A.N.: Thanks for the wonderful reviews for the last chapter; it's nice to know you liked it. Okay, here's the new drill. Everyone who got to this chapter via a Story Alert NEEDS to leave a review. Just do the Goldilocks/porridge bit: too hot, too cold, or just right… is there too much Edward, not enough Edward, or just the right amount? Do you have a problem with Bella? Tell me about it. Too much talk, not enough action? Let me know, please.

Chapter 20: Come Saturday Morning

As I came out of the bedroom I heard a knock at the front door and then saw Bradley carrying a tray through the living room. He winked at me on his way out, and I went to the table thinking Edward was right yet again; Bradley was an incorrigible flirt. Edward had witnessed this little exchange and didn't seem to be the least bit bothered by it. So I guessed it was okay for gay guys to flirt with me; good to know.

Edward was taking the covered dishes off the tray and pouring a cup of tea for me. "You look lovely, Bella. Do you like the clothes Alice chose for you, because I do…" he beamed down at me.

"Thank you, Edward. Yes, so far she's done a great job. Did you help her pick them out?"

"No, but she knows what I like. I told her to make sure she chose things you would like," he said smoothly, as he held out the chair for me and I sat down, feeling my stomach grumble in anticipation.

He rested his hands on my shoulders lightly, kissed the top of my head and then pressed his lips against my temple before he sat down next to me. My heart skipped a beat. Just the little things he did like that made me feel a tug in my chest; he always tried to make me feel loved, even when I was only sitting down to breakfast. It was no wonder I was so crazy about him.

I surveyed the feast laid out before me: Goat cheese soufflé, a basket of hot biscuits with local honey, yogurt with a bowl of raspberries, blackberries and strawberries and a pot of herbal tea. The box of desserts from dinner last night was also sitting on the table, just in case this spread wasn't enough. I felt a bit like a calf Edward was trying to fatten up before the county fair, but I couldn't blame him. I had dropped a few pounds and I knew he was worried about that. It was foolish, but it was just another way to show me how much he cared.

After a few bites of soufflé I looked up and said, "This makes my usual bowl of cereal seem really pathetic. You certainly know how to treat a girl, Edward."

He smiled his crooked smile and looked very pleased. "Oh, I am an expert at keeping a growing girl plied with food. Besides, I have noticed that you get dangerous when you're hungry," he said with a straight face.

"Very funny," I mumbled, my mouth full of honey-drenched biscuit.

Then I noticed a small bowl of raw almonds by the teapot.

I popped an almond in my mouth and Edward said, "Oh, those are for the chipmunks."

I drew my eyebrows together and shot him a quizzical look.

"Sally, the Lodgekeeper, sent them. She inquired about our plans today and when I told her about our hike she said we should take some almonds for the chipmunks."

I still looked mystified as I reached for another biscuit.

He enlightened me. "She says about 20 years ago a local woman started feeding almonds to the wild chipmunks to keep them from stealing the tomatoes out of her garden." He paused while I continued to look skeptical.

"Hey, I am not making this up; that's what she said. Over the years, all the chipmunks out here on the Point have developed a particular taste for almonds. Sally says even though they are wild, they will come up and eat out of your hand if you hold still. So put the almonds in your pocket and we will be prepared in case we come across a marauding gang of wild chipmunks," he explained.

"Ooh, I feel safe now," I teased, slipping the nuts into my front pocket.

"Of course even if we are surrounded by every chipmunk in Point Reyes we shouldn't be too worried. Sally tells me these are the smallest subspecies of chipmunk in the U.S.; the adults weigh less than two ounces."

"How can a chipmunk that small steal a tomato? Do they have superhuman strength, too?"

"They were cherry tomatoes; perhaps they have the smallest tomatoes in the U. S. here," he said with a smile. He certainly was in a good humor after our talk this morning. So was I, for that matter. He was finally treating me like an adult. Now I just had to act like one. I would work on that later, right now I wanted to tease him.

"Did Sally say anything about trading the almonds for some magic beans, Jack?" I asked innocently, thinking this all sounded like something out of a fairy tale.

That elicited a hearty chuckle. I went back to concentrating on my gourmet breakfast while Edward read a note that had been on the breakfast tray. It was from Margaret, and he smiled as he passed it to me. It said:

To keep your marriage brimming, put love in a loving cup.

Whenever you're wrong admit it, whenever you're right shut up.

--Ogden Nash

"Sounds like good advice to me," I agreed, finishing my fantastic soufflé.

"After our hike I was wondering if you wanted to take a cooking lesson with Margaret and Chef Daniel… they don't usually let guests in their kitchen, but I spoke with them and Margaret said they would be delighted to show you how to make a few dishes."

I put down my fork and searched his face. I felt a frown forming on my brow. What was this cooking lesson really about? He knew I wouldn't need to know how to cook anything once I stopped eating solid food, which was going to happen in just a few weeks. Was this another way to try to discourage me from becoming a real Cullen? I could feel the flush start to spread across my cheeks and I clenched my fists under the table.

"I enjoy cooking, Edward, but I don't really need to learn any new dishes, do I? I mean, it's not like you're going to expect to come home and find a hot, cooked meal on the table, are you?" I said in a challenging tone.

"No, Bella, relax," he said in what I'm sure he meant to be a soothing manner. "I just thought you might like a cooking lesson from some of the top chefs in the country, that's all. If you are not interested, it's fine. We can do something else. It was just an idea, not something set in stone."

He was trying to be gracious, but I could tell I had hurt his feelings by rejecting the cooking lesson. No, the look in his eyes wasn't hurt it was disappointment. I looked down at my hands and flexed my fingers. If I hadn't planned on giving up food altogether in the near future I would have been thrilled to dabble in the kitchen at Manka's Lodge with the fascinating Margaret and handsome Chef Daniel, but as it was, it only made my temper flare that he had suggested such a thing.

"Perhaps this is for the best," he continued lightly. "Chef Daniel was more than a little interested in showing you how to grill quail. I was planning on shadowing you in the kitchen and it might have become a bit uncomfortable… for him," Edward said with a smirk on his gorgeous lips.

I laughed. He could be so silly sometimes.

"Besides, they are busy preparing for that wedding at the Boathouse tomorrow, so I am sure the activity in the kitchen is a bit frantic, anyway. Not the best place for someone like you to be around flashing knives," he stated emphatically.

"I agree with that," I said easily. Maybe he wasn't so disappointed after all. Maybe I had misjudged him. He could be so hard to read. "We don't really have to worry about something like that, though, do we? Wouldn't Alice have warned you if I was going to come into contact with a wayward butcher knife?"

"I don't like to hear you joke about something like that, Bella," he said sharply. Then a look of guilt crept over his beautiful face. What was going on? He began to speak slowly, and he avoided my eyes. "Alice did not warn me about anything like that, but it's a bit complicated."

"What are talking about Edward, just tell me," I said quickly, getting more impatient by the second.

"I wanted this weekend to be just for the two of us, so before we left I had Alice take a look to see if you were going to be in any danger. She assured me there were no problems. Then I made her promise not to check on you anymore; I just wanted us to have some privacy," he said, his eyes meeting mine nervously.

I smiled. I was both touched and encouraged by his confession. It was sweet of him to want to keep some of our activities private, and I hoped that meant he had plans to explore our boundaries a bit more, without any observation by Alice. I also thought it meant that he must be confident in his self control if he wasn't having her do periodic check ups. That alone made me very happy. We had come so far since that first day in Biology when I came close to not making it out alive.

"I do not want you to think I am putting your safety at risk… but I am trying to be more spontaneous. Alice knew about the cooking lesson, but I have other things in mind that she knows nothing about," he said, his voice lower and more intense.

I felt a shiver go up my spine and my smile grew wider. Those of course were the plans I was most interested in. But I didn't want to seem too interested for fear of scaring him off. Plus, he was a terrible tease and if he knew I wanted something badly he would keep delaying it until I felt I would jump out of my skin. I had to tread lightly over this uncharted territory.

"I'm glad you're being honest with me," I said with enthusiasm, "You can tell me anything, you know. So far I'm liking this new, more adventurous you."

"I am sure you are," he said dryly, smiling as he picked up one of the two newspapers from the breakfast tray.

I just continued to smile as I drizzled honey on another biscuit. Let him make his little joke; I was determined to get the last laugh on this trip, one way or another.

As he glanced at the front page of the New York Times, I fingered the San Francisco Chronicle. I looked at the 'Datebook' section and noticed the horoscopes.

"You're a Gemini, right?" I asked, popping a blackberry in my mouth and savoring it as it exploded with the flavor of summer. I knew exactly when his birthday was, even if he saw no point in celebrating it.

"Bella, don't tell me that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality?"

"Hey, I'm a Virgo. We're always ready to examine and dissect any idea or theory," I explained. "And we worry a lot."

He rolled his eyes and decided to humor me. "You are such a contradiction. I know you are a worrier, but at the same time you are almost pathologically optimistic." I chuckled and then he added, "Okay, what does mine say?"

"Gemini: Your powers of concentration are massive, but your curiosity about the world is equally fierce. It's a great day to be in charge. All your ideas are solid, and you'll be able to guide others with suggestions instead of commands. Of course, if time is of the essence, you can bark out orders as well."

"I'll take that… but what I'm most fiercely curious about is you," he said, effortlessly managing to sound sexy. "What does yours say?"

I exhaled deeply as I scanned the page for my birthday listing. "Virgo: Your life doesn't always go the way you want it to -- this is not news for you, but today it will feel like it. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that you're not going to get what you want, the better. In terms of a romantic pursuit, don't get upset if things aren't progressing at the pace you would like. There are two of you, and you have to balance what you want with what the other person is willing to give. Try some patience." I grimaced. Even my horoscope was against me.

"Perhaps I will have to revise my opinion about astrology. That forecast is frighteningly accurate. You have certainly been trying my patience," he said with a twinkle in his lovely golden eyes.

I raised an eyebrow and narrowed my eyes at him. "This must be your lucky day because I'm so full of this delicious food that I can't be dangerous right now or you'd be in trouble for that remark."

He picked up my hand and held it against his cool chest. Then he lowered his head and placed his smooth lips against the back of my hand. I felt my heart beat faster and I couldn't help but grin. Then he lifted his face and said, "This is my lucky day because I get to spend it alone with you."

"You're sweeter than this honey, Edward. Are you sure we need to leave the cabin?" I said, pressing my luck for all it was worth.

"You are really taking that 'trying my patience' advice seriously, aren't you?" he said with mock seriousness.

"Well, you know my motto: never give up, never surrender," I said confidently.

"Is that your motto? I thought it was: 'Let me see what kind of danger I can attract today'…" he countered.

I smiled. "That's not a motto, that's more of a code to live by," I corrected.

He threw his head back and laughed. It was so good to hear him so happy. I loved being able to make him laugh. He was so serious much of the time. It must be an awful strain to have to hear the thoughts of others all day and night, especially when he had told me mine was the only mind he really wanted to penetrate. I was glad he couldn't hear my thoughts; I would never stop blushing if he could. I was grateful that this isolated location could offer him some relief from the din of strangers, and I anticipated that our hike would free of other people, too.

I had just finished the last bite of biscuit and honey and I still had honey smeared on my index finger. I was about to lick it off my finger when I had an idea. I looked at his smiling face and quickly reached up and touched my finger to his bottom lip.

He reflexively extended his lip, almost like a pout, and despite his warning fresh in my ears, I pounced, leaning across the table and planting a kiss on his sweet lips. I ran my tongue across his bottom lip, gathering the dab of honey and I felt him smile. I leaned back into my chair but in the space of a heartbeat he pulled me to him and put me in his lap. I looked up at him with a matching smile on my face.

"Are you sure you got every bit off?" His voice was sly as his arms encircled me.

"I may have missed a spot."

"We can't have that," he said as he brought his lips mere millimeters away from mine. I thought he was going to kiss me but he was waiting for me to kiss him and the anticipation was driving me crazy.

I put both my hands on his face and closed the distance between our lips. It started out as a soft, gentle kiss, and soon my head was swimming. His lips lingered on mine until I regained semi-consciousness.

"You are such a tease, Bella, but an enchanting tease." He picked up my hand and held it in his, gazing into my eyes with such warmth I didn't even notice the coldness of his skin. "You drive every thought out of my head and I can only think of you."

I blushed. "You've certainly been thoughtful about this weekend. You've planned everything just right, Edward. Dinner last night was beyond description and breakfast today—delicious is too mild a word. This cabin is like our own perfect world, and that bed--I know you don't sleep, but it's so comfortable, warm and cozy. I could stay there with you forever… and perhaps we wouldn't have to sleep," I said as suggestively as possible.

"That time will come soon enough," he said with just a hint of sadness in his voice.

Bella strikes again; I had managed to sour his good mood. I decided to tempt him back into a better humor. "It would seem like you aren't looking as forward to that day as I am," I said cheerfully.

"You know I have mixed feelings on that subject. I only want what's best for you and I still have some doubt that--," he started, but I interrupted him.

"You must get over that doubt, Edward. We both know it's the only way I can be with you forever. We've made our plans and we're going to go through with them. I thought that everything we've been through had convinced you that neither one of us is any good without the other," I said passionately, hoping to finally convince him, and perhaps myself, too.

"You are right about us needing to be together forever. I have to admit that I can't face a future without you in it," he said earnestly, bringing my hand to his lips.

"We're in complete agreement on that. You're my future, Edward. You're my eternity. I want you for all time," I said, as he held me tighter against him. I buried my head in his neck, inhaling his sweet scent.

I felt like I could never get enough of him or get close enough to him. He stroked my hair, pressing his lips against my forehead. I always felt so safe when I was with him like this. Like nothing could touch us.

"I can't think of what I've done to deserve you, Bella." Edward was the very definition of 'bittersweet.' He never seemed to be able to accept happiness without trying to find a downside. This was something we needed to work on after we were married.

Maybe there was more to astrology than he was willing to admit; as a Gemini he was supposed to have a dual nature, one dark and one light, and he certainly lived up to that trait.

"If we only got what we deserved then bad things would never happen to good people, and we know that they do happen all the time," I reasoned. "Besides, the way I look at it, every day with you is a gift," I said as I raised my head and looked into his sparkling topaz eyes.

"Is that why you don't like to get presents?" he teased.

"Maybe. Maybe I already feel so lucky to have you that I don't need anything else." I wanted him to know that I loved him for himself, not all the things the Cullen wealth could buy.

"And I want to spend everyday with you, making sure you know just how special you are," he said unequivocally, brushing my cheek with his index finger.

"You do make me feel special, Edward. No one can make my heart pound like you do. Can't you tell?"

He placed his hand over my heart, saying, "Your emotions do give you away, Bella. In that way you are like an open book."

"Are we on the same page now?" I asked provocatively, running my fingers from his hand on my heart along his arm up to his shoulder, coming to rest at his neck.

"You tell me," he said slyly.

"Oh, just kiss me!" I exclaimed, wondering if he had an endless reserve of willpower.

He readily complied with my demand, moving his hand to the back of my neck and drawing me closer to him, his cool, smooth lips burning against mine. A spark ignited within me and I tugged at his bronze mane, trying to draw him even closer. I parted my lips and inhaled his sweet breath. It was like a rare wine, intoxicating and rich.

He pulled away slightly, giving me a chance to recover, and placed his lips on my neck, just below my ear. They seemed so warm and soft. He was planting a dozen little kisses on my neck and this made me shiver with excitement. I was warm all over, and my breath was coming in shallow bursts.

He seemed to sense my desire, as he abruptly stopped kissing my neck and drew back to look down into my face. "You can't even imagine what it does to me to see you like this, to feel you in my arms and know that you trust me and want to be with me," he whispered.

"Always, my love, and forever," I said, reaching up to kiss him again. As our lips met I got lost in that kiss and it seemed to go on and on. I needed him so badly and wanted him even more. I might never get to heaven, but if I was with Edward it didn't matter. We would create our own heaven on earth.

Then he released me and I leaned my forehead against his neck, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. His fingers played with a strand of my hair, and I kept my hand pressed against the base of his neck. I never wanted to let go of him.

I felt if we were somehow always connected that nothing bad would happen to either of us. I supposed that wasn't the healthiest attitude, but hey, my dearest love was a vampire, a vampire who had originally wanted to sink his teeth into me the moment he got close enough. If he could overcome that most powerful of instincts to be with me, then I could do whatever it took to be with him.

Edward's Point of View

The greenish hue that tinted the air over the Inverness Ridge Trail to Mount Vision, in the Point Reyes National Park, seemed to emanate from the balsams or the feldspar-mottled creek bed. The morning was cool and overcast, the black flies stunned by the previous night's 30-something temperatures.

When I stepped out onto the ledges above Inverness Ridge, where I had walked many times before, an indefinable feeling out of nowhere stopped me in my tracks, disorienting me in time — if not in geography.

It wasn't altitude or nostalgia. Perhaps it was the view of the dew-streaked slides on Elephant Mountain across the valley, or the combination of chill air and the ocean breezes typical of West Marin in late June. Perhaps it was just the fact that Bella was here with me to share the moment that made me feel much younger than my hundred years.

After parking the SUV at the trailhead, I had scooped her up onto my back and raced up the trail to the top of Mt. Vision, depositing her next to a large boulder so she could catch her breath and readjust to terra firma after the swift journey we had just made.

I loved the exhilarating feel of speed as I raced up the trail and having Bella clinging to me made it even better. She clasped her arms around me tightly and pressed herself against me, conjuring such feelings in me that I never expected. Her silky skin, the heat radiating from her body, and her scent, carried on the soft breeze wafting up from the ocean all filled me with such longing for her.

Being outside awakened all my senses and fueled my desire for her. As I ran along under the forest canopy I was tempted to stop and ravish her right there and then, despite the warning I had received from Carlisle. I knew that was what she wanted, and it was so hard to deny her anything she expressed a wish for. I felt a desperate obedience where she was concerned. I longed to fulfill every one of her desires and fantasies. Giving her pleasure would be the ultimate pleasure for me.

Being so close to her with no one else around was a temptation I hadn't fully considered. How could I have put both of us in this situation? I was supposed to be the adult. I certainly had the years behind me.

I sat down with my back against the boulder and she squeezed in between my legs, resting her back against my chest. I could feel her heart beat as she snuggled against me and I placed my arms around her waist, holding her close. She put her arms on top of mine and laced her fingers between my own, sending a tingle down my spine, as only she could do.

My entire body felt a wave of pleasure at having her rest against me in such a relaxed way. That she had no hesitation and wasn't afraid of being so close to me, was so willing to put her fate in my hands, was all still amazing to me. We both looked out over the Pacific Ocean, watching the seabirds swoop and dive toward the dark, churning waves.

I could feel her pulse pounding in her throat, attracting me, mocking me with the swift flow of blood through her jugular vein. The fragrance of her hair, her skin, mingling with the sweet scent of her blood pushed my senses to the very edge of reason. The proximity of her delicate body made me think thoughts of a very erotic nature.

I wanted to kiss her until she was senseless. I wanted to take her right here and now. Every part of her was making my fantasies go into overdrive, racing like my Vanquish engine. I had to calm down or risk everything I had worked so hard for. Mind over matter; I had done it before, I could do it again.

Bella had risen to the bait this morning just as I hoped and feared she would. I couldn't read her mind, but I knew her well enough to safely predict some of her behavior. I had asked her to take a cooking lesson merely as a test, and she had passed with flying colors, much to my dismay.

If she had accepted the offer of a cooking class, it would mean that she was hanging on to her human life. If she rejected it, I could assume that she was preparing to leave the trappings of her physical body behind. I hadn't expected to see the blood rise to her delicate cheeks and her eyes flash in anger. She was so beautiful and alluring when she let her emotions get the better of her. I could barely hold myself back; my hands were itching to touch her then, to glide across her soft, warm skin.

I wasn't sure she had seen through me completely, but she was definitely annoyed that I would even suggest such a thing, as if I had asked her if she wanted to learn how to skin a cat. She would never stop surprising me. Evidently she was more prepared to become a vampire than I thought.

My little comment about Chef Daniel being unusually interested in her wasn't quite true, but it didn't hurt to let her think I was jealous; it boosted her self-esteem. His thoughts on seeing her Friday night had been complimentary, but not untoward. He actually thought the both of us looked like we had stepped out of the pages of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog, only we were wearing way too many clothes. It seemed to make her happy to think that I wouldn't let her out of my sight, though, and I would do anything to see her full, pouting lips break into a smile.

Bella leaned forward to watch a bird as it disappeared behind a tree and then fell back against me again, and in that instant that her body lost contact with mine I had tensed, realizing how much I had come to depend on her being with me, being a part of me.

I tightened my grip around her waist, sighing with the frustration of not being able to get as close to her as I wished to be. I leaned my head down and placed a kiss on her temple, immediately feeling more relaxed.

My mind kept wandering back to Bella's explanation of why she didn't want children, and how she thought she wouldn't be able to have one even if she did. She gave every indication that she had been telling the truth. Even though I couldn't read her mind to be sure, she was a bad liar and I could usually tell when a lie fell from those luscious lips.

Miniscule differences marked her attempts at dishonesty, variations so small most humans would not have been aware of them. The whole shape of her face changed when she was trying to fool me; her chin became more pointed and she refused to meet my eyes. She also had trouble looking me in the eyes when she was embarrassed about something, but she had kept her gaze on me the whole time she had been covering that painful topic, so I was encouraged that she had been completely honest with me.

I supposed I had let Rosalie's attitude influence me more than I should have. Bella had little in common with Rosalie, and just because Rosalie had wanted to have children didn't mean that Bella would. Rosalie envied Bella because she was human and had choices that Rosalie didn't. It also annoyed her that she had been unable to capture my attentions and Bella had so easily accomplished that feat.

It was inconceivable to Rose that Bella could so easily relinquish her humanity, merely to be with me. I found that hard to believe too, but I was beginning to understand that perhaps this was what fate had in mind for us all along. That was a difficult concept for me to grasp because it meant that my future was out of my control, and I enjoyed having control over my existence more than most.

The ability to read the thoughts of others and move about at my own pace, which was lightening fast most of the time, gave me a superior attitude that I had to admit I enjoyed. Bella had changed all that; she made me feel more and more human, and I wondered how much that would change when blood was no longer pulsing through her delicate veins.

She was probably right about her inability to keep a small child safe. Her experience mothering Renee had developed over years, and she had to grow up fast. The more I thought about Renee the more I resented how she had basically robbed Bella of a normal childhood, and that probably contributed to her lack of desire for children.

Renee's ideas about love and marriage had also confused Bella; with a best friend like that it was not surprising Bella was conflicted. Not to mention that the example Renee set made no sense, given her lifelong protests against marriage. She had married a man much younger than herself, and now followed him around the country as he played a child's game. I was a baseball fan but most men who continued to do this as a profession had found a convenient way to postpone behaving as an adult.

Charlie was not much better as a parental role model, either, although I knew better than to try and criticize him in front of her. Bella had to do the shopping and cooking for him; she was a good housekeeper, taking pride in keeping Charlie well fed and content. Again, she had to be the mature adult instead of the carefree teenager he should have allowed her to be.

As a father he was woefully lacking in my considered opinion. I cringed every time I saw Bella grab her keys and head for that ancient, red deathtrap Charlie had given her. It didn't even have airbags; how little did he value her safety? It amazed me that he didn't buy her at least a decent used car with up to date safety devices; he was a police officer after all. He must have seen dozens of car accidents, and yet he didn't seem to translate that possibility to Bella's rattling around behind the wheel of that blasted truck.

The fact that the pathetic excuse for transportation came from the Blacks was just another reason I would have liked to destroy it with my bare hands. But she loved it, so I would keep my hands to myself, for the time being. Perhaps I could get her a much safer car as an engagement present. She was getting better at accepting gifts from me, and I could enlist Alice in persuading Bella that it was traditional for the groom to get his intended a rather lavish gift to celebrate their engagement. I would start looking for the appropriate vehicle for her as soon as we returned to Forks. Perhaps I would look at a sleek convertible for a wedding present, too. She would enjoy driving fast one day in the not too distant future.

I knew Charlie was not exactly generous with the way he spent his money, but I couldn't help wonder if that was part of the problem with Bella's reluctance to accept gifts. Neither of her parents had ever lavished her with presents, as far as I could tell. Renee had sent her to Forks with one pathetic winter coat, and she knew very well what the weather was like; she had escaped to Arizona to get away from it. I pondered if this had led to Bella believing she wasn't worthy of the offerings I tried to give her.

Charlie was also blissfully unaware of most of her activities, dangerous as they might be, and instead of concerning himself with her welfare he was busy trying to push her into a relationship with a werewolf. The fact that a vampire shared his daughter's bed every night had completely escaped his powers of observation. No wonder she wasn't inspired to want children.

I knew Charlie loved Bella in his own way, but he was gruff and distant with her, unable to express his love when she needed to be gently caressed and held in the arms of someone she was sure loved her. Perhaps that was why she clung to me so tightly. She always had to be the emotionally strong one for both her parents, when in fact she needed someone to look after her, to put her emotional needs before theirs.

His overreaction to the announcement of our marriage, accusing her of being pregnant, had been beyond the pale. It took everything in me to remain calm as she assured him that was not the case. I had worried that his jumping to the wrong conclusion would upset her even more, knowing that by marrying me she would never have children, but she had taken it very well. I knew he couldn't stand me, but to have so little faith in his own daughter had shocked me. He didn't know her at all; this shouldn't have surprised me, but it did.

When I left Bella broken and frantic her parents had not been able to help her. I had seen the aftereffects of her nightmares through Charlie's mind; the way she woke him out of a sound sleep by shrieking my name with such pain in her voice. At first he would rush in and try to comfort her, but upon finding her curled up in the fetal position, sobbing, obviously dying inside, he allowed himself to be overwhelmed and merely stood, unable to ease her pain.

He just let Bella suffer without any physical contact and I knew this hurt her even more. After this scene repeated itself on a nightly basis he eventually gave up even going to check on her. How could he ignore his own daughter like that? How could he not know she was desperate to be held and soothed? In order to survive she needed the physical contact he was unable to provide.

Perhaps that's when she had turned to Jacob Black; he was more than happy to fold his long, warm arms around her. He relished the physical contact, animal that he was. He was never happier than when holding Bella and whispering sweet nothings to her… well, his version of sweet nothings, which were so lacking in subtly or charm it wasn't even funny. He was so coarse and blatant in his attempts to capture her heart. He was no competition in the verbal gymnastics category, but that wasn't exactly what she needed when I was gone.

Bella literally needed someone to hold her together and keep her from completely falling apart. That mongrel provided the duct tape for her soul; he was there for her and that was my fault. I couldn't blame her for developing feelings for Jacob; I knew the blame for all our problems could be laid at my door.

I could never forgive myself for leaving her like that, although she forgave me so easily. I still had to wonder if she secretly held some resentment toward me for putting her through that terrible time. If so, she never gave any indication of it.

I began to realize that perhaps Bella saw me as her rescuer, someone who would love and cherish her, and lavish attention on her that she had not received from her parents. It was not a mistake that she chose to be with me; I was a way out of the responsibilities she had assumed from childhood.

I longed to fulfill her every need and protect her from ever being hurt again, and this is exactly what she desired from me. I was not going to be forcing her into a relationship merely for her own good. Bella craved affection the way she craved sunshine. Whether she was aware of it or not, deep down she wanted to be coddled and cared for and I was so happy she was going to allow me to be the person to do it.

Amazingly, Bella never shrank from my touch; in fact, she always welcomed it. I thought back to last night when I had almost lost control and I wouldn't allow myself to touch her. She had been so hurt and angry; I couldn't blame her, but I couldn't do that to her again, either. I had to find a way to control my lust and desire for her and still hold her; she could never doubt my love or my need for her.

It was just so difficult when Bella's beautiful body tempted me so. The way her heart beat so frantically when we kissed, and her blood throbbed under my lips on her throat was almost too much to resist. I knew she wanted to feel my arms around her; no, she needed to feel my love. I wanted to be able to make love to her now and I knew that's what she wanted, too. I cursed myself for having to disappoint her. I had to find a way to conquer my weakness and be there for her. This exquisite torture was wearing on both of us and I couldn't let it drive us apart.

I was not the least bit worried that she looked upon me as a father substitute. In her eyes I was every inch the dashing young man who was mad, bad and dangerous to know. That was what she liked about me.

To the casual observer, watching Bella lie on a blanket in her yard, reading one of her beloved Jane Austin novels, she might seem to be a shy, innocent girl. To a certain extent that was true, but underneath that cool, calm exterior she secretly liked to play with fire.

Unfortunately, she often got burned, and I was the biggest inferno she had ever encountered. I longed to let the flames of my desire lick Bella's delectable body until I completely consumed her, and I knew that was what she wanted, too. Our married life was going to be as passion-filled as our courtship had been chaste; I would make sure of that. Once our hearts and bodies were joined together as one she would never again doubt my love or entertain the thought that I could ever leave her.

Maybe the elopement idea wasn't so bad after all. We could be in Vegas before nightfall… no, I had to stop thinking that way. I had waited this long, I could wait a bit longer. I hoped Alice was being true to her word and not checking up on us because if she wasn't, she probably just had a momentary conniption fit at the idea of me ruining all her wedding plans.

What was that silly horoscope Bella had read this morning? Something about my having 'massive powers' of concentration. She was severely testing that concept. I had to use every shred of concentration I could summon to keep from destroying our delicate relationship. I felt the need to keep one hand on her all the time but I had to keep pushing her away with the other one. It was no wonder I felt things were about to spin out of control.

I looked down at her tiny hand on top of mine, tracing random patterns across my marble-like skin. Her every touch felt so incredible; my arms trembled slightly with delight at the feather-light contact of her fingertips. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensation.

She was still such a mystery to me. So shy and yet since we arrived at the cabin, so bold. I knew she was determined and once Bella made up her mind about something there was no changing it. I had to stop her from this course she was on, for her sake, and I believed she would be more prudent since our conversation this morning.

Her mind was so complicated. I couldn't penetrate it, no matter what I did. Would I ever get to know the real Bella? I knew there was something she was hiding from me. I could tell when she was silent and I saw a sadness in her eyes. It was so incredibly frustrating to be unable to know what she was thinking and to know she wasn't ready to tell me. Would she ever be ready? What did I need to do to make her trust me enough?

I wanted to share everything with her. I had told her my darkest secrets and here she was, still pressed against me, her warmth bringing me such joy. Somehow she still seemed far away from me. There was still a part of Bella I couldn't reach. No matter how much she threw herself at me, I knew she was holding something back.

To penetrate the illusion of separateness, to realize that which lies beneath the tormenting wound of duality -- that was a goal worthy of a lifetime… many lifetimes. Could I unravel this mystery that had baffled the greatest minds of humankind?

Perhaps a great mind was not what was needed to see behind the veil of illusion. Perhaps true perception comes from a great heart, but I don't have one of those, either. Then I thought, perhaps with some desperation, that I must have a heart because I felt it break when I returned from my self-imposed exile to find Bella in such a fragile state, knowing that I was responsible for that fragility.

I was beginning to think that being so close to her was driving me insane and unlike her, I didn't know my limits. Since we had been able to talk openly about our desires I felt even closer to her than before, but still had some lingering doubt that she was not being completely honest with me. I vowed to devote the time remaining in this magical weekend alone with Bella to uncovering all the myriad secrets of her heart. I just hoped it wasn't another noble but impossible task.

A.N.: Alright Dear Readers, hit that Submit Review button and let me know what you thought about this chapter. Especially if you've never reviewed before. Too hot, too cold or just right?

I again thank my beta, not done baking, for her patience and help. Another friend, Ranma15177 is offering her insight and skills to help shape and refine this tale, beginning with Chapter 18. I'm very lucky and grateful to have help like this, so cheerfully given. Ranma15177 has a wonderful story about how Carlisle and Esme got together; it's called Making A Home and if you like my story I bet you'll like hers, too. You can get to her through a link in my Favorites Stories List. Check it out.