AN: Thanks to you, my loyal readers, Blue Moon Over Manka's won The Danger Magnet Award, representing the Best Bella Characterization at the Denali Coven website. Thanks for all your votes and support.

Now gather those thoughts as you read this chapter and please leave a review and let me know how you think the story is progressing.

Chapter 17: All I Have To Do Is Dream

Late Friday night

"I guess the ancient Chinese know what they're talking about, but it sure can get tough at times," I said thoughtfully, going over some of my own memories. "Can we go to bed now?"

"Of course," Edward said as he got up from the sofa and led me back to the bedroom. He waited for me to get in and then he smoothed the covers around me and slipped in next to me.

He still looked concerned, but then said more hopefully, "We're going to be married soon. I know that doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to me, but I can't help being somewhat old fashioned. To me it means we will be together forever."

He slipped his arm around my shoulder and I snuggled next to him. "I'm happy to be with you forever without a piece of paper, but I have to admit, my wedding dress is so beautiful, and it will make you happy, so I'm beginning to feel better about it," I confessed.

"Marriage is for better or worse; that's what a lot of people don't understand, but I take those vows very seriously," he said, looking at me with love shining in his warm golden eyes. "Hopefully the good times will outweigh the bad, and I promise I will do everything I can to make sure there are only good times in your future," he tried to reassure me, softly kissing my right temple.

"You have to be careful about that Edward," I warned. "Trying to protect me in the past is what caused so much trouble. Before you do something in my best interest perhaps it would be a good idea to discuss it with me first. I might see another way of doing things. We have to be able to communicate."

"Yes, Bella, I'm sure you would have other ideas," he chuckled, picking up my hand and lightly brushing his lips against the back of it. "Have you forgotten how your trying to protect me has also caused problems?"

I knew what he meant, and decided to remain silent, rather than catalog my misdeeds, committed in the name of trying to help him or attempting to save someone while they were trying to save me. Then I remembered when my trying to help paid off big time.

"I can think of one time when it solved a problem. Italy," I said softly.

"I was never happier to see someone in my whole life," he admitted. "Of course, I thought we were both dead, but still, I would have taken it, with you there."

"We both were almost dead; me with worry about getting there in time to find you before the Volturi did, and you – " I stopped, unable to go on.

"I know, I know, don't get upset now. That's all over, and it was my fault, totally. I jumped to the wrong conclusions, which I will never do again. I've thought about that, and I realize that if I hadn't been away from you for so long," he paused and I shuddered, remembering that awful separation. He held me even closer and stroked my hair gently.

"I was so desperate to see you, get back to you, and when I thought I had waited too long and it was too late; nothing mattered after that," his voice broke on the last word, and he pressed his lips against my forehead.

"I know. When Alice told me that you had gone to Italy, and we knew what you were trying to do, we couldn't get there fast enough. Every minute was torture." I didn't add that just about every minute of the six months previous to the mad dash to Italy had also been torture for both of us, but I was thinking it.

"I couldn't believe you wanted anything to do with me, after the way I left you. At first I just thought you were there because of Alice," he confessed.

"Edward! Are you kidding?" I asked, shocked.

"No, I'm not. After the way I treated you I thought you would hate me. Or at least never want to see me again. I thought you had moved on, even though I wanted to come back and beg you to give me another chance," he explained.

"So when I threw myself at you in the square, you just thought I was being nice for Alice's sake?" I couldn't wrap my brain around that.

"You had every right to hate me. You would have been totally justified."

"I could never hate you, don't you know that?"

"Well, it was a little hard to tell at the time. The way you clung to me gave me a shred of hope that you might forgive me, but then I thought maybe the Volturi were so frightening you would have clung to anyone," he said bitterly.

"Edward! And I thought you had meant what you said when you left; I thought you didn't want me. I wanted to cling to you forever, and I was afraid you would leave again, as soon as we got back to Forks."

"I thought what I had done was unforgivable. You are an angel to take me back. Before I met you, I didn't have a life, I didn't have a heart, I didn't have a soul. You have shown me that it is possible to have those things," he said, his voice low and earnest.

"You do have them, Edward."

"Only because of you. You have given me those things, and much more. I will be eternally grateful to you. You are truly everything to me, Bella."

I was overcome with feelings of love for this man.

"I only want to be with you, Edward. If I could spend every minute of every day 'til the end of time with you, it still wouldn't be enough."

His beloved crooked smile made an appearance then, and I heard his velvet voice say, "I know exactly what you mean, but I am afraid you will get tired of me, because I don't ever intend to let you alone again."

"I could never get tired of you, you silly man."

I looked up into his sparkling eyes as he leaned down to gently kiss my lips. I responded carefully, slowly returning his kiss. My mind suddenly flashed to his low, angry growl and the stab of fear I had felt not that long ago. I desperately wanted to banish that memory and replace it with something much more pleasant.

I moved my hand up to his neck and then his face. Our kiss gradually deepened and I felt his hand go to the small of my back, pressing me closer to him. His other hand was on my wrist and I felt him slide it up toward my shoulder, leaving a trail of sparks in his wake where his skin touched mine. I felt my skin getting warmer.

Edward moved his lips away from mine for a moment, allowing me to catch my breath, and he kissed his way down my neck to my collarbone. Then he pressed his lips against my throat and buried his nose in the area where my neck met my shoulder.

His hand moved from the top of my shoulder down my side to my waist. His hand slipped under my pajama top and I felt his fingers slide up to the middle of my back. He began to massage small circles with his thumb across my back. Everywhere he touched me my skin felt like it was on fire.

I leaned into him and started planting kisses all over his neck and down to his chest. My hands were moving across the planes of his chest, feeling the powerful muscles under his smooth, cool skin.

He lifted his head and whispered, "You are beyond my wildest dreams, Bella. I love you so much."

I gazed into his golden eyes. They were gentle but intense. My lips found his again and I kissed him as passionately as I could. I felt myself getting lost in that kiss. I couldn't get close enough to him. I moved myself against him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he leaned into me, pressing me back onto the bed. He was letting the weight of his body bear down on mine, and it felt incredibly good. I melted beneath him as he continued kissing me. My pulse was racing and I felt warmer and warmer.

I felt all the passion I had for him about to burst out of my body. His lips were on mine again and then moved to my cheeks, my ear, my neck, and back to my lips again. I ran my tongue across his mouth and took his lower lip between my teeth, and that's when I found myself in bed alone. The sudden removal of his body from on top of mine left me aching for him.

Edward had simply vanished. I quickly sat up and saw him standing at the foot of the bed with his back to me. My eyes greedily took in his perfect form. His shoulders were so beautifully sculpted I longed to run my hands over all of him.

A long sigh escaped my lips. I lay there, waiting for him to say something, to do something.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I need a moment." He turned to look at me. His face was like a mask. It showed no sign of an inner struggle.

I decided to be cheerful and positive. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." If he needed more time, fine. I could wait. Evidently he had found a point where he needed to get control. This was a good thing to know. I would need to be a bit more careful, but I was determined to have my way, sooner or later. Preferably sooner.

He slowly made his way back to where I lay. If anything, his expression was slightly sad. I was confident I could change that, if he would only give me a chance. He lay down on top of the covers, with his back resting against the wooden headboard. He crossed his arms over his chest. He did not touch me.

I had been laying flat on my back, but I turned on my side, facing him, and propped myself up on my elbow. I reached out my other arm and placed my hand on his. He didn't move, and he didn't look at me. He was staring at the fireplace in the living room.

"Edward, is something wrong?"

He glanced up from under his lashes with troubled eyes. "No, Bella. Are you ready to go to sleep?"

"No, I think you know I'm not ready to go to sleep."

"You need your rest."

"I'm not tired."

His voice sounded worn. "Bella, do you think I am made of steel? This is painful. I have desires too; I can't even begin to tell you what touching you does to me. I want to take you in my arms and never let you go. It is killing me that I am unable to fulfill all of your needs."

Okay, I could work with this. He just said he wants me, too. Now if I could only get him to loosen up. "We talked about this, Edward. We have to try things, and you're doing really well. I mean, when you let yourself—"

"Bella, you are my dearest love, my only love. I have waited so long for you. I will not do anything that will hurt you." His tone made it clear that was final.

It was so hard to be annoyed with him when he said things like that. I felt we had made so much progress and we didn't have that much further to go. This was our chance, but he wasn't going to cooperate. I felt myself getting angry in spite of everything. Tears were going to start flowing any moment now. I let the sting of rejection finally push me beyond reason.

"At least do me the courtesy of knowing when you are insulting me," I snapped.

Edward flinched as if I had slapped him. "Bella, in no way do I mean to…"

I exhaled deeply and interrupted him. "If you are not even going to touch me please go somewhere else." I didn't know I could say so many words while my jaw was so tightly clenched. This discovery did nothing to lighten my mood. I sank back down into my pillow and looked up at the wood beam cabin ceiling. My frustration was reaching its limit and I blinked to hold back the tears.

He immediately stood up next to the bed. "Is there a specific level of hell to which you would like to assign me?"

Normally I would have appreciated his wit, but now it just made me angrier. "Anywhere but here," I spat.

He looked at me for a long moment, then turned and walked into the living room. He stopped in front of the fireplace.

I put another pillow behind my head and sat up a bit. I watched as Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He stood like that for a while, lost in some sort of silent meditation. His thoughts were no more available to me than mine were to him. Then he opened his eyes and began to pace back and forth quickly. Even when he was agitated his movements were fluid and graceful.

I knew that pacing seemed to help him think. I hoped he was reconsidering his position regarding our physical relationship. I was so tired of him bringing me to the edge and then withdrawing. I truly did not think I could take much more of this. He had agreed to push our boundaries this weekend in preparation for the wedding night, but now he seemed reluctant. I hoped he wasn't going to propose returning to our old boundaries. I would have to explode, no doubt about it.

Edward continued pacing and disappeared from my view. When he didn't return, I figured he had opened the French doors and stepped outside. He probably needed some fresh air. I was not concerned. My mind was full to bursting with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Logically, I knew I shouldn't look at this as a rejection, but that's what it felt like. I knew he was just trying to protect me, but I was so tired of hearing that I could scream.

How had we even reached this point? His self-control knew no bounds and mine was pitifully lacking, that's how. I guessed that could sum up our relationship in a nutshell. Despite what he said about not being made of steel, he was Superman and I was the pathetically weak mortal, full of human wants and desires.

I hopped out of the incredibly warm and comfortable bed and made my way to the bathroom. I softly shut the door and turned on the light. I needed to splash some water on my face to calm down. I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink and was surprised to see my lips red and swollen. I knew we had been actively engaged in some very enjoyable kissing, but I had no idea my lips would look like this. But Edward knew what they looked like. Maybe that's why he stopped. He was protecting me, even if I didn't like it. And I had lashed out at him. I started to feel a twinge of guilt.

What did he see in me in the first place? I was so demanding. He had tried to take me on a relaxing vacation and I was torturing him. What was the matter with me? Was there a way I could make this into a bigger fiasco? That was the only one of my abilities I had any confidence in.

I was a total failure. I was so wrong for him. He knew it, too, no matter what he said. His whole family knew I was nothing but trouble. They knew I would never be good enough for him. I thought about what happened when he took me to meet them. I remembered Esme's frown when she confirmed she knew I was what Edward wanted, even though she must have had doubts. She must have known we would have problems trying to make our physical relationship work.

He had said this was painful. He was right about that; it was painful. Because I was torturing him… I was the monster. He was trying so hard to make me happy and it was never enough for me. He was doing everything he could and what was I doing? I was making him feel like he wasn't good enough for me. Like he couldn't ever make me happy. What was wrong with me?

The problem was just being so close to him and not being able to express all of my feelings. I couldn't help it if he was so irresistible. Where was he anyway? I didn't mean for him to take me literally. I didn't really want him to go away, I just needed a little distance to regroup.

I couldn't hear any noise coming from the other room. I decided to investigate. I slipped out of the bathroom as quietly as I could and carefully made my way into the living room. The French doors were closed and he wasn't anywhere to be seen. He must be out there, though. I hadn't heard him go out the front door.

I walked over and opened the French doors. Edward had been standing at the railing, looking out into the depths of the forest but when he heard the doors open he gracefully turned and briskly came toward me.

"It is too cold for you out here, please stay inside." His voice was low and bleak as he came in and closed the doors behind him.

I felt a little stab of pain for making him feel like that. "I… I got cold without you. Can we sit in front of the fireplace?" I got cold without him? What was I saying? I didn't care how stupid I sounded. I was sorry for my outburst now, and just wanted to make it up to him. I reached out to him and he hesitantly took my hand and guided me to the sofa.

He waited for me to sit down and then he sat next to me, still holding my hand. The fire was snapping and crackling and the warmth enveloped me. I was starting to feel cautiously optimistic. I turned to look at Edward. His golden eyes were darker and reflected a deep sadness. I felt such a rush of guilt I almost gasped. My words came tumbling out all at once.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. Can you please forgive me? My only excuse is that I don't have your willpower and being alone with you like this is too much of a temptation for me."

"I should be apologizing to you, Bella. Carlisle warned me that this trip might not be such a good idea but I would not listen to him. I was so desperate to be alone with you like this, I did not think it through."

That was all I needed to hear. I launched myself at him and threw my arms around his neck. I felt his cold, strong arms wrap around me and I buried my head against his shoulder. I took a deep breath, inhaling as much of his unique scent as I could. This felt so much better. This was the only place I ever wanted to be.

I felt him chuckle, the sound resonating from his chest. "Bella, I cannot keep up with your moods. I think we need to work out some sort of early warning system."

I pulled back slightly to look at his face. "I can't keep up with my moods either, so don't feel bad, and please don't regret bringing me here. I wouldn't trade being here with you this weekend for anything."

"Does that mean all is forgiven?" He sounded hopeful.

"Yes, yes, don't be silly. You know I can't stay mad at you anyway."

Edward stroked my hair with his long fingers and pressed his lips against my temple. I stayed where I was, almost afraid to move. I was so happy to be in his arms, to have him back and to feel sure of him again, it was a great relief.

I felt the warmth of the fire on my back and snuggled into his chest. Why wasn't this enough for me? Couldn't I be patient just a little while longer?

He was so willing to admit his mistakes, and so eager to make it up to me, as he was proving by this magical trip. I still worried about something unknown taking him away from me before we could be joined together forever. I was too relaxed now to let myself think about that.

Our conversations tonight had reassured me that he was looking forward to our future together as much as I was, and that he would not repeat the mistakes of the past. Maybe our path would never be easy, but as long as we could walk it together we would be fine.

"Are you finally ready to go to sleep?" Edward asked softly.

"I guess so." I knew the battle was over for tonight, but it was only Friday. I had the whole weekend to wage my campaign and I was not going to give up so easily. I had a taste of what being close to Edward was like and intended to pursue that feeling for all it was worth.

He picked me up and carried me back to bed. I got comfortable and he slid in beside me. As he smoothed the blankets he slipped his arm under my neck and I turned to snuggle into the crook of his arm. He kissed my forehead with his cool lips. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward." I pressed myself closer to him and noticed that it had just started to rain, but the sound of the soft raindrops on the cabin roof was somehow more comforting than disturbing. Snug in this enchanted place, with the sound of the fireplace crackling through the open bedroom doors, and Edward's lullaby humming softly in my ears, I drifted off to sleep, perfectly content.

Edward's point of view

Ah, my sleeping beauty. My Bella. After what had transpired earlier I could not believe I was able to lie here, holding her so close in my arms. Her warm, soft little body next to my stone cold hard one. I needed a cold shower. No, an ice bath. Yes, that might be helpful. Plunging into a bathtub filled with ice, and staying submerged for a few hours. I would be better off there than where I was. She was pushing me closer and closer to the edge and I feared what would happen when I finally lost control. I could not let that happen, no matter how much I longed for her.

I still couldn't believe that one day she wasn't going to wake up and realize what a monster I was, and run screaming away from me. Since last night's bathtub incident, as I realized I was going to refer to it in my mind, and its aftermath, I didn't know how much more of this I could take before my resolve completely crumbled.

She was driving me wild. As I had told her before: I might not be human but I was still a man. My mind kept wandering to her, tiny and totally defenseless in that huge bathtub last night; the scent rising off of her steamy body, I was torn between wanting to protect her virtue and wanting to pluck her from the water there and then.

Her scent, released in the warm bath water had filled the room and assaulted my senses like a tidal wave. Looking into her beautiful brown eyes, it was so easy and so dangerous to read the expression in them. To know that's what she wanted too didn't make it any easier on me.

When she stood up and tried to come to me, the bubbles sliding down over her moist, pink naked skin – agony and ecstasy. The feel of her warm, wet skin against mine -- a thrill shot threw me from head to toe and it took every ounce of self-control I had to wrap that towel around her and take her into the bedroom.

The bedroom, where I thought she would get into pajamas and calm down. But not my Bella. When I found her pajamas and came back into the bedroom and saw her, lying there, totally exposed and waiting for me, it took my breath away. To see such an expanse of her delicate, silky skin in the candlelight was so exquisite I was sure if I still had a heart it would have broken at that excruciating moment.

She was so beautiful I could hardly force my mind to function at all. That, in turn, made it even more difficult for me to control my body. Had she lost her mind? What in hell was she thinking? She was so innocent, so trusting, just lying there waiting for me. Me, the monster who could end her life in an instant. Certainly not intentionally. I would never let myself lose that kind of control where she was concerned.

I was so angry with myself, and frustrated. I knew it would not be safe to touch her and I had let a feral snarl escape my lips before I even realized it. And she had been smart enough to be frightened by the vicious side of me I tried so hard to fight against and hide from her. I hadn't wanted her blood; it was her body that sang to me now, and a sweeter song I had never heard.

I hated myself even more for sending her scampering for refuge into the bathroom. As if she would have truly been safe in there if I had lost control. I could hear her heart beating frantically and smell the adrenaline pumping wildly, enhancing her already enthralling scent. The monster inside me was raging and I had to run outside to gain some measure of control.

Although I desperately wanted to explore every inch of her, I knew it was not safe in her current mortal state. But I could not bear to think about the day her heart stopped beating. And I could not be the cause of that. It was too painful to contemplate.

I had once told her that the thought of seeing her still, white, cold, to never see her blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in her eyes when looked into my very being would be unendurable. I did not want to be the cause of that; but I had promised her I would.

I yearned to touch her, kiss her, hold her close to me, to become one with her, but I couldn't take the chance that applying just a fraction too much pressure would crush her. She was so fragile, like a beautiful butterfly. We had discussed this, but she seemed to have no regard for her own personal safety. She had demonstrated this fact over and over, but I still kept hoping she would learn to be more careful. If anything happened to her, I would cease to exist as well.

I had driven her to ask me to leave her bed. One of my nightmares come true. I never wanted to leave her side, but I was afraid to touch her. She was weakening my resolve moment by moment. I could feel my inhibitions being peeled away and it was a new and terrifying sensation. I knew she was frustrated but so was I. This wasn't so much an experiment we were conducting, as it was a trial by fire.

Why must joy and pain be so bound together for us? Together. A word I never believed I would apply to myself and anyone else. After wandering alone for so long I had given up believing that I would ever find anyone who would be so special to me.

Special didn't begin to describe my Bella. She was unique in so many ways. Her scent, the first thing that caught my attention, the thing that almost caused me to end her life only a few minutes after becoming aware of her. I almost threw away everything Carlisle had worked for because I had never felt an urge as strongly as the one I felt for her.

At night like this, although I was unable to sleep, holding her in my arms and watching her sleep was restful, blissful. Watching her breathe, listening to her peaceful heartbeat, breathing in her delicious aroma, and hearing her murmur my name was the sweetest meditation I've ever known. The hours pass like moments and when she awakens I feel refreshed, as if I'd been the one asleep. This is the power she has over me. And I give in to it freely. She nourishes me, even without supplying a drop of her precious blood.

After putting me through an evening of exquisite torture, and when I thought I could take no more, she had finally fallen asleep. I loved to watch her sleep, and I longed to be able to have access to her dreams, which, thankfully, often seemed to be about me; but then I think most of her nightmares were related to me as well.

Bella began dreaming and called my name. This was not unusual but it never failed to thrill me. Then she snuggled closer to me and whispered "Edward, please." I looked down at her upturned face and couldn't resist stealing a kiss. Even in her dream state her lips responded. Such pleasure… more than I hoped for.

When I pulled back to watch her again she pressed her warm, soft body against mine and whispered 'I love you.' I kissed her gently. Her lips were so luscious, so full. I inhaled her delicious freesia scent and felt myself slipping into another dimension.

The longing I felt for her was almost unbearable. My whole body ached for her. Even when I was with her like this. Especially when I was with her like this. She made me feel so alive.

Then she mumbled, "Don't stop, Edward." She still seemed to be in a dream state and I couldn't resist kissing her again. This time she began to return my kiss passionately. Her lips set mine on fire. It was the most pleasant burning and it matched the need I felt for her. I felt her tremble and quiver, and I was sure she was waking up.

I pulled away and she relaxed against me, exhaling deeply. Then the most angelic smile played on her pink lips. Had she been dreaming the whole time? Her breathing and heartbeat were steady; she was definitely asleep now.

At least I seemed to be able to satisfy her in her dreams. That would have to be enough for now, no matter how much we both wanted more.

Back to Bella's POV

Then it was not raining, but there was a mist hanging in the air. The sky was a great gray blanket. I was in a small clearing, sitting on a large square of brown plaid fabric. The air was still, with no breeze. I could hear unfamiliar birds singing a beautiful song in the trees, and as I looked towards the forest I realized I was alone. Where was Edward? What was I doing here?

Suddenly I felt fear in my heart. I heard a low growl and I looked toward the forest. From under a huge prehistoric-looking fern I saw a pair of golden eyes staring right at me. I was frozen in place, afraid to move and unable to make a sound. I heard a rustling from the forest floor and saw something spring from a crouch and flash through the air toward me. Then I heard a piercing scream.

AN: Okay, Friday is finally over. If you haven't been counting, it took ten chapters. Even I can't believe that. I'm thinking that may be some kind of record in the Twilight fanfic zone. And I want to say I'm thrilled that I got so many Story Alerts this week; thank you all very much. It's also very gratifying to see how many of you are adding this to your Favorite Story lists. That helps me out too, because it's a good way of letting other people find this story.

However, you haven't all been reviewing. You know who you are (and so do I). So hit that Review button on the left and drop me a line or two, please. And thanks again to my beta, not done baking, for doing work above and beyond the call of duty. Go read some of her stuff, she's a very talented writer.