Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho
Cologne hobbled into Shampoo's room, and tsked, "Don't worry about working the rest of the evening, or tomorrow for that matter. Just get some rest."
Shampoo attempted to nod to her Great Grand-mother, and failed miserably. The only thing she could reply with was a weak whine of the dying.
"I'll... also have the carpenters come and repair the floor under where your bed matting is." With that, the elderly Amazon left the room.
A nude Shampoo lay lodged in the deep indenture in her floor where Ranma and Akane had worked her over thoroughly. At the moment movement was an impossible feat for her.
"Help," the lavender-haired Amazon squeaked out miserably.
______________________________________
"PANDA-CHAN!!!!"
The panda in question stood up and was ready to confront his wayward child in the most strict fashion. It wasn't often that Genma was forced to be assertive, but when he was, those were times even Happosai kept his distance. As it was such, Soun decided that it may be best to take a quiet nap in his nicely boarded up and completely sealed room.
"[You and I are gonna have words, boy!]" The sign said. The panda grimaced, when he noticed his mistake, and flipped it over, "[Er...girl!]"
The redhead was not impressed with her father's posturing, and rushed him, pinning the large animal up against the wall with both fists hoisting it up by the lap of skin over it's chest, "Yes, Pops, we are." She said with a steel finality in her voice.
Akane ran in, still buttoning her blouse, "I'm Sorry, Mr. Saotome! I didn't mean to! It just slipped out!!!!" The fight suddenly left the panda at the implications.
"What's all the noise... Akane-chan? Where's Mr. Saotome?" The matronly woman asked anxiously.
"Right here," the redhead growled, dumping a kettle over the animal's head, and his.
"We have a lot to catch up on... mom," Ranma stated with a smile that lacked any mirth; instead holding the promise of a very *dead* panda in the future.
Genma fainted.
Nodoka fainted.
Kasumi said 'Oh my."
Akane said, "Damn, I'm missing a button."
Nabiki looked between everyone involved.
Soun whispered last rights for his dear friend up in his room.
______________________________________
Ranma stood over his mother with the Tendous watching from the walls of the room and Genma still laying unconcious (from the added 'sedation' Ranma threw in for strictly therepeutic reasons) until the Matronal woman regained conciousness. Soun and Akane fought against their nervousness; Soun for the fate of the young man and his dream of uniting the schools, Akane for losing the one person she now felt she could depend upon most in the world. Not just to death, but to his anymosity for helping his father with the deception of keeping the pigtailed man away from his mother that he hadn't seen in over ten years.
"Ra-Ranma?" Nodoka mumbled as she came to.
Ranma grabbed her hand in both of his, a wistful smile alighting his face as he fought down tears. His mother, he finally gets to meet his Mother after so long, "Yes, yes mom, I'm here."
Nodoka slowly sat up, her face holding awe, joy, nervous anticipation, and overwhelming hope, all rolled into one, "Is, it's really you? My dear child has come back to me?"
Ranma's throat was so choked, he didn't think he could truly speak. He could only trust himself to nod, which allowed a tear to run down his cheek.
"My Son!" Nodoka latched herself to the pigtailed boy as if he were a life preserver in a sea of loneliness, "My Son has finally come home to me!"
Both the woman and young man continued to kneel on the ground, firmly in the embrace that only Mother and her child could share. Smiles were donned on everyone in the room. Nabiki's face held a wistful smile in rememberance of earlier times; brought on by the sheer display of love between the two in the middle of the room. Akane's teary smile for seeing Ranma happier than she had ever seen him before, perhaps keeping Ranma 'safe' wasn't at all nessesary. Soun had no tears with his smile, his expression was one that stated that everything would be fine from now on. Kasumi's usual smile had a bit more to it, and as different as it was from her father's it still relayed the same message. Even the uncouncious Genma held a slight smile, though it may have been dream induced, nonetheless it didn't serve to spoil the moment.
"Yes, Mom, I'm home, and I ain't leav'n you again," Ranma said in a whisper. 'Mom', it felt good saying that, "I missed you."
"I missed you too," Nodoka sobbed back.
Ranma pulled back from the embrace, and blinked. His mother stood up, and looked at Ranma in satisfaction, as he was suddenly wearing white robes, and kneeling with a tanto in front of him.
Akane blinked, perhaps it was more nessesary than she had secondly thought.
"What the..." Ranma shouted, as he turned to look at his father, who was still unconcious, but in kneeling position in white robes with another tanto in front of him.
"EEI! EEI!" Nodoka yelled from behind Ranma; the pigtailed boy went cold with the sound of tempered and finely edged steel slicing through the air as his mother tested her swing.
::THOCK!::
` And a good thing for his cease of motion, too.
"Whoops, let that get away from me there," Nodoka said sheepishly, as she recovered the Saotome Honor Sword that was sticking straight up in the floor just a few inches from Ranma. The pigtailed boy stared at it, wide eyed, before something clicked.
"HEY! NOW WAIT JUST A..."
"Stay still dear," Nodoka commanded gently before the pigtailed boy came to standing, "It's not proper Seppuku ettiquite to move about."
"SEPPUKU!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?" Ranma screeched, as his mother set out paper, a calligraphy brush, and an ink tray for each him and his unconcious father.
"Now, now, quiet so that you can concentrate on writing your death poem... hmm, I hope this blade doesn't need to be sharpened."
"Poem? POPS!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!?!?"
Ranma's mother gave a slightly depressed sigh, "Don't put all the blame on your father, dear. I shouldn't have let him make that pledge in the first place." Nodoka sighed again, "I guess we just weren't the best of parents."
"WHAT PLEDGE?" Ranma squawked, at the edge of hysteria, while the Tendous all stood around with expressions of morbid fascination.
"Why, the pledge for your father to raise you to be a man among men, or that you and him would commit seppuku upon failure."
"AND YOU'RE GONNA HONOR THIS IDIOT'S WORD?!?!?"
"Please Ranma," Nodoka requested of her son with a sad and hurtful voice, "I do not want to do this..."
"Then don't?" Akane supplied helpfully.
"But the Saotome name is a proud one," Nodoka continued without pause, "and honor above all else is something we pride ourselves upon. I just got my only child back, I don't want to lose him again, but it must be this way." Nodoka wiped a tear from her eye. She then plucked one of her hairs, and split it lengthwise down the blade, "Cool! I won't have to waste time sharpening it."
"Uh, doe it strike anyone that this woman seems a few notes short of a score?" Nabiki enquired with a wary glance towards the scene. Nobody had found it productive to argue against the point.
"Er, heh, heh, mom, can I have a moment?" Ranma asked with a strained voice.
"Sure Ranma dear, take as much time as you like," Nodoka stated cheerfully, as she tied a white headband around her brow.
"POP! POP, WAKE THE HELL UP!!!" Ranma shouted, slapping the hell out of his father.
"Oh, Ranma, I just had the worst dream that you and IIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
"Geez, Mr. Saotome screams like a girl," Nabiki gruffed out, wiggling her pinky in her ear.
"I see you noticed the new threads, DIDN'T you, Pop?" Ranma growled.
"N-n-now Nodoka, let's not be hasty. I mean you haven't seen the boy's abilities, yet..."
"Like the one where he turns into a girl?" Nabiki asked casually."
"SHUT UP!!!" Soun, Akane, and Genma shouted towards the Middle Tendou Daughter.
"Geez, I thought it was pretty neat, myself," Nabiki replied with a mock hurt tone.
"Actually, my son changing to a girl isn't so bad," Nodoka commented.
"Huh? Then, you consider him manly?" Akane asked hopefully, "Then why are you making them commit Seppuku?"
"*Sigh*, the bra," Nodoka stated wistfully.
"But *you* made him get those bras!" Akane argued, maybe she could save her lover yet.
"Oh, I understand that, and I don't hold him responsible," Nodoka stated factually back.
"Then you have no reason to make him kill himself!" Soun was proud of his youngest daughter, Akane may just well keep the boy alive yet. Genma swore that he would worship Akane after this moment, if he survived, that is.
"I could forgive my son's unusual ability to turn into a girl, I could forgive him wearing bras because I forced him to in my ignorance," Nodoka replied, and then took a deep breath, turned to her son, and gave him a dissapproving look, "But he was enjoying that vibrating bra well too much to be manly."
"Uh..." was all Ranma could manage to get out.
"Ranma-sama, you idiot..." Akane sighed.
"But.. but your son is very manly!" Soun piped in, 'Very manly indeed! Why, in fact, he's courted all three of my daughters much to their delights!" Akane nodded her head fiercely, Kasumi smiled pleasantly, and even Nabiki had to begrudgingly admit that 'he' was good in the sack.
"He's even has 'his' pick of the girls in the neighborhood!" Genma added desperately, while ignoring the fact that 'he' wasn't esactly the one making all the moves.
"And the guys too," Nabiki added, helpfully.
"SHUT UP!!!" Everyone exept for Nodoka shouted this time.
"Fine, see what happens whenever you need my opinion again," Nabiki replied sullenly.
"I don't know..." Nodoka mused, "I mean the bra..."
"WOULD YOU GET OFF THE DAMN BRA?!?" Akane shouted in agitation.
"Well, that was unladylike," the matronly woman commented at the girl's vulgar outburst.
"Oh, Akane, such language," Kasumi chided.
Ranma followed his father's tactic, finding it possibly his saving grace, "Yeah, I mean, I'm probably the studliest man on earth!" Ranma proclaimed, "Ain't that right, Akane?"
"Uh, I guess," the girl in question replied sheepishly.
"HEY!!!!"
"Come now Ranma, we're running out of sunset," Nodoka urged, "We don't want to have to wait to do this tomorrow, now, do we?"
"But Mom! I am manly! I can prove I'm the damned manliest man you've ever seen!" Ranma shouted, pounding his chest in emphesis.
::Buzzzzzzzz::
"ACK!" Nabiki fell backwards, clutching her crotch.
"Uhhhh, heh heh," Ranma weakly chuckled, descreetly turning the bra off, "I guess that's why I felt so restricted..."
::SPLASH::
"You're not getting out of this, either, Genma," Nodoka chided.
"[Genma? Where? That bastard owes me money!]" The panda in white robes playing with a beachball signed. Ever seen a panda sweat before? Kasumi shook her head, as she doused the panda with hot water.
"NIHAO!" Shampooo shouted from her bike, which was firmly planted on the fallen Soun Tendou's head, "Shampoo bring Ranma and Akane too too delicious lunch!"
"Ah!" Nodoka cried out, accidentally hurling her blade away as she was startled.
"YOU CAN STILL MOVE?" Akane asked her wife incredulously, "I guess we weren't as thorough as we thought..."
"Shampoo still have limp, but is okay," the lavender haired girl chirped, "Aiyah... so you is Ranma's mother?"
"Why, yes I am," Nodoka stated, beaming with pride, while she went to retrieve her sword, which was sticking in the wall and vibrating only a few millimeters from Genma's nose.
"How did you find out? Shampoo?" Akane asked curiously.
**FLASHBACK**
"MMMMMM!"
"Yeah, I bet your mother couldn't do that to you? Huh Ranma-sama?"
"OOOooooh! OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!"
"AAAAIIIIYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! TAKE SHAMPOO WITH YOU!!!!"
**END FLASHBACK**
"You were a girl when you were with both of them?" Nodoka asked with a half lidded glare, which then lightened up a bit, "At least you have two lovely girls for your, um, fiancees."
"Oh yes, Ranma-airen too, too much womens for both me an Akane!" Shampoo bubbly stated.
"Okay, you can shut up now," Akane growled at her wife.
"Hmm? Something wrong with Ranma?" Shampoo enquired.
"Nope, nothing's wrong at all," Ranma replied, with a grim expression as he set to writing his poem, "What rhyhmes with 'wild'?"
"Don't worry about it rhyhming, dear, as long as it's expressionate," the matronly woman replied lovingly. Ranma nodded, and continued with what was to be his final piece of literature.
"Is something gonna happen soon?" Nabiki asked exasperately, which was rather lost under her attempt to control her panting.
"NO! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM!!!" Akane shouted, thinking desperately for another solution.
"Well, I'm afraid it's a matter of Saotome honor," Nodoka replied.
"But what about *MY* honor? Akane shouted with tears.
"Oh? What's this then?" Nodoka turned to the girl.
"I... I..." Akane gulped, "I'm pregnant with his child."
Soun's eyes grew wide, just before he crumpled to the floor again.
"You mean I'm going to be an auntie?" Kasumi enquired hopefully.
"Sao-to-me..." Nabiki growled, while glowing fiercly with battle aura. Her hands itched for a nice, long, castrating-friendly bowie knife.
"Oooh! Too, too happy congradulations! Airen!" Shampoo chirped, but thought to herself, "better you than me."
"Grandchildren?" Nodoka whispered to herself in awe, "I'm going to have grandchildren?"
"Ah, yup, got a bun in the oven on the way, heh, heh..." Akane replied nervously, but thought to herself, "Oh... shit..."
"Well then, it appears that yours and Soun's dreams of uniting the houses has finally seen fruitation," Nodoka stated happily to her husband, who was beaming himself with joy, "Now you can both die content."
"WHAT?!?" Came the unified shout, minus a confused Shampoo and a seething Nabiki.
"I'm sorry, but that bra thing really gets to me," Nodoka answered sheepishly, "Ranma?"
"Way ahead of you, Mom," the pigtailed boy doused his tanto in purifying water.
"Such an obedient son..."
"What Ranma do with knife?" Shampoo asked warily, starting to catch on slightly.
"Remind me Mom, am I supposed to go right to left, or left to right?"
"Left to right, and don't forget to twist the blade up to make an 'L' shape to finish it."
"Thanks Mom, you're the greatest!" Ranma braced the knife at his stomach, and began to steel himself.
"Don't be in such a hurry, boy!"
"But Ranma, you don't want to keep your mother waiting, now do you?" a new voice added.
"IIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Shampoo screamed, and cowered behind Akane in total fear.
"Shampoo! I shall make you love a man again!" Mousse proclaimed, grasping onto Soun.
"Uh, young man, I'm afraid I don't like you like that," the Tendou Patriarch stated nervously.
"Um, so you only like girls?" Nodoka asked Shampoo with a peculiar lilt in her voice."
"Uh, Shampoo not know? But Great Grandmother say, uh, Shampoo soon become 'switch hitter'? What that mean?"
"Guys? I'm kinda in the middle of something," Ranma stated with an agitated tone, while holding the knife to his belly still.
"Be patient son! We'll get to that in a little bit!" Nodoka chided, "Oooh, this is better then the noontime stories!"
"Ranma! It is unmanly to whine!" Mousse shouted, further inciting the situation, "Have you no honor left?"
"Hey! Like you're one to talk!" Ranma retorted hotly, "I'm the one boinking your girl!"
"Shampoo never Mousse girl!" The Amazon girl corrected innocently.
Mousse burned with ritious anger, "How... dare... you."
"Oh yeah, we get pretty daring too! Didja know that Shampoo can lick the tip of her nose?"
"RANMA! THAT'S PRIVATE!" Both Akane and Shampoo shouted in unison.
"You mean my son stole your girlfriend?" Nodoka replied with a hard glare.
"Yes! And he did it with no shame, too!" Mousse replied hotly, while internally grinning to sealing his rival's fate.
"HOW MANLY!" Nodoka proclaimed with stars in her eyes. Everyone executed a perfectly choreographed facefault, "And he's bragging about it, too! He reminds me of that Dirk character from my noontime stories!"
"Is Ranma Mother for real?" Shampoo asked Akane sideways.
"But... but... but..." Mousse stammered, finding the situation wildly backfiring.
"Now, now, I understand your jealously of my manly son," Nodoka consoled, "But he was following his manly instincts."
"But..." Mousse continued to stammer, before developing a sinister smile, "Shampoo, how manly am I?"
"Mousse no very manly at all," the girl cowering behind her Amazon law wife retorted.
"Mrs. Saotome, as you can see, Shampoo doesn't consider me very manly at all."
"We are all quite aware of that," Nodoka replied with a half lidded gaze.
"Of course, so you... were you referring to my unmanliness, or Shampoo's consideration of it?" Mousse asked with an indignant glare, before waving any replies off, "Forget it, I don't wanna know. Anyhow, if I'm not much of a man, that doesn't say much for Ranma at all!" Mousse leveled his finger at the glaring boy, "FOR I'M TEN TIMES THE MAN HE IS!"
"Better check your math, blind boy!" Ranma retorted.
"Feh, I don't think you can argue with THIS!" Mousse dropped his pants.
Soun blinked, and then walked out of the room with a neutral expression on his face.
Shampoo passed out, barely before Akane could catch her wife from hitting the ground.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING, BOY!!!!" Genma shouted, while suddenly feeling very insecure.
"Oh my, I think Dr. Tofu's off work, now," Kasumi beat a hasty retreat.
Nabiki stood, her mind boggling at the sight before her, and finding it more than a little intimidating.
Nodoka stared expressionlessly.
"You see? Ranma could NEVER compare to me!" Mousse began to chuckle menacingly.
"Mousse..." Ranma called, using a saccharine sweet voice in his male form, "Did you just flash my Mom?"
"Huh?" Mousse replied, turning fully to face a brilliantly glowing pigtailed boy.
"I thought so," Ranma popped his knuckles, and pounced.
"Oh! How manly for my son to defend his mother's honor!" Nodoka exclaimed with stars in her eyes, and then winced, "Brutal, but manly..."
"Boinked?" Akane, Nabiki, and Shampoo asked curiously, in unison.
Any arguments against Ranma's manhood were quelled.
Cologne hobbled into Shampoo's room, and tsked, "Don't worry about working the rest of the evening, or tomorrow for that matter. Just get some rest."
Shampoo attempted to nod to her Great Grand-mother, and failed miserably. The only thing she could reply with was a weak whine of the dying.
"I'll... also have the carpenters come and repair the floor under where your bed matting is." With that, the elderly Amazon left the room.
A nude Shampoo lay lodged in the deep indenture in her floor where Ranma and Akane had worked her over thoroughly. At the moment movement was an impossible feat for her.
"Help," the lavender-haired Amazon squeaked out miserably.
______________________________________
"PANDA-CHAN!!!!"
The panda in question stood up and was ready to confront his wayward child in the most strict fashion. It wasn't often that Genma was forced to be assertive, but when he was, those were times even Happosai kept his distance. As it was such, Soun decided that it may be best to take a quiet nap in his nicely boarded up and completely sealed room.
"[You and I are gonna have words, boy!]" The sign said. The panda grimaced, when he noticed his mistake, and flipped it over, "[Er...girl!]"
The redhead was not impressed with her father's posturing, and rushed him, pinning the large animal up against the wall with both fists hoisting it up by the lap of skin over it's chest, "Yes, Pops, we are." She said with a steel finality in her voice.
Akane ran in, still buttoning her blouse, "I'm Sorry, Mr. Saotome! I didn't mean to! It just slipped out!!!!" The fight suddenly left the panda at the implications.
"What's all the noise... Akane-chan? Where's Mr. Saotome?" The matronly woman asked anxiously.
"Right here," the redhead growled, dumping a kettle over the animal's head, and his.
"We have a lot to catch up on... mom," Ranma stated with a smile that lacked any mirth; instead holding the promise of a very *dead* panda in the future.
Genma fainted.
Nodoka fainted.
Kasumi said 'Oh my."
Akane said, "Damn, I'm missing a button."
Nabiki looked between everyone involved.
Soun whispered last rights for his dear friend up in his room.
______________________________________
Ranma stood over his mother with the Tendous watching from the walls of the room and Genma still laying unconcious (from the added 'sedation' Ranma threw in for strictly therepeutic reasons) until the Matronal woman regained conciousness. Soun and Akane fought against their nervousness; Soun for the fate of the young man and his dream of uniting the schools, Akane for losing the one person she now felt she could depend upon most in the world. Not just to death, but to his anymosity for helping his father with the deception of keeping the pigtailed man away from his mother that he hadn't seen in over ten years.
"Ra-Ranma?" Nodoka mumbled as she came to.
Ranma grabbed her hand in both of his, a wistful smile alighting his face as he fought down tears. His mother, he finally gets to meet his Mother after so long, "Yes, yes mom, I'm here."
Nodoka slowly sat up, her face holding awe, joy, nervous anticipation, and overwhelming hope, all rolled into one, "Is, it's really you? My dear child has come back to me?"
Ranma's throat was so choked, he didn't think he could truly speak. He could only trust himself to nod, which allowed a tear to run down his cheek.
"My Son!" Nodoka latched herself to the pigtailed boy as if he were a life preserver in a sea of loneliness, "My Son has finally come home to me!"
Both the woman and young man continued to kneel on the ground, firmly in the embrace that only Mother and her child could share. Smiles were donned on everyone in the room. Nabiki's face held a wistful smile in rememberance of earlier times; brought on by the sheer display of love between the two in the middle of the room. Akane's teary smile for seeing Ranma happier than she had ever seen him before, perhaps keeping Ranma 'safe' wasn't at all nessesary. Soun had no tears with his smile, his expression was one that stated that everything would be fine from now on. Kasumi's usual smile had a bit more to it, and as different as it was from her father's it still relayed the same message. Even the uncouncious Genma held a slight smile, though it may have been dream induced, nonetheless it didn't serve to spoil the moment.
"Yes, Mom, I'm home, and I ain't leav'n you again," Ranma said in a whisper. 'Mom', it felt good saying that, "I missed you."
"I missed you too," Nodoka sobbed back.
Ranma pulled back from the embrace, and blinked. His mother stood up, and looked at Ranma in satisfaction, as he was suddenly wearing white robes, and kneeling with a tanto in front of him.
Akane blinked, perhaps it was more nessesary than she had secondly thought.
"What the..." Ranma shouted, as he turned to look at his father, who was still unconcious, but in kneeling position in white robes with another tanto in front of him.
"EEI! EEI!" Nodoka yelled from behind Ranma; the pigtailed boy went cold with the sound of tempered and finely edged steel slicing through the air as his mother tested her swing.
::THOCK!::
` And a good thing for his cease of motion, too.
"Whoops, let that get away from me there," Nodoka said sheepishly, as she recovered the Saotome Honor Sword that was sticking straight up in the floor just a few inches from Ranma. The pigtailed boy stared at it, wide eyed, before something clicked.
"HEY! NOW WAIT JUST A..."
"Stay still dear," Nodoka commanded gently before the pigtailed boy came to standing, "It's not proper Seppuku ettiquite to move about."
"SEPPUKU!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?" Ranma screeched, as his mother set out paper, a calligraphy brush, and an ink tray for each him and his unconcious father.
"Now, now, quiet so that you can concentrate on writing your death poem... hmm, I hope this blade doesn't need to be sharpened."
"Poem? POPS!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!?!?"
Ranma's mother gave a slightly depressed sigh, "Don't put all the blame on your father, dear. I shouldn't have let him make that pledge in the first place." Nodoka sighed again, "I guess we just weren't the best of parents."
"WHAT PLEDGE?" Ranma squawked, at the edge of hysteria, while the Tendous all stood around with expressions of morbid fascination.
"Why, the pledge for your father to raise you to be a man among men, or that you and him would commit seppuku upon failure."
"AND YOU'RE GONNA HONOR THIS IDIOT'S WORD?!?!?"
"Please Ranma," Nodoka requested of her son with a sad and hurtful voice, "I do not want to do this..."
"Then don't?" Akane supplied helpfully.
"But the Saotome name is a proud one," Nodoka continued without pause, "and honor above all else is something we pride ourselves upon. I just got my only child back, I don't want to lose him again, but it must be this way." Nodoka wiped a tear from her eye. She then plucked one of her hairs, and split it lengthwise down the blade, "Cool! I won't have to waste time sharpening it."
"Uh, doe it strike anyone that this woman seems a few notes short of a score?" Nabiki enquired with a wary glance towards the scene. Nobody had found it productive to argue against the point.
"Er, heh, heh, mom, can I have a moment?" Ranma asked with a strained voice.
"Sure Ranma dear, take as much time as you like," Nodoka stated cheerfully, as she tied a white headband around her brow.
"POP! POP, WAKE THE HELL UP!!!" Ranma shouted, slapping the hell out of his father.
"Oh, Ranma, I just had the worst dream that you and IIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
"Geez, Mr. Saotome screams like a girl," Nabiki gruffed out, wiggling her pinky in her ear.
"I see you noticed the new threads, DIDN'T you, Pop?" Ranma growled.
"N-n-now Nodoka, let's not be hasty. I mean you haven't seen the boy's abilities, yet..."
"Like the one where he turns into a girl?" Nabiki asked casually."
"SHUT UP!!!" Soun, Akane, and Genma shouted towards the Middle Tendou Daughter.
"Geez, I thought it was pretty neat, myself," Nabiki replied with a mock hurt tone.
"Actually, my son changing to a girl isn't so bad," Nodoka commented.
"Huh? Then, you consider him manly?" Akane asked hopefully, "Then why are you making them commit Seppuku?"
"*Sigh*, the bra," Nodoka stated wistfully.
"But *you* made him get those bras!" Akane argued, maybe she could save her lover yet.
"Oh, I understand that, and I don't hold him responsible," Nodoka stated factually back.
"Then you have no reason to make him kill himself!" Soun was proud of his youngest daughter, Akane may just well keep the boy alive yet. Genma swore that he would worship Akane after this moment, if he survived, that is.
"I could forgive my son's unusual ability to turn into a girl, I could forgive him wearing bras because I forced him to in my ignorance," Nodoka replied, and then took a deep breath, turned to her son, and gave him a dissapproving look, "But he was enjoying that vibrating bra well too much to be manly."
"Uh..." was all Ranma could manage to get out.
"Ranma-sama, you idiot..." Akane sighed.
"But.. but your son is very manly!" Soun piped in, 'Very manly indeed! Why, in fact, he's courted all three of my daughters much to their delights!" Akane nodded her head fiercely, Kasumi smiled pleasantly, and even Nabiki had to begrudgingly admit that 'he' was good in the sack.
"He's even has 'his' pick of the girls in the neighborhood!" Genma added desperately, while ignoring the fact that 'he' wasn't esactly the one making all the moves.
"And the guys too," Nabiki added, helpfully.
"SHUT UP!!!" Everyone exept for Nodoka shouted this time.
"Fine, see what happens whenever you need my opinion again," Nabiki replied sullenly.
"I don't know..." Nodoka mused, "I mean the bra..."
"WOULD YOU GET OFF THE DAMN BRA?!?" Akane shouted in agitation.
"Well, that was unladylike," the matronly woman commented at the girl's vulgar outburst.
"Oh, Akane, such language," Kasumi chided.
Ranma followed his father's tactic, finding it possibly his saving grace, "Yeah, I mean, I'm probably the studliest man on earth!" Ranma proclaimed, "Ain't that right, Akane?"
"Uh, I guess," the girl in question replied sheepishly.
"HEY!!!!"
"Come now Ranma, we're running out of sunset," Nodoka urged, "We don't want to have to wait to do this tomorrow, now, do we?"
"But Mom! I am manly! I can prove I'm the damned manliest man you've ever seen!" Ranma shouted, pounding his chest in emphesis.
::Buzzzzzzzz::
"ACK!" Nabiki fell backwards, clutching her crotch.
"Uhhhh, heh heh," Ranma weakly chuckled, descreetly turning the bra off, "I guess that's why I felt so restricted..."
::SPLASH::
"You're not getting out of this, either, Genma," Nodoka chided.
"[Genma? Where? That bastard owes me money!]" The panda in white robes playing with a beachball signed. Ever seen a panda sweat before? Kasumi shook her head, as she doused the panda with hot water.
"NIHAO!" Shampooo shouted from her bike, which was firmly planted on the fallen Soun Tendou's head, "Shampoo bring Ranma and Akane too too delicious lunch!"
"Ah!" Nodoka cried out, accidentally hurling her blade away as she was startled.
"YOU CAN STILL MOVE?" Akane asked her wife incredulously, "I guess we weren't as thorough as we thought..."
"Shampoo still have limp, but is okay," the lavender haired girl chirped, "Aiyah... so you is Ranma's mother?"
"Why, yes I am," Nodoka stated, beaming with pride, while she went to retrieve her sword, which was sticking in the wall and vibrating only a few millimeters from Genma's nose.
"How did you find out? Shampoo?" Akane asked curiously.
**FLASHBACK**
"MMMMMM!"
"Yeah, I bet your mother couldn't do that to you? Huh Ranma-sama?"
"OOOooooh! OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!"
"AAAAIIIIYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! TAKE SHAMPOO WITH YOU!!!!"
**END FLASHBACK**
"You were a girl when you were with both of them?" Nodoka asked with a half lidded glare, which then lightened up a bit, "At least you have two lovely girls for your, um, fiancees."
"Oh yes, Ranma-airen too, too much womens for both me an Akane!" Shampoo bubbly stated.
"Okay, you can shut up now," Akane growled at her wife.
"Hmm? Something wrong with Ranma?" Shampoo enquired.
"Nope, nothing's wrong at all," Ranma replied, with a grim expression as he set to writing his poem, "What rhyhmes with 'wild'?"
"Don't worry about it rhyhming, dear, as long as it's expressionate," the matronly woman replied lovingly. Ranma nodded, and continued with what was to be his final piece of literature.
"Is something gonna happen soon?" Nabiki asked exasperately, which was rather lost under her attempt to control her panting.
"NO! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM!!!" Akane shouted, thinking desperately for another solution.
"Well, I'm afraid it's a matter of Saotome honor," Nodoka replied.
"But what about *MY* honor? Akane shouted with tears.
"Oh? What's this then?" Nodoka turned to the girl.
"I... I..." Akane gulped, "I'm pregnant with his child."
Soun's eyes grew wide, just before he crumpled to the floor again.
"You mean I'm going to be an auntie?" Kasumi enquired hopefully.
"Sao-to-me..." Nabiki growled, while glowing fiercly with battle aura. Her hands itched for a nice, long, castrating-friendly bowie knife.
"Oooh! Too, too happy congradulations! Airen!" Shampoo chirped, but thought to herself, "better you than me."
"Grandchildren?" Nodoka whispered to herself in awe, "I'm going to have grandchildren?"
"Ah, yup, got a bun in the oven on the way, heh, heh..." Akane replied nervously, but thought to herself, "Oh... shit..."
"Well then, it appears that yours and Soun's dreams of uniting the houses has finally seen fruitation," Nodoka stated happily to her husband, who was beaming himself with joy, "Now you can both die content."
"WHAT?!?" Came the unified shout, minus a confused Shampoo and a seething Nabiki.
"I'm sorry, but that bra thing really gets to me," Nodoka answered sheepishly, "Ranma?"
"Way ahead of you, Mom," the pigtailed boy doused his tanto in purifying water.
"Such an obedient son..."
"What Ranma do with knife?" Shampoo asked warily, starting to catch on slightly.
"Remind me Mom, am I supposed to go right to left, or left to right?"
"Left to right, and don't forget to twist the blade up to make an 'L' shape to finish it."
"Thanks Mom, you're the greatest!" Ranma braced the knife at his stomach, and began to steel himself.
"Don't be in such a hurry, boy!"
"But Ranma, you don't want to keep your mother waiting, now do you?" a new voice added.
"IIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Shampoo screamed, and cowered behind Akane in total fear.
"Shampoo! I shall make you love a man again!" Mousse proclaimed, grasping onto Soun.
"Uh, young man, I'm afraid I don't like you like that," the Tendou Patriarch stated nervously.
"Um, so you only like girls?" Nodoka asked Shampoo with a peculiar lilt in her voice."
"Uh, Shampoo not know? But Great Grandmother say, uh, Shampoo soon become 'switch hitter'? What that mean?"
"Guys? I'm kinda in the middle of something," Ranma stated with an agitated tone, while holding the knife to his belly still.
"Be patient son! We'll get to that in a little bit!" Nodoka chided, "Oooh, this is better then the noontime stories!"
"Ranma! It is unmanly to whine!" Mousse shouted, further inciting the situation, "Have you no honor left?"
"Hey! Like you're one to talk!" Ranma retorted hotly, "I'm the one boinking your girl!"
"Shampoo never Mousse girl!" The Amazon girl corrected innocently.
Mousse burned with ritious anger, "How... dare... you."
"Oh yeah, we get pretty daring too! Didja know that Shampoo can lick the tip of her nose?"
"RANMA! THAT'S PRIVATE!" Both Akane and Shampoo shouted in unison.
"You mean my son stole your girlfriend?" Nodoka replied with a hard glare.
"Yes! And he did it with no shame, too!" Mousse replied hotly, while internally grinning to sealing his rival's fate.
"HOW MANLY!" Nodoka proclaimed with stars in her eyes. Everyone executed a perfectly choreographed facefault, "And he's bragging about it, too! He reminds me of that Dirk character from my noontime stories!"
"Is Ranma Mother for real?" Shampoo asked Akane sideways.
"But... but... but..." Mousse stammered, finding the situation wildly backfiring.
"Now, now, I understand your jealously of my manly son," Nodoka consoled, "But he was following his manly instincts."
"But..." Mousse continued to stammer, before developing a sinister smile, "Shampoo, how manly am I?"
"Mousse no very manly at all," the girl cowering behind her Amazon law wife retorted.
"Mrs. Saotome, as you can see, Shampoo doesn't consider me very manly at all."
"We are all quite aware of that," Nodoka replied with a half lidded gaze.
"Of course, so you... were you referring to my unmanliness, or Shampoo's consideration of it?" Mousse asked with an indignant glare, before waving any replies off, "Forget it, I don't wanna know. Anyhow, if I'm not much of a man, that doesn't say much for Ranma at all!" Mousse leveled his finger at the glaring boy, "FOR I'M TEN TIMES THE MAN HE IS!"
"Better check your math, blind boy!" Ranma retorted.
"Feh, I don't think you can argue with THIS!" Mousse dropped his pants.
Soun blinked, and then walked out of the room with a neutral expression on his face.
Shampoo passed out, barely before Akane could catch her wife from hitting the ground.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING, BOY!!!!" Genma shouted, while suddenly feeling very insecure.
"Oh my, I think Dr. Tofu's off work, now," Kasumi beat a hasty retreat.
Nabiki stood, her mind boggling at the sight before her, and finding it more than a little intimidating.
Nodoka stared expressionlessly.
"You see? Ranma could NEVER compare to me!" Mousse began to chuckle menacingly.
"Mousse..." Ranma called, using a saccharine sweet voice in his male form, "Did you just flash my Mom?"
"Huh?" Mousse replied, turning fully to face a brilliantly glowing pigtailed boy.
"I thought so," Ranma popped his knuckles, and pounced.
"Oh! How manly for my son to defend his mother's honor!" Nodoka exclaimed with stars in her eyes, and then winced, "Brutal, but manly..."
"Boinked?" Akane, Nabiki, and Shampoo asked curiously, in unison.
Any arguments against Ranma's manhood were quelled.