirked. "Am I really going to fight people that strong?"
"Yes," Touka promised, "I'll bet my life on it. Oh, gee..." she sighed. "I've pissed off two of the strongest characters in this arc. I hope they don't kill me..."
"Me too," Naruto laughed. "You still over me ramen."
A bell sounded and the gate opened. We ran into the forest.
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(Kuro-chan POV)
"Well, Shino?" Kiba grinned wolfishly. "Have you found them yet?"
Shino nodded, pointing at a branch. "I'll have my kikaichu go talk to them," he said. "And then we can set up our trap."
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(Suigetsu POV)
"HEY, YOU!" one of the victims of my team's ambush yelled, holding the wound in his side. "GIVE THAT BACK!"
"Sorry," I yelled back, "But we need this! Go steal your own!"
"That was fast," Sakana, one of my teammates, chuckled. She took the kunai she was holding and used it to fasten her dark blue hair in a bun on the side of her head. "Think Mizukage-sama would be proud of us?"
My other teammate, Nami, licked the blood off a thin katana before sheathing it. "No, because we left them alive," he chuckled. "Mizukage-sama, is, after, Zabuza-san the master of the silent killing technique."
"Oh." Sakana looked down.
I rolled my eyes. "Nami-kun, you know that Zabuza-san never taught any of us the silent killing technique, so that's a silly reason to think he wouldn't be proud of us."
Nami was surprised. "Even you? They say you're his successor."
"Only as far as similar attitudes towards killing and pure battle ferocity," I said, grinning. "I'm probably going to be the next 'Demon' of the Mist, but Haku is Zabuza's successor who'll inherit the decapitating sword."
"Didn't you train under Mizukage-sama at one point, though?" Sakana asked. "I thought he was your jounin sensei before he left and you joined our team."
"Yeah, but even then," I explained, "I have too much of a grip on my emotions to be one of the Seven Shinobi Swordsman."
"Ah," Nami noted. "That makes sense."
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(Sasuke POV)
"I have to go to the bathroom," Naruto said loudly. We were seated in a clearing having lunch.
"I'll turn around," Touka laughed. "If you leave, I know for a fact when you come back it won't be you but an impostor."
"Hmmm..." Naruto said. "But Sasuke better not look either."
I felt a small blush rise to my face. I'm not that perverted! Besides, I've seen him in the bathroom. That wouldn't be anything new.
"If we do get separated, though, we should have a password. In case someone incapacitates you and then uses jutsu to henge into you," I realized aloud.
"Good idea," Touka laughed. "But I won't remember it if it's too long..."
"Neither will I," Naruto noted.
I smirked. "I'm sure if Touka comes up with some obscure song lyrics, she'll be able to remember it."
"That's how I remember a lot of things," Touka admitted. I could practically hear an embarrassed smile in her voice. "Like some parts of the Shinobi Code. I fitted it to a tune so I could remember the words. I wasn't able to do that to all of them though, because--"
"We know, we know, because it's too long," Naruto sighed.
"Okay..." Touka thought for a minute. "Oh! As a question... What 'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?"
"Oh, English!" Naruto said. "Cool!"
Touka nodded. "Since English is my first language and I sometimes mishear Japanese song lyrics. Now, as for an answer..."
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(Touka POV)
"Now, as for an answer..."
I had to think about this. Since I knew Orochimaru was listening and would probably have to repeat the song lyrics himself, I had to think of something that it would be extremely funny to hear him say.
'Sakura has an idea,' Inner Sakura drawled. 'How about that? She is helping is with the plan.'
"... Touka we don't have all day," Sasuke said impatiently.
I nodded. "Right, right... oh! Hmm.. how about this? He's my best friend, best of all best friend do you have a best friend too? He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy! Hey, you should get a best friend too! Does that work?"
Sasuke smirked. "Yes."
"Hey!" Naruto said. "I can't remember that!"
I giggled. "Don't worry, Naru-chan. You'll remember what you have to."
Sasuke nodded at me-- he knew what I meant. Naruto would forget it. But the guy listening, underground a few yards away would hear it.
Meaning Orochimaru. But I was the only one who knew THAT.
But no! I won't spoil this manga for the characters. No spoilers! ... FOR NOW. There are definitely some things I need to say about Itachi later. But not now. Because Sasuke's head is gonna get screwed with as it is.
We walked on, somehow not running into anyone (although I'm pretty sure I saw Suigetsu and his teammates run past me at some point). I got kinda bored, but I repressed the urge to sing ('Milkshakes' was stuck in my head since I'd mentioned it earlier).
Then, Naruto stopped us.
"I gotta go take a dump again," he said sheepishly.
I rolled my eyes. "Did you drink that spoiled milk again?"
"No," Naruto said.
"Have you been eating vegetables?" I asked tiredly. "Because you know, if you don't, then it messes with your digestive tract."
"I knew that!" Naruto said unconvincingly.
Sasuke smirked. "Sure, you did. Come on, go take that dump. We'll stay here."
"Go take it a little farther away this time," I said. "If I accidentally saw someone pooping, I'd be pretty grossed out-- no offense! We''l wait here."
"Right..." Naruto walked blindly into the forest.
Sasuke turned to me. "... Is he going to be okay?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah," I laughed. "He's not gonna be injured or murdered or raped. But I'm sending a bunshin after him anyway, actually. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" a shadow clone appeared next to me-- it was in Sakura's form since I was in her body, so I henge'd it to look like me.
I gave the bunshin a (stolen) rice ball (Naruto's), along with a large, empty burlap sack.
"Go give Naru-chan back his lunch," I said.
The bunsin nodded. "And I'll bring back some other food too!"
I smirked. "You do that."
My clone saluted my and dashed off after Naruto.
"Don't worry," I informed Sasuke. "She won't look. She just wants the meat off of something he's gonna kill."
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(Naruto POV)
"Ah!" I said. "Much better! Now I better get back to the others before they worry. Or leave without me..."
I zipped my (awesome ORANGE) pants back up and started back in the direction of where I'd come from, when the ground beneath my feet rumbled. It shook considerably, then rose, dirt coming off of it.
I was standing on a giant snake!
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(Sasuke POV)
"Hey guys!" Naruto's called. There was a rustling in the bushes.
"I'm back!" Naruto walked into the clearing. Or did he?
"Password, Naruto," Touka said, starting to laugh. "What 'cha-- ahahaha. What-- HAHAHA! Okay, okay." Touka took a deep breath. "I got it. I'm okay. What 'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? You remember what the answer is, right?"
"Of course I do dattebayou!" Naruto grinned. "He's my best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend too? He tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy, yummy! Hey, you should get a best friend too!" his English was choppier than usual-- because it wasn't Naruto's English. No way Naruto could ever remember that song.
"Hoo, ha! Hoo ha!" Touka laughed. "Hello baby, can I see your smile? ... 'Kay, stopping now. I missed that song! Haven't thought about in, like, ever!"
"Because you can't go home?" 'Naruto' said innocently.
"Well, we all know whose fault that is!" Touka laughed.
"Really?" I asked. "Whose?"
Seriously, whose fault is it that I have to deal with this annoying bitch?
"Yeah, Touka-chan," 'Naruto' said, grinning. "Whose?"
"Well..." Touka said, "Considering the fact that there's no way in hell that Naruto could remember that long-ass password unless I taught him the whole damn song... I guess the person at fault for my presence in this would be... you!"
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(Naruto POV)
The snake swallowed me.
Which was pretty scary.
... Then... I was just... sitting in the snake's stomache. Which was extremely boring.
My stomache grumbled. I reached for the lunch I'd packed... but when I reached into my pocket and pulled out a napkin-wrapped package, it opened to reveal not a rice ball, but some bubble wrap and and note from Touka. It said:
Hey Naru-chan!
If you want your lunch back, you'd better get out of this snake before it eats you.
Love, Touka 3
I growled. She wanted me to get out of here? Then I'd get out of here, dammit! I worked hard on that rice ball! ... Have you any idea how hard it is to get Sasuke to make me food?
Scowling, I said, "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"
Several tens of shadow clones surrounded me. So many, in fact, that the snake burst from having all of us inside of it.
I landed on a pile of these bunshin, which 'poofed' out from under me. I lay panting on the floor, surrounded by snake guts.
"Hey, Naru-chan!" Something hit the ground next to my head. It was a napkin-wrapped package-- my rice ball!
"Touka-chan?" I sat up.
Touka walked into view. She had a huge, empty sack. "Hey, Naru-chan! Gimme a sec..."
She walked up to the dead snake and took out a kunai. She started hacking away at the dead reptile, humming something under her breath. It sounded suspiciously like the song that was the answer to the password-- which I couldn't remember the words to. How was I going to convince them it was me.
Touka hacked off several large pieces of snake corpse and put them in her sack.
"Touka-chan..." I said slowly. "What are you doing?"
"Where I come from," she noted, "I heard there's a country where snake meat is a delicacy. I figured I'd try it, since you were gonna kill this thing anyway. Fried snake of dinner!" she cheered.
"... That was why you stole my rice ball?" I asked.
"Well, I figured getting you out of that snake faster might be a god idea," Touka giggled. "I can't let you die since you're a protagonist character-- if you die now, the story gets REALLY screwed up."
"I'm the protagonist?" I gasped.
Touka smirked. "Well, the manga is named after you..."
"Really?" I grinned. "No way!"
"Yes, now don't tell Sasuke."
"Awww, why not?" I whined.
"Because he'll get jealous."
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(Orochimaru POV)
"Well..." Touka said, "Considering the fact that there's no way in hell that Naruto could remember that long-ass password unless I taught him the whole damn song... I guess the person at fault for my presence in this would be... you!"
Suddenly, I recognized her. She was one of the girls whose bodies I switched around when experimenting for my body transfer jutsu! I remembered her. She was the one who told the pink-haired girl she was an anime character!
Now that I think of it... when I was talking to Anko, she said something about it to.
Did this girl have some sort of precognitive ability?
"Take off the henge, we know you're not Naruto," Sasuke-kun said tiredly. "In fact, we made the password ridiculously long for that reason."
"Plus I wanted to make you sing that song," Touka added,"But maybe I should've made you sing something by Michael Jackson instead... ne, Orochimaru?"
"Who?" Sasuke asked.
"Just a musician," Touka giggled. "Whose story can be likened unto Orochimaru. I won't tell you because I hate explaining things. Hey, Orochimaru-san?" she turned to me, smirking.
"What?" I hissed. This girl had annoyed me before, so in my eyes she was an annoying person.
Touka smirked. "Why are you just standing there? You can't get what you want if you spend all your time staring at it!" she taunted.
I growled. She knew I was stronger than her, so why was she toying with me? "You little... SEN'EIJASHU!" I sent snakes out of my sleeves at her.
Touka dodged to the side and stroked one of them. "So pretty..." she sighed, smiling.
I bit my thumb angrily. If she wanted pretty, then pretty she would get.
"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" I said, summoning one of my larger snakes (this one in particular was called Dokubtsu).
Sasuke's (lovely, sharingan) eyes widened in fear.
Touka's eyes widened as well, but not in the fright that I had expected.
"GIANT SNAKE!" the orange-haired annoyance gasped.
She was smiling.
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(Naruto POV)
"Are you really going to eat that snake?" I asked, twitching.
Touka looked at the hunk of snake carcass she was holding in her bare hands.
"No," she decided. "I'll go to India when I get home and eat snakes there. They know how to prepare it properly, which is something I've never learned to do. Besides, it might make something angry."
"Something?" I whimpered. "There are more snakes like that in here?"
"It's called the 'Forest of Death,'" Touka cheered, "So, probably!" she pumped her fist in the air. "I'm going back now. Coming with?"
I nodded. "We've been gone awhile... someone might have attacked Sasuke and... you. Because you're just a shadow clone."
"Technically, yes. C'mon! Ikimashou! Let's go!" the bunshin grabbed my hand and started dragging me back as fast as she could. "I could be in danger! We're being attacked by a creepy grass-nin!"
"WHAT?" I yanked my hand out of Touka-bunshin's so hard that she 'poofed' into nothing and ran to where I knew the others were.
There was another giant snake, and it was about to attack Sasuke.
'Oh, great. More snakes.'
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(Sasuke POV)
While Touka was... staring in awe at the large, legless reptile, it decided to leer its head and strike in my general direction.
It was too fast! It would have gotten me, too, if it weren't for that meddling dobe.
That wonderful, meddling dobe.
"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto said, standing on the tree trunk and holding the snake back with his bare hands while facing me. "Miss me? The hero of the story always shows up a little late, you know."
I smirked. "At least you didn't make that horrible popping noise. ... Hey, Touka!"
"Yes?" Touka said, snapping out of her snake-induced, worshipful trance. Apparently, she's never seen a summons before... well, this is Touka we're talking about. She loves animals-- how else would she be able to tame that beast cat Tora?
"If you're scared," I said, "Now would be an excellent time to scream." I was, of course, referring to the jutsu she used on the demon brothers back on the Wave mission-- the one that knocked us all out.
"I might hurt the snake!" Touka said, hurt in her eyes.
"Oh, don't worry," the snake said in a low, hissing voice. "My eardrums are pretty thick. They won't shatter."
"Why would screaming hurt my summons?" Orochimaru sneered. "A little noise can't do anything to me or him!"
"I'm a girl," the snake sniffed.
"Well?" I said. "What are you waiting for?"
"... I might hurt Orochimaru, too," Touka said slowly, a grin breaking out on her face. "And if he's too injured, his little invasion plan will fall right through. Won't it?"
"Invasion?" Naruto and I whispered at the same time (wow, we've only been together a month and we're already finishing each other's sentences.)
Orochimaru frowned rather angrily at Touka. "How do you know about that?"
"I'm psychic!" Touka lied. "I know the future!" (well, that part was true.)
"I know all about your little schemes with Sound and Sand, too. If you kill me, the Hokage will open that little letter that says every lat detail on them! Too bad you pulled me out of my home and my body like that. I couldn't ruin your plans if I never met these people, and my real body is pretty weak. It's also most likely grown since then, so I'd feel off-balance," Touka said, seemingly thinking aloud.
Seemingly. Obviously, she had ulterior motives.
"Too bad you can't reverse this all or anything..." Touka sighed. "Too bad for you anyway. Sakura's pretty stupid and harmless, even compared to me in her body."
"Actually, I can if you like," Orochimaru sneered.
"Oh, please don't," Touka said politely. "I have someone I intend to meet in a month or so. I owe him something."
"No, really," Orochimaru said mockingly. "I insist!" He started forming hand signs very quickly, before slamming his hands into the tree.
"JIGEN HENSEN NO JUTSU!" Orochimaru yelled. Blue light started coming off the side of the tree.
He reached his hand through the light and pulled out a girl with long pink, hair by the arm. She was chewing something.
"Sakura!" Touka gasped, apparently shocked-- but I'm pretty I saw Sakura wink at her before pretending to be very, very afraid. Thankfully, Sakura seemed to not notice my presence.
Orochimaru stretched his hand out at Touka. His arm grew to be able to touch her, and he put his hand on her forehead. He put his other hand on Sakura's forehead (she was still chewing whatever-it-was, by the way).
Both girls shivered, not completely sure of what Orochimaru would do next. He smirked, an then started manipulating his chakra.
It was so weird, what he did next. I was the only one who could see it, because of my sharingan, but since I couldn't talk to anyone about it, it was somehow even weirder. He gathered his chakra at the base of his shoulders, then sent it through his arms, through his hands, and into the girl heads. Both girls winced, but then their expressions went totally blank.
Then, Orochimaru's chakra pulled a... glowing something out of each girl's head. His chakra pushed the glowing things through his arms, through his shoulders, through his arms again, through his hands and back into the girl's heads.
Touka, who had been in Sakura's body, but henge'd into herself since I'd known who she was, smirked.
Sakura, who I'd guessed had been living similarly since she looked like herself and not Touka, also smirked.
Touka, who was in Sakura's body raised her hands and made a hand sign.
'Poof!' She removed the constant henge, so now she looked like Sakura. Then, she looked down at herself.
"Well, well." She looked up at Sakura. "I'm surprised you didn't cut my hair."
"Well, you wanted it long in the original, so I figured if I cut it you'd be pissed" Sakura said sheepishly. "You're welcome to cut it now if you want. Since you're back in your body now."
Wait. What was going on? From this conversation, one would almost assume that...
"Really?" Touka said. "You should see what I did to your hair..."
Touka had done absolutely nothing to Sakura's hair! This conversation made no sense! Unless...
Sakura laughed. "But, if you did something weird to my body, I think I'll use the form I'm used to for now until I can reach a mirror. HENGE!"
Another poof of smoke. Sakura had henge'd into Touka! But she'd said that she was using a form she was used to... so did that mean?
"Hey Sasuke!" Sakura said. "You don't have to deal with the confusion anymore! I'm back to the way where things make sense!"
I blinked. "Sakura, I'm in love with Naruto."
"Oh, I know that," Sakura (who was henge'd into Touka, while Touka was henge'd into her) laughed, "BUT... I'm not Sakura! I'm Touka! Orochimaru switched our bodies back, just now! I'm afraid to see what Sakura did to me, though, so I'm staying in my eleven-year-old form until I can see what I look like as a twelve-year-old if front of a mirror. Since this form--" the girl gestured at herself. "-- Is what I looked like as an eleven-year old, before I came here! ... Dies that make any sense?"
"Not really," I said, "But... you're Touka?"
"Yes! And that's Sakura! You can tell, because she's not under and henge and she looks like Sakura! I'm under a henge too, but I look like me!"
"I don't get it," Naruto said confusedly, still holding back that snake form attacking me. "What's going on?"
I pointed at the girl that looked like Sakura. "That's Sakura. Remember her?"
"Yeah, but..." Naruto blinked. "Isn't that Touka? In Sakura's body?"
"I just got put back in my original body," Sakura (... I think) said slowly. "Touka just got put back in hers. Does that make sense to you?"
"Ohhhh..." Naruto said. "So Touka's back in her old body now. But she learned to fight in your body! How will she help us now?"
Orochimaru chuckled gaily. "Exactly! These girls have different chakra natures! So they can't use any jutsu that they've learned in the past year."
"Not technically, just the elemental ones," Touka (who was really Touka, in Touka's body, remember) said, spitting out what her body had been chewing.
It was a was of pink gum.
"KATSU!" Touka yelled, blowing up a good portion of the arm Orochimaru still had on her forehead.
"That's it," Orochimaru growled, "I'm putting you back where you came from!"
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(Orochimaru POV)
I laughed evilly, though my right arm was useless and also in serious pain. "HA! YOU, little girl, are going back to where you can't hurt-- ow!"
Something hit my face, followed by several other Somethings I used the hand on my uninjured arm to protect my face form the onslaught.
One of the Somethings bounced off of me and landed near Touka (who was now in her original body, but somehow that hadn't prevented her from destroying several muscles and ligaments). She picked it up, and giggled.
"Rubber bands, Sakura? Who's shooting them?"
The rubber band stopped, and two people ran out of the portal, jumped off the branch and landed next to Touka. They both had blonde hair and glasses, and similar faces. I assumed they were sisters or something.
"Banshou?" Touka gasped, looking at the taller of the two, who had several rubber bands on her wrists and one on her finger, stretched out and pointed at me in a warning.
Touka turned to the girl on her other side. "Kei-chan!" She gushed, wrapping her arms around both of them in a hug.
"Sakura," Touka drawled, "You really shouldn't put my friends in danger like this. You two go home, okay? This place is dangerous."
"We're not going home until you are, sempai!" Kei, the shorter girl, announced. "And Sakura-sensei said that your plan was to save some more people first!"
"That's right," Touka laughed, "But..." she sighed. "Oh, well. I hope you both brought earplugs?"
The taller girl, Banshou, held up a plastic bag full of earplugs. She stuck some in her ears, some in Kei's ears, and some in Touka's ears, then threw the bag to the other girl. Haruno something.
Haruno stuck earplugs in her ears, then threw the bag at Sasuke, who stuck earplugs in both his and Naruto's ears.
Then, all six children turned and grinned at me.
"Can anyone hear me?" Touka said loudly. No response came to her.
She turned to me and started making hand signs. She took a deep breath, as if she was about to use a Katon jutsu, but no fire came out.
Instead, she emitting a noise that seemed to shake the entire forest. I'm pretty sure that dogs in the Inuzuka compound seven miles away form here were whimpering. The sound filled my head, made my entire body shake. I was sure my bone would shatter. Those who were wearing earplugs held their ears and winced.
This was the loudest shriek witness by all mankind. Slowly, I forced myself to move. I elongated my neck and was about to bite Sasuke on the the shoulder to give him the curse mark, but my neck became riddled with shuriken that the pink-haired girl threw.
The scream got even louder.I couldn't hold myself up. The force of the sound was unbearable, so my body involuntarily avoided it the only way it knew how.
I fainted and fell of my tree branch, plummeting towards the ground.
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(Touka POV)
I gasped for air. I'd been screaming for about three-quarters of a minute, so as you can imagine there was pretty much NO oxygen left in my body.
Everybody pulled out their earplugs.
"I wonder if that scream alerted people of our position?" Sasuke said sarcastically. "Let's get out of here."
I nodded, but continued my frantic breathing until my body was sufficiently oxidized. Then, I still took deep breaths, but they were calmer and not so noisy.
Naruto had collapsed from the force of holding back that snake (which had poofed away) and from my vocal stylings, so Sasuke sling him over his shoulder.
'Awww...' Inner Sakura pouted. 'I wanted him to carry naruto bridal style.'
'Yeah,' I thought, 'Me too. WAIT! How am I hearing you? Aren't you in Sakura's body now?'
'She is,' Sakura's voice echoed in my head. 'But apparently, she's still able to talk to both of us. And we're still able to talk to each other.'
'Thank goodness we were able to in the first place,' I thought. 'Or we'd never have been able to make this plan in the first place. Switch us back and still have us both in this dimension. Genius, Sakura!'
'I still say the whole taunting-Orochimaru thing is pretty stupid,' Inner Sakura noted, 'Please, let's not do that ever. Again.'
'We don't have to,' Sakura chuckled mentally, 'Since Sasuke-kun saw that jutsu with his sharingan. We'll just ask him about it later, then figure it out ourselves!'
"HEY! YOU TWO!" Sasuke yelled. "Get over here! I can't pass to the next part of the exams if I don't have Touka with me!"
"Coming!" I laughed. "Well, Sakura? What are you going to do?"
"I don't know," she said. "I think I have to pass the gennin exams before I do anything here."
"Kaaay," I giggled, "Let's go follow Sasuke now."
"Just like Shippuuden," Sakura growled.
I laughed. "Yeah, except hopefully we'll be able to avoid that situation. Come on!"
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Me: FINALLY! Touka's back in her old body!
Sakura: and I'm in mine! oh, happy day!
Sasuke: yeah, you... stay away from me
Sakura: don't worry, I've changed! as will be clear in the next chapter...
Me: yuppers! stay tuned, reader-peoples! since I'm on summer vacation and my ankle is sprained, it'll be quicker than you think! ...probably!
Sasuke: Shashuko owns nothing. Naruto belongs to me. We're all Kishimoto's bitches. questions?